READERS: This has a very strong trigger warning for rape. Once again, this is a super intense chapter that had me crying into my Starbucks cup while writing.
Sharon tried to give her daughter space, but that was much harder than anything she ever had to do before. To sit back and wait while her child was tearing herself apart from the inside out was not what Sharon wanted to do. After talking with Dr. Joe, however, it seemed like what Riley needed her to do. Today a lot had happened, a lot had been said, and neither of them were in their best moods.
Attempting to keep her mind occupied she decided to catch up on paperwork, however she was very good at staying on top of such things and was quickly finished. After that, she moved onto cleaning. Typically the condo was fairly spotless. Riley and Sharon both liked cleanliness and Rusty had become pretty accustom to picking up after himself. Typically Sunday mornings were set aside for deep cleanings but Sharon needed anything to stop her mind from screaming at her for being so idle.
She stood at the kitchen sink, staring out the window as she cleaned the same plate for a fourth time.
"I went to a party."
The voice so close to her made Sharon jump but she quickly recovered from her shock before she turned around and looked patiently at her daughter. She tried not to overwhelm her with too much curiosity, but as silence settled over them Sharon wondered if she should encourage her to continue.
The girl seemed to have temporarily lost her nerve, but took a deep breath and willed herself to continue. If she didn't tell her mother what happened, then how would she ever forgive her? Those beautiful blue eyes were bloodshot with tears that had been falling and still itched to continue. For a long moment Sharon wondered how long her baby had been crying, but she knew better than to ask.
"I know I shouldn't have gone, but I wanted to know what it was like to be a normal eighteen year old going to college. All my friends go out to parties and a lot of their parents even know what they're doing. I just wanted to try it."
A long breath was taken and Sharon dared to take a step closer to beckon her daughter to the living room, but Riley shook her head firmly and continued.
"Philip's brother is in a frat and he heard about the party. Monica and Hilary invited me to go and I invited Jake."
It was so loud. The music didn't actually have a real sound anymore, just a groaning thunder that shook her feet and her ear drums. She had to weave her way through the dance floor to make it back to kitchen where they were serving something called Jungle Juice.
"She'll take one." Riley jumped as a hand fell on her lower back but relaxed when she realized it was just Jake. He looked more seasoned at these things than she was, then again he was two years older. Personally, she felt like her body was on sensory overload with all the people, the smells, and the "music".
"No thanks," Riley quickly told the kid pouring drinks. "I've already had one."
Jake's face contorted a bit. "Don't like it?"
"It's not that. It's just-"
Jake waved his hand. "She'll take one. I've got her. She'll get home safe."
The boy exchanged smiles and the next things Riley knew a red cup was being forced into her hands and Jake was leading her to the garage. It was quieter out there than the rest of the house. There were a few couples cuddling in lawn chairs, but no one was really talking and the music was down to just a dull vibrating hum.
"You okay?"
The sincerity in his voice made Riley smile a little at him as her usual guard slipped. "Just a lot going on."
"In your life or at the party?" he encouraged her as they took a seat together on a metal tool box.
"He seemed like he was really paying attention to me," Riley told her mother. A stray tear escaped down her cheek and the girl made no motion to wipe it away. She was too busy focusing on the facet just behind Sharon. "He was so kind."
"I guess both," she admitted shyly. Her cheeks tinged pink at the level of honesty that slipped from her lips. Her eyes shot up to examine his expression and she was pleased to see just an understanding smile waiting for her. She didn't tell many people about her life, in fact she didn't really talk about it with anyone, even Dr. Joe or Sharon, yet for some reason the truth was just itching to come out. "I have a weird life."
Jake chuckled at her. "Oh, come on. Everyone had a weird life to somebody." Riley shrugged and he must have realized it wasn't just weird. "Look, I get it. Weird usually means painful and I know pain. My mom died of cancer when I was a sophomore in high school and my dad is an abusive prick I haven't talked to since I graduated. Pain doesn't make us weird. It makes us who we are."
A humorless laugh fell from Riley's mouth, but Jake didn't seem fazed. "Really, if weird is what you want to talk about, I will listen to your weird."
Another tear fell down Riley's cheek as she swallowed past the thick knot in her throat. Sharon wanted to step forward and enclose her child in a hug, but she knew she couldn't. This was one of those times that Riley would not respond well to physical touch. It was a listen and wait. If by the end of this story Riley was not in her arms, Sharon was wrapping her baby up and not leaving her all night.
"I told him all of it and I've never told anyone all of it…"
So she started talking. It was mostly a stutter and it scared her that Wesley Kilburn was easier to talk about than when she had willingly had sex on the street for money, or when she was homeless and knew that if on Wednesdays, if she volunteered for an HIV blood test she would get a meal. How she would find her brother at four in the morning by the same light post so they could find somewhere safe to sleep together. Typically they had enough money for a shitty motel, but other times they slept at playgrounds, or someplace well lit that would keep the a little safer.
Her cup was suddenly refilled and Riley wasn't sure how it was possible. She knew she had finished her cup and the one that Jake had been carrying, so this new one made four. It tasted less like juice and more like battery acid but she drank it anyway. The end of every sentence was punctuated with a drink. Her head was spinning and she knew her words were slurring, but Jake kept his hand around her wrist to keep her from going anywhere.
"I didn't have a pimp," she explained. "But I had to make sure Rusty had eaten and he had to make sure I was safe. It was the only thing we could do. Then Rusty became a material witness-" At Jake's confused look Riley shook her head. "-seriously, don't ask. So we both ended up in foster care. No one wanted two teenagers so we were constantly being split up. We both ended up in some really bad places." She had already told him about Wesley Kilburn and she didn't want to say it again. "Then we found our new mom. Sharon, you met her."
Jake nodded, remembering the woman he had been introduced to rather quickly when he had picked Riley up for a dinner date. "So, you're adopted now?"
Riley shook her head. "Not quite yet. We will be soon. I know we're eighteen, but this is really important to all of us. Sharon is our mom." She glanced down at her phone and noticed the time. "Shit, I need to catch up with Monica. We were supposed to meet up-"
"I told her I'd give you a ride home," Jake assured her. "I figured after that conversation going home would probably be better than hanging out with your yahoo friends."
Her laugh surprised both of them and Riley quickly covered her mouth. "You're probably right. Let's just hope I don't wake up my mother."
He stood up first and offered her his hand. His tug to help her to her feet sent her off balance and into his chest relighting their laughter. They stayed like that until she felt his hands moving across her back to keep her there. For a moment she tried to pull away, but he gave her a kind smile as she melted back into him. His hands cupped her face and his lips found hers in a kind kiss that she felt all the way to her toes.
She remembered thinking that his kiss was what kisses were supposed to be like. She had kissed boys since everything happened, but no one gave her the butterflies and the sense of right that his kiss did.
Riley's hand touched her lips and Sharon felt her own tears refusing to stay back. Still, Riley hadn't even made eye contact with her.
Her arms went around his shoulders and they pulled each other closer in unison. It was the best kiss Riley ever had. She didn't want to let him go and wouldn't have if air wasn't so important.
If she was dizzy before she was definitely dizzy now. She grabbed onto Jake's wrist and he took it differently than she intended. He intertwined their fingers and walked her out of the house. As they got into his car, she found she loved to tease him. Her hand trailed up and down his arm leaving goose bumps in their wake. She could see his grip tighten on the steering wheel and she giggled at her power.
"Riley, if you keep doing that, we're going to have to pull over."
A wicked grin spread over her lips. "Then pull over."
The speed at which he turned had Riley laughing. The car was barely in park and lights off when Jake was nearly dragging her to the back seat, attacking her rib cage with his nimble fingers. She laughed until she found her laying face up in the back seat and him hovering over her. A wanton smile came over her expression as she drug her bottom lip between her teeth. Quickly she pulled his head down to hers and kissed him senseless.
The kissing was great. Even when his lips left hers to explore her neck and clavicle. She could handle his hands just under the hem of her shirt. Even when her discomfort was trying to tell her to stop she pressed on a bit more. Suddenly her zipper was undone and her shorts were being drug down her thighs. "Hey, whoa, slow down," she gasped propping herself up on her elbows.
He didn't listen to her. Instead his eyes looked dangerous with lust like men she had seen before. She started to move her legs away from him, but he caught her ankles.
"Seriously, Jake, slow down." Her voice was firmer this time and he rolled his eyes.
"Shut up and just enjoy it. I'm sure no one's cared enough to make you orgasm like I will."
Ice ran down her spine and Riley suddenly felt trapped. She tried to pull her legs together but he spread them harshly with his knees and hands. She tried to reach of the door handle but Jake grabbed her hands. The position that she found so normal a moment ago was suddenly terrifying for her as her hands were now pinned forcibly above her head and Jake was looking less and less pleased with her.
"Calm down. I'm showing you what real sex is, Riley. Stop struggling and just let it happen. I know that's what you want."
His hand ran over her panties and Riley couldn't speak. Her throat was tight with tears, but she wouldn't cry for him. She watched as he undid his belt and lowered his own pants. He was no better than the rest.
"I said no. I said no a lot, but I was too drunk to fight him."
Why wasn't Riley coming to her? Sharon was going mad with the distance between them. She needed to hold her daughter but Riley looked as though she would break at the smallest bit of contact. Rage was starting to fill Sharon's stomach, but Riley just pressed on to continue her story.
He finished… inside her… without a condom. For some reason that was what she was focusing on as she crawled back into her seat and reached for her seatbelt. When he took her hand, Riley jerked her hand away. Jake rolled his eyes.
"I did you a favor. You don't have to be such a bitch about it."
She didn't want to know what the favor was and she couldn't think about it. "I want to go home."
The words sounded like someone else's but she was thankful for them. When the car didn't move Riley's eyes shot to the boy beside her looking at her as if she was crazy. "Take me home."
Cursing he flicked the lights on and shifted the car into gear. The entire ride she couldn't look at him. She just kept staring out the window, counting the blocks until she was back to where she was safe, where nothing bad would happen to her because Sharon wouldn't let it.
"Fine. I get it," Jake snapped as he finally turned into the building parking lot. Riley didn't even wait for the car to come to a complete stop before opening the door. She struggled with her seat belt as she heard Jake rustling through something. "Hey, if you're going to be a whore I might as well pay you like one."
Money flew out the car behind her as she gripped her phone tightly and walked to the door. The sound of his car squealing off was barely heard as her mind seemed both blank and full all at the same moment.
Finally those blue eyes met her mother's. Tears were rolling down both of their cheeks now and Sharon was sure that if she will be physically restraining both Rusty and Andy from beating the kid senseless. For Riley however, she wasn't thinking about just Jake anymore.
"I'm sorry I keep hurting you," Riley whispered as though the words were escaping from somewhere deep and dark. "I tried to make sure this didn't hurt you and then you found me…"
For a moment Sharon was confused and then it made sense. The cutting. Riley was trying to cope with it all alone to keep her mother from being upset about it? Or was she afraid Sharon would have been mad at her?
"I know I should have been drinking and I'm sorry I let that happen. I- uh- I think I'm like my mom sometimes and now I know I am. I drank and let bad things happen to my family-"
Sharon's hand came down hard on the counter as she turned away from her daughter. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she shook her head. "Riley stop."
The girl remained still despite her fear. Part of her wanted to run in the other direction while another part of her wanted to wrap her arms around her mother and beg for forgiveness. "Mom, I'm sorry-"
"Riley, stop!" Sharon's voice broke as she turned back around. Tears were rolling down her face and she wasn't going to stop them. "You made a mistake by drinking, but everything else; your mother, Jake, my own tears, they are not on you! I am crying because I love you so much and I hate that this happened to you. I hate it. I want to keep bad things from happening to you, but also give you a chance to live your life, honey. Bad things aren't always going to happen."
The girl hung her head and wiped at her face. "I don't even know what to think. I though Jake was a really nice guy… but he wasn't."
Sharon stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her child. "Jake, I need you to understand that Jake is not a nice person. I need you to understand that-"
A sob choked from Riley as she clung desperately to Sharon's cardigan. "He raped me, Mom."
Mistakes are mine, but I'm sure you can understand why this was not exactly a go back through with a fine tooth comb kinda chapter. What do you think of Riley's story? What do you think the next step for her is? Please review.