So here's the next chapter, but not - as initially intended - the last one. This is already much longer than chapters 1 - 4 and I haven't told it all yet, so there will be another one after this.

Will was done reading.

In her last mails Mac hadn't written anything about planning to move, so he now knew for sure, that he would find her in Cambridge. It was early Friday morning, Easter was still a few weeks off - She had to be there for her classes.

When she had written him about having taken the job, she had also sent him her new address. As she had never mentioned anything about a move at a later date he would go to that place first. If she didn't live there anymore he could always try to find her through the university; and if he'd have to stalk her.

Three years...
Why did he have to be so damn proud and stubborn?
Mac was right. Even if his first assumption of her cheating way into their relationship had been correct he should have tried to forgive her instead of pondering about it and feeling sorry for himself. But not even listening to her showed what a prick he had been.
How could he ever make up for all the pain he had caused her?

He sighed. Making it up to her was of secondary importance for now and it wouldn't be done in a single day or week. But first of all she had to take him back.
He had no idea if she would still be prepared to give him another chance. She had assured him repeatedly that he would always be welcome in his daughter's life, but what about hers?

He thought about working out a strategy; surprise her with romantic dinners, shower her with gifts, maybe even write her a song... But he knew that wasn't how it worked. What they needed now was complete honesty.

A lot had happened to both of them since they'd seen each other last – granted, considerably a lot more to her than to him – and they needed to talk about it. There was no way they could just pick up where they had left off three years ago, even without considering that Cathy had entered their lifes.
He would just have to play it by ear, starting with Mac's reaction to seeing him and take it from there.

He thought about calling her first, but no, he needed to see her face when he appeared at her doorstep. If he called ahead and warned her about coming to see them she would probably drive herself nuts and be a nervous wreck before he arrived.
That was if she didn't tell him to stay the hell away in the first place...

So first things first.

He itched to get on the earliest possible flight, but he had to be realistic. Mac would be working during the day and he himself should at least try to get a few hours rest. Or he would be so tired later that he wouldn't be able to think straight, which really wouldn't put him into the best position for the probably most important conversation of his life.

So he got onto the internet and booked himself on an afternoon flight to Boston. At the airport he would rent a car and drive the short distance to Harvard. And from there on he would have to improvise...

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It was shortly past seven o'clock at night and Will had been sitting outside of MacKenzie's house, a nice Cape Cod with a small front yard and a picket fence, for about ten minutes now. He pictured Cathy running around, chasing a butterfly with a happy laugh and he smiled to himself.

Then he sighed. This was insane – for the past 18 hours he had wanted nothing more then being here which made this time feel like an eternity, and now he was afraid. He didn't know what he would do if Mac told him to go away. But he did know that procrastinating definitely wouldn't help, so he finally opened the door, grabbed his bag from the passenger seat and got out of the car.

It only took him a few steps until he stood in front of her house and while taking a deep breath he rang the door bell. He nervously tugged at his leather jacket. It had been a gift from Mac and he had thought it might be nice to show her that he was still wearing it.

Then he heard footsteps and the door was opened by MacKenzie. And Will went blank.

He had thought about what he wanted to say and practiced it over and over on the flight, but the moment he saw Mac he forgot everything and could only stare at her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered and his heart started pounding in his chest. He just hoped he didn't look like a complete imbecile.

Just like him Mac was at a loss of words. The expression on her face was pure disbelief and after what felt like hours she finally managed to whisper „Will?"

Will nervously shifted on his feet. „Hello, Mac."

She kept her eyes on his face, but didn't say anything. Finally, when the silence began to feel really uncomfortable, Will took heart and asked „May I come in?"

Mac startled, but after a few seconds she nodded, stepping aside to let him in before leading him into the living room. He subconsciously noticed that it was very tastefully furnished, yet comfortable. Books on the table, toys on the floor, a sweater tossed onto the back of a chair; definitely a room that was lived in, not like his sterile apartment.

Then he looked at Mac and saw that she was carefully observing him, nervously biting her lower lip, a habit he had absolutely fallen in love with when they first met. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

„I... I'm sorry to just barge in here, Mac. I wasn't sure if you would have wanted to see me if I had called first... I... I've... read your e-mails."

„So?" Mac's voice was shaky. „If you read my mails what made you come only now, three years later?"

„I only read them last night... for the first time..." Mac took a sharp breath and Will quickly continued. „I have deleted all your voice messages without listening to them and I never read your e-mails before, but I saved them all. I don't know what made me do it but yesterday I finally opened the first one and from there on there was no stopping... Mac, I have been a complete and utter jackass and all I can do is apologize for everything I have done to you..."

Mac didn't say a word but just looked at him.

„May I explain?" She slowly nodded.

„I have to go back to the night you told me about Brian, I'm sorry...
When you told me that you had slept with him I was in complete shock and just tuned out. All I could do was think 'How could she?' over and over again..." Mac flinched at his words and he appeasingly lifted his hands. „It felt like I was sitting underneath a cheese cover or in a diving bell or... wherever and everything you said aftwards was a complete blurr. So I never knew what really happened and all this time I just assumed you saw Brian right before you told me and I felt utterly betrayed..."

„Actually, that's kind of what's happening to me right now... I hear what you're saying but it doesn't really make any sense..."

Will took a small step towards her.
„The gist of what I'm saying is that I am a fucking idiot, Mac...I was so hurt and only wanted to forget, even though I missed you so much. In the past three years there wasn't a single day that I didn't think about you, about us. We were so good together... And then last night, when I read what really happened..." His voice almost broke and he took another deep breath. „If I hadn't been so stupid, I would have opened your e-mails right when you sent them and I would have been knocking at your door five minutes later... Hell, I shouldn't even have needed any calls or e-mails. I should have realized that I didn't know the whole story and I should have come to you to explain it to me..."
Tears sprang into his eyes. "This whole time... It's all on me... I will never be able to make this up to you, Mac... I am so very, very sorry..."

He remembered the bag he was holding in his hand and while reaching into it he went on. „I've got something for you..."
He pulled out a plushy 'Eeyore' he had bought at a toy store on the way from the airport and held it out to her with a rueful smile. „I didn't want to come here empty-handed and I know how much you like Winnie and his friends, so I thought Eeyore could always remind you about what a stubborn mule I was..."

After a couple of seconds Mac accepted the little stuffed donkey and didn't take her eyes off it, still biting her lip. „So... So what you're saying is, that you have forgiven me?"

„No." Will shook his head, but when he saw the sudden pain on her face he quickly went on. „There is nothing I need to forgive you for, not one single thing, on the contrary. You have done everything right, it was all me... I will never be able to forgive myself but I was hoping... maybe you can one day?"

Mac's eyes were now fixed onto his while she held Eeyore close to her chest. Will's frightened and at the same time hopeful look melted her heart. A beautiful smile spread over her face and a tear ran down her cheek.
This was exactly what she had been dreaming about since the day he had broken up with her and she couldn't believe it was actually happening.

„Billy?"

„Yes?" Hope rising in his heart when he heard her using his nickname only she called him by.

„Would you like to see your daughter?"

His eyes went wide and he could only return her smile with a big happy grin. „I can't wait."

Mac started walking towards the door, taking his hand in passing and pulling him with her. „She's asleep, but normally she's a heavy sleeper and won't wake up."
She carefully opened a door at the end of the upstairs corridor and led him into their daughter's room. He tiptoed to her bed and there she was, a beautiful little girl with rosy cheeks, curled up next to a stuffed teddy bear and breathing peacefully.

All Will could do was look at her with tears in his eyes and hold on to Mac's hand, squeezing it tightly. „She is gorgeous." he whispered after a few minutes in awe.

„Yes, she is..." Mac breathed back. „And she will be so happy to finally meet you..." Then she pulled him back towards the door. „You'll see her tomorrow."

He nodded and followed her, not loosening the grip on her hand while keeping his eyes on his daughter as long as possible. His daughter!

Back in the living room Mac wanted to let go off his hand but he held onto it and turned her towards him.
„Thank you, Mac... Thank you for including me into her life and never stopping to send e-mails and pictures. I know I didn't deserve it, I never gave you any reason to believe in me." A tear ran down his cheek but he kept looking into her eyes. „I am so sorry that you had to go through all this on your own... You have to believe me, if I had known I would have been there for you all the way..."

„I know, Billy." she assured him, pressing his hand. „That's why I never gave up on you."

She led him to the couch and motioned him to sit. When he did she settled herself in the opposite corner, facing him and pulling her legs up to her chest.

Will sighed. „Why didn't you just show up on my doorstep to tell me you were pregnant?"

Mac looked down at her knees and didn't answer for a while. When she finally did she chose her words very carefully.
„I thought about it. And I wanted to. But I always knew that I would never lie to my baby about its father... Cathy knows that it's you. She is still too small to understand why you aren't around, but when she is older she will ask and I don't want to tell her that I told you about her face to face and you didn't care..."

„Mac! How could you think... I would never have..."

Mac cut him off. „You've never returned a single call or answered any of my emails, Will. I told you I was pregnant with your child. I told you how scared I was. I sent you pictures, I let you be part of our life, I begged you to come, but you never even answered... What was I supposed to think...?" She shook her head.
„I wanted you to know, that's why I kept on writing emails. When you didn't reply I could always make excuses to myself. 'Oh, maybe the mail was categorized as spam.' or 'Maybe Will has changed his email address and forgot to tell me.' And besides Cathy's feelings... If I had told you to your face and you had walked away, it would have killed me..."

He intently looked at her and then he slowly nodded. „I understand... Oh God, I am so, so sorry, Mac." He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. After a while he heard Mac move behind him and then he felt her hand soothingly stroking his hair.

„It's alright, Billy, it's alright. You're here now, that's the only thing that matters..."

With a whimper he turned around and pressed himself against her chest, his arms around her waist, crying for every day they had lost. After a moment of surprise she held him tight and when she leaned her head against the top of his he felt her own tears falling down on him.

When his sobbing had ceased she slowly moved back a little with a last stroke over his hair. „Would you like something to drink?"

He brushed away his tears and nodded with a light smile. „Actually a coffee would be nice, I didn't get any sleep last night."

„Coming right up." She stood up and left the room, giving him time to compose himself.

A couple of minutes later he heard the door bell, followed by footsteps and the opening of the door. He tried not to eavesdrop but couldn't help overhearing a few words of the muffled conversation between Mac and another woman.

„...sorry... forgot...visitor..."

„but... who just..." And then suddenly very loud and clear „WHAT? THAT WILL?"

„Shhhhh... wake... tomorrow..."

The next thing he heard was the door being closed and a minute later MacKenzie came back with his coffee. „I'm sorry it has taken so long, there was someone at the door." She sat back in her spot on the couch and tucked her knees up to her chest again.

„Thanks." He took the cup and drank a little, then he put it down and looked at her. „Can we talk?"

She bit her lip again, but nodded. „I think we need to."

This was it. The conversation that could decide their whole future.
As much as he dreaded it, he also wanted to know.

„You said before that you never gave up on me... But you did write in your e-mails that you have moved on..."

„I never gave up on you in relation to Catherine. I don't want her to grow up without a father."

„She doesn't have to, Mac... I want to be a part of her life. A big part..." Will's face went soft and Mac gave him the most beautiful smile despite of the tears appearing in her eyes.

„So did you, MacKenzie? Did you move on?"

She looked down and then shrugged her shoulders. „I tried... I really tried, you know?"

„Are you seeing anybody?" Will held his breath.

„Not since Wade..." Mac said quietly.

„Thank God..." Will sighed, but then squirmed.
„I'm sorry, that was insensitive. I really do want you to be happy, it's just... What happened?"

Mac put her arms around her knees and sighed. „We had a nice run for a while, Wade and I. He was good looking, charming, intelligent and seemed to care for Cathy. I really thought it might work... But then it turned out that he actually didn't really like children; he was only putting up with Cathy for my sake..."
She paused for a moment before continuing with a trembling voice.
„He wanted to be on the right side of me to be able to use me. He never told me, but I found out that he was using our relationship and my name to get in touch with some of my former contacts to start his own political career... If an old friend of mine from the DNC hadn't contacted me, I probably wouldn't even have known until I saw his name on the ballot... And when I confronted him he didn't even deny it..."

Will saw the hurt in Mac's eyes and moved a little closer. Then he carefully put his hand on her knee and he was glad that she didn't move it away.

„I'm sorry, you got hurt again, Mac... You deserve so much better... But... honestly? I'm not sorry that you broke up with him. I don't know if I would have dared to come otherwise..."

She looked up. „Really? Not even to see Cathy?"

„Of course I would have come for Cathy. I loved the idea of a child as soon as I read your e-mail last night telling me you were pregnant. And I fell head over heels in love with Cathy a couple hours later when I opened the mail you sent after she was born... And even more with every e-mail that followed..." A wide smile appeared on Mac's face, a smile that made Will's heart miss a beat.
„But I came here for more..." he added and looked straight into her eyes while his thumb stroke her knee. „I love you, Mac. I have never stopped loving you. I only hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me."

Mac held her breath and looked at him increduously. „What?"

„I love you, Mac, with all my heart, torn as it is. I'm all yours, if you want me..."

"Wait." She shook her head in disbelief. „What in the fuck is happening right now?"

„This." Will leaned forward and softly placed his lips on hers, lingering for only a short moment before he pulled back. „I love you", he whispered and then he waited, because he knew for certain the next step had to be hers.

He looked at the range of emotions crossing her face; from shock to disbelief and fear to credence and finally joy. Her eyes began to sparkle while she still tried to hold her emotions in, but then she let out a happy squeal, jumped forward throwing her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

Will almost tumbled over onto his back but quickly recovered, moving his hands up into her hair and responding in kind. He opened his lips to let her in and moaned at the incredible sensations that overwhelmed him. This felt so right and he had missed it so much.

The kiss quickly became more and more passionate while he felt one of Mac's hands stroking his back, the other one entangled in his hair. Finally he breathlessly pulled back which caused a disappointed whine to escape her lips. Hesitantly she opened her eyes and saw him looking at her with a deliriously happy smile on his face which left her no other choice than to return it.

Will pulled her to his chest, holding her tight as if he never wanted to let go off her again. „I love you, I love you so much, MacKenzie..." he mumbled over and over while pressing soft kisses onto the top of her head. She sighed and and let her hand slide up to the back of his neck, where she stroke along the edge of his hair with her thumb.

„I love you, too, Billy..."
Immediately she felt his body relax while at the same time he tightened his grip around her.
„Thank God..."

Mac smiled into his chest, still a little shaken. She couldn't believe what had happened tonight. She hadn't believed her eyes at first when she had opened the door. She had been sure she had a hallucination, but it seemed so real! And then he had started to talk and said all the right things. The things that she had been longing to hear for the past years and now she could only think that he was here, that he still loved her and that she never wanted this moment to end.

However, after a few minutes he cleared his throat. „So does that mean you have forgiven me?"

Her fingers stopped their movements in his neck and she slid her hand down to his chest to help push herself up so that she could look at Will, giving him a shy smile.
„ I think I have, Billy..."

„You think?" He raised his eyebrows and tried to hide the vulnerability in his voice but she knew him too well.

She gave him a soft, reassuring kiss and entangled her fingers with his.
„I never lied in my e-mails, Billy. I do love you and I always wanted you to come back, but... I might not have given you the whole picture...
There were many days when I was really mad and angry with you. Often I was frustrated or had days where I just wanted to scream or come down to New York and beat some sense into you... But I always tried not to write on these days... I know you and I was afraid you would shut down completely if I went down on you too hard. I couldn't risk that, for Cathy's sake. I am happy you are here now, I just don't know how quickly I can forget about this time..."

Will thought about her words for a moment and then gave her a warm smile. „That's only fair, I guess... I certainly took my time... But I can promise you this: I will do everything I can for you and Cathy to make up for these years, and there is no chance that I will ever hurt you again, at least not intentionally. How's that for a start?"

„I like the sound of that." Mac smiled and cupped his cheeks. „I can't believe I can touch you again..." she whispered against his lips.

„You can touch me anytime, anywhere, anyplace... Feel free..." Suddenly Will grinned and winked at her. „So, did you write all that stuff about Wade on purpose to make me jealous?"

Mac laughed out loud. „You would think so, wouldn't you?" Then she sighed. „No, I really thought we might have a shot... But right now I'm pretty glad it didn't work out..."

She leaned forward to give him a lingering kiss, running her tongue along his bottom lip causing him to moan, before she broke it off. Looking into his eyes she got up, took his hand and pulled him with her when she walked towards the door and up the stairs.

When they entered her bedroom she closed the door, then turned to him and slowly let her hands move across his chest.

Will swallowed hard. „Are you sure, Mac? There is nothing I want more but we don't have to..."

„Shhhh... I've been waiting for this for so long... Just kiss me..."

He didn't need another invitation after that.
He put his hands around her waist to pull her in and then there was only the feeling of her lips against his, their tongues slowly re-familiarizing themselves with each other and a series of moans as their kisses became deeper and more passionate.

Switching to actual conversations did make this chapter more difficult for me to write, so I do hope you still enjoyed it.

One more to go!