Notes: So this is the last chapter. Thank you so much everyone who read, reviewed and everywhere in between. This was my first foray into writing in a very long time, and getting such a positive response was really encouraging and I appreciate it so much.
I definitely plan on writing more fics for the fandom. I even have half an idea for a sequel to this, but my time is kind of taken up by preparation for the holidays and work and such right now so at least for a little while I might confine myself to one-shots. We'll see. But in any case...
Here's the final chapter :)
"So if you and Lucas were together when Farkle told you guys what happened, why didn't he come?"
Riley and Maya have been sitting together in the quiet of the living room for several minutes when Riley asks the question. She's been thinking over everything that Maya had told her, trying to reconcile the truth with what she had thought about their relationship, and trying to figure out why Maya's description of why they got confused about their feelings in the first place stuck out to her so much, when it occurs to her that it's weird that Maya had come alone. Were she and Lucas not friends now that they had broken up?
Was Riley not supposed to be friends with him now either?
"He was really upset when he found out." Maya answers. She removes her arm from around Riley's shoulders as they sit up straight once more. "We thought it would be better if he calmed down a bit before he came to see you."
Well. That's not so bad then. And it makes sense. Then Maya keeps talking.
"Farkle said he was going to call Zay and they'd make sure that he doesn't go find Charlie and do something stupid, so you don't have to worry about that though."
Riley feels her eyes widen as she snaps her head to look at her friend. "I wasn't until you just said that."
"Well don't." Maya rolls her eyes. "The last thing Huckleberry wants to do is hurt you and he knows you'd be really upset if he ever decided to do something like that."
The afternoon with Maya doesn't clear things up at all, but it feels a bit nicer knowing that she has at least one friend by her side while she figures it out, and Riley is almost able to relax a bit.
Her parents and Josh squeeze onto the couch with them (after Josh apologizes to Maya for losing his temper at her) and they watch a couple of Riley's favorite musicals. The Music Man and Hello Dolly are excellent distractions. At least they would be if she could really focus, but as with before when she was trying to sleep, her mind keeps wandering. This time it's Lucas.
Riley has a lot of questions about Lucas.
Questions that she doesn't really want to think about right now.
Her feelings about Lucas feel almost as confused and jumbled in her head as her feelings about Charlie, except she's certain that Lucas would never do what Charlie had done outside of the bakery today. In Texas and just after she had been confident that she loved him, but she had been trying to freeze that out when she started dating Charlie. Her reality around Charlie feels so blurred right now; talking with Maya she's starting to realize that some of the things he told her were complete lies, but did that mean that it all was? Just because he was wrong about Maya didn't necessarily mean he would be wrong about Lucas, did it?
She's not sure if everything is going to rush back when she starts hanging out with everyone again, or if it will be worth allowing herself to feel it if it does. If she lets herself care about Lucas again and she's wrong about him will she be able to handle this sort of pain a second time? She's not even handling it well this time.
And there's the even bigger question of if she's even allowed to think about Lucas like that now that he and Maya have sort-of dated.
Riley tells herself that she can talk to Maya about that at some point but that right now she needs to be focused on herself. She's a disaster with a boy on his way out of her life; she doesn't need to make herself a bigger disaster by bringing another one right in. This mantra mostly works to push most of her Lucas concerns to the back of her mind, but one that she can't ignore is what he's doing now.
Sure, Maya had said she had no reason to worry. But one thing that she knows is that Lucas does have a temper and he comes closest to losing it when someone hurts his friends. He did it with Farkle's bully, he did it when Zay got into trouble, and (if the destroyed counter in Topanga's is to be considered evidence) he did it with her bully. And none of those incidents involved actual physical injuries. According to Maya, he had been angry enough that they didn't want her to see it.
Riley can't see Zay and Farkle being able to stop him if he really wants to go do something. So yes, she's worried and it's not going away. She doesn't believe in using violence to solve problems, and she's still not sure that if Charlie deserves to be the target of that kind of retribution, but she doesn't want to have to be mad at Lucas for doing anything. She's also worried because Lucas is strong, but so is Charlie. It had barely seemed like anything to him when he had been gripping her wrist, but it had felt like her arm was trapped in a vise. She doesn't want Lucas to go after him at all, but more than anything she doesn't want him to be hurt.
At one point her nerves on the subject are enough that Riley asks Maya to just call the boys and tell them to come over (Maya has already promised to update them, she's just been caught up in everything else to do so) but her mom vetoes that. She says there's been far too much excitement for the day as it is, and that while Maya is welcome to stay as long as she wants, the boys will have to wait until tomorrow. Maya does call and update them, and Farkle promises that they've gone nowhere near Charlie and agrees that they'll be over first thing tomorrow morning.
Shortly after that Auggie gets home from his extended sleepover and they have an awkward conversation where they try to explain what happened to her while glossing over the worst of the details. He hugs her, plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek and offers her the use of his Boo Boo Bunny, but no one's sure if he really understands what they told him until he turns to Josh and whispers with the expected volume of a six-year-old, "If you're gonna punish him, I want in."
Maya and Josh both think this is awesome and hilarious. Riley and her parents do not. Well, her dad pretty much does but he's quick to switch into lecture mode when Riley and her mom glare at him.
The rest of the day passes in a blur of movies and family time and only part of that is from the haze her pain pills are starting to give her and exhaustion. At least part of her mind continues to try and figure everything out no matter what's going on.
Maya spends the night. Or rather, Maya stays up with her talking until they drift off to sleep several hours after the rest of the apartment has gone quiet. When Riley jerks awake, her chest tight with the realization that Charlie might have actually hit her if things had gone differently at the bakery and that whatever good things he might have done couldn't possibly excuse that, Maya is right there with her, letting her cry for as long as she needs to. The second time Riley wakes up, the sun is just starting to peek in through the bay window.
Riley's mom is still trying to help her cover up the bruise on her face when the boys get to the apartment in the middle of the morning. She's not succeeding. For all of the icing they did for her wrist yesterday, they completely forgot to ice her lip, and it's swollen and completely bruised this morning. It doesn't help that every time she tries put any pressure on it to blend the concealer properly, it only hurts more. They give up, partially because they don't want to keep everyone waiting and partially because it's a lost cause, and her mom sends her to join Maya (who had gone out to occupy and prepare their friends) and the guys in the living room.
She walks out slowly. She tells herself it's because her body hurts (she had woken up about ten times achier than her worst cheerleading day) but she knows it's because she's scared. She doesn't know what to expect from any of them. If Zay's even going to care or be there because they were only just really becoming friends when the entire mess started and he was one of the easiest to pull away from as it all got deeper. If Farkle is going to be mad at her for keeping so many secrets because that's been a sticking point for him even when he only really knew about one. If Lucas is going to be the guy she's gotten to know over the past year and a half or if he'll be Texas!Lucas or someone completely different.
There's going to be so much work to get back to normal again and right now that's all Riley wants.
As she nears the end of the hall she can hear Maya talking to everyone. "Just, none of you freak out OK? She's not really feeling much like our Riley right now."
"What does that mean?"
"That we should have been paying better attention." Riley steps out into the room at Farkle's comment and since nobody seems to notice her, she takes a moment to look at her friends. Thankfully, Lucas looks completely healthy. He doesn't have his usual easy-going smile, and he has a water bottle in a white-knuckle death grip, but there's no real evidence that he's been in any sort of a fight. Farkle and Zay also look all right. Although, on closer inspection one of Farkle's hands looks incredibly bruised. She'll have to ask him about that.
When she says, "Hey guys," and waves at them, the conversation stops.
Maya is quick to give her a smile and return the greeting, while Farkle stares. Lucas' grip tightens so much that the water bottle crumples in his hands and the liquid splashes up, going everywhere. It's all Riley can do not to jump at the extra noise and the dark shadows in his eyes; she feels a little frozen in place with everyone staring even after Maya grabs some napkins to try and clean up the mess, but she has no idea what to say or do to break the silence.
After a few very long moments, Zay hops to his feet. He presents a small stuffed purple dog from behind his back. "I was real sorry to hear you got hurt, Sugar. Are you doin' OK, now?"
"Getting there." Riley nods. She takes the dog from his hands and looks at it a little more closely. The nose is shaped like a heart and sparkly. "You didn't have to bring me anything, Zay."
"Well unlike some of you people, my parents raised me to be polite. When you visit someone who's sick or hurt, you bring them a little something."
"Well, thank you." She hugs him briefly, and when they separate she peeks back over to everyone else. Farkle is now helping Maya clean up the mess from the water bottle; Lucas is still staring. Riley hasn't figured out what to say to him yet, but her heart is pounding under the scrutiny so she steps forward. "Thanks for helping out at the bakery yesterday, Farkle." He turns when he realizes that she's talking to him. "I was a little distracted, so maybe I'm wrong but I don't think your hand was hurt when I left."
Farkle blushes under the scrutiny. "There was a minor incident when we were attempting to keep everyone calm."
"We went to the gym to blow off some steam. He hit a 125 pound punching bag without any idea how to actually throw a punch." Zay chimes in, reclaiming his seat at the table.
Maya snorts. "115 pounds of pure hurt, aren't ya, big guy?" She pats Farkle on the shoulder as she passes him on the way to the trash to get rid of the wet napkins.
"I know how to do it now." He grumbles. "It's basic physics and anatomy. As long as I have a realistic target I could out-hit anyone now."
"But you don't have to, so you won't, right?" Riley narrows her eyes. She doesn't like the idea of any of her friends getting into fights for any reason, less so if it's on her behalf, and even less so if it's only to prove a point. And the last thing the group needs now is everyone getting hurt and into trouble for no good reason. She doesn't want to have to worry about that.
Farkle softens and smiles at her. "Of course not Riley. I'm planning on sticking with gym equipment if I stick with it at all."
Fair enough. She knows Lucas uses the gym to work out his frustration, and as long as he's doing it safely there's no reason that Farkle can't do the same. "OK then. If you need ice, we have about fifty-,"
"Tell me that you're pressing charges." Lucas interrupts, his voice tense. The group freezes again. When Riley turns back to look at him, his jaw is clenched and he's still got the remnants of his water bottle in his hand.
"I don't think that—,"
"Tell me that you went to the police yesterday and that they're arresting him today, because the only way I'm not walking out the door right now and finding Charlie so I can introduce his face to my fist is if he's going to be standing in front of a judge tomorrow morning."
It's a strange rush of feelings that floods Riley's body as Lucas speaks. On the one hand, it's nice to know that he still cares enough to want to do something, even if she would never want him to. Sure, Maya had said he was upset and she had spent a good portion of the afternoon yesterday worrying about it, but Riley gets a whole new flutter of rabid butterflies in her stomach when it's actually Lucas being the concerned friend right in front of her.
On the other hand, there's a curtain of shame that cascades down over her. Because she hasn't gone to the police, and it feels like everyone is judging her for it except for her mom. It doesn't seem fair. She's the one that Charlie hurt, so it should be her decision what happens next. It's not like he's going unpunished, so why can't breaking up with him and having his parents deal with the problem be enough? Is she being stupid and naive again?
And Riley doesn't like that Lucas is making her feel like this. He's never made her feel small before.
"I can't tell you that." She looks down at the floor. "So if you're going to go, go now."
Lucas doesn't move.
A long beat passes before Farkle claps his hands together. "Hey! So Zay hasn't met Josh yet. Maya and I should probably go introduce him."
That's Farkle. Subtle as a brick. Zay's good at taking a hint and he joins Farkle quickly, but Maya takes a moment to find Riley's eyes. After a few meaningful glances and wriggled eyebrows, Riley knows that all she has to do is say the word and Maya will linger awkwardly to make sure that she's OK. Riley shakes her head to dismiss her.
She doesn't really want to have this conversation with Lucas. Not when she's barely keeping her head above water and it feels like she might throw up at any minute, but she's pretty sure that she doesn't have a choice. Not if she wants to repair their friendship.
"Are you really just letting him get away with hurting you?" Lucas repeats when they're alone. To Riley it sounds like his anger is now pointed at her and it's the last straw. He can be mad at Charlie all he wants, and he can be mad at her for a lot of reasons but this isn't one of them.
"He's not getting away with anything." She bites out. "We broke up, and his parents are making him get counseling, and they're telling the school what happened and he's not even allowed to talk to me anymore. That's not getting away with anything."
"It's not a fair punishment for what he did either."
"Why do you get to decide that?" Riley asks. "He didn't do anything to you, he did it to me."
"Exactly! He hurt you. He deserves more than a slap on the wrist."
Riley turns away. Lucas is too serious and sincere and it feels like his eyes are tunneling straight into her heart. If she lets him keep looking she might shatter. "Maybe I don't think he does."
"What? Riley, how can you say that?" He finally moves, walking back into her line of vision. "Charlie assaulted you. Whether he hit you or tossed you to the ground or whatever, he assaulted you. You don't think that's a problem?"
Tears spring to her eyes. She crosses her arms over her chest and blinks furiously to keep them from falling. "I don't know..."
"What if it wasn't you? What if he had done it to Sarah or Hayley or Maya?" Lucas hounds. "If he had done it to them would you still be saying he didn't deserve a real punishment?"
"Of course not but that's different. They're-,"
"No it's not." Lucas cuts her off. "Riley, it's not different." He places a gentle hand on her elbow and guides her back to the table, where they sit next to each other. "You get so caught up in building everyone else up that you forget you're important too, but you are. God, Riley, you are so important. And I can't understand why you would let anyone treat you like you're not."
Riley can't speak. She doesn't know what to say and even if she did it feels like her entire chest is frozen. In a way, Lucas is right. She would never let anyone else in her class get treated the way Charlie had treated her (and as more time passes she is starting to realize more and more that his questionable actions are outweighing the positive ones) but she can't make any of that come together with the idea that Charlie had been the one taking care of her over the past month and that she's not sure he was totally wrong about everything and that she does have some sort of feelings for him even if she's not sure what they are.
Several moments pass before Lucas seems to realize that she's not going to respond. He sighs. "I guess I just don't understand why you didn't come to one of us if something was wrong. Why you didn't come to me. If I'm really supposed to be your brother now, then,-"
"You're not. My brother that is." Riley finds her words, and nearly cringes that that is what comes out but once she starts she can't stop. It's beginning to feel like world's most relieving (but terrifying) compulsion. "I was scared when I said that, and trying to be a good friend. Which I know now that I failed at. With you and Maya. And now I'm so turned around confused that I'm not all that sure who I am anymore let alone what we are. But I know you're not my brother. And I know I shouldn't have lied about it."
"You probably shouldn't have." Lucas agrees. "But it's done and I can forgive you for that. And I think maybe we can all use some time to get our heads on straight again after the last few weeks."
At least everyone seems to be on the same page about that. It relieves a good amount of the pressure across her shoulders. "That sounds about right."
"But I know that no matter what, at the very least we're friends." He grabs her hand and their fingers intertwine. "That's not going to change. And as your friend, I don't want you to ever feel like you can't come to me if you have a problem."
"Even if I don't want to handle it the same way you do?"
He nods. "Even if."
"Then I guess we're-,"
"Sorry to interrupt," Josh announces as he walks into the room. Riley turns to look at him and in no way does her uncle look sorry. "But your friends are kind of being a bunch of wimps about how quiet it is out here and they sent me to make sure everything was OK. So...everyone OK?"
"We're all fine." Riley nods, and Lucas squeezes her hand. "We're all gonna be just fine."