A/N: Apologies, but half of the text here is actually taken by the A/Ns. Sorry for the misleading numbers.
A single heartbeat, unbelievably loud, rings in my ears.
I open my eyes, and the world has changed.
The afternoon sun is gone. Now, the moon lights the earth in its place; a faint white glow turning the world black and grey.
"Kishinuma-kun."
Shinozaki stands in the doorway of the house.
I can't see the hallway behind her. The white walls and brown floor are replaced with blackness.
No, there's something far off in the blackness; a flickering, orange light.
Kishinuma-kun."
She calls to me again.
I look at her.
She looks sad.
There are no tears, no ridges on her brow, but I can tell she's sad.
"I waited for a while you know." Her voice isn't accusing, merely stating a fact. "We were going to go to a small family restaurant or a fast food store and do our homework there."
"After that, I was going to hand you the food I made as you went off to work."
The world shrinks. A black void eats up the street. Soon, only the small piece of yard in front of Shinozaki's house is all that remains behind me.
"If that happened, we wouldn't have seen the people coming out of that concert, or passed those children on our way home."
She tilts her head slightly.
The bags are gone from our hands, and the moon has disappeared. Yet, somehow, we can still see each other and the space around us perfectly.
"Sister would still be on her way home, and Magari-san would have been giving a sermon to her followers."
I gulp.
I remember this place.
I remember it even though I don't want to remember it.
A place without time or space. A vast nothing that overwrites everything.
"Kishinuma-kun."
Shinozaki steps towards me and reaches for my face.
Her fingers reach behind my ear, brushing a lock of hair behind it, and trace my jawline; resting her palm on my cheek.
Her blue eyes stare up into mine. They water slightly and a single teardrop overflows as she blinks.
My arms wrap around her. My left hands holds her shoulder while the other pulls her head to my chest.
"It'll be okay Shinozaki." I pat her head lightly. "I'll do something about it."
She sniffs.
"You can give up, you know?"
I shake my head and squeeze her shoulder gently.
"I don't want to."
A single laugh comes out of her followed by a sniff. I can feel the wetness through my shirt.
"Your handkerchief has the same smell as you, you know?" Her voice is slightly muffled by my shirt.
"Sorry about that."
"It's fine." She shakes her head, rubbing her face against my chest.
"Are you alright with it now?"
She nods in response.
"Well, I guess you can't smell much with your nose running like tha- OW!"
She had pinched my arm viciously, but quickly let go. Her palm gently rubs the sore skin, soothing it.
"I like it, your smell."
She says something in a whisper. I almost couldn't hear it. Her voice is already muffled by my shirt, saying something quietly doesn't help.
"You smell nice too." I smile.
She sniffs, and wraps her arms around me. For a while, we just stand there, holding each other in the darkness. My shirt is soaked, and has started to grow cold. Her face is burrowed in that, so it can't feel good for her either. Still, we hold onto each other; feeling each other's warmth, smell, and touch.
Eventually, she puts her hands on my chest and gently pushes us apart. My arms unwrap from her slowly, before resting on her shoulders.
Blue eyes meet grey.
"Sorry I made a mess of things." I apologize, truthfully and sadly.
"It's alright." She forgives me. "This is just a 'what if' of a 'what if'. It's not made to last, that's why all the memories have started jumbling together."
Memories... Yeah, that's why the people I'm supposed to know are here, even though I haven't met them yet.
The Kishinuma Yoshiki who is still a student of Kisaragi Academy has not met any of the people I noticed today, neither has he visited Shinozaki's house.
He's just a high school delinquent.
But, he was happy.
He may not have been completely free of worry, but he was probably happier than me. That's why I have this appearance. That's why we're both still wearing Kisaragi Academy's uniforms.
A massive bullhorn blares, and the world begins to shake. The last few patches of grass and stone disappear into the blackness.
I bring her to my chest again, trying to memorize as much of her as possible.
I have regrets. I want to stay here. But that won't solve anything. It's as she says. This is a what if of a what if.
A possibility of another possibility.
A choice of another choice.
It's the road that was never taken, and never existed.
We never went to Heavenly Host in this world. A small difference in events changed things.
An extra word from Yui-sensei, telling Shinozaki about the class journal.
A few daily tasks done together.
A small build in trust between us.
Those led to Shinozaki getting over her hidden fears.
Her dislike of men, the mask she showed to adults, and the fear of being physically close to me and others of my sex. Little by little they wore away, finally allowing her to talk to her father.
I guess it wasn't just that either.
The fact that the two of us got closer made people think we were a couple. Even though that wasn't true, it was enough to make Suzumoto come to Shinozaki for advice. She thought Shinozaki might be able to empathize with her, and talked to her about her father's job transfer.
Being able to talk to her father and being consulted by Suzumoto led to this route. A route where Shinozaki's father, Ayato, talked to Suzumoto's parents at a PTA meeting. This gave Suzumoto's mother the extra confidence to confront her husband about the the transfer causing him to resist it and stopped Suzumoto from having to leave.
Thus, this world exists. A world where none of our friends died.
No, the change might even before then, something even simpler than a few word.
A world without Heavenly Host. A world without the Curse of the Shinozaki. A world where a single girl wasn't bullied and victimized for seeing more than others could.
A dream. A wish. A memory. Call it what you want, but don't mock it.
Because this is where Saenoki Naho, Ooue Sayaka, and Niwa Aiko are still together.
Where a nameless girl found friends with her doll.
Where a boy who wanted someone to depend on him, and a girl who couldn't live by herself met.
Magari, Misuto, Hinoe… even San. All of them are here in some shape or form.
Perhaps even Sachiko is here, somewhere.
If that stupid book made it here, she probably did as well.
"Kishinuma-kun."
Shinozaki looks at me again. A smile is on her face. The same smile I remember, even after all these years.
It's bright, energetic, and not the slightest bit sad.
There's no regret there.
No worry.
All it says is 'Do your best!'; the same smile she flashed me as she left the boys' bathroom.
"Shinozaki."
I smile back.
The bullhorn blares again, and she begins to fade.
Like flower petals in the wind, she disappears.
Her hand reaches for my face, even as the fingers crumble to pieces.
Then there's only me in the blackness.
My hands fall to my sides.
I remember this place now, the void that remained after the Nirvana.
I've been using it for a while.
To train.
To experiment.
To fight.
To run.
I guess I must have gotten mixed up in some sort of Skandha-maraic* loop built from my own memories.
I scratch my black hair, having grown out the dye long ago.
Shinozaki's voice continues to ring in my ears. Her smile is burned into my eyes.
It's been a while since I experienced either of them.
Maybe this failure was a good thing. Thankfully, it doesn't seem have taken much time. If that sound is what I think it is, then the Doppler Effect** indicates that the precautions I took worked. My time is still connected to the outside. I won't wake up to the end of the world.
The bullhorn blares a third time.
"Guess it's time to wake up." Muttering to myself, I close my eyes.
And disappear.
A/N: Definitions for the asterisks are near the bottom. The top is mostly about "Dream Days". Questions about the stuff about Ayumi's fears are in the middle.
Yoshiki really does love Ayumi. Even though I'm the one writing this, the thought kept on going through my head.
It got really hard not to just have Yoshiki break down and cry during this entire scene. I guess Ayumi tearing up in front of him sort of helped him not cry.
1 more chapter left, so only another week of waiting until this story ends.
As promised, here is the answer to when and where the "Happy Birthday Aftermath" takes place.
When did "Happy Birthday Aftermath" take place?
"Happy Birthday Aftermath" takes place within the Dream Days setting.
The lunch menu Yoshiki bragged about to Satoshi, and Satoshi's lack of a lunch mentioned in "Happy Birthday Aftermath" were hints to 'when' the events of that chapter took place.
To put it in more specific terms, "Happy Birthday Aftermath" happened about two and a half months after the day the Kisaragi students were supposed to go to Heavenly Host.
Those two events (Yoshiki having fried shrimp (I remembered that wrongly as Shrimp Tempura, so the hint was a little off.) for lunch, and Satoshi being given a lunch box with only a note from his mother and a 1000yen bill in it occurred at Kisaragi Academy during the opening of Blood Drive.
This was hidden in there to (hopefully) confuse people when they started wondering when and where the events of "Happy Birthday Aftermath" took place.
Y'know... because the events that are mentioned are happening after the Kisaragi students went to Heavenly Host. However, Morishige is still alive, and no one seems sad about their friends dying at Heavenly Host.
Where did "Happy Birthday Aftermath" take place?
In the same world "Dream Days" did. Ayumi puts it rather nicely. "a 'what if' of a 'what if'".
It's a sort of experiment into Chaos theory.
Chaos, in Greek, does not actually mean disorder, but "primeval void". In other words, it's just talking about the very beginning of things.
Chaos Theory, is the theory that deals with highly dynamic systems which are very sensitive to the initial conditions.
TLDR (Too Long Didn't Read) ? Basically, where you start matters when dealing with difficult things with lost of moving parts.
The world of "Dream Days" is a world where small things lead to bigger things, thus saving an uncountable number of lives. I guess, it was my way of showing how little it would have taken to avoid all the terrible things that the Yoshiki who is an adult experienced and is experiencing.
It is sort of horrific in a way. After all, what could be more nail bitingly painful than knowing just how close you were to living happily ever after. (Yes, I am a bastard who tortures his characters. Call the FCPS (Fictional Characters' Protection Service))
As for why this route can never come true... Well, there are only so many bits you can pull out from a tower before it starts crumbling down.
Oh, yeah. Yoshiki screwing up the "Dream Days"was another demonstration of that. Him being late that one moment completely ended two and a half months of peace and quiet that the dream Ayumi had unconsciously tried to preserve.
Is everyone alive in "Dream Days"?
As explained in the above chapter, a few small events shifted the route that would have lead to them going to Heavenly Host in a different direction.
The removal of the event of them going to Heavenly Host also removed a couple other flags retrospectively. Hence, people like Sayaka and Naho are still alive, as well as the Byakudan high school students.
There's an OC hidden in here that's planned to appear in Aftermath (as well as a massive red herring) who led a much happier life than she did in Aftermath.
Magari's and Misuto's lives are also very different to how they were in canon.
As Yoshiki mentioned, perhaps even Sachiko is alive in that world, along with Yuki, Ryou, and Tokiko. (Maybe I'll write their stories, maybe I won't. Depends on reviews.)
Ayumi's fears
Some people might be surprised about this, but I've always felt Ayumi's attitude to Yoshiki and other males in general was a bit off.
Ayumi is said to be quite distrustful of adults, especially adult males, and a lot of the teaching staff at Kisaragi besides Ms. Yui.
Whenever Yoshiki is physically close to her, she often panics and pushes him away. A lot of the times she accuses/interprets his actions as being perverted or sexual, and at one time she is truly afraid of being sexually abused by him.
Her relationship with her parents is also relatively cold, and sometimes borderline hostile.
From the above, I've had this feeling that Ayumi has a form of androphobia (fear of men) or at least a tendency to feel wary of men. I guess, phobia is probably too strong a word, and it certainly isn't strong enough to make her lose interest in boys completely, but it is enough to make her wary of them.
As for why she may feel like this... Well...
Something happened to Hinoe during her middle school years at Kisaragi. It was something that made her feel betrayed by her friends, abandoned, and completely alone. What happened is not described, but it was enough to make Hinoe want to have everyone except her family disappear (read as killed).
Ayumi and Hinoe are close, very close. I don't think Hinoe told Ayumi what happened to her, but Ayumi probably saw enough to make her understand something bad had happened.
The theory I have running in my head was that Hinoe was sexually abused, either by a male student or a teacher at Kisaragi Academy. The incident was either hushed up, or dealt with behind the scenes.
(e.g. the offender was simply transferred or sent away, not criminally charged. It has happened in schools before, and wasn't unheard of about 10 or 15 years ago. Not to mention, the entire premise of Heavenly Host is based off of a similar event.)
Ayumi's loss of confidence in her parents may have stemmed from seeing how they allowed something bad to happen to Hinoe, and not deal with the issue directly.
There's an additional reason for Ayumi to not like her father based on some head-canon I have (based on the Curse of the Shinozaki), but that's for another time. (No, I'm not going to turn her father into a pedophile, or incestuous bastard. I'm not that crass.)
DEFINITIONS FOR ASTERISKS*
Skandha-maraic*:
Technically, this is an adjective I invented. Skandha-mara is a metaphor used to talk about all forms of conditioned existence.
A conditioned existence is one that is impermanent, insubstantial, and frustrated/suffering.
In short, it is a state of existence anyone who has not reached enlightenment is in.
It is difficult to leave this state as, although suffering exists, insubstantial and impermanent pleasures can be experienced preventing one from wanting to leave. As a conditioned state is impermanent and insubstantial as well, none of the things experienced have any importance.
If you do not realize this and follow the path of the Buddha, you cannot reach enlightenment.
In other words, Yoshiki was trapped in a loop that replicated a conditioned existence (i.e. normal life) which returned him to the time he found the most enjoyable. As you might have guessed from the end of this section, the Yoshiki experiencing this dream is older than the Yoshiki most of you have seen. Long story short, he's what Yoshiki might become in my fic.
Having survived the events of Blood Covered and Blood Drive, Yoshiki deals with the fallout of the events of Blood Drive while working to protect Ayumi as always. He's learned a lot about spiritual abilities, Reigu, magic, the Nirvana, the pillars of the Nirvana, Heavenly Host, and many of the other events/abilities that occurred before and after Heavenly Host. He became trapped in these "Dream Days" after experimenting with something important (I can't say what, because that would be spoilers.).
Doppler Effect**:
It's a physical occurrence where going closer or further away from a source of a sound (Technically, any wave will do, but sound is what it's most used for.) can cause a change in pitch. (The change in pitch of train crossing sirens, and cars passing by is due to this.) It occurs because the sound waves are entering the person's ear either faster or slower than they have been emitted, thus changing their frequency, thus changing their pitch.
The above occurs due to a change in wave length which is a distance.
As the waves are going faster or slower than they should be, they sound becomes higher or lower pitched. However, speed is calculated by distance and time.
The Doppler Effect occurring here is because Yoshiki has slowed his time down. Thus, each sound wave takes longer to be perceived, therefore the sound is heard to be at a much lower pitch than it is.
This is a safety measure he set up before doing anything in this void, due to it possessing traits similar to Heavenly Host. (Actually, it's the reverse. Heavenly Host had those properties because it was in the Nirvana.)