I am trash. I am completely aware of that. Forgive me for my sins.
I do not by any means own Free! or any of these characters.
"Sorry! Um! I, uh…" The stranger dropped into a crouch and shot out a hand to pick up Haru's clattering plate, awkwardly shoving the spilled mackerel onto the plate's edge before standing up again.
Frozen, Haru stared down at him, disregarding all of the possible reactions bubbling up inside of him and instead, waited for something to snap him back into reality. He would have thought that the sight of his wasted fish on the dirty floor would have pushed him to action, but maybe the carnage was too much to take, as he simply stood numb and unresponsive, even as the other man shoved the plate into his open hands with another blurted apology. Haru gripped the plate loosely as the disaster tally in his head rose once again.
Disaster number 9: Dropping my food when someone asked me to lunch.
Disaster number 10: Wasting mackerel.
"Yeah…" the stranger said, a bit uneasily, as he rubbed the back of his neck and backed away. "I didn't mean to startle you. I guess that was a bit forward. So-" He cut himself off with a sharp inhale, and the tanned skin of his face was starting to tinge pink. "Have a nice day, Haruka." Avoiding Haru's blank stare, the man swiftly turned and swept out of the cafeteria.
Was he not going to get any food?
Haru had to refrain from kicking himself as he watched the broad, suited back retreat into the main commons, and out of sight for the second time that day. He was dunked back into the present as if it were a bucket of ice water, except the present wasn't nearly as soothing. It left him startled, disoriented, and utterly, horribly, embarrassed. There was also a sinking feeling of regret settling in his stomach that he couldn't shake for the life of him. If only he hadn't been a massive fucking idiot and said "yes", he might have had an actually enjoyable lunch, and avoided disaster number eleven-dropping his food when someone asked him to lunch, and then making them think he wasn't interested because he was too surprised to respond.
So there Haru was, getting eyed suspiciously by the cafeteria workers as he stood, jaw slack and soiled fish in hand, standing in the center of the tiled floor, alone once again. He sighed and walked to a trashcan where he deposited the fish and tossed the plate on a conveyor belt to be cleaned. He didn't bother going back to get more food, as he had lost his appetite, and opted to leave the cafeteria altogether.
Of course, though, Haru made sure to leave through the opposite door as his could-have-been lunch date.
"The bubblegum bitch?"
Haru had managed to fall into the clutches of yet another annoying figure in his English class. As if it were even possible, Kisumi had proved even more skilled at pestering Haru during lectures than Nagisa. It was his final class of the day, but Haru wasn't sure he would make it through as long as lilac eyes peered down at him expectantly through fluffy pink locks.
Kisumi nodded, and absentmindedly (or maybe not so absentmindedly) twirled a strand of hair around his pinky. "Mmhmm. I really can't believe they've been calling me that all this time." He leaned in closer to Haru until his breath tickled Haru's ear. "Now who do you think came up with that name?" Haru cringed.
"It wasn't me," Haru hissed, training his eyes down on his paper. His hostile tone proved ineffective, however, as Kisumi quickly retaliated, snaking a hand across Haru's shoulders to drape it over his neck.
"Of course I know that," Kisumi chuckled. "But it had to be one of your friends. I mean, usually I would jump straight to Nagisa, but he doesn't seem to particularly dislike me. Rin, on the other hand…"
Haru shook Kisumi's limp arm off of his back before leaning on his notebook and pressing his fingers to his temples. The disaster count was climbing dangerously high, and Haru knew that if Kisumi continued to talk, it would ring up four or five more points at least. Every single one of Kisumi's words was getting under Haru's skin, and he hated it. Normally, Haru was good at tuning him out, but Kisumi's recent discovery of his unwelcome nickname made that nearly impossible.
"...and Rei doesn't even know me that well…"
"It was Sousuke," Haru blurted, finally silencing the grating noise of Kisumi's voice against his eardrum. Kisumi's eyes grew wide, like big, shiny, lavender soap bubbles. Haru wanted to pop them.
"Sousuke-kun?" Kisumi rested his chin in the divett between his thumb and index finger. He gave a contemplative hum. "Well I know he definitely isn't my biggest fan, so I guess it makes sense. He doesn't have to give me such a mean nickname though…"
Haru gritted his teeth as he doodled on the corner of his paper. Personally, he hated English-half because it was boring and he never intended to use it, but also half because of his peach-haired classmate. Of course it hadn't been Sousuke who gave Kisumi the name. The world may very well have come to an end if the word "bubblegum" even left Sousuke's mouth. Rin, on the other hand, had a bit of a more lenient vocabulary, and the nickname had been of his creation.
But it wasn't Rin who Haru wanted to lay a pastel siege to. Sousuke was the one who had ruined his night.
Just as Haru had planned, Kisumi's eyes narrowed as the wheels began to visibly turn in his head. As far as Haru knew, Kisumi was a fairly simple person, motivated by smiles and hugs, and subsequently, by petty things like revenge. If Haru had been in Kisumi's place, he wouldn't have thought twice about what others called him behind his back, but Kisumi was Kisumi, and he was upset. Haru was banking on the spiteful side to get back at Sousuke for the shit he had pulled the night before.
Unfortunately for Sousuke, most of Haru's blame for his numerous misfortunes that day was about to fall right on his plate in a pretty pink package.
"I just don't know why people don't like me," Kisumi fretted, throwing his curls back in the agony that was social ostracism. "All I do is be nice to everybody." He batted his eyelashes at Haru, who grimaced. "At least I have you, Haru-chan."
As the honey of Kisumi's words dripped onto his ears, Haru tried his best not to vomit. He bit his tongue to stunt the brutally honest retort welling up in his throat and sighed.
At least his wouldn't be the only disaster count rising that day.
Before Haru knew it, Nagisa was waking him from his afternoon nap to head to dinner. Haru had been so exhausted by the day's events, that it was all he could do to collapse in his room after class. The ringing in his head was a foul reminder of all that had gone wrong, and the only way to silence it was with sleep. Sousuke was out somewhere, so Haru could doze off peacefully knowing he wouldn't be… disturbed… again.
Well, that was until the bouncing blond showed up.
"Haru-chaaaaan," Nagisa whined, shaking Haru's shoulders and rocking his mattress. "I'm hungry."
Haru cracked open his eyes enough to glare at his fair-haired friend beneath hooded lids. He wasn't sure what time it was, but judging from the light still pouring in through his blinds, dinner could wait.
"Let me sleep," Haru hissed, pulling the covers up over his head. Nagisa shot out a hand to stop him, and succeeded in tugging them back, as Haru was too lazy to resist him.
"Sorry, Haru-chan, but I just can't let you." Nagisa huffed and crossed his arms, sticking his nose up in the air. "I promised Kisu-chan we would meet him at dinner."
What?
At the new information, Haru's skin prickled and he quickly shook off the cloak of sleep. Brow furrowing, he propped himself up on his elbow and ran his fingers through his messy hair. "Since when do we eat with Kisumi?" With the exception of times that Kisumi had forced his company upon them, they had always spent mealtimes apart. Kisumi generally ate with his friends from the basketball team, and saved joining the Iwatobi group for when everyone else had left, or he was in a particularly good mood for ruining Haru's day.
Maybe it's Sousuke this time, Haru mused. This probably has to do with the nickname...
"Since he invited us," Nagisa explained. He held out a finger and wagged it from side to side. "Now it would be very rude of us to refuse him, wouldn't it?"
"Who cares if it's rude?" Haru muttered. And who cares if we're all there if Kisumi thinks Sousuke's at fault? The ruffled, blue sheets around his legs were a painful reminder of what he would be missing if he agreed to go, and the voice of Kisumi echoing in his head from his lecture reminded him of what he was trading them up for.
"Me!" The bed rocked as Nagisa threw the whole of his bodyweight onto the mattress to pin Haru down. He shoved his unblinking, fuchsia eyes into Haru's face, making Haru reel in discomfort, and lowered his voice to a whisper. "I'll buy you that new swimsuit you wanted if you come," he coaxed.
Images of black and purple fabric, and the feel of sculpted spandex flashed through Haru's mind, but Haru dissolved the thoughts almost immediately. Of course Nagisa would revert to bribery, he cursed himself. It wasn't that he fell prey to such cheap ploys as bribes so much as the fact that he probably would have been coerced into going to dinner anyways, but Haru gave a reluctant sigh of defeat and pushed Nagisa off of his chest.
"Fine," he agreed as the blond backed away, grinning from ear to ear. "I'll come if you get me the swimsuit." Nagisa gave an eager nod.
"I knew I could count on you, Haru-chan! Let's go!"
Swinging his legs over the side of his bed, Haru stood up and slid on his shoes. With a final glance back at his all-too-welcoming bed, he grabbed his keys, and followed Nagisa out the door.
…
It appeared that Nagisa had been successful in rounding up the rest of their group for dinner as well, and Haru had to wonder what he had used to bribe them into coming. Rei, obviously, came because their new relationship tied him down, but Rin and Sousuke? At that point, getting them into the same room together was something of miracles, let alone in the same room as Kisumi. Judging from the permanent scowls on both of their faces, and their deafening silence, the two had moved on from heated bickering to giving up on conversation altogether. It was odd for Haru to chew over his fish without Rin's usual banter, but what was even stranger was the fact that Kisumi was nowhere to be found.
Is this part of the plan? Haru wondered with a furtive glance to Sousuke. His steel-eyed roommate appeared stoic as always as he ate his food, so Haru guessed Kisumi hadn't gotten to him yet.
And since when do I even care about what Kisumi's doing anyways?
That had to be the strangest part. Haru had never been one for giving others' activities much weight, and he definitely didn't see himself as a meddler. In fact, most of the time, he remained completely oblivious as to what was going on in his friends' lives, even if they told him. He had a habit of tuning out conversation, but for some reason, that day, his shield of solitude wasn't working, and he suddenly cared so much. He wanted to know where Kisumi was, he wanted to know what Sousuke was thinking, and he wanted to know when he was going to get his revenge for the kissing and the bird shit and every single other fucking trainwreck that had occurred over the course of the past fourteen hours.
Haru was pissed off, and he wanted everyone else to suffer too.
Shoveling another piece of fish into his mouth and ignoring the disgusting display of Nagisa peppering Rei's cheeks with kisses, Haru concentrated very very hard on picking out one nice thing about his day. He counted down his list of notable events in chronological order: kissing, sleeping outside, burning bagel, Nagisa…
Burning bagel. Haru paused in his chewing to suspend his chunk of fish on the tip of his tongue. Burning bagel, he repeated in his head. But there was no burning bagel. It didn't burn. The disaster had been thwarted in its consummation, all thanks to-
"Hi, guys! Sorry I'm late, I just had to pick up Makoto here."
Haru darted his eyes away from his plate for a moment to register that Kisumi had indeed joined them at the table, and that he was accompanied by a newcomer. Not caring much who it was, Haru gave a small grunt of acknowledgment before focusing back on his food.
"Ohh, Mako-chan!" Nagisa exclaimed, jumping up from his seat in order to (Haru imagined) crush his new friend in a hug. That was Nagisa-loads of enthusiasm to make up for his lack of shame. "I thought you were going to be a girl!"
"Ah, no, I'm not," came the light, airy reply, twinged with a bit of embarrassment.
Haru choked on his rice.
"Haru-chan!" Nagisa yelped, and he flitted from the newcomer's side to Haru's. Meanwhile, Haru was busy trying to chug down water in the hopes of clearing the obstruction in his throat, but his efforts were rendered ineffective, however, as Rei repeatedly slapped him across the back, sending the water spilling back into his cup. The rice, though, didn't budge, until Haru shoved Rei off of him and took a large gulp, forcing the lodged food down his esophagus. A few seconds of sputtering later, Haru took a deep breath of air and blessed his swimmer's lungs.
It was then that he realized the entire table had gone silent, and everyone was staring at him.
Disaster number 21.
"Are you okay-"
"I'm fine," Haru snapped, silencing the bubbling voice that had made him choke in the first place. He could feel the tips of his ears burning, and he wanted to disappear.
Why is he here? What's he doing with Kisumi? Why does he have to be so nice?
The silence thickened, and the wide, concerned eyes of his friends weren't looking away, save for Rin's which were trained down on his plate as he stifled his laughter. As much as he hated it, Haru couldn't blame Rin, because if their roles had been reversed, he could imagine that watching his rival slip up so badly would have been incredibly satisfying.
But just when Haru thought it would never end, the unbearable tension snapped with a loud, "pop".
"Sousuke-kunnnn."
"What the-"
As quickly as the eyes had fixated on Haru, they fixated on a new scene-one more intriguing and… disturbing… in nature. There he was-the bubblegum bitch-living up to his name in more ways than one.
Somehow, and Haru couldn't imagine how he did it, as even Nagisa had a difficult time making it past Sousuke, Kisumi had managed to loop his arms around Sousuke's neck so his mouth was poised right next to Sousuke's ear, blowing out the formings of a big, pink bubble between his lips. Sousuke's face was twitching, probably from trying to compose himself enough to not punch Kisumi square in the face, and he gritted his teeth as venomous words slipped out.
"What the hell are you-"
"Shhhhhhhhhh," Kisumi hushed, chewing on the remains of a freshly popped bubble. He drew his index finger to Sousuke's lips, and Haru wondered if he was trying to get bitten.
This is it, Haru thought, spirits lifting after his fumble. It's Sousuke's turn to be molested by somebody he hates.
Rin, who, up until then, had been watching in abject horror, regained some sense and grabbed Kisumi's shoulders in an attempt to pry him off Sousuke.
"Get the fuck off of him!" he demanded. Kisumi simply coiled his arms tighter around Sousuke's body and tilted his head back to blow another bubble right in Rin's face. Rin gaped, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "And would you mind keeping that shit in your mouth?"
The bubble popped and Kisumi flashed a devious smile.
"I'm sorry, Rin, but didn't you hear?" He turned back to Sousuke and leaned even closer than before, lowering his voice to a sensual whisper. "I'm the bubblegum bitch now."
Understanding dawned over Rin's face before shifting to confusion, and Sousuke's knuckles were turning white from gripping his silverware so tightly. Haru's eyes lingered on the hand holding the knife, and how Sousuke seemed to be at war with himself, fighting between using the cutlery to impale Kisumi, or to impale himself.
"Sousuke-kun," Kisumi cooed, "you really shouldn't give people nicknames and not expect them to live up to them." Lifting one of his arms from around Sousuke's neck, Kisumi twirled a finger through Sousuke's short, dark hair and sighed. "I really wanted to believe you were a nice person, but I guess you aren't." He lazily dropped his hand to his side, and straightened up, relieving Sousuke at last. Haru frowned, a bit disappointed that the torture hadn't lasted longer, but judging from the pained expression on Sousuke's face, it had lasted long enough.
Victory number one, Haru noted to himself.
Approaching Rin, who was still staring quizzically at the space that Kisumi had previously occupied, the peach-haired boy extended a hand and placed it on Rin's shoulder.
"And thank you, Rin," he said, smiling sweetly, "for proving me wrong. I always thought you were the mean one." In one, swift motion, Kisumi swooped in and planted a kiss on Rin's cheek, and every member of the dinner party took in a collective gasp. Haru couldn't help but feel satisfied as he tucked a second, unexpected victory under his belt. Kisumi smirked.
"See you guys later!" he piped with a cheery wave, voice dripping with smugness. He started heading for the cafeteria exit, but seemed to remember something and spun back around. "Oh, and Nagisa, you're still good for showing Makoto around campus tonight?"
Nagisa, who had been watching the procession of the dinner's events like a theater-goer minus the popcorn, gave a thumbs up and nodded. "You bet! Mako-chan and I are going to have so much fun!"
The tall, brown-haired boy laughed nervously, probably still taken aback by the casual use of honorifics and the situation in general.
"Great!" Kisumi replied. "Then goodbye for now!" With another wave, he sashayed out of the room, leaving the carnage in his wake.
"Well," Nagisa said once Kisumi was out of earshot, "I wasn't expecting Kisu-chan to do that when he invited me to pick up Mako-chan for dinner."
Rin, who's face by then was as red as his hair, slid back into his seat at Sousuke's side. Latching onto the collar of Sousuke's shirt, Rin violently tugged him forwards and bared his teeth.
"Now why the fuck would you tell Kisumi his nickname?"
With steady hands, Sousuke wrapped his fingers around Rin's wrists and easily pried him off. Unlike dealing with Kisumi, fighting with Rin came as no shock to him, and he could handle himself accordingly.
"You know, Rin," he growled, "it might be a good idea to use that nonexistent brain of yours to think before you speak."
"Oh really?" Rin challenged. "And what about using yours to think before you make out with random guys under the covers?"
Sousuke's eyes widened. "Are we seriously back to this?"
"Yes!" At that point, Rin's speaking was bordering on yelling, and when Rei started to raise a hand to tell him to quiet down, Nagisa stopped him, not wanting any interference. "And don't think I didn't notice you barely budged when Pretty Boy had his mitts all over you."
That jab certainly hit home with Sousuke, and he rose from his seat to loom over Rin. "So you'd rather I'd ripped his arms off and gotten us all kicked out of dinner?"
"That's what you were worried about? Getting kicked out of the fucking cafeteria?" Rin asked as he shot up to meet him. The two stared at each other, locked in a torrent of fire and ice, neither wanting to be the first to budge. When Sousuke didn't retort, Nagisa started laughing.
"Relax, relax, Rin-chan, Sou-chan. We have a guest!"
All but forgotten, the boy, Makoto, gave a sheepish grin and looked around the table of strangers, clearly overwhelmed by the evening's drama. When he got to Haru's familiar face, he brightened a bit, but Haru averted his gaze. He couldn't handle the sinking, fluttering sensation those eyes wrought on his stomach while he was busy eating, especially not after the choking fiasco earlier.
"So, Mako-chan," Nagisa continued, despite Rin's and Sousuke's refusal to acknowledge his request. "You're a transfer student from Tokyo? That's so cool."
Makoto laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, no, I'm actually just here for a semester. I'm studying veterinary medicine, and the professor I'm working with moved to Iwatobi with a research grant, so I came too."
Haru poked at the remains of his mackerel, which had long since grown cold, and pondered Makoto's story. So that's why I've never seen him before… And veterinary medicine. That was… sweet. Haru smiled in spite of himself, and almost smacked himself in the face when he realized his internal thoughts had manifested on his features.
"Ooh! You want to be a vet?" Nagisa piped. "I want to be a zookeeper and run the rockhopper penguin exhibit!"
"Of all the animals…" Rei muttered to himself, shaking his head in what appeared to be very real agony. "They are not beautiful…"
"You should be a penguin vet!" Nagisa suggested to Makoto, clapping his hands. "Oh! And Haru's studying marine biology, so maybe we could all work at an aquarium together!"
At the mention of his name and major, Haru's skin prickled. He shot Nagisa an irritated glare, begging him to stop. Seeming to sense Haru's irritation-and Haru had no idea how, as he had been very careful with using his hair as a shield to hide his true expression beneath-Makoto chuckled and shook his head.
"I'm actually more interested in treating cats, but penguins are nice too. That sounds like a really fun job. And Haruka, right? You're studying marine biology? That must be interesting."
Haru looked up through his curtain of black to meet expectant eyes. Maybe his senses are off after all, he thought, as otherwise, Makoto would have known not to talk to him directly. But… something about those eyes… They made the conversation flow easily.
"Yeah I-"
"Haruka?" Nagisa gasped, slapping his hands down on the table and shoving his face into Makoto's. "Do you know Haru-chan already?"
"Well, um," Makoto swallowed, leaning backwards to get some space. "Actually, we ran into each other a couple times earlier today, but we weren't officially introduced, really. Kisumi gave me Haruka's name after I ran into him the first time." Turning to Haru, he gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry about that, by the way. It must have been strange for you-my knowing your name and all. But we're having a meal together now, huh?"
"Call me Haru," was all Haru could muster under that ice-melting gaze. Makoto laughed.
"So what have you been doing hanging out with Kisu-chan all day?" Nagisa asked.
"Oh, well, today's my first day here, and Kisumi offered to show me around," Makoto explained. "But I guess he kind of dropped me on you guys, now. Sorry about that…"
"Don't be sorry!" Nagisa exclaimed. "Rei-chan knows all the best places to study, and Rin can show you the pool, and I know where all the coolest hangouts are and Haru, uh…"
"I spend as much time at the pool as Rin does," Haru snapped, suddenly defensive about Nagisa making him out to be useless. "And Rin left with Sousuke, anyways."
"Eh?"
"Yes," Rei concurred, adjusting his red-framed glasses. "While you were busy talking about penguins, I told them that if they wanted to argue, they needed to do it outside. I don't think we'll be expecting them back anytime soon."
"Oh well," Nagisa sighed, woefully eyeing the floor before brightening back up to his usual demeanor. "Anyways, Mako-chan, if you want to get the full campus experience, we'd better get going! We have a lot to fit in before nine!"
"What's at nine?" Haru had the mind to ask. From the mischievous glint in those magenta eyes, Haru knew Nagisa couldn't be up to anything good. Before he even opened his mouth, Haru had a feeling he knew exactly what he was going to say.
And there it is-a minefield of everything that could possibly end badly.
With a wink and a flip of his honeyed locks, Nagisa stood up from the table.
"A party, of course!"
A/N:
Hello, I am sexythroatbitchohyescats, and I am the most unoriginal college AU writer in the world, I know, I'm aware (wow, I'm aware of a lot of things today, aren't I?).
BUT WHO CAN RESIST A PARTY? DRUNK NAGISA? DRUNK REI? SOURIN DRAMA? MAKOHARU RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT?
No, me neither.
So yes, I wasn't really even sure if I would pick this fic back up again, as inspiration struck me in so many other ways it's crazy the amount of Makoharu I'm writing right now like it's coming out of my ears. But I did, and now I have inspiration for this and honestly, writing what's practically college AU crack is the most therapeutic thing when the rest of your fics are draining you emotionally and killing you slowly. (heh, spoilers).
I also apologize because I've barely gotten Makoto and Haru alone for two minutes in two chapters, but IT IS COMING. I promise, they're my OTP, and the things I have planned for this story... -squeals- SOON, my friends.
*Also, of the works that are currently taxing me physically and emotionally, The Flames of Heaven (collab with other trash Free! writer MufasasPride) already has 7 chapters up, so you should check it outttttttttttttttttttt. And if you're looking for more utter crack like this, MufasasPride has some LOVELY SouRin and Makoharu fics like this up (wow this is so promotional like if you're reading this I seriously commend you for not throwing holy water at your screen) and they're worth your time. Heh... -runs away and hides in a bush to repent for soiling this earth with my mere existence- byeeeeeee.