Ace is Doffy (Crack)
(A/N: Turn back now if you aren't prepared for what is to come)
Warning: EXTREMELY OOC - rated T for violence, swearing and sexual references
Ace is Doffy
Your argument is invalid.
Ace placed his hands on his hips, puffing out his muscular chest in the process. His eyes scanned the horizon of Dressrosa, taking in the colourful, foreign surrounds. A bird landed by his feet, gazing up at his handsomeness with sparkling eyes, watching his raven hair flutter in the wind. Ace regarded the bird with an arrogant smirk, prompting the creature to pass out from being too overexcited. Ace was a little surprised that even birds fainted in the presence of his good looks but he ran with it.
He surveyed Dressrosa once more from his perch on the triangle roof of a tall clock tower, his ego and confidence building in his heart. This place was going to be his, for sure. Why? Well, why the hell not. This place was nice and filled with plenty of amazing food, booze and women; what more could a pirate ask for? And if he were to rule over a city, his recognition would soar and everybody in the world would know his name.
But first, he would need to enrapture the current leaders of the country. He focused on a large mansion somewhere on the horizon, separated on a small island by a moat of sorts. There was a bridge that connected the two islands; one that Ace was sure would be swarming with guards. That mansion must be fit for a king, he thought. It better be since he was planning to be living there from now on.
He hastily stuffed a massive leg of chicken in his mouth, devouring it bone and all, to supply him with a burst of energy for his endeavours. Once that was taken care of, he licked his lips, cracked his knuckles and dived off the clock tower, grinning like a mad man as he did so. Flames surrounded him as he darted like a comet towards the mansion. Many of the helpless citizens below screamed and scrambled away from him, others simply watching him with awe. He basked in their gazes, inflating his ego even further.
He burst through the walls of the mansion head first, taking no damage as he landed perfectly upon the tiled floors of the throne room. Everyone in the room freaked out, since no one at all had been expected the Fire Fist Ace to randomly crash through the wall with his fists blazing. Doflamingo regarded him with an amused expression and folded his long legs. Cora-san, who just happened to be chilling on the random luxury, black leather couch, dropped his mouth open in shock, wondering what the hell was going on.
"Donquixote Doflamingo, I am here to take your job!" Ace yelled determinedly, pointing at the bird-like man. Doffy's red stained glasses sparkled with intrigue as he took in the younger man's stunning appearance, questioning his sexuality for a moment.
Ace, who was questioning his sanity, regarded Doflamingo with a raised eyebrow and a judging look. This man looked like a freaking bird – he even wore a massive pink feathery coat to top it all off.
"Good luck with that, little campfire shit," mused Doffy with a chuckle. Ace had never been called campfire shit before so he burst out laughing, wondering what the fuck kind of insult that was meant to be. Ace was pretty confident in his ability to kick that flamingo's ass; he was just a flamingo after all. Fire rules over all, since it burns everything in its way. Ace hesitated for a moment to consider all the deep and meaningful attributes and metaphors of fire before he came up with a decent comeback.
"Yeah, I'm a campfire! Flamingo bastard," yelled Ace, crushing it (in his mind anyway), wondering why the hell he was spouting such nonsense. It made him burst into another bout of laughter though so it was totally worth it.
It was at this moment that Cora-san stood up from the couch, striding towards Ace with swaggy swag, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He knew pretty much everything about Ace, including how amazing he was. Admittedly, he wished that Ace had been his older brother and not Doffy since Doffy was an asshole who deserved to get his ass whooped by Luffy-senpai.
Cora-san took in Ace's stunning appearance as Ace picked his nose absentmindedly. His muscles rippled, showing off the tattoos and scars that crisscrossed his tanned flesh. His shorts hung low on his waist, showing off his muscular v-lines. Ace's hat was tipped over his eyes slightly, though Cora-san was well aware of his burning gaze. His raven hair was tousled messily since he was so perfect that he didn't need to brush it. There was a smattering of freckles across his cheeks, something that upped his cute factor by like 9000%.
He made his decision, whilst lighting a cigarette and his black feathered coat in process – he was tired of looking after Doffy and his bullshit. He strode over to Ace, black feathers fluttering around him as he walked. He placed a hand down on his shoulder, prompting Ace to give him a look like 'bitch, what are you doing?' Ace wondered if this bird had fallen for him too, noticing that Cora-san looked like a sexy crow. Cora-san rummaged around in his pocket and whipped out a note he had prepared last month, just in case he was to ever meet Ace.
Ace read it out loud confusedly. "Ace-senpai, please kick Doffy's ass and take over the kingdom, love, Cora-san," it read. A grin stretched across his face as he pushed Cora-san away from him with his foot. Cora-san's face lit up with excitement as he admired Ace with sparkly eyes, praying that he would beat Doffy. Everything was going as Ace planned, much to his pleasure. "As you wish, crow guy." Cora-san promptly passed out from over excitement.
"No, bad Cora-san!" yelled Doffy, a vein throbbing on his forehead as he got to his feet, preparing to fight the new king. The whores slipped from his side and sidled up to Ace, prompting the young man to resist a blush as they began to feel him up. "Don't disobey me you motherfucker!"
"No, you're the one who fucked our mother!" yelled Cora-san, awake once more and completely forgetting that he was supposed to be mute. Doffy was too busy focusing on the situation to care about Cora-san's facade so he continued the argument.
"I did not," Doffy whined, stamping his foot like an impatient child. "Stop being so mean to me."
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Doffy," sobbed Cora-san as he embraced his older brother for exactly point 5 of a second before flipping him onto his back. "Ha, bitch!" Doffy looked hurt by his brother's actions but before he could react, Ace used his signature move 'fire fist' to fucking punch the lights out of the flamingo. Doffy lay injured on the tiles, tears brimming in his eyes, as his depressing life flashed before his eyes.
Ace, taking no moment to spare, merged into his body. The only thing that changed about him was that he was now Doffy loosely speaking. He was wearing his feather coat and sunglasses that was pretty much the only difference.
"Well, that was weird," commented Ace as he adjusted his feather coat and red sunglasses with excitement pounding through his heart. He turned to the ladies who refused to let go of him. They had suddenly appeared out of thin air in reaction to the sudden shattering of canon in general. "How do I look, ladies?" He asked, winking at them and capturing their hearts.
"Like a Kamisama," the spoke in broken Japanese. Ace agreed with them entirely as he seated himself in Doffy's chair, conjuring up all the possible things he could do with his new power. Cora-san sat back down on the leather couch again, looking at Ace like Boa Hancock looks at Luffy. It was at that very moment that Baby 5 burst into the room, having heard the screaming and shouting and what not. Seeing that Doffy was nowhere to be seen, her face twisted in horror. However, this horror was soon snuffed out by gushy excitement as she laid eyes on the man that was now draped in Doffy's throne.
The pink feathers perfectly framed his muscles and the rosy glasses obscured his eyes, making him more mysterious. He looked like a rich, flamboyant cowboy – one that she would happily marry within moments of speaking to him. Ace recognised the look in her eyes, the poor man overcome by her beauty. Being the man he was – unable to live without regrets – he figured he might as well marry her and make her his queen.
"D-Doffy?" she questioned, sensing Doffy's presence within Ace. Ace nodded and shrugged.
"Sort of, I absorbed his soul so I guess I kind of think like him sometimes," Ace explained vaguely, not being in the mood to explain stuff. Ace then noticed just how stunning Baby 5 was, tipping his glasses down slightly to get a better look at her. Ace then realised that people really can fall in love at first sight. His heart went doki doki as he decided to pop the question.
"Want to marry me?" asked Ace casually, admiring her shining raven hair. The girl shrugged and nodded. And that, my friends, was how Ace became the king of Dressrosa and got married, thus cutting off every fangirls dream to marry him.
Ace woke up with a start, gazing around his room with a glare. Oh, that had all been a dream. That made sense to him since everyone, including him, was immensely out of character for no particular reason. He slipped out of his bed, dressed in only his tight fitting underwear that showed off his large package. Yawning, he fumbled for some clothes, his fingers grasping a feathery pink jacket, recalling that he needed to arrange for Law's visit today.
Oh shit, no – Ace really had become Doffy!
(A/N: Wrote this very late at night, forgive me...)