Siobhan's POV
The process of becoming a werewolf had helped heal most of my wounds from the attack. The damage to my shoulder and ribs was now minor and seemed as though it would be gone soon. Even so shortly after my first change Jeremy said that he needed to tend to the wound in my calf and to set my wrist. Then he shot me with some sort of drug. I may have tried to bit him for that but my memory is a bit hazy.
A week had passed since then and I was still in the freaking cage. My recovery meant that I was unable to move around for most of that time. Being immobile didn't change the fact that I was ready to be out of the cage and out of the basement. The slight mildew and earth sent down there mixed with the sent of my fear and pain had put me on edge.
"This is a very dangerous time for you. New werewolves are not able to control their changes nor are they mentally prepared psychological changes that develop as a result of their transformation. I am sorry, but until you are able to exert some measure of control over your new nature I have to keep you here." Jeremy said that in a very calm but authoritative voice.
I had understood at the time. However as the days continued to tick by the part of me that understood his logic became smaller and smaller.
Until today, as the day progressed a rage began to grow within me. First it was irritation with the way that no number of sponge baths would take the smell of fear and pain from the cage. It wasn't just mine. Many people had been here, non had a good experience. Then everything about my situation and this place was PISSING ME OFF.
My head gave an unnatural predatory jerk when I heard Jeremy in the kitchen above me. It must have been close to dinner time. That meant more barely cooked meat. It was supposedly better for the ravaging beast I had become that way.
That fading reasonable part of me wanted his company, wanted to hear his voice and see his kind eyes. Thinking that maybe he could help me push the rage away. The other part was anxious for his arrival so that I would have a target to loose my fury upon.
It was as though every physical and emotional hurt, every unshed tear, and every time I had to bit my tung in my entire life was beginning to rise up from some forgotten place within me and feed this unholy rage.
My body practically vibrated with my building fury.
When Jeremy brought my food down he seemed only mildly surprised at the snarling sounds I made.
"Hunger will wear away at your control, if you really want out I suggest you get a hold of yourself and eat" with that he placed the tray of food and drink close enough that I could reach it, but he didn't come so close that I could grab him. It was almost like he know what to expect.
That did it for me though. My mind screamed. I would not be patronized like some child. Who was this man to keep me here and speak to me like that. Alpha he may be, he was still a man.
Now having a target I flung myself at the bars separating us. I cursed and spat and growled. I said things that would make a demon step back for all my vileness. I tried to rip at the bars. When that didn't work I grabbed the try and flung my food and drink at him. Then continued to rave like a mad woman. In that moment, I was.
His only reaction to this was to raise an eyebrow and cross his arms over his chest.
So I beat the little metal tray against the bars until it became a useless misshapen thing. Then I flung that at him as well.
Jeremy heaved the sigh of the long suffering
My curses turned to agonized cries as the change forced itself upon me again. Jeremy stayed with me. He even coached me thorough the change, offering what help he could. The beast I had become wanted him to be as angry as I was. Why was he still so calm?
When a raving wolf who replaced the raving woman showed no signs of settling Jeremy had finally had enough. "I understand why you are doing this Siobhan. You may give in to your outrage, you have the right to that. I will not fault you for it. You have suffered a great deal because of the actions of others. But giving in to this will not serve you. Your anger will only feed upon itself until that is all you know. Don't let yourself become such a creature" Then he turned to leave sending back a "I will be back later. Hopefully you will have calmed yourself by then"
By the next morning my rage was replaced with shame. Like the rage it was a level of shame that I had never before experienced. Unlike the rage, the shame left room for coherent though.
I was grateful for the cage and the basement that I was locked in. No matter how uncomfortable it was to be down here my prison had saved me from becoming something that I would hate. If I had hurt anyone when overcome by fury I would have never been able to forgive myself.
Jeremy must have come back after I had exhausted myself. He had left fresh bedding and clothes for me along with the means for another sponge bath and to wash my hair. Being somewhat clean helped me feel a little more human agin.
When I picked up the shirt I realized it was one of Jeremy's. The shirt was a pale blue button down dress shirt that had seen better days. The Alpha's sent clung to it offering a reassuring comfort. I closed my eyes and inhaled Jeremy's sent deeper. I hoped he would not be angry with me for what had I said and done last night. I let out a small laugh. I had huffed and puffed but I could not blow this place down. I suppose that means I am not The Big Bad Wolf.
It didn't take long for Jeremy to bring down breakfast. I wondered why he would given what I had done with the last meal he had offered me.
I stayed seated on the floor near where he usually stood and kept myself busy braiding my hair. My eyes stayed down but I was able to screw up enough courage to speak first.
"I'm sorry. I should not have behaved that way or said such things to you" I sounded so meek, it was a foreign to me as the rage had been.
They tray of food scraped the ground as he slid it to me. "All is forgiven. Do you now truly understand why I have you down here?"
"I would have killed someone had I not been contained and I did't even know I was hulking out like that." I shook my head "I had absolutely no control of myself or my change"
"Strong emotions can cause the change. As a cruel twist of fate werewolves often find it more difficult to regulate their emotions." His hand lightly brushed at the tears on my cheek. I didn't even know I was crying. "Look at me"
It was impossible to refuse him, so I looked up and saw acceptance and concern in his eyes. leaving one had cupping my cheek his other arm had moved to my back bringing me into an awkward embrace with the bars of the cage between us. The contact was comforting, I felt infinitely more centered and grounded.
"It will get better" He must have sensed that I relaxed into him "Being with the pack will help"
I noticed for the first time that my new alpha was quite handsome. Then I felt the flutter of attraction run through me. That was just what I needed. A crush on the man that would be in charge of my life, because things were not complicated enough already. Oh yes, fate was indeed cruel.
It seemed after snuggle time Jeremy was in the mood to get down to business.
"Fist you absolutely must eat. Before you ask, yes you must to eat ALL of the food I brought" which was a ridiculous amount but he didn't seem to want my opinion. "If you remember you chose to skip dinner last night" well that was enough to bring back enough of the shame that I did as I was told without offering any argument.
Jeremy pulled a chair over to the cage and made himself comfortable as I ate. Apparently this was going to be a long and serious conversation.
"Explain to me how it is you knew Clay was a werewolf in the hospital" His voice was soft but it had an edge to it.
"Werewolves have a very distinctive sent" I noticed that I was playing with my hair and forced my hands down to my lap. I had moved so that I was sitting near him.
"I don't expect to have to play 20 questions here. Do not make me force every bit of information out of you. You will tell me all of it"
I met his eyes I was afraid how he would react to what I told him. "When I was younger I got to know a few werewolves who would visit my grandfather for counsel and healing. So I became familiar with the sent of a werewolf. It was also how I learned a little about their temperament and laws, as well as how people became werewolves."
He gave me a look that said to continue.
"I can identify most supernaturals by smell or by sensing them because I am…. or maybe was sort of a supernatural hybrid. My father was a SpirtWalker, what most people would refer to as a shaman or medicine man, and my mother was a Druidess. I don't know how much of that is left within me now."
Jeremy had a blank look on his face as processed what I said. With little else to do I shifted around uncomfortably.
"I know werewolves are some of the worst in the supernatural community about getting the heebie jeebies when it comes to the more…abstract types of magic. I don't mean to make you upset you but it is-or was a part of me" I was playing with my braid again. I puffed out my cheeks and put my head against the bars, no longer daring to look at Jeremy. I was to afraid that he would decide that I was a mistake or not worthy of being here.
"I'm not upset, just trying to process what you said. This is strange to say the least this pack has kept to its self. I have never heard of any of us dealing with other supernatural races. I had only suspected their existence" I could hear that he was telling the truth. "Why don't you know if you are still are what you were?"
"Before the um, the change," I was having a hard time finding the right words today "I could see and feel things that others could not, such as seeing a persons aura or sensing the life within the earth. I had become skilled enough that the seeing just happened most of the time. It took more effort to not see something as simple as an aura then to see. As for the sensing it was almost like focusing in on a sound. Now when I reach to do such things all I feel is a jumbled mess and pain. As if the magic has been ripped from me and left behind just another wound."
I was crying agin. I hadn't realized until now just how much the change into a werewolf may have cost me. The essence of what I felt made me ME could be gone forever.
Jeremy's gentle voice was somewhat unsure. "Clay said you had some sort of a feral or animalistic sent to you before you were bitten. He said the mutts noticed it as well. He believes that was why they bit you rather then killing you and him at the hospital. Can you explain that" He reached out and gave my knee an awkward pat almost as though he did not know how to deal with all of this crying. Which would make sense, he like most werewolves probably had limited experience with crying females.
"Both Druids and SpritWalkers can take animal form. Not all, but some, and it usually takes a complicated ritual." I held out my arm and pulled back the sleeve of the shirt to exposed the inside of my left bicep where I had a tattoo done in the blue ink of the pict's. "The forms chosen though my rituals are the owl, horse, cougar, and sea turtle. Once that happened I had a vaguely animal sent I suppose."
Taking in that information Jeremy allowed his eyes to wander over my body. Unfortunately it was not in admiration. He seemed to be taking in my tattoos and trying to decide what other secretes may be held within them. Or he could be calculating how delusional I might be.
"How did you achieve this change in form?" To his credit he only sounded a little skeptical.
"Said the kettle to the pot" I gave him a wry smile.
"Maybe that is a little unfair. But in my defense I have fist hand knowledge of man changing into a wolf, but not of people having the option of taking other forms linked to a tattoo."
"True enough, but There are more things in heaven and earth, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Just because you have not experienced or seen proof of such things does not mean they don't exist."
"I agree with that. Lack of evidence is not necessarily evidence of lack as they say, but you can excuse my questioning" He spayed his hands as he said that.
"I don't think I can truly explain how I could take the form of those animals than you can explain exactly how we can turn into a wolf. All I can tell you is that it never just happened. It always took a ritual and conscious effort. The transformation felt entirely different and when it was done my mind was that of a humans with the animals instincts. Unlike that of a wolf with underlying human thoughts as it is in wolf form."
Jeremy pinched his nose between his eyes as though all of this was giving him a headache.
"Does this change how you see me?" I finally give voice to my fears.
"Yes, I don't see you in quite the same way now." My heart sank a little "However if what you are really asking is if this changes my willingness offer you sanctuary and a potential place with in the pack, my answer is no this information does not change that"
I don't know how I would have reacted had his answer been different. Another stark reminder of how much my life had been turned on its head. I had been a solitary person for years, I didn't depend on others (well I didn't really have many people to depend on if I was honest, and I might as well be honest with myself). Yet now I didn't know how I would function if a man I hardly knew sent me away.
"One last question on this topic for now. You said you healed the worst Clays wounds? What can you tell me about that?" Jeremy questioned.
"More then anything else I was a healer. A talent that was passed from both my parents to me." I gave him a small smile. "I often thought that the similarities in the magic possessed by the Druid and SpirtWalker was the only reason my parents decided to procreate at all"
"Am I to assume the answer of how you healed is as ambiguous as the one for how you changed form?"
"Thats an extra question, but yes you would win money on that bet" Despite what he said I know a part of him was wary of me, even if he was still willing to put up with me for the time being.