Chapter 8

"I'd love to." Patrick smiled and cocked his head.

"Um, well, make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back." She said and went to the bathroom.

She closed the door right behind her, leaned her back onto it, closed her eyes and slid down. "What did I do? Why did I ask him to stay? But what could I've done? I sort of used him all day right after he was discharged. If something happens it's my fault. God when will I learn to solve my problems on my own? And the 'us' problem, shoot, we still haven't worked that out. Fuck..." she sighed thinking about all that happened today. "But he didn't seem concerned about that problem anymore today... Oh, Ellen, what did you put yourself into?"

She was interrupted by a sound of dishes banging in the kitchen. She quickly got up and almost ran there thinking something happened.

"Patrick what are you doing?" she asked when she saw some bowls on the table and a pan on the stove.

"Well, I figured I'd make something for dinner." He smirked and turned around to get some stuff out of the fridge.

"But you are supposed to be resting. Patrick, don't. You need rest. You have helped me all day, it's enough, come on." She said, gesturing and turning off the stove. "Let me cook. You go get some sleep!" she said with a demanding tone and motioned him to the guest room.

"But-" he pleaded, looking at her.

"No buts. You must rest. Now go!" and saying that she pushed his shoulder playfully, trying to make him turn around.

"Okay, okay." He sighed, leaving.

"Okay, Stella, are you ready to go to sleep?" Ellen asked after they finished dinner and helped Stella wash her hands and teeth.

"Yes, mommy! But I want a bedtime story!" she said with a cute pleading face.

"Well, why don't you go and put on your pajamas while I put Sienna to bed and when I'm ready I'll come and read you a bedtime story, okay sweetheart?"

"But mommy..." she said disappointed. "I want you to help me dress up for bed."

"Hey, why don't we go and prepare yourself for a bedtime story while your mommy puts your little sister to bed?" Patrick asks leaning down to hug Stella. "It'll be fun and I could read you, too!" he adds with excitement looking at her.

"Okay! Yay!" Stella squeals jumping from his arms and running upstairs to her bedroom.

"Thank you!" Ellen says relieved, and hugs him before she takes Sienna and starts rocking her to sleep and humming a lullaby. It didn't take long before both of them fell asleep: Ellen in the rocking chair and her baby-girl in her arms.

In the meantime Patrick and Stella were both ready to go to sleep.

"Okay, sweetie, so what story do you want me to read to you?" Patrick asked her with a huge smile on his face while he arranged both their pillows so they could lie more comfortable. He was happy, you could tell that because his eyes were sparkling like never before. But why wouldn't he be? He was home, with the love of his life and he was now reading going to read a fairytale to her daughter, who will, one day maybe, become his daughter too. What could be better now?

"Umm, I don't know..." she answered. But her voice seemed slightly sad so Patrick couldn't help but ask her what's wrong.

"Is everything okay, honey? Why are you sad?" he said concerned and a bit saddened too by her voice.

"Umm, nothing." She answered looking away.

"Come on, Stella, you know you can tell me anything." He replied leaning over so he could see her face.

"Uh... I was just wondering, um... do you know where daddy is?" she said sorrowful looking into his eyes.

"Well, sweetheart... I don't know how to explain this to you so you could understand..." he started, placing the storybook on the night stand and getting closer to her so he could held her. "You know when you sometimes don't get along with one of your friends and you have an argument with them?"

"Uhuh." She nodded of understanding.

"Well, mommy and daddy had a little fight and decided not to sleep together tonight. So, your daddy is at his place right now, but maybe he would come tomorrow to see you and Sienna." He said smiling in the corner of his mouth.

"Oh..." she said letting her head down. "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep, please, Paddy?" she looked up with puppy dog eyes.

"Of course I will." He assured her, kissing her forehead and cuddling her tight.

She quickly fell asleep on his chest, making him melt because of how cute she was. He slowly crawled out of bed, making sure that he didn't wake her up and went to check out the other girls. Of course, not before he tucked her better in and kissed her cheek again.

He plugged in the nightlight and closed the door lightly. He then entered Sienna's room where he had the surprise of seeing both girls fallen asleep in the rocking chair. He smiled and leaned in the doorway for a few moments to admire their peaceful sleep, then he slowly walked near them and leaned forward to pick Sienna up and place her in the crib. She stirred a bit in her sleep, but fortunately she fell back asleep.

He watched Ellen sleeping a few more seconds before placing a hand behind her neck and on the back of her thighs and picked her up bridal style. She felt the movement and was slightly startled, but she felt his warmth and fell back asleep just as her daughter did. Then, he softly walked out of the nursery room and took her to her bedroom, where he gently placed her on the bed, tucking her in as well. He placed a kiss on her forehead and caressed her cheek before he turned off the lights and closed the door.

He went downstairs into the guest room thinking about everything that happened that day. How could Ellen be so... okay with everything that happened? He lied there, looking at the ceiling, for hours asking himself the same questions over and over again. "What did she mean? Does she even love me? Will she be okay? Is she okay? What do I do now?"

He rolled over and looked at the clock. "04:36am"

"Damn it!" he muttered to himself. He couldn't sleep.

He jumped out of bed and got out of the room. He thought maybe some TV would make him fall asleep so he went in the living room and sat on the couch, but just when he tried to reach the remote he heard light soughs coming from upstairs. He quickly got up and went to see what happened. He stood in the hallway listening. They were coming from Ellen's room. Now he knew the answer to his questions. She wasn't okay. She won't be okay. Not with him pressuring her. Not without help. His help.

He slowly opened the door and looked around. At the same time she wiped off her tears and turned around. Their sights met. He closed the door and hurried next to her. He took her into his arms and hugged her like he was trying to protect her form the world. She kept her head onto his chest hearing his heartbeat. It made her relax. It made her feel calm. She felt protected. She started sobbing again. She just couldn't stop. His warm body made her feel protected, yes, but at the same time she felt sad and guilty, because she knew he was dying inside because of her.

"Ellen... hush, please, stop crying." He begged her softly kissing the top of her head.

"I... I..." she tried to say something between the sobs but it was pointless. She couldn't.

"Hush, baby, please." He said again looking down at her. Just then she lifted her head up feeling his movement and their eyes locked. There was more than a connection. There was more than chemistry. There was something only they shared. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter. She felt safe. She felt better when he was with her. She took a deep breath in and soon she stopped crying.

"See? I knew you could stop, honey." He said softly. "Now, please, tell me, why were you crying?"

She looked up again and saw into his eyes that sparkle of care that was always there. But she was too afraid. She couldn't tell him that the real reason was her love for him. She couldn't tell him that she was crying herself to sleep almost every night because she was too afraid of loving him. He cared, he really did. But so did Chris once and now... she couldn't do this to herself again. Once bitten, twice shy. Fits perfectly, doesn't it?

"I... I, uh..." then she realized. "I can't!" she said quickly and pulled away and from a quick move she was now again into the bathroom on the cold tile with her back against the door crying softly. She just couldn't do it again. A part of her wanted to, but it was always the other part which was stronger. The fearful one.

Patrick stood there for a second with a puzzled look on his face that matched his confused thoughts. What did he say? What happened? He got up and went near the bathroom door, listening closely. He heard her light cries. The thing is... he didn't know what to say... He knew something was wrong, he could see it in her eyes. The fear. The fear of the unknown.

"Ellie..." he said softly, knocking on the door. "Please open the door..."

"Leave me alone." She barely managed to say between sobs. There was indeed pain in her voice. And this just broke his heart even more.

"Ellen, please, open the door. Please don't do this..." he was hurt too, because she was. They had this power... he could read her, he could feel her, even when she wasn't there.

"Don't do what?" she asked curiously as she stopped crying.

"Don't cut me out like this. I care for you and you know that, so please, don't do this and let me in. Let me help you. I know you're scared, I know what happened, I was there, and believe it or not, I hurt too. I know you're hurting and I'm hurting too. And I would never hurt you, I would never do anything to hurt you."

The sobs stopped. There was a moment of silence in the middle of the night. She stopped crying. He stopped talking. They both were listening. Listening to their own heartbeats, to their own souls poured out in front of each other. The door cracked. He opened the door to see her in front of the mirror wiping her tears. The tension between the two of them was so dense you could have cut it with a knife. He could feel she was feeling the same for him. He softly hugged her from behind and pecked a kiss on her neck. He knew that would drive her crazy. That was one of the many spots that drove her insane. He continued to hold her tightly. He wanted her to feel his love. He wanted her to feel safe. To know he will always be there for her, that she could tell him everything. She couldn't think anymore. She felt good, she felt loved. She knew that he would never hurt her. But then she remembered the cruel words her ex-husband once told her during an argument: "You don't deserve him. You're stupid if you think he really wants you. All he wants is you in his bed. You're stupid if you believe he actually loves you. He doesn't. He didn't. He never will. You're not good enough for him." And for a second she believed him. For a second she thought he was right. Why would he want her? She wasn't anything special. She was nothing.

She opened her eyes looking in the mirror at him. He was sweet and he seemed nice, his intentions seemed to be good. They all seem good and nice and caring in the beginning, can't you see, Ellen? Open your eyes. She was paranoid. Her mind was going crazy. She couldn't do it.

"Patrick..." she whispered turning around, not daring to look up to him. Her eyes were filling with tears while she placed her hands on his chest. "I'm sorry..." she finally mumbled leaving the bathroom.