Twelve years old, it happen again.
Leo and Raphael were sparring. Their weapons were bright and new, and for a moment the red banded turtle was happy. The world for once seemed to have sided with him. Then it happen, a twist, a slip, and then his own sai went flying into space. Their dance ended, but he wasn't mad. They both had tried their best, and Leo only smiled happily at his own success. Raphael was satisfied with his own. He had the shorter weapons afterall,and the fact that he could trap, hold, and lock weapons much longer than his own meant that he had gain a new mastery of it.
Thus, they both turned to their father with grins on their faces. Their expectations high of the praise they would both receive.
"Retrieve your Sai, Raphael. A ninja do not simply discard their weapons, but must make every effort to retrieve them so as not to leave a trace."
Master Splinter's first words held no praise but a scold for a simple mistake.
In Raphael's mind, it was no big deal. He went to retrieve his weapon. A single error, but surely it would not be enough for him to overlook all the gains. Surely his father would remember to praise, but, with weapons in hand and standing side by side with his sibling …those words he wished to hear …never came. Leo got the praise, he deserved it. He got tips on how to better use his weapon, everyone expected that. Raphael got the tips, but the praise never came. His eyes that had been lock on his father suddenly started to blur.
Yet, he would not shed the tears.
He would not.
It twist his inside.
It made him want to scream.
His blood started to boil.
He became cold and hot at once.
Raphael knew from experience what was happening to him. He needed to let the blood out, but he dare not do it in front of his family. He dare not let them see, and thus, with a roar and shove to his brother that deserve neither he turned and fled the lair. He threw blame at his brother for being too good. He pushed him hard to make it clear that he was the problem here. But he was neither, it was a distraction for he dare not push Master Splinter. He dare not yell at their father, and thus, he rush out the room. His sai still tightly in his hands as he fled the lair. His father's command in his ears, his brother's hurt look on his back, and the puzzlement of his two other siblings followed him. Yet none stop him, none halted him, and by now Raphael knew where to go. Unless something had changed, the little human trapping beckon him there and with everyone too stun to chase after the young turtle he was able to get away cleanly. He went to his secret hideaway and there he let it out.
His sais …first blood would be his own.
But it didn't matter, it felt good to let it out.
Yet, it hurt in it's own ways. He would curl up into a ball, and in the darkness groan and ache with pain. Pain that somehow brought relief, pain that somehow made him feel better even though it hurt so bad he wanted to die.
It was a bitter sweet thing.
He was suppose to be a ninja.
He was suppose to leave no trace.
Yet, he left evidence in this darken place.
This was his secret place.
Three days he stay away.
On one of those days he heard his own name.
They were searching for him, but he can not let himself be found.
He stay in the darkness as his blood ran down. He let it drip as it flow with the beating of his own heart. Fear made him wonder if they can hear the sound, but they neither notice nor said a thing. They moved onwards, and thus, when he felt the blood had stop. When the hot and cold was dull and his blood no longer boiled. When hunger made itself known ..he left his hiding place, and make sure his Sais were clean of blood ….before he went home.
This time he did not avoid punishment.
But it was worth it.
Or at least he thought, until he looked at his best friend. Until, Leo turned his gaze on him, and instead of love and acceptance and friendship …he saw cold fury and irritation and barely contain sorrow.
He ran away for three days.
He let him think it was his fault.
Their relationship would never be the same.
It was all the blood's fault.