The catalogue of damages read thus: one mountain range bisected, three new river-paths formed, two secret nuclear silos unearthed to catastrophic results, and twenty-seven cities ravaged.

The sword now skimmed through the desert, kicking up sandstorms left and right. The angel's hands felt numb from clutching the vibrating hilt of the wayward sword for nigh on two minutes.

It was only then that Issei thought to try gripping the sword with both hands. Grunting like a beat-up engine, the sword jerked and bucked like a rampaging bull; but Issei now felt the blade become a bit more manageable.

"A bit more" in that he could steer it away from a city—and straight into the military airfield right next to it.

"I think I figured out the problem," said the dragon.

"Eh?" was all the angel could say as blasts of wind wiped the soot and rocket fuel from his armor.

"Perhaps there's a bit of a compatibility problem with the Scale Mail armor. Does your sword have a security program installed?"

"I can make it so it's flaming or not."

"Is it only your sword? Or do the other angels get to use it?"

"This sword is mine. It has never served another."

"So we'll work on the assumption that it has a system discouraging other entities from using it. And right now, technically, you aren't an angel."

"But this is my sword," the angel said in protest. "I—" the rest of what he said was drowned out when he plowed straight into a sandstorm.

"I'm going to adjust something here. But you have to let go of the sword, angel. It's the only way."

"I am not letting go of the sword."

"You say that, and we spend the rest of the week destroying the entire world."

"I do not care for the humans."

"Then how will you learn the Sex?"

The sword was just about to hit the Aral Sea when the angel snarled, putting his back against the hilt and tilting the sword to point upward just enough before he let go.

Freed, the sword whirled like a destructive baton through the skies, heedless of migrating birds and airliners.

"Okay, go, go! Get it!"

"Huh?"

"Get after it! If you haven't noticed, I modified the Scale Mail so your hand's exposed. The Issei body's almost healed anyway, so it doesn't really need the armor anymore."

Issei looked at his right hand, which was indeed not wearing the red gauntlet.

"Perhaps the sword will respond better. By the way, if this doesn't work, can I rule Europe? It's always been a fantasy of mine... Well, stop gawking, angel! Go! Go!" The angel took off without delay, chasing after the sword's steadily dwindling shape in the sky.

The sword was heading back east. It had already nicked a few wings along the way. It then began to descend, its momentum only now seemingly spent.

()()()

"Hey devil! Is playtime over?" said the exorcist, sneering.

"Tch." Rias took a step forward and glanced down at the damage. Yuuto looked pained, but his eyes still roared a silent fury.

"I apologize for that, Rias-sama," Yuuto mumbled. His wings had emerged in full force.

Green light suffused the area again. What had once been a heavily injured exorcist was now literally bouncing off the walls with eagerness. Off to the side, the other Fallen rose up again. Rias' plan to isolate and eliminate Raynare had failed.

"Now that yer Knight's down for the count, can I go ravish the rest of you bitches?"

"Be silent, scum," said Yuuto, rising from his knees to attack.

()()()

Even with the exposed hand, the most Issei could do was stop it from spinning. The sword still continued its descending arc, dragging Issei down with it.

He heard the dragon sigh. "Well, that was a good try. Looks like I'll be looking forward to roosting in the white one's estates for a while..."

Issei gritted his teeth. Bits of the Scale Mail armor were now flying off like dried scabs. "Stop—it—!" His wings blazed to full, and from afar he was a comet about to strike the earth. With super-angelic effort, he jerked his sword upward.

There. It was done. He'd regained control. He almost chuckled from relief. The sword was now just a sword.

And then he crashed through a roof.

()()()

They could feel his coming, like a giant lumbering over their doorstep. They just didn't know it was a giant until it crashed through the church roof, instantly filling the whole area with a brilliance as blinding as the sun.

Those with wings weathered the sudden explosion of wood and stone. Those without—the only one without—was knocked into a Smurf Saint.

Raynare and the rest of the Fallen had to stop and clutch at their throats, to stop the song about to burst from within them. They had fought the Loyal before; they had endured the assaults of the Pure.

But they had not seen the Light of the Heavens in a long time, and the radiance in those wings that spread upward in a great arc was burning their wings white, pulling up instincts long buried.

And thus they writhed, in torment, as if holding back a massive, divine orgasm.

()()()

"You pulled too hard."

"Hm?" Issei was busy glaring at the blade, as if daring it to move.

"You let the angel side loose. You've gone complete Ascendant. Which, in a way, is my fault, for letting the Scale Mail break down, but we're going to have to work at reconfiguring the Issei body."

"So I am an angel now? Is that why I feel my legs aren't touching the ground?"

"We're going to have to fix that, or you'll never get the Sex. I'll get started on the re-design."

"I want the wings to be a standard." Movement caught his eye, and he raised the sword, determined to incinerate a bird just for their inherent insolence.

But then he saw no bird there, just the angel. There were others, but his gaze focused on the angel who'd stabbed and punched him. He frowned; now recalling he was displeased with this particular angel. He put his sword away and drew the Scroll.

"Where did that come from?"

()()()

Raynare watched with growing apprehension as the blazing apparition began unrolling a Scroll. Fully opened, it was as wide as its body.

Then the apparition looked at her. Her wings tensed, anticipating a quick escape.

"Angel," said the apparition, speaking with an authority that shook the earth, like a rock legend belting out. "Nothing excuses your conduct towards us. You have been quite unhelpful. Your privileges are henceforth revoked. You are to return to Heaven, to resume your singing duties, and shall not be allowed to return hither for... five years. So shall it be, in the name of the Lord." The apparition made a stamping sound on the scroll.

To her dismay, she found her body already reacting to the Command. Her wings twitched; her body emitting streams of light. She looked wildly at her comrades, who shied away from her, afraid of being caught in her sentence. Uttering a final, pained shriek, she felt her body dragged away, away to Heaven. A glowing object dropped down to the floor where she had been.

There was silence. The apparition looked at the other Fallen. "You guys should probably go with her. Don't worry. You're not punished. But we've got it covered down here." The apparition made a second stamp upon the scroll. "So shall it be."

The other angels looked at each other before they too disappeared.

()()()

Issei gawked at his Scroll. He didn't want it to be true, but it was.

His handwriting had gotten horrible.

"What the fuck just happened?" someone said, though he paid the speaker no mind.

()()()

Rias watched the proceedings in a dazed stupor. All the adrenaline from fighting the battle had gone, snuffed out like candlelight in the wind.

Her Peerage had gathered around her in a protective formation. They were ready to escape quickly, if Rias willed it. And she would have, had she not seen the person who emerged from the rubble.

"That's Issei, isn't it?" she murmured.

"He's really an angel," said Akeno. Under the wonder, Rias could detect a hint of wariness in her Queen.

"We must leave, Rias-sama," Yuuto urged. His expression was still quite tense.

"I agree with Yuuto," Koneko whispered. "Remember that this is an angel, Rias-sama."

Rias pursed her lips. True, it was an angel. But there was one thing the others seemed to have missed. If this was truly an angel, then why hadn't they collapsed from the sheer holiness of its presence?

Then the exorcist spoke.

()()()

Even by the third jeer, Issei still didn't look up from the Scroll. Ddraig had to call his attention, feeling a bit sorry for the human being neglected.

"Eh? What do you want?" asked Issei, glancing up distractedly. The human was screaming himself hoarse in a fast-paced, gibberish speech that grated in his ears.

"—So I think I'll just amuse myself with cutting you right now, Lord fucking knows I deserve it after all the crap I get from His majesty's finest fucking traitors—"

"The human will be silent," he snapped, then went back to the Scroll.

And thus, the human had no mouth.

For a long moment, it felt at its face for the mouth that should have been there but now wasn't.

Enraged, the human threw a rock. It bumped against his head.

Issei looked down the top of the scroll at the human. He set down the Scroll. He grabbed the sword and pointed.

"You are to go to the Fortress of Solitude, human."

And thus, the human disappeared.

"The Fortress of what?" asked Ddraig.

"Solitude. I read it in a comicbook once. It is appropriately named; he shall learn the value of keeping silent in the presence of his betters."

"Isn't that Superman's home?"

"I think."

"You sent the poor guy to the North Pole? Or wait, was it the South...?"

"I sent him to the Fortress of Solitude," Issei repeated emphatically, once again finding dragons exceedingly slow of wit.

"... Poor guy."

()()()

"Is it some sort of advanced teleportation?" Rias wondered, watching the angel talk to himself. "Or..."

"Maybe he banished him into nonexistence," Koneko said.

"Rias-sama, we have got to go," Akeno said, tugging on her arm.

"Very well," said Rias, reluctant. She'd just witnessed Fallen angels and a human exorcist banished without protest. It was still difficult to wrap her mind around it.

And there was still the issue of the supposedly holy presence.

Rias sighed. She took one last look, and then caught Issei's eye. The angel's eyes lit up in recognition.

()()()

"Hello again, Rias-san," he said. It took a moment to register the wings behind her back, which were also behind everyone else. He could not help but raise an eyebrow.

He addressed Rias, who'd frozen up. "So you were angels all along? I'm sorry I didn't catch on."

"Er... no... we aren't... I mean—that's alright-"

He looked around, seeing his surroundings for the first time. "Hey, isn't this that church? Talk about a coincidence." He then caught sight of Asia's body lying prone on the altar.

"Asia-san!" he said. He rotated his body, preening. "In case you still don't believe, this is what an angel should be. Well, I got no halo at the moment, but this is what I look like. Pure white!" Asia didn't respond. "Asia-san?"

"Angel..."

"Issei-san," Rias said behind him.

Feeling a tad peeved, he gestured. "Wake up, Asia-san. This is the only time you'll see me like this!"

And thus, Asia Argento sat up.

()()()

That was strange. It had been so cold and comfortable—over there. Death, and the dead. She'd died. She'd known that much.

Now, she was still cold, but sensation had returned to her. Her back was utterly sore. She was—not alive, but not dead either. And then she saw the angel.

She crossed herself slowly. "God have mercy," she murmured. "Unto you I commend my spirit." She lay back down, feeling herself return to the other side.

"Get up." The command repeated, Asia sat back up. She blinked. "Issei?"

"All white, Asia," he said smugly. "I was right."

"I guess you were," she mumbled. "Excuse me, though. I feel rather..." She could feel Death grip her again.

()()()

"What is wrong with her?" the angel wondered, as the nun collapsed for the second time. The angel made her feel like she was watching a child playing with a puppet and its strings.

"Leave her alone, Issei-san," Rias ventured. "Or leave her to me."

"Leave?" He whirled, turning to her. "What are you talking about?"

"She's dead," Rias said bluntly. There. Drawing back, the angel seemed to finally understand. She couldn't quite see his expression, but she guessed he was still processing.

"Dead? Damnation! Why do humans have a habit for dying inconveniently?" the angel wondered out loud.

She sighed. With the Sacred Gear in her hands, it was wise to give it to someone able to use it. And the nun was no doubt the only one capable in here, so she had to use an evil Piece. So thinking, she stepped forward to propose reincarnating the nun.

And then the angel said, spreading his scroll. "Rise, Asia-san. You are now a provisional angel. So let it be."

()()()

Upon stamping on the scroll, Asia's body exploded into light. From within, a shrouded figure stood, clad in blinding white robes and bearing wings and a halo.

"That was very sweet of you, Issei-san," said Asia, her voice echoing in the church. "But you know you didn't need to do that."

Issei shrugged. "All part of the job. Mind, it's only because I'm here personally. In any case, do you believe now? White," he repeated, pointing to himself.

"Yes, I believe," said Asia, beaming.

"That was amazing, angel. You can raise the dead?" said Ddraig.

"No," Issei said patiently. "I just promoted her to part-time angel. I may be the angel of death, but even I cannot undo death, at least not without proper clearance."

Behind him, Rias spoke. "What... what did you just do?"

"I dislike having to explain myself again and again, angel," Issei told her. "But to humor you, I promoted the human Asia to a provisional angel. She'll need to stay down here for a while before she can properly Ascend to join one of the Choirs. But Asia," he turned, addressing the newly made angel. "You can get up to Heaven if you wish. Actually, you kind of need to be there for proper registration of your status."

"Does that mean I'll become one of the Lord's angels?" asked Asia.

"Yep. Singing all eternity long and all that... Well, it's not all that bad, they're all such wonderful songs."

"I'm honored, sir. But, how will I get up there? Are you going to help me?" Asia asked.

()()()

Rias felt her shoulders sag from all that happened. What she needed was a warm bath, a spot of tea and a rousing marathon of anime.

"I will be rather busy, Asia-san. Need to clean up a big mess. But..."

She saw the angel's face light up in a smile. And the smile was turned to her. Her insides turned to ice, though she didn't know why.

"As an emergency measure, Rias-san, since you all are right here, I'll have you temporarily promoted to dominions. If I'm reading you right, you're all principalities of sorts, and since you need to move about quickly you'll need proper clearance..."

"Issei wait," said Rias, raising her arms. She could sense Akeno prepping an exit spell behind her. "I'm not an angel. I'm a devil. Look, I'm sorry we lied about the devil thing, but there's just no way you can promote—"

"It's fine, Rias-san. It's only temporary. It's just to guide Asia-san here. I wouldn't want to get into trouble with the Hierarchy Managers over a bunch of promotions."

"Bunch?" Koneko echoed.

"Yes, Koneko-san." The angel stamped on his scroll. "From here on, you angels are now dominions. So shall it be."

"But we're not angels, we're devils-!" she croaked. Feeling an unnatural power wrap itself around her, she turned her head just enough to watch, with growing horror, as her devil wings progressively shrunk until they just became just the size of her back.

Then they sprouted feathers.

She looked at her Peerage, who were also looking at their own transfigured wings in utter disbelief.

"...shall see you again. For now, farewell," Issei was saying.

"Now wait just a damned—" Rias said, but in a flash, the angel had left.

She sagged to her knees, an indescribable emotion welling up from within her.

"Well, Rias-san," said a smiling Asia, flying close. "I leave myself in your care."

Rias uttered a strangled sob.

Then the angel came back.

()()()

"Now that you mention it-"

"Yep! Go for it, angel. What have ye got to lose?"

He zoomed back to the church. He looked for Asia's monstrosity, hoping it was still there. It was, and he took it from the candle holder.

"I'd say go for the angry redhead. She's got nice bonk-"

"No, it would perhaps be better to widen the base." So saying, he flew to the group. "I forgot to ask, but do you really not know about the sex?"

No one answered for a long moment. Then Koneko said, "No. And we're not angels. Or we weren't supposed to be."

Issei scratched his head. There was something here he was missing, but he couldn't think on it yet. He nonetheless held out the monstrosity to Koneko. "You seemed to like this, angel. I give this to you, on condition that I may begin the quite human ritual of the love and the sex with you."

Silence. Then the redhead, her face twitching shrieked. "You're asking her out on a date? While we're-"

"Rias-san, I wasn't done." He gave her a duplicate of the ice cream. "I shall also invite you to begin the quite human ritual of the love and the sex."

He repeated the same invitation to the one named Akeno, and then Kiba. The latter looked at the gift dubiously.

Then, to Asia. "Here you go, Asia-san. Now that you're an angel, pesky human bacteria won't bother you."

"Isn't there there angelic bacteria?"

Issei furrowed his brows. "I'm not sure. Damnation..."

Asia smiled, leaning to take the ice cream. "I shall gladly accept the invitation to begin the quite human ritual of the love and the sex with you."

He tilted his head, dove-like. "Why is your face turning red?" He heard the dragon snickering.

"Eh? Is it?" Asia said, putting a hand to her cheek. She twirled her golden hair. "No, it surely isn't. An angel is supposed to be pure white."

Issei shrugged. "Alright then. I shall see you all later," he told them, before leaving for good.

()()()

"I don't know if I should feel horrified or honored that an angel just asked me out on a date," Akeno said, licking her gift.

"Was that bastard trying to tell me something?" Yuuto growled. His ice cream was now a stain on the church floor.

"You should probably start practicing the Clench," said Koneko dryly. She was already biting into the cone. "And do some stretching on the side..."

"How am I the only one freaking out?" Rias cried, incredulous. "Forget about the romance. That bastard just turned me into a frigging angel!"

"Rias-sama, please eat the ice cream-I find it helps with the stress. S'not as complicated as it seems-we're together in this mess," Akeno said, her voice oddly singsong. She gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Oh, shit. Did I just sing...?"

"You're pretty good, miss," Asia said her cheeks stained with multi-colored cream. "You're like a natural! You'll make a good angel!"

Rias buried her face in her hands.

()()()

"I trust you won't tell the Lord," said Issei. He surveyed the burning city.

"Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I don't know how to talk to your boss."

Issei groaned. "I haven't screwed up like this since the Black Death fiasco. This is going to be a pain to clean. And I wanted to start on the Sex."

"You're making the right call. You said you saw humans to be beneath you, now you have devi-I mean angels ready to go on a date."

"Something's still bothering me: Michael said everyone learned the Sex. Yet those angels claim not to know."

"I think you should talk to this Michael sometime. Perhaps there was something he neglected to tell you."

Issei went down to the pile of bodies. He drew out the Scroll. "Does anyone here want to be an angel?" he called out with perfunctory tone.

AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, edited by Honore (Merlin).

Shurpuff says: A reader messaged me, concerned about the title "angel of death" given to Issei, given that Samael already exists with that title in the original work. If the work continues, that will be explored later.

Another was concerned about the character Raziel(whom I don't think has properly appeared). Slight spoilers, but the angel's kind of dim, so it might not be his real name, eh? Again, it'll be explored later, if I decide to continue.

So it ends, or does it? I'll wait it out.

Thanks for reading, and until next time!