Dear Beckah,

How are you? What have you been up to? Please tell me you've at least been outside our dorm a few times. And have you started your homework? What about that Charms thingy? Because I'm gonna need some help... Anyways, tell me everything.

Me, well here I am. Being ignored by parents (of course) and it's Christmas! I almost forgot. MERRY CHRISTMAS DARLIIIN'! Okay so I got this dress from my cousin, and it's a purrfect for you, so as soon as I get back, it's all yours. Also when are you going to give me that present? I can't wait!

Now, to the gossip. Okay, so there was this big party Saturday, and well, stuff happened. I had sex with this guy and damn - he was good. But then the weird thing happened: after, instead of just going back to the party we stayed there, talking for hours, and laughing and joking and he was so sweet and funny. Seriously, I can't even remember what we talked about, but it was great. And get this - he's a Weasley.

The thing is, now I'm all worried and messy, because Matt and feeling guilty and all that. Damn, I need you.

So yeah, I'll see you in a few days, when we get back to Hogwarts. Miss you so much.

Love,

Liv.

I couldn't help but sigh. Of course Liv was overthinking the whole Matt thing. Poor Liv...

And you guys don't know what I'm talking about, do you? Well I'll just tell you about it... Later.

In that moment I was staring at my reflection, getting ready to meet Scorpius, for what was going to be an epic snowball fight.

I had spent the two and a half weeks of Christmas break catching up on my studying and on my reading, wandering every corner of the castle, talking to portraits and drinking tea. In other words: heaven. I had got a few letters from Liv and Annie, and in Christmas day I had woken up to a small but perfect pile of presents.

Scorp had stayed too (no wonder really, who would want to spend Christmas with Aunt Astoria?), so I got to spend some "quality time" with the little bugger. And what did I get out of it? Well, I found out that ickle fickle Scorp had a secret guuurrlfriendd, and spent the entire break making fun of him.

Why would this relationship be secret, you may ask? Well, that's the best part. Scorp, darling good person Scorp, was dating... Wait for it... ROSE WEASLEY.

Yes, a Weasley. I was already imagining the look in Aunt Astoria's face when she found out. And I was planning on having a camera on me when it happened, of course. *laughs evily"

Apparently, this Rose girl was Alfred's (or was it Albus?) cousin, and since Alfred (much better than Albus) was Scorp's best friend well, they met and suddenly POOF they're in love.

Apart from that, all that I knew about her was that she was a Ravenclaw (point in her favor), and that she was short (another point in her favor. We short people have to stick together). And, I had Scorp's promise that he would let me meet her soon. *cue to evil laughter* I was planning on torturing the girl.

-o0o-

Damn, it was already ten thirty. I was supposed to have met Scorp fifteen minutes ago, for our walk in the snow, to celebrate our last day of break.

Boots, hat, gloves, coat...

And I was down the stairs , and crashing into Scorp. At least I didn't have to look for him.

"Hey there Scorpy" I said, ruffling his hair "Ready to lose in the snowball fight?"

"Don't get your hopes up sis, you're obviously going to lose."

I grinned as I slapped his forearm lightly. I loved it when he called me sis. "And why, pray tell me, will I be the one to lose?"

"Well because I have muscle, obviously."

"I don't know, I think having a girlfriend has made you a softie."

"When will you shut up about her?" He whined.

"Never."

We were outside, finally. I breathed in, out. The cool, fresh air hit my face. "Scorp, look"

"Look at what?"

"Don't you see it?"

"See what?"

"Our freedom. It's right here."

And I felt it. For once in a long time, I felt light and worriless. I felt like everything was all right, and I was on top of it all. I was free. There was a huge smile spreading across my face, and I could feel my heart beating wildly against my chest. All the pent up energy in me was suddenly beating through my body, and I could practically feel it on my fingertips.

I needed to fly. But that was kinda not an option at the moment, so I went for the next best thing.

I ran.

Arms wide open, I ran and ran, hearing the crunch of my feet in the snow. And then I tripped over a pile of snow, and lay there, laughing my ass off as Scorp looked down at me in amusement.

Soon, he realized it was the perfect opportunity to kick snow onto me.

"Oh, you're so on, Scorp"

And then we were hiding behind trees, pouring snow down each other's backs, throwing snowball after snowball.

By the time our epic snowball fight was over (I won, of course) we were soaking wet and shivering, but still laughing.

-o0o-

The next day, Scorp and I were allowed to go the the Hogsmeade station, where we stood waiting for the train to arrive.

"Is it wrong that I'm lazy about everyone coming?" I asked.

"Yes, you're a horrible person."

"Jeez, I feel the love."

"Well you shouldn't, it isn't there."

"Saving it all up for your girlfriend, Scorpy?"

"Shut uuup."

Hehe.

Just then, the train came, whistling and full of cheerful students. Even though I did feel incredibly lazy about starting classes, I smiled as Annie ran over to hug me, and as first Liv and then Krista tackled me to the ground. I felt so... Good. It was weird, but I was planning on making the most of it.

And I did.

All through dinner, I laughed with Liv as she told me about her aunt Miriam, an eccentric muggle who collected wigs and took hip hop classes.

I skipped the welcome back party in the Gryffindor Common room and instead snuck up to the Ravenclaw Tower to say hi to Naomi and to be with Annie. I even met some of her third year friends, they were all so tiny and cute.

And then, I did go to the party, dressed in my very flattering sweatpants. But for once, I wasn't going to dance. I was going to check on Liv.

Let me make something clear; Liv never cried in public. It was part of the whole popular girl thing, she didn't show her emotions with these people. But I knew there were always exceptions, and times when her cheerfulness could break. Add to that the letter she had sent me plus a couple of drinks and well... I at least had to see how she was doing.

I was right. When I entered the Gryffindor Common Room, I found her curled up in an armchair, sobbing into a pillow. There were a few people around her, trying to help, completely unsuccessfully. Even as I watched, two girls left her side.

I walked towards her, when I noticed that she wasn't completely on her own. Beside her in the armchair there was a guy, looking awkward but like he wanted to help at the same time. Huh. I didn't stop to think about it though, I was concentrating on Liv.

I kneeled in front of her, softly placing my hand on her forearm.

"Liv, look at me."

As soon as I said it, she launched herself at me. "Beckah, I can't..."

"I know, I know." I was stroking her hair, like she had always liked. "But we can't talk about it here, lets go to the dorms?"

She just kept sobbing in response, but I took it as a yes, and helped her to her feet, which was slightly weird with how much talker she was than me and all. The boy that had been by her side helped me, and I gave him a small, honest smile in thanks, before guiding her to the portrait hole.

The dungeons were farther away than I thought, and Liv was getting more hysterical with every step, so I eventually sat her down on the stairs, and sat myself beside her.

For a while, she just cried.

Okay, children. The moment you've all been waiting for. It's story time.

Liv's life had never been easy. As a child, she had been horribly bullied in her muggle school and by children in her neighborhood. But being bullied, instead of making her be a bitch like it did to me, only gave her the resolve to be nice to everyone around her. She found out she was a witch, and lets just say that her parents were not thrilled. Although hurt by her parents' fear, she was excited, because she had a chance to start over, in a place where people wouldn't make fun of her. She and I became best friends in the first few days of our first year, but while I liked keeping to myself a lot, she soon got on well with most of the first years. From then on, her popularity increased with every day that passed, but surprisingly we always stayed best friends. A lot of popular people end up thinking that they are somehow superior from other, lesser people, but Liv always was nice and outgoing with everyone.

Then, in her fifth year, she met Matt, a year older than her. Matt was very quiet and had few friends. But he and Liv, they would spend hours together and never get bored or run out of things to say. Soon, he was kissing her and asking her out, and she was telling me how much she loved him and daydreaming in class. Me, I got to know Matt too, and I enjoyed watching them love each other more every day. It was beautiful.

But then, in the beginning of our sixth year and his seventh year, Matt got this weird illness. We didn't think it was very serious, not until he lost the ability to walk, and had to spend the end of his life in the Hospital Wing. In the one month until he died, Liv spent day and night in the Hospital Wing, eating with him, talking to him, skipping classes to visit him.

Until one day, we woke up and he didn't.

And Liv lost herself.

No one knew it though, no one had noticed when Matt had permanently moved to the Hospital Wing, and nobody noticed when he died. Some people thought that he had graduated early, or moved schools, but only Liv and I suffered from his death, and only I was there to help her.

Eventually, her old self started coming back, her wide smile and constant laughter. There were small changes though, the main one being her new goal of having sex with every single guy her age.

And I never said anything, because I knew she was just trying to forget him and feel loved. And she was getting better. Happier. But sometimes, the sadness comes pouring back.

"There's only one week left, Beckah."

I jumped at her voice. I had almost forgotten that she was there, I was too busy thinking about the past.

What was she talking about? Oh, right. A week. In a week, it would be a year since Matt's death and well, a year was a long time. I turned to look at her.

"Is that why you're like this? You're scared?"

"Terrified" she sniffed. "I feel like once a year has passed, I need to move on. And now that I might fancy Louis, I'm scared."

"But you do have to move on sometime, Liv. And now's as good a moment as any."

"But what if I don't want to move on?" Tears sprung to her eyes once again. "I feel so selfish if I move on."

"You don't have to forget him, Liv, or stop missing him. But you do have to think about yourself and let yourself be happy."

She leaned her head on my shoulder, and closed her eyes. "It's hard"

"I know."

AN: Hey, long chapter here. I'm not sure if I'm proud of this or now, so I would really really love it if you guys told me what you think? I hate to beg, but I'm nervous. I want to thank you so much for reading, you are all beautiful people and I love you.

Sonia