I watch her every day.

She loves to practice alone. But I still keep her company. She may not like it, but I think she considers me a friend. I think she's one of my only friends.

I'll admit, Prism and I are kind of, like, "friends". He knows more about me than anyone else on this team. Including Vertigo.

I don't know why, but she always stands next to me. As if there's no one else she would rather die next to. Like Riptide, for example. First to die, though I think we all thought it would have been me if that disfigured witch hadn't broken my ribs. But even I would think twice before going up against an X-Man like Colossus. Vertigo doesn't like Riptide as much as she likes me. She thinks he's creepy. That's one thing that we have in common.

I think both Prism and Riptide are starting to see past my hidden secrets. I can trust Prism, though. All he's really done to me is elbow me whenever Vertigo says hello, or goodnight, or fuck you, Sung. Riptide, on the other hand, will ask me if I want Vertigo all to myself. I tell him to drop it and leave, but then he'll probably ask me if he can tell everyone about my secret. The answer is always the same.

Sometimes, I wanna leave this place. Maybe start over, meet someone new. But I can't. Sinister would kill me, and I would not come back. And I don't think I want to meet anyone new. Not now, at least. I'm happy with whom I'm currently admiring. Plus, even if I did meet someone, it probably wouldn't take long for her to discover what I am.

I can't have sex, y'know. That's one of the hardest parts about my powers. No sex. No hugs. No kisses. Just back off and wait till I put on my gloves first.

I wonder if she even cares, or notices. I'm scared that Riptide will just tell her. Maybe even Arclight will decide to let her know, as Arclight and I are not exactly past the point of acquaintances. She'd probably tell her, but not with a good choice in you know what I mean.

I don't really care, though. A rumor is a rumor. I believe that it comes from the person, himself or herself, instead of the one spreading the tall tale. So, yah, they can tell Vertigo, but I just hope Vertigo is interested in the way I explain my feelings to her.

I hope and wish. And think.