Something akin to worry began to eat at him. It had been almost five human years since Ddraig had stopped talking to him, and Issei was getting antsy. He felt like he'd gotten pretty close to the time when he could finally learn all about the sex.

For sure, he had an idea. He had acquaintanced himself, over the years, with certain material that seemed to illuminate him on what the sex meant. But there were a lot of sources to draw from, most of which directly contradicted each other.

For example, he once came up to his human mother, showed him one of those human-made "comic books" and asked her if it was true that good mothers taught their sons all about the sex.

It took three days to heal off the beating, and he spent six months in so-called "psychiatric care". The only conclusion he got from it was that the comic was clearly wrong, as were all sources saying the same thing.

Then he asked his middle school teacher if she were willing to teach him the sex, as his other source stated. After laughing him off, the teacher called his mother and history repeated itself.

By process of elimination he managed to strike off the clearly false sources, narrowing it down to such claims as "first love", "monster-girl sex", "tentacle loving", "giantess erotica", "reverse netorare" and a few others. He'd wanted to talk to Ddraig about the second and third, but that had been the time the dragon fell asleep for the longest time.

High school came around. Rumors of his previous behavior had preceded him, so he was now known as something called a "pervert", something he didn't quite understand, as he was surely not doing anything human society would frown upon.

He had good sources now though. There were two self-proclaimed "Ero-kings" here in Kuoh Academy, who were wellsprings of information about the sex, as well as being innately curious about the sex, like him. Kindred spirits, as the human saying went, though quite unfortunately human.

His association led him to the human exercise of "research". Day by day he brought home material from the two, and either played them on the computer device or watched them on his TV. They once again proved the contradictory nature of the sex, and Issei was determined more than ever to learn something which his fellow angels had long ago known.

"Here you go sir, charms to aid you in your wishes!" One day, a big-breasted female handed him and other passing students pieces of paper. The writing on the paper caught his eye. It was a welcome mat signed by the language of Heaven, though the handwriting left a lot to be desired. He wasn't as good as that ass Metatron, but he thought himself good enough to spot amateur work.

He went back to the lady. "My pardons."

"Yes?" The female had the annoying lilting quality he'd seen plenty of times in porn videos. Matsuda called it the "slutty onee-sama" voice.

"You need to work more on your handwriting."

The woman blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Issei smiled. It was like talking to a human baby. "Your writing is dreadfully illegible. I can barely read the 'W' in 'welcome'. Though, I apologize," he said, spotting the confused look on the girl's face. "I certainly didn't mean to imply you wrote it. Just tell whichever angel wrote this to improve a bit. Perhaps go and see Metatron for some tips."

He walked off, feeling a bit refreshed. Then the thought occured to him. Was there an angel here in Kuoh too? Perhaps they could assist him! Did the human know it? He turned back, only to find the girl wasn't there.

Something about the experience started the creaking cogs in his mind. If he'd been just another winged observer, he'd have declared, in addition, that "the cogs of fate had started", but he was not given to the so-called middle-school disease, like most of his classmates.

Because just then, quite coincidentally, after he'd already spent something like four months here in high school, (and two, three days after meeting the slutty onee-sama) he met his first angel.

It should not have taken him that long to find her. But being one of the few angels closest to God does not mean he could have immediately spotted her from a mile away. Especially since his infinity/infinity vision had been reduced to the pathetic human 20/20.

Issei saw his chance. This was the first angel he'd seen in a good long while. So thinking, he went inside her classroom.

"Excuse me," he said, approaching the black-haired girl. "Are you an angel?"

He wasn't aware that he'd spoken loudly, nor did he hear the sudden shouts, catcalls, whoops and jeers that erupted around them.

"A confession of love...!"

"A brave kid...!"

"Hey, isn't that the pervert?"

"Get the teacher! The pervert's harassing Amano-san!"

The angel seemed quite perplexed. Her face had gone that peculiar red he associated with deep embarrassment (and fireballs he'd send raining down from heaven). "Excuse me?"

"You are excused, angel." He didn't remember this one's face, so it must have been a lower-ranked angel. He leaned closer, in what he thought would be a serious, authoritarian pose. "Now, tell me about the sex."

The next thing Issei knew, wolves and harpies howled around him, and he was being dragged out through the halls by the lesser angel. Privately, he wondered why the latter didn't just "wing it" back to heaven with him if privacy was needed.

They made it to a secluded area of the school. He could still hear the jeers from somewhere far. The angel was now frowning, looking him up and down in a way that would have offended him if he wasn't aware of their differences in rank.

"So. You know then, Hyoudou Issei."

"No, I don't," he said patiently. He was aware that certain of the lower angels, lesser in priority in the Making, was not as gifted in the brains department. So he went along. "I don't know about the sex—"

"It makes this a heck of a lot easier then," the angel said. She summoned the light spear of Heaven, then watched in amazement as she stuck it in his chest. His punctured heart immediately stopped beating, and his body collapsed from the sudden shock.

"...What?" was all he could muster before the angel flitted off—on legs still—leaving him in a disgusting pool of his own blood. He frowned, removed the spear and went to sit against the nearest wall.

He felt more than a bit annoyed, now. He'd been told by Ddraig that regeneration would be a bitch, even for an angel-powered flesh-body, and only now was he discovering why. It hurt, hurt, hurt.

Never, in all his years, immeasurable as they were in Creation, had he been injured. And never had Issei, even as an angel, felt this sort of pain. It distressed him greatly. His heart would be taking quite a long time to heal.

He thought to cleaning up the mess. It wouldn't do to leave this sort of mess around and have to be subject to yet another uncomfortable round of questioning from "doctors". He felt for his handkerchief, used it to wipe the blood. When that wasn't enough, he felt for his paper bills. Then he discovered the welcome mat drawing and used that to wipe too.

There was a boom from somewhere. He heard rushing footsteps. He felt the presence of several humans. He glanced up, saw the slutty onee-sama together with a girl with long hair the red of a volcano erupting gloriously at his command (or the blood he was desperately cleaning up)

The two stared at him in dead silence.

"...What." said the red-haired girl.

"You know, that's what I said just now."

The girl turned to the slutty onee-sama. "Is this the one you spoke to me about?" The latter blinked, giving him a second look.

"Oh yes, it looks like it." A long silence.

"Now that you've seen, could you two render me some assistance, please?"

They looked at him again. "What?"

He gestured to the blood. "Well, it's just that, I really need to get all this cleaned up. And since you're here I could seriously use the help."

The redhead opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. It looked like she was struggling to form words. Issei was worried that the sudden lack of eloquence would lead to a lack of wit. Screaming humans was not something he needed right now.

The girl cleared her throat. She pointed to him. "So... you... just want help with the mess?" she said slowly.

"Yes," he said just as slow.

"And... you don't need... help with... the admittedly large—and still-bleeding—hole in your... in your chest?"

"Oh, this? That's not a problem."

"It looks like your heart's messed up badly," observed the slutty onee-sama in a decidedly un-slutty onee-sama voice.

"Oh, it'll come back on its own," he said. The two looked at each other again. The redhead cleared her throat, for the second time.

"Well, you do look fine, so, um..." she paused. "But just to clarify, you're not feeling... I don't know... faint?"

He raised his brow. "No."

"Life flashing before your eyes?"

"Nope, just a mess of blood."

"So you're definitely not, y'know... dying?"

He shrugged. "It doesn't look like it."

The girl exhaled. "Okay," she said. "We can definitely help you with this, Mr..."

"Hyoudou Issei."

"Right. I'm Rias Gremory. We're part of the—" she blinked, as if she'd forgotten the words. "The um..."

"The problem-solving club," the non-slutty onee-sama offered.

"Right, thank you Akeno. We solve ordinary problems for students like you. Ordinarily, we'd need some sort of fee, but because of the circumstances..."

"I'll pay you," he said. "I've got an allowance." He pointed to the blood. "But only later."

She made some gestures with her fingers. "Yes, of course." She glanced, somewhat helplessly, at the one named Akeno. She mouthed something silent. "We—well we can talk about the um, the payment later."

"Good."

With some sort of magic, the girl got rid of the blood in two seconds.

"Impressive," he said politely, glancing at the sparkling clean floor. "You do good work. Quick work."

When the girl didn't respond, he looked at her. The two were still staring at his heart-wound. He only now realized it was making such a mess on his uniform.

"Are you absolutely sure...?"

He glanced down. "Yep. Don't worry about it."

"Are you a zombie?" Akeno asked.

"I don't think so," said Issei. "What's a zombie?"

"Akeno, never mind. Let's just get him to the clubroom before someone sees."

"Where are we going?"

"The clubroom. Our clubroom. Of the good worker's club."

Akeno cleared her throat. "Problem-solving."

"Right you are."

Issei thought it prudent, and also appropriate. One didn't discuss the bill outside a room. It would have been "awkward". "Very well, I am at your service, Rias-san. Lead the way," he said.

A thought occured to him, remembering Akeno's welcome mat.

"Do you know some angels?" he addressed the decidedly non-slutty onee-sama. "Because I want to ask about the sex."

AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, proofread and edited by Honore (Merlin)

Thanks for reading.