Wow! Ok I know I've been gone a while. I'm really so very sorry about that, but you've all been so kind and patient with your reviews and follows (*insertsqueehere*). I just wanted to let you know that the reason I was away from updates wasn't because I'd forgotten about you. In the next year I'll be going back to university to do Post Graduate teacher training. Here in the UK you need to pass national teaching exams, called skills tests, in Maths and English- before you start your teacher training. So I was revising ridiculously hard for those, and I passed! :D

And if THAT wasn't punishment enough for me, I also took my driving theory test this morning (yes American readers- here in the UK we need to take an exam before we are allowed do our practical driving test- it's all about the rules of the road and hazard perception!) And luckily I passed that too! So there we have it, three major exams that affect my future. Two were on on the same day, then one was a week after that.

But enough on my ramblings- have another chapter! I hope you enjoy it :)

Chapter 5.

Ren what the hell are you doing?

As he practically dragged the poor young girl out of the kitchen and into the living room, Ren had a startling realisation of just what he was about to do; or rather what he thought Kyoko was anticipating. The realisation was so startling, in fact, that it almost caused him to stop in his tracks. Still he kept his eyes forward and his hand firmly entwined with Kyoko's.

He was about to talk about body language with the woman whom he had loved for the past two years.

Sure he knew what to talk about; he knew what advice to give. But given the way he was feeling- he might as well have been attempting to give a lecture on physics to Isaac Newton. His heart would not calm down for anything; he was surprised his palms weren't sweating. He felt like a teenage boy in the first throes of love and that annoyed him more than anything. He was a grown man for goodness sake! He should have better control than this by now.

Then another thought occurred to him which nearly sent his brain into complete over-drive. The fact that he was rapidly losing control over his senses whenever he was around this girl. He didn't know if it was because he had fully embraced his past, or because of his growing love and frustration. Perhaps it was the culmination of all of these factors but, from forgetting that texting Kyoko could have been dangerous for both of their reputations- to now this sudden impulsive body language lesson, he couldn't help but feel that he was getting closer to losing the control he'd held onto for so long.

And that was very, very dangerous.

Kyoko, he knew, was still completely adamant against love. She fought it with every fibre of her being. He could see it in her eyes; the fear, the anger, the hurt that flared up the instant it was mentioned. And here he was putting her into a situation she clearly wasn't comfortable with- all because of his selfish impulses.

He truly loathed himself at times.

Kyoko watched Ren's back as he lead her towards the sofa and gestured her to sit down. If her mind could have been represented by any sound at the moment, it would be the sound of a stadium full of football fans, all arguing and cheering- blowing whistles and fighting amongst themselves. It was almost like an out of body experience. Either that or she was panicking so much that her soul was pre-emptively leaving her body. Probably because it knew she was about to suffer a massive aneurysm. Her teeny tiny body was not prepared for this onslaught of emotions and thoughts! It wasn't fair! How could Tsuraga-san stay so cool and calm all the time, when the slightest thing he did to her would send her over the edge? It. Just. Wasn't. FAIR! And he didn't even have feelings for her! What was the meaning of him acting this way?

Because YOU asked HIM to train you how to flirt, baka- a voice of reason calmly spoke out from the football stadium in her mind, somehow managing to be heard above all else. It was then that she had to admit that she was acting ridiculous. She had asked him to help her, and that was what he was doing. She needed to stop taking everything so personally. As she sat down in the spot that he gestured her to, she realised that asking flirting advice from the man you harboured forbidden, and horrendous feelings for (feelings you'd sworn to never have again), wasn't the most intelligent thing she had ever done.

She had placed herself in a very, very dangerous situation. But there was no way out. She did need him. He was a top actor, he would help her and she so desperately needed help with this. She needed to be able to act out romance convincingly or risk her career. She would not be typecast into the bully role. She would be a top actress no matter what.

And yet, she glanced up through her eyelashes at the man sitting beside her, she couldn't help but feel scared. Being close to him, dressing to impress him, trying to catch him off guard, even if it was all acting- all practicing for a role- it was stirring something inside her, something she wanted to leave alone. She knew what it was, she was no fool. It was a need, a want; something that was not in her control, something that she had to take and give to someone so that they could nurture it for her. A tiny little rose that she had to trust to someone else, so fragile and delicate, but if they nurtured it, the rose would grow larger and more beautiful than anything in the world.

But she had trusted her feelings with someone else before, and that flower had withered and died under that mans neglect and misuse. How could she bring herself to risk such a fragile and delicate part of her for a second time? If this flower died, she knew she would never recover.

And that was why it had to stay secret and safe, hidden away where nobody would ever be able to see it. She knew she couldn't nurture it that way, she knew that part of her would remain incomplete, she knew that she would be broken forever but she had to protect herself. For she knew that, even if she were willing to give that part of herself to the man she harboured these feelings for, he would never accept them. How could he accept them? He was completely out of her reach.

First it was Sho, who believed that I was unworthy of him- who believed I was nothing more than a maid. And now it is Tsuraga-san, a man who's talent, spirit and looks are so above mine that he might as well be above the clouds for as much as I can reach him. Why does this happen to me? Why do I unwittingly feel things for people who would not give me a second glance? Is it my fault? Was I always like this? Have I always been so broken? Is it really love that I should hate or is it myself?

'Kyoko?' Ren's voice was faint, and she felt lost in a sea of her own doubts and fears. But his voice started pulling her back. She saw him looking at her with fear and worry in his eyes. It was then that she noticed the dampness on her cheeks, the tears blurring her eyes.

Ren moved closer to her on instinct, he had never seen her look that way before. She had looked so fragile. Like a china doll on the brink of falling to pieces. And he feared, more than anything, that it was his doing.

'I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to put you in a situation where you would feel uncomfortable at all. We can forget this completely. I'm sure there are other things we can do to prepare you for the role.' He looked at her, as she delicately wiped the tears from her face, and his heart broke a little. 'Please stop crying?' he wished his voice didn't sound so small, so pleading. He wanted to be her strength, her comfort from whatever she was feeling. Just as he was about to continue reassuring her that this was all just a stupid mistake- she spoke up.

'I'm sorry. I just think I'm getting to grips with what my character would be feeling. When you suggested body language, it made me think of how Yui would react to having emotions of love, or thoughts of being that way another man for the first time since she was left at the altar.' It was a lie, but as she said it, the words became true. Perhaps she did have more in common with her new character than she thought. At least for the first part of her character arc anyway. 'I imagine that she would feel very conflicted, and scared. I got lost in the feeling. I'm sorry.' Kyoko looked up and met Ren's eyes with full sincerity and determination. 'I didn't mean to make you worry. I'm ready for the lesson now.'

Ren looked at her back and the pair stayed silent for a few moments. He knew she wasn't being entirely honest with him. She'd been doing that quite a bit recently, and he wondered if this role was to her, what Katsuki and Black Jack were to him? He wanted to ask her more, he didn't want her to suppress the emotions. He wanted to help. But he knew all too well, the feelings of inner conflict arising from past experiences. Unfortunately that meant that he also knew there was little he could do, except be by her side and offer her comfort and support to the best of his ability. Even if it was from afar, he would do his very best. She had been his good luck charm and now- if she needed it- he would be the same for her.

'Ok.' He said, nodding and taking a deep breath. He reached up and scratched the back of his head. 'I suppose the first thing to think about is letting yourself be at ease. In order to make playful flirting believable, you have to be relaxed. When you are nervous, you close off and that will alienate people from your acting. You know all of this from your acting lessons I'm presuming?'

Kyoko nodded her head and Ren shifted a little so that he was slightly slouched down the sofa, and he lifted one leg up and rested in on the coffee table. His arms lounged lazily over the back of the chair.

'You see now I'm in my own apartment, I'm relaxed. I'm around people I can trust, who I feel safe with.' He locked eyes with Kyoko for a moment and then carried on. 'As a result I feel comfortable and it's more believable that I would flirt playfully with somebody when I'm like this, as opposed to being somewhere where I have to maintain a professional manner.'

Kyoko began processing this. It was true that when Yui and her love interest met for the first time, he is visiting her apartment to interview her as a potential suspect in the case against her ex-fiancée, and sparks immediately begin to fly. But the conflict in that scene arises from Takumi fighting his attraction to her against his professional manner.

'Are you comfortable here with me, Kyoko?'

She snapped out of her musings when he asked her that. Her breath caught, and it was with the sudden realisation that he had used her first name, just her first name. Since when had he been doing that? How had she only just noticed? Why did her name seem so comfortable on his lips, and why did she want to hear it again?

She gulped, and nodded slowly. 'Yes. Of course I am.'

He breathed a sigh of relief which lead to more questions forming in her mind. Why would he be relieved that she was comfortable with him?

The Rose in her poor, broken heart began to grow in the tiny ray of hope that suddenly shone through.

No! No this can't be- this can't be right. I must be misreading. There's something I'm not understanding. He's in love with someone else, that high school girl.

'Take my hand?'

Kyoko's eyes practically bulged out of her head. 'Pardon me?'

'If you truly feel comfortable around me, being here with me, the way your character would feel with her love interest- then you would be able to hold my hand. Just sit here with me, hold my hand, and we'll watch TV. We'll relax. We'll talk. There's no pressure.' He reassured her. 'I promise that is all I mean from this body language lesson. It's practicing letting yourself be relaxed and carefree with someone else. If you feel too uncomfortable at any point, we'll stop. We don't even have to start, it's up to you.'

And with that, Ren lifted his hand out to Kyoko- not letting his face give away that, though he may be offering her his hand, she had his hopes in the palm of hers. He knew he shouldn't be feeling that way, this was supposed to be an acting lesson and nothing more than that.

But it was. It was so much more than that. And that was entirely his fault.

Kyoko stared at his hand like she was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. In some ways she truly was. If she didn't take his hand, she could risk everything. If she did take his hand, she could risk everything. She didn't know what to do. She had fought so hard to protect herself from feeling for this man... Logically she wondered why holding his hand this time, was different from just moments ago? Deep down inside she knew the answer.

Despite the fact that she had fought her feelings, that tiny ray of hope refused to die, and she hated herself for that. But more than that she hated admitting that she was no longer in control of her own feelings. The thought terrified her. This was trouble, this was dangerous, and her heart wouldn't recover if he rejected her...

But he wasn't rejecting her. He hadn't ever rejected her before. In fact he was sitting right next to her, offering her his hand and going above and beyond to help a lowly kohai like her, even on one of his rare days off. She thought about wondering why that was; why he had always been there for her, but then thought it best to not dwell on it. She didn't want to ruin something she had been blessed with by accidentally crushing it under the weight of a microscope.

No, she would push her selfish wants and needs to one side- they didn't matter anyway, because no matter what happened she knew they would never be fulfilled- and she would do whatever it took to raise herself to a level of acting that could match Tsuraga-san's, but more importantly a level that she herself would be proud of.

So she stared down the barrel of the gun, and placed her hand in his.

Lots and lots of development here. Both of them internalized a lot, and in such a short space of time! Could it be that something is finally happening with these two? It's funny how this started off so silly, but got so serious. But I feel like, despite the fun concept, in order it to be realistic- Kyoko has to face her issues. And that does come with a bit of angst. But I hope you can forgive me for that XD it's all for love!

Speaking of love- reviews are just that! What do you think of the more serious chapter? Let me know! :D