Author's Note: Here is another chapter quite soon! This is some of the 'murkiness' I promised. But not to worry, I'm sure you'll forgive me. As always, JKR is the brightest witch of her age!

It was dark.

The moon was shrouded by dark storm clouds that had gathered throughout the evening. They were ready to break open any minute. Occasional specks of static lightening pockmarked the sky as if warming up for the main event.

Draco wondered idly if the weather was somehow channelling his mood. Surely it wasn't a coincidence that the sky wanted to open up and wash away everything that night.

Shivering as a growl of thunder vibrated through the floor, Draco slumped down against the bathroom counter. He wrapped his arms around his knees and started to rock back and forth gently. He didn't even laugh at himself for the cliché image he was portraying. All Draco wanted to do was to close his eyes and not see those images burned on the back of his lids. He had to forcefully bite down into his bottom lip to muffle the involuntary sounds that seemed to be escaping his mouth. He didn't want to wake Granger. He had snuck into the cottage in the pitch black, passing like a ghost through the living room and the bedroom where she was sleeping peacefully, and into the bathroom. Draco had numbly splashed some ice-cold water onto his face with shaking hands, and now he was sitting on the floor unable to move, staring unseeingly into the dark in front of him.

Flickers of what had just happened brushed across Draco's memory, pushing away the tiredness jarringly.

I'm a murderer…

When the girl's round blue eyes swept across his mind, Draco gasped and retched. Scrambling to open the lid of the toilet, he only just got it up in time before he was emptying the contents of his stomach violently into the bowl. The blood in his ears was roaring so loud he only faintly heard a thud from the bedroom. After a while Draco was just collapsed there heaving on air without bringing anything up. He struggled to take a couple of rasping breaths in between convulsions, and slumped forward to rest his head on the cold porcelain seat.

"Malfoy?"

Draco didn't even look up at the voice. He knew it was her. He had woken her up, after all. But he didn't want her to see him like this. Maybe if he didn't answer her she would leave him alone.

He heard his name a couple more times, but then it went silent. Draco breathed out in relief, thinking that she must have given up. But then he felt a prickling in the back of his neck and suddenly a warm hand was gently touching his shoulder.

Draco felt his entire body tense up in shock.

Granger was touching his shoulder. Softly, comfortingly. She was trying to make him feel better.

And he had just killed someone.

The violent reaction to her touch swelled up in him quite suddenly. Unable to stop the response, he swung his body around and pushed her arm away. Then with a groan of pain, none of it physical, he huddled in on himself and away from her.

Granger was sitting on the floor next to him, and it was clear she had crawled into the bathroom on all fours since she couldn't walk unsupported yet.

He stared at her with wide, steely eyes that widened even further when he saw her wriggle closer to him again.

"Malfoy…" she began, and he flinched at her gentle tone, "what's happened? Are you hurt?"

Draco just shook his head silently. Granger frowned and moved closer again. They were sitting just a few centimetres apart now. If he twitched his fingers he'd be touching her.

"Tell me what's wrong," she urged, and Draco closed his eyes to avoid looking at her.

"No," he whispered hoarsely, "You should leave."

Granger sighed quietly, but he felt her breath ripple over the skin of his face.

"Please…it's ok, Draco-"

His eyes shot open. The combination of sensory pleasure and revulsion that swept through him at hearing his name fall from her innocent lips was overwhelming. He almost had to grab onto the counter behind him to steady himself.

"Don't!" he yelled suddenly, surprising even himself and terrifying her, "Don't do this to me!"

"Do what to you?" she asked, confused.

He groaned and tugged at his hair, pulling it so hard it made his scalp tingle.

"Don't try to make me feel better."

Granger shook her head, curls bouncing gently around her face.

"Ok, but… I just want to understand."

Draco shook his head a couple of times. It wasn't until he noticed that Granger had become a blurry figure in front of him that he realised he had been quietly crying. He furiously wiped the tears away, humiliated. Granger swallowed and leaned forwards.

"Did he do something to you?"

Draco shook his head and cringed away from her. She drew back a little and thought for a bit. Eventually she spoke again, her voice tremulous.

"Was it something you had to do?"

Draco returned her gaze then, and he saw the horror in her eyes which probably reflected his own. After a long silence she seemed to put two and two together, and nodded more to herself than to him. He couldn't look at her then. He was ashamed of himself and seeing her disapproval and fear would only make the feeling worse.

It must have been a few long minutes later that she finally moved. He felt the same hand reach out again and touch his shoulder. She just let it rest there gently. It was achingly tender, and he couldn't stop a few more tears escaping his eyes.

"Draco," she said again in a hoarse voice and he knew she could feel the goose bumps prickle all over his skin from where her hand lay. Despite the guilt gnawing into his gut, he couldn't stop his body from leaning in towards her.

"It's ok. Tell me what happened tonight. Trust me."

Draco took a long, shaky breath. He knew revealing his actions to her would make her hate him forever, but he wasn't sure he could stop himself. In the face of her gentle persuasion and the closeness of her body he felt compelled to speak. Even if it would ruin everything, she had to know.

"The Dark Lo…He ordered a raid on the houses of muggleborn sympathisers. My father requested my company in his group. We went to the house of a man who was married to a muggleborn woman. He's been quite vocal at the ministry in her defence, and we were there to teach him a lesson and make a statement to others. I couldn't…refuse…without making him suspicious. I wanted to…"

Granger nodded quickly, silently, and moved her hand down from his shoulder to wrap her fragile fingers around his hand. Draco felt his own fingers twitch in response, trying not to dwell on the feeling of her comforting him, understanding him when he didn't deserve it. But it wouldn't last.

"We arrived at the house and broke in, took them by surprise so they couldn't escape. The main targets were the father and daughter, but there were some other people there, his siblings I'm guessing. They started to run. While Rowle was grabbing one I pretended to help so the two who were running towards me could get out. I don't think anyone noticed. It's all I could do, but it wasn't enough. Lucius had the father restrained in the living room and made him watch while they tortured his daughter. It lasted for so long. It reminded me of when…"

He trailed off, unable to finish that thought, but he was pretty sure Granger understood. She was biting into her bottom lip as she also remembered being prostrate on the floor of the manor under Bellatrix's wand. She was still holding on to his hand, but she gave his fingers a little squeeze to encourage him to continue.

"They just kept torturing this girl. The father wasn't even really conscious to watch anymore but it kept going because they were enjoying it. My father kept calling over to me, suggesting things that I might like to do to hurt her. She was so young, Granger. At first I had thought my father would step in and do something to stop it…"

Draco took a deep breath. There were tears freely rolling down his face now. And Granger was still gripping onto his hand like a vice.

"He's a sadistic bastard, but I thought he would at least be more mission-oriented or something. But he was cheering Rowle on and then joining in. Then he suggested something else. I couldn't-"

Draco choked a bit on the words, and hung his head in shame. He felt Granger shuffle closer to him until her leg was pressed alongside his. He appreciated the warmth of her body even as if wished he could sink through the floor.

"I couldn't just watch anymore, and I couldn't let anything worse happen. So I ended it. I…" he trailed off and let out a heavy sob. Granger's hand stiffened around his, until he was sure his fingers would be bruised in the morning.

"You killed her," Granger whispered. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Draco let out a heaving sob.

"No," he said hoarsely, "Well, I did, but I didn't mean to. I just tried to put her to sleep-" he was talking quickly, frantically, trying to make Granger understand. Even though she would probably hate him anyway, "I cast an undetectable stupefy so they wouldn't notice. I didn't want her to feel any more pain. But she had been tortured so long that the stupefy caused an aneurysm…"

Draco broke off then and his head dropped forward tiredly. His forehead fell into his hands and he let his fingers grip onto her hair. His shoulders shook silently as he waited for Granger to run – or in her case crawl – away. He was hoping she'd yell at him first. He deserved it. Maybe it would redeem him somehow to be scolded by the Gryffindor Princess.

"Oh Merlin," he heard her whispering in horror, and he cringed, preparing himself. But it never came. He waited and waited, his body wracked with guilt and self-loathing, but she didn't speak.

It felt like hours that they sat there side by side on the cold bathroom tiles, but it must have only been a few minutes. By the time his curiosity had got the better of him, the sound of the rain pattering down on the tiled roof had trickled into the room. As a flash of lightening, stronger this time, split the sky and lit up the bathroom momentarily, he dared to look up at her. The first thing Draco noticed was that she was crying too. Big crystal tears were falling in a perfect line from her dark lashed down her cheek and dripping off her jaw. And she was staring at the opposite wall in undisguised horror. A second wave of nausea hit him.

Granger must have sensed his gaze, because she turned to look at him. When she did, the expression quickly morphed into one of concern.

"Oh Draco…" she started, her voice soft, mournful, and he felt a sharp twinge in his chest. Well she wasn't hitting him, so that was a good start, he thought, "I'm so sorry."

He almost choked as he drew in a gasp of air. Those few sweet words coming from her lips were like a balm to his soul. He felt his skin prickling all over as he leaned closer to her.

"I…didn't mean to, I swear," he repeated, not knowing what else to say.

"I know," she said, and the hand that had been holding his so tightly shifted in his grip so that her thumb could brush over his skin in a gesture of compassion, "Draco, it wasn't you fault. You tried to help her. But it sounds like there was nothing you could have done to save her."

Draco clenched his eyes shut for a second and pulled his hand away abruptly. He didn't know how to cope with her kindness. He knew he deserved to be yelled at, struck, abandoned. Not comforted.

"But I could have acted sooner. Why did I wait so long?"

"Draco, you didn't-""

"Maybe if I'd gotten into the house first before Rowle-"

"No, stop it!" Granger said more loudly, and he fell silent. Her wide brown eyes were staring right through him, and he realised whimsically that he'd never been this close to her before. He could see flecks of gold in her eyes that he had never noticed. Draco couldn't move, he was completely frozen as she reached her hands up again. This time, she pressed a palm to each of his cheeks and tilted his face up to force him to keep looking at her.

"You did what you could. She was in pain, Draco. Trust me when I say I know what that feels like. And you ended her pain. If you hadn't been there, no one would have escaped and she might still be tortured or worse right now until she died screaming." Draco hated the violent, tortured words she was saying, but he couldn't seem to stop listening as they washed over him like the rain outside washing away the dirt. "You can't save everyone, Draco."

He felt another couple of fat tears leak from his eyes as he looked at her with the most exposed, desperate expression he had ever allowed to slip past his barriers. Until now, Granger's grip on his face had been firm, almost clinical. His jaw was aching from the force of her hold. But slowly her fingers softened. After a while he felt the very tips of her fingers brush across his hairline, scratching at his scalp. It was the most decadent, sensual feeling he had ever experienced, and he had to shut his eyes just to stop himself from leaning towards her.

"You saved me," she murmured, her voice a little husky now, and all he could do was nod, still refusing to open his eyes to see her or he knew he'd cave.

After a while he felt Granger lean back against the counter so her body mirrored his. Then, with her hands still touching him, she drew his head to the side towards her.

Draco's heart was pounding and his mouth was so dry he felt like his tongue was a hot slug burning against the roof of his mouth. He was feverish, sick and emotionally drained, but those feelings were mixed in confusingly with a sense of pleasure that he had never known before. Finally his cold, sweaty forehead encountered warmth. It was Granger's shoulder. She had pulled him down to nestle his head into her neck as she wrapped her arms around him.

It was an embrace.

It was so simple but so beautiful. Draco felt his mind spinning around madly as he tried to think of the last time someone had hugged him. He remembered hugging his mother, but he had been young and she had always felt so stiff and formal. There was nothing forced about this. Their bodies melded into each other as she held him. He dimly registered that he had started crying again, feeling the neckline of her pyjama shirt getting damp. Each time he took a gulping, desperate breath, he could smell her so close to him. All the pain and turmoil racing through his mind was stilled in a moment of perfect solace. Granger was the infamous princess of the Gryffindorks. She was the most moral person he knew. If she could understand him, and maybe even forgive him, then surely he could forgive himself.

Draco drifted out of his dazed state long enough to realise that she was stroking his hair again. There were no more words exchanged between them; there didn't need to be. He felt his eyelids drooping tiredly. He thought he probably shouldn't fall asleep on Granger in the middle of the bathroom, her shirt soaked from his tears. But the logical part of him wasn't very vocal at that moment.

I saved her…

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