CHAPTER V

Broken

Outside, the sky was a beautiful midnight blue and dotted with a million stars. Living around the city you don't often see so many in one place, which -although unfortunate- made the sight all the more mesmerising when you did. I was in awe of the sight. The beautiful flicker of the dying stars in the distant held me in their sublimity. The moon had sailed onwards, marking the change in hour, and was still shining dazzlingly, harshly down on me. So bright it made it hard to look at. Beautiful and painful. I couldn't tear my eyes from the sight. The evening had waned around me as I spent my time chatting happily with my friends, Alexander in particular. But a little while ago, as I was discussing our next chapter with Darcy, he had disappeared. I remembered the moment specifically as I had just briefly interrupted my discussion with Darcy to say that I was tired. I had asked Katelyn and Caleb if they knew where he had gone but -after giving me a pointed look and teasing me for 'liking him' (which I denied)- they had told me that they hadn't seen him go and he hadn't said where. This, in other words, meant they had been too busy with eachother and probably driven Alexander away by making him feel too much of a third-wheel. The thought had crossed my mind to go after him but I dared not venture out in to the party by myself and I didn't want to leave Darcy alone with the awkward couple again, I don't think she could've bared it. So, I now sat on the only sofa in the room next to Darcy with one of the green pillows clutched lightly in my lap, not really paying attention but staring, captured, out of the window.

"Fine" Darcy huffed, sounding oddly reluctant.

"Wait, what?" I reply frowning, not an idea of what she was talking about, "I was listening!"

"No, you weren't, November" she said, "Now, come on"

She stood from the sofa, adjusted her crumbled costume, put back on her hat which had been sitting abandoned on the coffee table, and looked down at me. I stupidly reply,

"What? Where are we going?" dumbfounded at her intent, "I'm confused"

"Well, isn't that the news of the century?" she said sarcastically before grabbing the pillow from my lap, throwing it onto the sofa and attempting to haul me from my seat, "We're going to find Alex"

"What?! Why?" my heart stopped and started again at a mixture of the idea of venturing from where I'd nestled and out into the party and at the thought of seeing Alexander.

Wait, what? NO. I did NOT like Alexander. This needed to stop, now.

"Yes we are. You haven't been listening to anything I've said since he left. You've been completely out of it and it's because of him. Admit it."

"I will admit nothing"

"Fine. But it won't stop it from being the truth. Now, come on."

She seemed more determined than she did annoyed.

"I'll pay attention, I promise" I say, remaining sat down in a bid to make her concede.

"No, for the past half an hourthe Moon has had more of a conversation with you than I have! We're going."

"But..." I protest.

"Nope. No buts. Not this time."

"Come on Darcy! You of all people should understand"

"Yes, and it's because I understand that I'm the only one who can make you do this. You're finding him and you're talking to him. More, you're getting this number."

"WHAT?" no, no, no, no, no, NOT happening. Is she serious? This wasn't happening, "Why? Why is this so important to you?"

"Because I've watched for years you shy away from any of the male species and tonight, the way you acted with Alex, that's the first time I've ever seen you so relaxed and happy with a guy. Much more, he's a fanboy! Come on Nove, you don't meet a guy like that every dynasty!"

So, now she's resorted to quoting Mulan at me? She really is serious.

"Come on Darcy, please don't make me do this!" I plea.

"No, you're doing this. Stop worrying for once Nove. Don't worry, I'll be with you" she smiled encouragingly at me, yet I thought I could see some sadness in her eyes. She must be tired.But she sure wasn't relenting. I guess I had no choice.

"Okay, fine" I say, rising somewhat reluctantly from my seat, "Let's go"

"Awesome!"

"I hope you know you're way around because I sure don't" I warned, expressing my annoyance at being forced to do this, but she ignores me. Instead, she sang,

"November and Alex, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-"

"STOP. STOP RIGHT NOW"

Her singing reduced into fits of laughter, and soon I couldn't help from laughing with her as we made out way to the door.

"This is pointless" I announce in frustration. We had been from room to room, from door to door, even briefly looking out into the garden, but we hadn't seen Alexander anywhere. I guess you could say that we should've asked someone. But I was already miles, light years away from my comfort zone. I wasn't asking anything from any stranger, "We're never going to find him! Let's just go back to the others, they're probably wondering where we are by now"

"Puh-leease. You know perfectly well that Caleb and Katelyn haven't the faintest idea that we're even gone" she laughed off my request, "No. We're finding that boy"

"Euugh. Maybe he's gone home?"

"Come on, Nove! Even you aren't as naïve as to think that! He's a teenage boy. At a party. On Halloween. With drunk girls. He's here. No self-respecting nineteen year old male leaves a Halloween party before three AM." she literally spelt it out for me but I already knew. I wasn't stupid. I was just creating excuses. Though I didn't like the drunk girls part, I didn't think Alexander was the kind of guy who took advantage of drunk girls and was hoping I was right.

We had decided to look in the kitchen so weaved our way through progressively drunker crowds of partiers to find the door to it. I was extremely tired by this point and wanted to go back to safety, where Katelyn and Caleb were currently probably making-out, not only because every second we spent looking for Alexander my heart beated a little faster and anxiety built up in me like a ticking time bomb. After looking into door after door, disturbing more drunken interludes that involved nudity that I'd care to remember, we eventually found the kitchen.

Inside, there weren't as many people as I would've thought there'd be, you could navigate vaguely easily, but there was still too many. The kitchen was huge, much bigger than any I'd ever seen before, and looked like it had come straight out of a catalogue of dream homes for celebrities. The colour scheme was black, dark oak wood and a lovely burnt-orange colour. A colour that, at first, prevented me from picking out Octavia in the crowd.

I saw it from across the room.

Alexander was stood in front of Octavia, facing her so that I could only see his back, his arms crossed in front of him with his muscles tense, and Octavia was clung to him like a Koala bear, kissing him loudly like they were the end scene of one of the soppy romances she loved so much. Time stopped and I saw it in slow motion. Him, just stood there. Her, clung to him. Sucking on him like a hungry newborn vampire. I didn't think the image would ever fade from my mind. I knew that Octavia knew Alexander, being Aiden's ex-girlfriend she knew many of his friends, but that's where their relationship ended as far as I knew. Octavia had never revealed any real inclination for him, despite admitting he was hot, and had never told of any intentions towards him; quite contradictory to what was before her now. Alexander I was sure had no designs on Octavia, in fact he seemed quite uninterested where she was concerned. Had it all been a lie? Had he just been using me to get information on Octavia, to get close to her? Worse, to make her jealous?

I didn't know what to think.

Darcy hadn't seen yet, so she missed the anguished expression that had surely transformed my face. Why was I so upset? I didn't even like him. I had only just met him. But, glanced at me just in time to see a burning blush flood over my face before looking to see what I did.

"Shit" was all she could say.

Well, that just about sums up this whole situation.

I was just about to turn, walk back out of the kitchen and never look back, feeling like a fool. A deluded, stupid little fool. When Octavia was pushed from her embrace and I heard my name shouted from across the room.

"November! Look who it is everyone! It's my best friend!"

Great, just what I need.

Octavia's words scream and slur with drunkenness and she stumbles her way clumsily over. Before this I had been almost ignorant of the people surrounding us but now, as their eyes all turned to glare at me, I was all too aware.

No, Oh God, no. This wasn't the time for a mental breakdown.

I was the centre of attention. All eyes and ears were fixed on me as Octavia came up to and dropped her arm around my shoulders.

"November" she started, "My best friend! Where have you been?"

"I've... er..." I began but was cut off.

"No, no I know. You've been hiding." No, no, no, no, no, no. What is she doing. This wasn't happening, "Always hiding. You know there's a whole world out here when you're done hiding, afraid behind those books you love sooo much!" she spat the word book with such disdain. I'm desperately trying not to cry, "When are you going to start living November! You know you can't live in fiction forever! You need to live in the real world. Look at yourself! Look everyone, she even came as a character from a book!" please God let this end. Or just kill me, because I'm surely already dying in this moment, "Look, everyone sees it November. You need to get your scared little head out of your books and start living. See? People aren't scary November! Stop being so pathetic and grow up"

It was over.

Octavia looked at me expectantly, like she had just given me the cure for cancer. Like I owed her something. Like she had just solved a tricky problem.

It was over.

She didn't see what I saw. Through her veil of intoxication and ignorance she failed to see what surrounded me now. What she had created. What she had forced upon me. Octavia had caught her like a blind bird, in a cage she was now unable to escape. What had been the bond of friendship tying us together was now a chain, binding me to her, locking me in. A chain that had just been broken.

Broken.

Alone, afraid and vulnerable. Trapped like an exotic bird in a cage, millions of faces were spying, watching me. She didn't see what I saw. A room full of faces and among them Alexander with a distressed expression. A room full of unknown faces. Girls, Boys, Women, Men, it didn't matter. She didn't see what I saw. She didn't see at all. It was room full of unknown people, unknown faces, all different to me and yet they all looked the same.

You're a freak.

It was the look. The face.

You're a freak.

And if I wasn't already dead, this killed me.

I couldn't take it any more. Tears filled my eyes, my heart was beating erratically. Anxiety and fear filled my body to the brim, my body was quaking with it. Fear fed of my body like a predator feeds off of weak prey, sapping away my energy, my will to breathe. My limbs felt like they were about to snap under me, to break, and I was going to fall with them. Utterly. Entirely. Undeniably broken. I turned on my heel and ran from the room, never looking back.