Decisions and Desires
Chapter 16
Kitty found herself alone in her room yet again. Doc had left about an hour ago and she was still turning over in her mind, the things he'd told her. He had been very careful to say that he was not trying to influence how she felt about Matt, or what future she should choose for herself. However he did explain that he considered it very likely that much of the marshal's recent "unusual" behavior could have a purely medical explanation, and that with a suitable amount of rest and what he termed "understanding" the man should make a full recovery, and return to being the person they all cared about. While not insisting, he had made it clear that he wanted Kitty to come and visit with the lawman before she made any big decisions.
She was sitting at the little table where they had talked. His words continued to echo in her ears - but on top of that she could still hear Matt's parting words from that fateful evening several weeks ago. She knew that if she went back to him there would be no certainty that everything would be smooth sailing in the future. Even Doc could not guarantee that. Eventually she decided the physician was right - she had to at least go talk to him, maybe not today, but she would do it.
ooo000ooo
When Dillon woke the next morning he was surprised to find that his head did not hurt, and he felt more alert and awake than he had in a long time. He sat up and pushed back the covers so he could put his feet to the floor. He found he could stand quite easily. For sure he could not have chased a bank robber down Front Street, but he felt surprisingly steady. Better still the violent images that had been running rampant through his head for the last few weeks seemed to have quieted. He detected the smell of cooking coming from the other room, and carefully made his way towards it.
Doc looked up from the stove where he was busy concocting some combination of meat and eggs in an old iron skillet. "Help yourself to coffee Matt, this'll be ready in a minute."
The coffee was worse than Chester's but he didn't complain. He was hungry and that was something he hadn't felt in a long time. Adams was relieved to see that his friend cleared his plate and looked around for more.
Dillon picked up his fork and waved it towards Adams.
"You know Doc, if medicine doesn't pay well enough I think you might get a job at Delmonico's as cook."
"Why you overgrown public servant! You just wait till you get my bill."
He would never have admitted it but he was relieved to see some of the old fire coming back to his friend's demeanor.
Matt became serious for a moment. He had been thinking about what Adams had been telling him. He needed to tell someone about his recurring nightmares. He dreaded doing it. Such personal discussions were not easy for him, but if it had to be done now was as good a time as any. Reluctantly he decided he would try.
"I guess if you have time I am ready to have that talk now, Doc."
"I kind of thought you might be."
ooo000ooo
Adams turned the lock on the front door of the office and both men retired to the back room. Doc knew it would be easier for Matt if they didn't sit face to face so he had the marshal lie on the bed while he took the chair for himself.
First of all he encouraged Matt to talk about his experiences with Ronnie Pickens, and how he found the murdered family and felt the pain of the boy who died in his arms. All the time he struggled to describe the things he had seen, Dillon stared fixedly at a spot on the ceiling. It was tough for him to say all those words, but he knew it was the only way to get the images out of his head. By the time he got to the point of burying Pickens sweat was pouring off his face and his heart was pounding.
Doc waited for his friend to recover from the effort of recounting the horrific scenes, then took his turn. Without going into too much detail, he explained how Kitty had felt all summer. How Matt's attitude had seemed to her, and how it was desperation and loneliness that had pushed her towards Arlo.
"Just to let you know Matt, I don't think any of that was deliberate on your part. I don't believe you would hurt Kitty for the world, but you let yourself get worn down by fever and by work. You didn't take care of yourself. Somehow you couldn't admit that you needed help to handle all those things, and the more you did, the more Washington put on you. Somehow you have to learn to draw the line. One man can't be expected to do everything."
Matt sat up and swung his feet to the floor. He put his head in his hands, running his fingers through his dark hair now damp with sweat.
"I guess I really messed up, Doc. Do you think she'll still talk to me? Are you going to let me get out of here so I can try?"
"Tomorrow maybe. Last night you barely had any fever, and you slept much better. If you do as well tonight I'll turn you loose. I'll tell you something else. You are nowhere near ready to go back to work. I took the liberty of sending a few telegrams of my own. As far as your boss is concerned you were badly injured while chasing the Tanney gang. There will be a deputy marshal arriving in another day or so and he will be here for three weeks, so you have some vacation time to plan."
"But Doc…."
"That's my condition for turning you loose. No arguments. For now you need to rest. I have calls to make, probably won't be back before dark. I'll have someone bring you lunch. Oh one last thing, I am curious. Arlo is related to you somehow, I can see it in him."
"Our mothers were sisters, so I guess that makes us cousins. It seems I have always known him, but we were never very close."
Doc gave a non-committal grunt, and passed his hand over his mustache. Many things made more sense now, he thought as he started to re-stock his medical bag. When he had everything he needed for the day, he reminded Matt to rest as he headed for the door.
Surprisingly, for the first time in months, Matt found he could relax and close his eyes without fear of what visions might invade his mind. He had no idea how long he slept.
TBC