Riley had agreed that she would let Rusty wait for the right time to tell Sharon about their mother. Unfortunately Riley pretty well had to avoid Sharon for a solid day because Sharon just had a way of making her talk and tell her all the things that she really didn't mean to tell. Riley would like to say it was Sharon's cop abilities, but it may have also been her mom abilities.
When Monday afternoon rolled around, Provenza pulled both twins aside.
"We had a deal," Provenza said sharply in his lecturing tone. "The deal was I would give you money for your mother's electric tooth brush and you would tell Captain Raydor that your mother had contacted you."
"Which is why we need to reschedule this visit," Rusty argued, leaning against the wall. "I tried to find the right time to bring it up, but it didn't come along."
Riley rolled her eyes. "Liar. You wouldn't even let me say anything. You said that I whatever I would say would give Sharon the wrong idea."
Out of nowhere Sharon appeared around the corner, making both twins go frigid. "Wrong idea?" Sharon asked in that sugary sweet voice that bordered on dangers. "Wrong idea about what?"
"Well, uh, Captain," Provenza cleared his throat and gently pushed Riley and Rusty forward. "For what you are about to hear, I apologize."
It was one of the most sincere apologies Provenza had ever given Sharon and it made her a bit uneasy, but she tried to hide it as she turned her attention toward the twins. Riley was glaring at her brother with her arms cross while Rusty looked as though he wanted to disappear.
Rusty glanced away for a second before he began. The worry and nervousness in his voice made Sharon unsure if she was ready for whatever he was going to say. No matter, she was sure going to pretend to be.
"Uh, our mother is here," Rusty announced slowly.
The gentle smile on Sharon's face disappeared as she took a clumsy step back. No, she was not ready to hear that, and by the look on Riley's face she wasn't ready to deal with her mother either. Rusty on the other hand was trying because he loved his mother. Riley was refusing because she loved Sharon.
The pain was easy enough for Riley to see, but she said nothing.
"Well, not here. Actually in a rehab in Long Beach and I didn't tell you about it, and I should have. And I told Riley not to tell you because I thought that she may make the situation seem worse-"
Sharon glanced at Riley who rolled her eyes at Rusty's statement. Riley was bias, yes, but Sharon had the gift of seeing past bias. Then again, Riley's passion could sometimes blind side anyone. Though she could be dramatic, she is most effective with her subtle pain, when she quietly asks someone to fix her pain.
"And you've been to see her?" Sharon asked, glancing between the children.
"Riley went once, and I've been a couple times," Rusty replied sheepishly, unsure if she would approve. But Sharon was more shocked. "But listen- listen, she wants to make amends to everyone-you- as part of her recovery. And if you don't mind, Lieutenant Provenza and I can go pick her up right now and we could bring her here and she could apologize to get that over and out of the way."
"I'm still waiting on my apology," Riley grumbled.
"She apologized to you!"
"No. She said I was pretty."
Rusty shook his head and decided he probably wouldn't win with her at the moment so he moved on. "It'll only take few minutes, but um, I'd completely understand if you don't want to."
"It's not a problem at all," Sharon said trying to sound like the words were true. "I'm, uh, very surprised, of course. But I am looking forward to meeting the other Sharon in your life. And I'm glad that she's in rehab, Rusty."
It was a lie. A bold faced lie. Okay, she was glad that Sharon Beck was in rehab, but the rest of it was pretty well a lie. She never liked lying to her children, but sometimes supportive lies were what were best in parenting. It may have shocked Rusty but he looked relieved. Riley on the other hand looked like she had been slapped.
Rusty tilted his head trying to get a gauge on what Sharon was saying. "So bring her? Now?"
She nodded. "If you can, that would be good." Her eyes glanced to Provenza who looked a little uncomfortable with watching the situation.
"Okay then!" he announce clapping his hands together. "We better hurry. She only has a brief window to be out, I'll be back with her just as we can manage."
"Good." Sharon smiled at the two teenagers, but only Rusty returned it and it was halfhearted.
Riley scoffed at her, the heartbreak clear in her eyes before she turned around and marched away. It wasn't surprising to Sharon at all that Riley wanted nothing to do with her mother, in fact Riley probably didn't want anyone to give Sharon Beck forgiveness, much less time out of their busy day. Sharon sighed and looked at Rusty. "I'll talk to her."
"She won't listen," Rusty said with a shrug. Provenza shook his head as well. There was no secret that Riley was going to fight everything to do with her mother tooth and nail. He had already gotten a glimpse of it and they all saw it the last time their mother tried to come around. Riley held her grudge, and it wasn't going away anytime soon.
Sharon looked at Rusty in that gentle way she did when she knew he was hurting. He still had hope for their happy family, even though it looked like it would never happen. He wanted the idea that he could have that with his mother while Riley had given up all hope of their mother bringing anything but pain back into their lives.
"I'll still talk to her," Sharon told him. Then she gave him that slightly humored as well as sarcastic smile. "She can sometimes be reasoned with."
They exchanged a knowing look before Sharon headed in the direction Riley left in. She turned the corner and found Riley in the break room stuffing a dollar into the vending machine before harshly punching in the numbers. Sharon smirked when a small bag of Chips Ahoy cookies fell to the bottom.
She was aware Sharon was there, but she didn't want to acknowledge her first. Obviously Sharon needed to make the first move or else Riley would cleverly sidestep everything she could.
Sharon moved over to the cabinets and pulled out the kettle. Filling it with water and setting it on the stove, she could feel Riley watching her out of the corner of her eye as she plopped down in one of the more comfortable chairs.
As she waited for her water to boil, she dared to take a seat right beside Riley. Her eyes were gentle as she studied the girl. She thought about the changes the girl had gone through in the last three years of her life. From abusive home, abandoned by her mother, worked on the street, sent to a foster home where she was raped, then moving in with Sharon. She lost a friend shortly after that, and then Rusty's threats that Riley had to deal with as well.
Yet, she was happier. She had a glow to her. Her hair had grown long and she wore it in curls now, finding a peace in her beauty. She had found her love of music and acting. She was even the lead in the last semester musical My Fair Lady. The entire team came to see her. She even took dance classes just for extra base and really loved it. It even gave her things to talk to Emily about.
Though Riley and Emily had similar interests, they were still very different. Just like all her kids. They were the four corners of the world at times.
Sharon took a deep breath. "Sharon Beck-"
"Don't say she's my mother," Riley shot harshly shooting a hell freezing glare at her.
A knot grew in Sharon's throat that the sheer pain Riley was trying to cover up. She honestly thought Riley would have been the first of the twins to say I love you since she was always the first to show affection. But it seemed that Riley could not actually will herself to say those things. She could not put her heart out there even to Sharon… especially to Sharon at times. Children need mothers and when mothers burn their children it sometimes makes that part of their hearts raw for a long time.
There usually weren't any doubts where Sharon stood in Riley's eyes, but times like these made Sharon question what was really going on in that girl's head.
Riley turned her head when she realized she hurt Sharon.
"I'm sorry," Riley muttered. "But I know this is just going to end badly again!"
The last time Sharon Beck made contact with her kids a bus ticket was bought for her but she never showed up. Riley didn't want to see her then, but by the time they were expecting her, Sharon could see that some part of her still wanted to be a part of her. Now… now Riley's heart had one more wall around it.
Sharon started to raise her hand and reach out for the girl, but then thought better of it.
"I won't make you talk to her." Sharon spoke softly. She could practically sense Riley's fear and discomfort even though it wasn't as clearly written as Rusty's could be. "But you won't get any closure from her hiding."
Riley's eyes glimmered with tears as she looked up at Sharon. Sometimes it hurt seeing what Sharon Raydor did for them, what she did for her own kids, compared to what Sharon Beck did to her and her brother. Why could Sharon Raydor have found them sooner? Why couldn't she had been the person that they called Mom from day one? She would have made them dinner and tucked them into bed rather than drink her dinner and let whatever boyfriend at the time beat the hell out of them.
What did they do to deserve this? And how come Sharon Beck felt she had the right to come back and stir up all these old memories? She had no right. That was it. She had no right or claim on Riley and Rusty at all.
"And you certainly don't have to do any of this alone," Sharon added.
As usual, Sharon Raydor had hit the nail on the head. Riley all but threw herself into Sharon's arms, grabbing tightly to the tailored blazer as tears threatened to fall. Sharon wasted no time pulling Riley just as tight.
"Just because she comes back, you never have to worry about me leaving you, Riley," Sharon told her warmly as she felt Riley's shoulder start to shake.
"You won't leave…?" Riley murmured. It sounded almost like she was trying to convince herself just as much as she was asking Sharon.
"Honey, you are stuck with me," Sharon assured her turning her head just enough to press a kiss to her hair.
A chocked laugh cracked past Riley's tears.
Truthfully, Sharon was not looking forward to seeing Sharon Beck, but she would do it for her kids. She would hold Riley's hand and stand tall for Riley. She would do it.
Major Crimes
For some reason, Sharon expected Sharon Beck to resemble Riley more, or for Riley to resemble her. Yet only their basic features seemed anything near Sharon Beck. Blond hair, blue eyes. They weren't even quite the same shade. Riley stood a couple inches shorter than Sharon Beck but they both had small frames. However, the other women's frame seemed to be unhealthily small.
"Sharon Raydor, this is… our mom Sharon Beck," Rusty introduce uneasily. He glanced at his sister who was standing behind Sharon with where she could easily escape out the door if it became too much. She returned his glance and gave him a tight smile. He moved a little closer to her, trying to show her that she had his support too.
The captain noticed and felt her heart swell. Rusty was really a good big brother. She held pride in her boy, even if it felt a little odd to claim him in her head in front of his mother.
She thought of Andy's concern when they were in the morgue together and he overheard her say that Sharon Beck was there. He paled and asked if she needed back up. She knew that it would have been better if they had discussed it before, but Sharon had barely had time to wrap her mind around it herself, much less play twenty questions with Andy. He was just concerned. She knew that, but she was concerned too.
Instead she promised dinner. Riley would probably want him around anyway.
"Before I say anything else, I just want to say how grateful I am to you for taking my children into your home and caring for them. For putting them through school. It's really-it's a miracle to find them like this," Sharon Beck said tearfully, glancing at Rusty. He gave her a supportive small smile while Riley barely contained her eye roll.
Yeah, it was a miracle. One that they never would have had with Sharon Beck.
"You don't need to thank me. Riley and Rusty have both worked so hard. Helping them reach their potential has been a great joy."
The way she said it, the pride in Sharon Raydor's voice made both Riley and Rusty blush. She was so honestly proud of them and happy to have them in her life. Her words held only sincerity.
"Okay," Rusty interrupted with a smile, despite his flushed cheeks. "That's enough about us. Mom, Sharon doesn't have much time." His words were patient, almost like he was talking to child. It drove Sharon mad that Rusty had to act this way toward his own mother.
Sharon Beck shuffled uncomfortable and nodded. "Right, I know, and I'm uh- not really allowed to be out of my treatment program for more than a few hours."
Riley kicked her Keds against the floor as she wished she'd just disappear. She was ashamed that people knew this was where she came from. A druggy mom who ended up in rehab.
"What facility are you staying at?" Sharon Raydor asked, stilling Riley's kicking with a single glance. It wasn't harsh or warning, just acknowledging.
This time their mother ran her hand up and down her thighs uncomfortably. "Um… Signal Hill Recovery, in Long Beach." Each word was slow like she had to drag them out of her throat. By the look on the captain's face there was a reason for it.
"Ah." The captain's lips were pulled into a tight line and her eyebrows nearly furrowed. Of course Sharon Beck didn't check herself into rehab for her, or even her kid's sake. No, she was forced into rehab.
Rusty and Riley both looked at Sharon. They didn't like the look on her face. "Ah?" Rusty repeated, hoping for some sort of clarification. "Why do ya-why do you say it like that?"
Sharon turned to Rusty and could see he was nervous about her answer. Riley on the other hand nearly wanted to disappear.
"Well, Signal Hill is one of the rehab centers LA County uses for, uh, drug sentencing," Provenza told him. Riley's dry chuckle made Sharon glance at the girl. Though there was hostility toward Sharon Beck from Riley all along, now there was something more. Rusty however was more interested in the look on his mother's face. The guilt and shame of being caught. She would have never told them that part.
"What does that mean?" Rusty asked slowly.
"Honey-honey I told you. When we were picked up by the police Gary was sent to jail-" Riley snarled at the name. "-But I wasn't- what I didn't tell you was I was given a choice between going to trial and checking into Signal Hill."
The last four words were said quickly with a forced smile. That pissed Riley off. How could she pretend like she did something so noble? Riley was even the slightest bit relieved when she thought her mother had checked herself into rehab. Maybe she wasn't ready to deal with her at the moment, but one day she might have been. But no. Sharon Beck didn't check herself into rehab with the acknowledgement that she had a problem. No. She chose it over jail.
Rusty seemed to take the news his disappointment and even heartbreak. "Oh." Sharon Beck's face fell, but she had yet to even look at Riley. "So you didn't go into rehab on your own?"
Sharon Raydor almost wanted to reach out to him. He looked so hurt. "Rusty, your mom had a choice and she chose Signal Hill."
Rusty started to nod but Riley jumped in. "She chose Signal Hill over jail. Not much of a choice is it?"
The captain turned to the eighteen year old girl who hadn't moved from behind her since they entered the room. "Riley," she warned, her voice tender. Riley silenced, but as Sharon's eyes moved back to the blonde woman in front of her, she caught the tail end of the glare Sharon Beck had sent Riley. "How many days do you have left in your program?" Sharon asked narrowing her eyes.
The tentative smile returned to the other woman's face. "I'm forty-five days sober." There was obvious pride in her voice that had Sharon Raydor smiling encouragingly. "At sixty it become voluntary, but I intent to stay. If they will let me."
"Well," Provenza's voice almost acted as a clap at its suddenness. "It's not voluntary yet. I hate to be the one that brings this up, but we got squeezed on our schedule today so, uh, if we want to get you back on time…"
Sharon Beck stood up and everyone in the room followed. Riley moved further back in the room almost wishing she could disappear in the walls. "Of course, of course. You're busy." Then Sharon Beck turned to Sharon Raydor. "Let me just say, as I've said to Rusty, how-" Sharon Beck let out a shaky sigh as she closed her eyes and forced herself to continue. "-sorry, I am. To have left my little boy and baby girl on their own and for you all to take care of. And I wish I had behaved better." Tears were starting to form in the woman's eyes as she stood before the captain. "And I hope that you all will help me prove that to you."
"Of course," Sharon said with a shake of her head. "Of course we will." Being the hugger that Sharon Raydor was, she opened one arm to the other woman, with a soft "come here" as words of encouragement.
They embraced, but when Sharon tried to pull away Sharon Beck held on still. It was a little awkward, but the hug continued until Sharon Beck let go and looked at Riley. She took a few steps toward Riley, but the girl scurried away like a beaten dog. Realizing she wasn't going to be able to get any closer to the girl, she awkwardly rubbed her hands together.
"I know you don't want to talk to me, and I know I've never been the person you wanted me to be." Tears were rolling down Sharon Beck's cheeks as Riley kept her head pointedly turned toward the window almost wishing it would open and suck her out of it. "But I'm proud of you." The words seemed choked, but earnest in a way that made Riley falter a little. "Rusty said you're going to college for music, and you dance and act now. You were always pretty, but now you're so beautiful Riley.
"I'm sorry for what I've done to you. What I've allowed to happen-"
But Riley held up her hand and shook her head as she made eye contact with her mother for the first time since she walked into the room. "Stop."
The whole room was silent as Sharon Beck swallowed and everyone looked at Riley expectantly. Rusty was afraid she would tell their mother to fuck off or some other variety of the term, while Sharon was sure she was going to state there was no need to waste breath on apologies she wouldn't accept. Provenza… Provenza was just waiting for the girl to bolt.
But Riley surprised them all and she took a few steps toward their mother and looked at her with pleading eyes. "Stay sober, and save your apologies when I can trust you're honesty."
With that, Riley touched her mother's hand but only for a second before falling back into the space behind Sharon, ready for the woman to make her exit.
As soon as the woman was out the door, Rusty looked at their Sharon. The captain. "It's bad isn't it? That she didn't check into rehab on her own?"
"Rusty, how she got there is not as important as what she does with it." Sharon put a supporting hand on Rusty's shoulder.
He let out a breath and nodded. "Okay." With that he too exited the cubical, leaving Sharon and Riley in there alone. Sharon looked at the girl who was still staring out the window. Her eyes had that distant look to them.
"Riley," Sharon called her to earn her attention briefly. Riley's head barely moved, but it was enough to know she was listening. "I'm still here."
That was all she could say. The meaning and depth of her words were heavy in Riley's head as she nodded slowly. Sharon took a few steps out of the cubical and she hurt the soft sound of a strangled sob. It was a hard day on all of them.
Later that night, Andy came over. When they had armed guards at their door every night, Sharon and Andy thought it would be better to put a hold on their relationship. It was already so stressful to deal with two very frustrated teenagers who were at each other's throats half the time for never being able to get away from each other, and sleeping with her gun on her nightstand, if she really wanted to consider that sleeping, because she just knew someone was going to try to get to her kids that night-every night. Dealing with their relationship going public wasn't something Sharon could handle.
So they called themselves friends. Best friends probably. Friends with the occasional something more. But they weren't dating. Not yet anyway.
Both kids were eerily quiet while Sharon and Andy tried to pull them into the conversation. They talked about music, chess, hell it even came down to videogames, but the kids only nodded or hummed. It was sad.
They turned in early, Riley ignoring Sharon's request for her to practice before, leaving Sharon and Andy sitting on the couch with cups of decaf tea.
"They've had it rough," Andy said as though he needed to remind her.
"And I'm not sure where to stand on this. I don't want to see them hurt again." The heartache in her eyes made Andy pull her a little close until she was tucked into his side with her head on his shoulder.
"I know. Just support them all. And I'll be right here to support you."
A smile tugged on her lips as she closed her eyes. The feeling of Andy's lips against her hair made her sigh. He was there. She was there. The kids were there. And no one was going anywhere.