Synopsis: The road to recovery isn't as easy as Danny Williams thought it would be. Steve McGarrett is hiding inside his mile-high emotional wall and, without meaning to; he has started blocking Danny out. But when gun smugglers come searching for payback, will Steve be there for Danny? Or will his Jersey partner be forever silenced. DANNY!WHUMP and STEVE!ANGST. NO SLASH. Friendship only.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hawaii Five-0 and am not getting any monetary gain for this story, just playing in CBS's sandbox for a while. These characters and storylines remain the property of CBS. No disrespect intended, just great characters that inspire their own stories.

Rated: T for violence and injuries. Not a Death-Fic.

Notes: Angst and Hurt/Comfort are kinda my thing and I opened a can of worms in the first story, 'Words can Kill'. Here's the sequel.

Chapter Thirteen:

Lost Memories

Danny stared at the stark white ceiling of his hospital room. The light was bouncing around as the tree outside his window blew in the subtle Hawaiian winds. He'd lived on the Islands for more than four years, but he rarely, if ever, made it to the Big Island. In the back of his head he'd always thought he'd bring Grace over and take her on one of the horseback riding trips that the ranches offered. A painful wash of guilt rolled through him as he thought of his daughter. She'd almost lost him, or so he'd been told.

He had a constant headache these days. No matter what they did, they couldn't seem to make the piercing aches inside his skull go away. Which sucked if he did say so himself, and he did. The memories of what had happened to him were still hazy. Last clear thing he could recall, he'd gone to the doctor for a checkup on his back. And then there was…nothing until two days ago.

A nurse popped her head into the room. She was kinda pretty in that 'I used to be a cheerleader' sort of way. "Time to change those bandages, detective."

He knew that she had been looking for visitors when she entered. Danny had had a constant stream of visitors over the last two days.

Steve had informed Danny that he'd been released from the hospital that morning, but he wasn't going to leave the Island until Danny could go with him. He'd appreciated the support, but it seemed silly that they should both be stuck in a hospital. He'd tried to explain that to his stubborn partner. But Steve wouldn't even consider leaving and Danny had found that he was more confused than anything by that response. The 'missing time' in his head was making him crazy. What had happened while he'd been gone?

The nurse pulled a small cart in with her interrupting his thoughts. Danny was starting to think of her cart as the 'torture' cart. Now, his higher self knew that that wasn't the case. But his base self was pretty sure that they taught nurses how to torture patients in those nursing programs. Okay, so that wasn't really fair and he knew it. But damn did it hurt every time she started pulling on his slowly healing wounds.

"Where's your entourage?" She busied herself gently pulling the weepy bandages from the still healing knife wound on his side. The fever was now a low grade one, but not gone completely. She frowned when she saw the slightly green tint.

Danny didn't miss the change in her facial features. "Everything okay down there?" He winced as she pulled the sticky gauze clear. His body hurt all the time. They'd cut the pain meds back, at his request, and that was taking a toll on him. Plus, any time tape was applied to an area where there was body hair it wasn't exactly comfortable to have it peeled off.

In an effort to be transparent with Danny, she answered calmly. "There's some discharge here that concerns me."

"Great, so I'm not outta the woods yet?" Danny's voice was soft, but tinged with worry. He'd hope he could get himself transferred back to Oahu in the next day or so. But if there was still an infection running through his body, that wasn't likely to happen.

He didn't notice Steve stepping up to the doorway, two cups of coffee in his hands. "It's still infected?" The SEAL didn't bother to hide the fact that he'd overheard the nurse's assessment. His face was a blank mask, no emotions shining through to give away how he felt about this little setback.

Danny's blue eyes flickered over to his friend and he groaned internally. He wouldn't have told Steve about this, given the chance. She looked over at the taller man and nodded. "I'm afraid so. I'm going to get the doctor and see about increasing the antibiotics." She hurried from the room after covering the wound on Danny's side with a fresh bandage.

"How's Chin?" Danny asked, his gaze pinning Steve with unanswered questions.

"He's doing okay. The bullet was a through and through. Missed all the vital nerves and the femoral artery. He's gonna need some physical therapy, but he'll be back at it in no time." Steve didn't mention the fact that Chin had had a bit of his own fight with a fever that first day. "He wants come visit, but the doctors don't think that's a great idea right now."

"How's Kono handling all this?" Danny was worried about his teammates. They'd risked a lot to come find him and Steve. At least that was the story the cop had been told. Something about a freak hurricane and a lava tube on the main Island. He still didn't fully understand what happened.

Steve set the cup of coffee on the table next to Danny in an effort to remove the pensive expression on his friend's face. "Thought you could use this." He sank into the chair near the bed and ground his teeth together as he looked at Danny. He looked too pale and he'd lost a significant amount of weight...and Danny hadn't had any pounds to lose to begin with.

The cop looked at the coffee. He appreciated the thought, but his stomach rolled in nausea and Danny didn't bother picking up the cup. He'd had a difficult time keeping anything but clear liquids down and throwing up all over his partner wasn't on his list of things to do today. "Thanks." He laughed nervously. "Looks like I'm gonna be here a bit longer than I anticipated."

Steve's veneer broke, just for a second, and he looked genuinely worried before covering up the unwanted emotion. "Looks like."

Danny bit at his lower lip as a wave of pain washed through him and his vision blurred slightly before clearing again.

"Hey, hey…Danny, you okay?" Steve watched the pained expression on his friend's face and he took a breath as he waited for Danny to open his eyes again.

"Yeah, yeah…I'm fucking fantastic." He ground out through clenched teeth. After a moment he forced his eyelids apart and looked over at Steve. He could see the concern winding its way through Steve's blue-green gaze as he watched Danny suffer. "I'll be okay, Steven."

"Anything come back yet?" He and Danny had talked in the lava tube and he'd said everything he needed to say then…and Steve wasn't sure he could say it all again.

"No. Nothing." Danny looked over and tried to smile. It turned into a grimace when the action pulled on his stiches. "Am I missing something important?"

Steve wanted to answer. But he didn't know how to answer that question. Because he'd be telling Danny how he had felt about the apology, rather than letting the Jersey man decide for himself. He knew that that might be the easier way to bury all this crap that had happened over the last two and half months, but it wasn't how he wanted this to happen.

The doctor interrupted before they could continue the conversation and Danny was pulled from the room to debride the wound again. Steve was drawn into his own thoughts. He'd only had explain to 'what' had happened to his partner once before and it had been horrifying. Danny still didn't have those memories and he probably never would. Not that Steve was hoping they'd come back or anything. Because then Danny would know that the argument in the car wasn't the first time Steve had deliberately pushed Danny's buttons to get him to do something the cop didn't want to do.

And then something truly awful had resulted, leaving Danny fighting for his life.

H50 H50

"Come on, Danny. It'll be fun." Steve whined as Danny glared at him from the beach. Watching his over zealous military partner. Who was currently waist deep in the Pacific and the waves were rolling in huge cascades of water that were breathtaking. They spun and careened with one another as the tides shifted. It was prime surfing weather and Steve had decided that they needed some team building. Chin and Kono were already out on the waves enjoying the day off.

Steve was trying to get Danny off said beach and into the deeper water. After their foray in the ocean a month ago, on the horrific fishing trip as Steve was now calling it, the SEAL understood why Danny was hesitant. It had been one of the few times that his partner had opened up. Telling Steve about Billy had been incredibly painful for Danny, but at least now he got it. The fear that seemed to paralyze the detective whenever anything involved the ocean now made sense. They'd all come out to catch some waves and some afternoon sun. And since Danny had been surfing with Kono for the last three years he should have been fine in the more technical waters of North Shore. Granted these were bigger waves than the cop usually played on, but still.

Steve had to get Danny off the 'bunny hill' at some point. He smiled inwardly at his own comparison of skiing with surfing. Because other than the fact that they both involved some form of water they were incredibly different. Different balance points. Different skill sets.

"What are you smiling at?" Danny called the accusation from the sandy beach. "I fail to see how placing myself at the mercy of the Pacific Ocean and hoping that I don't die, while surfing something that is way too advanced for my current skill level will be fun." Danny's hands cut through the air as he explained his current position on the matter. It was a patented 'Danny rant' and the taller man shook his head in frustration.

Steve sighed. His gaze shifted to where the cousins were catching a truly righteous wave and shook his head again. He was going to have to go deep on this one. "Get on the board and get your ass in the water or I'm gonna tell Grace you chickened out."

Danny's body went rigid and he glared at Steve. "You wouldn't."

The navy man smiled innocently. "Oh, I would."

Danny pressed his lips together in frustrated anger and finally huffed before reaching down and grabbing the board. "I hate you right now."

"I know you do." Steve turned and paddled out. He didn't even look over his shoulder to check on Danny's progress. Because he knew that the New Jersey man would be right on his tail. Using Grace as a threat hadn't been very nice, but Steve happened to know that Danny had promised his daughter he'd give it a try.

Forty-two-minutes later…

"Just hang on, Danny. We're almost there." Steve's voice barely cut through the red haze of pain. "Chin, you and Kono get to my truck. There's a first aid kit in there and my cell phone."

His eyes dropped to the completely unconscious form of his partner. A huge gash spread across the back of Danny's head. His normally pristine blonde hair was plastered against his skull in both salt water and blood. The smaller man was lying uncharacteristically still on Steve's board as he paddled the last few feet to the shore. His shoulder was covered in abrasions; they disappeared beneath Danny's back where it connected with the surfboard. The road rash type wounds were bleeding heavily and Steve was acutely aware of the fact that they were in a part of the ocean where sharks were a common predator.

Chin raced up the side of the sandy trail toward the parking area. Several people were also surfing the break and they quickly paddled in when they saw Danny's wipeout.

"Dude, is he okay?" A younger kid asked. He was looking wide-eyed at the blood that was now soaking the sand beneath the board that Danny was lying on.

Steve ignored the question, because he didn't have an answer and he wasn't going to look close enough to get one. Danny was breathing, which meant his heart was beating. The rest they could figure out at the hospital.

Kono dropped down next to him with several clean towels. "Here."

Steve didn't know how long they sat there with the unmoving form of his partner before the sounds of distant sirens allowed him to breathe again.

He kept replaying Danny's wipeout over and over in his head. The wave had broken earlier than the cop had anticipated and he'd gotten 'rolled'. Which meant that he'd been bashed against the razor sharp rocks that rested beneath the surface.

Steve had heard Danny's cry of surprise and then he'd disappeared beneath the whitecaps of the waves. His board had launched itself into the air and then come down, hitting the cop as he struggled to the surface. The SEAL was pretty sure that's where Danny's head wound had come from. The fins on the surfboard could cause a gash like that if it hit with enough force.

They sat in the hospital for three hours before an update about Danny had been given. The doctor had explained that the impact had actually cracked the detective's skull and that it would be few days before they knew if there was permanent damage. That had only added to Steve's guilt. He'd goaded Danny into surfing an area where he wasn't comfortable.

What the hell had he been thinking? It was the worst two days Steve had had in a very long time. He'd sat by Danny's bedside and waited for his partner to wake up. He was barely sleeping and he wasn't eating. Kono had brought some malasadas in an attempt to entice Steve into eating something. He knew what she didn't. Even if he ate it…he wouldn't be able to keep it down. It had been the same when he'd returned from the mission where he'd lost Freddie.

When Danny had finally graced them with his 'presence' again, he hadn't remembered a single thing for the last five days. It was gone. Evaporated in the damage to his brain. The doctor's had insisted that the memories 'could' come back or they could remain hidden for the rest of Danny's life. There were too many questions where the human brain was involved.

His friend had asked what he was doing surfing that part of the waves anyway. He wasn't ready for that. And Steve's guilt had notched up to a whole new level. He couldn't tell Danny that it was 'his' fault that the cop had been injured. So Steve had carried that guilt around and it had eaten away at his relationship with Danny over the last year. And now this had happened…where would it all end?

H50 H50

Danny knew that Steve was keeping something from him. He just wasn't entirely sure what it was. He was wracking his brain trying to recall what his mind was hiding from him. But the pain that was constantly throwing itself around inside his skull was making it difficult, which meant that Steve needed to fill in those gaps.

He licked his lips and ignored the warmer than comfortable temperature inside the room. Boot steps caught his attention and Danny turned slowly toward the door. Steve stepped inside. "Hey Danny."

It hurt that Danny couldn't remember the last time Steve had called him the 'irritating nickname' of Danno. When he'd met Steve, the damn SEAL had insisted that he be allowed to use Grace's name for her father. There was a niggling memory of something happening the moment he woke up, but it was fuzzy. "Steven."

Steve pulled over the chair and sat on the edge. He looked exhausted and Danny wondered if he'd gotten any sleep at all. "Kono learn anything from our friend?"

"Yeah. His name is Alikstar Azuza." Steve took a deep breath. "He's the brother of the man you killed on the ridge. Lets just say he's holding a grudge."

Danny snorted and then winced as pain sliced through his head. "You think?" He sighed. "What about the partner?"

"We haven't been able to find him." Steve spit out the news. It was eating away at him…failure. The bastards had gotten away with nearly crippling and killing Danny. He wanted them behind bars…or dead.

Danny nodded. He shifted slightly in the bed, turning so he was looking directly at Steve. "Is that what's going on with you?"

Steve's gaze flickered up. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, Steven. You haven't looked me in the eye since I woke up." He snorted. "Hell, you haven't looked at me since…the ridge."

The guilt climbed up out of the pit of Steve's stomach and he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Danny."

"What? What're you sorry about?"

Steve's tongue flicked out and he drew his lower lip between his teeth. "Oh Danny…everything."

"I don't…I…I need more information, Steve." Danny was well and truly confused. He could see that something was eating away at his partner, but for the life of him he couldn't' figure out what it was.

"I know you do." Steve ran his hand over his stubbled face. "Danny…I owe you an apology." Danny's face clouded and he started to say something, Steve held his hand up. "Just let me get this out. I've said it a few times, but you can't remember and…Danny, you have to remember."He inhaled. "I shouldn't have left you alone. After the ridge…I just couldn't deal with everything and then you couldn't what happened before—"

"—What before? What are you talking about, Steve?"

"Remember your surfing accident?"

Danny nodded. "Uh, yeah. I still have the scar."

"But no memory of how you got it." Danny shook his head. Steve powered forward. He needed to say this. "I forced you into surfing that area. You didn't want to and I…uh…" He shrugged. "Wouldn't let you back down. It was my fault you got hurt then and it's my fault you got hurt now."

Danny reached out with his left hand, the IV pulling slightly. "Steven?" His friend wouldn't look at him and Danny needed Steve to hear this. "Steve." Finally a pair of veiled eyes shifted to him. "I am a big boy. And whether or not you choose to believe this, I can say 'no' to you. Now I don't remember what happened on that beach and even the wreck on the ridge is fuzzy…but what I do know? I do not blame you for any of it."

"But you don't—"

"—Remember? No, I don't. So I guess that means you have a clean slate McGarrett. Don't waste it worrying about something I can't even recall. Maybe I'll get the time back from the lava tube and maybe I won't. I can live with it either way." Danny swallowed and ignored the burn behind his eyes. The look on Steve's face was devastating. "But I can't live with you punishing yourself for it…so please stop."

"Danny—"

"—No. I don't care. Just stop." Danny's voice was chocked as he stared at the emotions crashing around on Steve's face. They were interrupted when Grace came bouncing into the room.

"Danno!" She cried before carefully hugging her father. Steve watched the reunion; he started to get up, intent on leaving father and daughter alone.

"Where do you think you're going, Steven?"

Danny's Jersey accent brought him around and he couldn't help but embrace the little girl as Grace launched herself into his arms. "Thanks for saving my dad, Uncle Steve."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Uh, you're welcome kiddo." He looked over at Danny. "I was going to give you some time with your family."

Grace lifted sincere brown eyes. "Uncle Steve, you are family."

A lump of emotion threatened to cut off the SEAL's air as he stared at the little girl and the man that he considered a brother. Danny forced a smile, even though it pulled painfully on his stiches. "She's right you know. You're my brother, Steve. Every bit as much as Matt."

Steve didn't even know what to say. He felt the same way, but somehow he didn't feel as though he'd earned it…at least not in the last few months. But as he looked at the sincere expression on both Danny's and Grace's face he felt something break loose inside. He swallowed and moved to pull the little girl into a hug. "Love you Gracie."

"Love you too, uncle Steve."

Danny watched the union between his daughter and the man he considered his best friend and brother and he knew that whether or not the memories ever surfaced, he was going to be okay. Steve's gaze shifted over to his slate blue eyes. "Love you too, Danno."

Danny smiled. "Me too, babe."

H50 H50

Five weeks later…

Danny sat in another doctor's office, his legs swinging loosely. They'd figured out that his back was the result of a pinched nerve and with some intense physical therapy he was out of the majority of his pain. His memories had never resurfaced, but Danny wasn't sure that was a bad thing. He was in a good place both with Steve and himself.

He glanced over at the SEAL. Steve had insisted on coming with him, seeing as how this was where he'd disappeared the last time. His partner had insisted that Danny stay with him throughout his recuperation. And it had been nice. This time, Steve had been there for the recovery process. He hadn't left Danny alone in the fight.

"So this is it." Steve said quietly.

"Yup, last appointment and then you're gonna have to deal with me back in the office."

Steve smiled. "It's been too quiet anyway."'

Danny shook his head. "Love you, Steven."

The SEAL grinned. "Love you too."

-THE END-

Author's Note: Let me know if you guys want an Epilogue with the Ohana reunion and I'll add it the end if enough of you are interested.

So we got one of the two guys out of the way. And I'm thinking that I might turn this into a trilogy with some time in between as the guys heal and then the return of the man that got away.

Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed throughout the story, you guys are so awesome.