Chapter Three: Time To Go To Die-On-The-Alley!

After some hassle, thirty minutes of England yelling and America laughing, three new black eyes for some states, some more tea dumped on England's head, and a few hexes, everything was starting to go smoothly. Or so England thought.

"Daaaaaaaaad," California whined. "I thought you said we were gonna go to that weird Dragon Alley place. Not the old man's creepy basement!"

"No," Florida said, jumping up and down. "Dad said that we're going to see Iggy and then go to Diagon Alley!"

Texas snorted. "Dude, Iggy, y'all got some freakin' weird names fer yer place! Pigfarts, Die-On-The-Alley, Wart's-Need, what's next? Some place called Moldy-shorts?"

Alaska let out a low chuckle. "Nyet, England does not have place called 'Moldy-shorts', but he does have a dark wizard called that. I am correct, da?" He asked England, who was watching the states with wide eyes.

England coughed into his hand before sticking his nose a little higher in the air. "British names are not weird, for your information! And you are all saying the names incorrectly, it is 'Hogwarts, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, and Voldemort', not those idiotic names you pulled from some children's book!"

"Oh," DC said. "Well, that makes the UK about 20% less cooler now."

"Oh God," Hawaii groaned. "You did not just make a 'My Little Pony' reference."

"And if I did?" DC challenged, taking a step forward.

"Then I'll disown you as my brother." The 50th state said bluntly.

North Dakota decided this was where he would step into the conversation. "It was a pretty good reference, though. Rainbow Dash is awesome."

"Fluttershy is better!" Alaska said.

"Noooo," Mississippi droned. "Twilight is better. She's a Princess!"

"But that doesn't mean anything, Mis." Florida said, also joining the conversation. "Apple Jack is an Earth Pony and she's the best. Right, Virgy?" She said, turning to her brother.

"Do not bring me into this idiotic conversation." Virginia groaned, facepalming. "And my personal favorite is Celestia."

"I like Derpy the most!" Texas piped up. "Derpy and the Doctor!"

"But they're just background ponies!" DC said. "I thought we were talking about the Mane Six!"

"We are?" Florida asked.

"Apparently so," South Dakota groaned. "And Pinkie Pie is the best, for your information."

"I agree that Apple Jack is the best pony from the Main Six," Alabama said. "But for overall best pony, Sombra is my favorite."

"But he's evil!" Texas said with a dramatic gasp. "Ya' can't like somepony who almost killed Cadence!"

"My vote's on Rarity!" California said, cutting off Alabama from what he was about to say.

"Mine's on Rainbow!" DC said.

Maryland decided this was the part where he came in, saying, "I like Fluttershy the most! She's so calm!"

"I like Pinkie the best!" Hawaii said while jumping up and down.

"But Rarity is all about fashion!" Louisiana said for the first time.

"But Fluttershy is so cute and she understands animals like I do with Kyra!" Alaska said.

And soon began the debate over which pony is the best. Until America stepped in, that is.

"All of y'all are so biased!" Texas practically screamed. "Who cares about the Main Six?! Episode 100, bitc-"

"WILL ALL OF YOU BLOODY STATES SHUT UP!" England yelled, trying to regain control of the situation.

"No!" All of the states yelled at the island nation at the same time before going back to arguing.

America let out a loud laugh, slapping England on the back. "Nice try, Iggy! But this is what ya gotta do!" He said before turning to face the circle the states had formed.

"DUDES, SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO MY HERO VOICE!" America's voice boomed through England's house, promptly shutting everyone up, as well as making the island nation cover his ears. "We all know that Luna is the best pony!" America said with a smirk.

And then everyone facepalmed.

America turned to England. "So, what'da wanna say, Iggy?"

"My name is England, not that ridiculous nickname you seemed to have made for me." Said nation said, glaring daggers at America. "And I need everyone who is going to Hogwarts to step inside this pentagon so I can shrink you." He said, gesturing to a chalk pentagon behind him.

"W-wait, what?!" Alabama screeched. "No way in hell, British boy!"

"For once, I agree with the Southern Prick!" South Dakota yelped, backing away from England and his creepy pentagon. "I am not letting you shrink me!"

Hawaii ran behind Texas, yelling, "shoot him! Shoot him before he kills us all with his food and pentagons!"

"As you wish, M'lady!" Texas pulled out a pair of dual western-style pistols, facing England. "Alaska, Alabama, California, weapons at the ready!"

The three states pulled out weapons in response to Texas. Alabama had a shotgun, California a battle axe, and Alaska pulled a giant hunting bow after barking a command to Kyra.

"What the bloody he-" England started, his eyes widening at an alarming rate.

"Florida, ya' still got that flamethrower I got cha' for yer birthday?" Texas said, cutting England off.

"Yups~~~!" Florida cheered, pulling the flamethrower out from no-where and pointing it at the fumbling island.

"Aww, dudes," America groaned. "It's just Iggy and his stupid magic stuff. If you wanna go to Pigfarts or whatever it's called, you dudes need to look 13, right?"

"Maybe…" Florida mumbled, throwing the flamethrower into the air and watching it disappear to wherever it had come from.

"C'mon, you four, too." America groaned to the four who still had their weapons out.

"Fine…" Alabama groaned before throwing his shotgun into the air like Florida did. California and Alaska following his example and making their weapons disappear.

"Texas." America said sternly. "Guns. Down. Now."

The state mumbled a few profanities in Spanish, throwing her pistols into the air.

"Thank you, Tex." America said, grinning at his states and capital. "Now go into the penta-thingy before I shoot you."

Texas shuddered, before glaring at her father. "Okay, old man. Don't get yer panties in a twist."

America just laughed, hitting Texas in the back good-naturally. Except that he hit her a little too hard, and Texas ended up getting thrown into the pentagon.

Great. Now for the rest of them.

Shrink, bitches, shrink! Mwahahahaha!

:)T(:

England, who hadn't even spent 45 minutes of the day with America's states, was already done with them. He suddenly felt guilty (almost) for sending them to Hogwarts, basically forcing them to spend time with Harry Potter (the poor boy… England thought), and for having the Headmaster deal with them for a full year. But, so long as they weren't in his hair for much longer, England felt that the world will be a better place. States were just so damn annoying.

"America," England spoke up to his former brother. "I think it might be better if we give your children some time to adjust to the wizarding world. Maybe wait a week or two after term starts and then send them to Hogwarts. That way they can catch up with the third-years with magic and such."

America just laughed. "That's not up to me! It's up to them. They're free states, under my watch and law, yes, but they can decide for themselves."

"What're we deciding for ourselves?" A smaller Florida asked from her perch on England's favorite chair.

"W-when did you get here!" England yelled, stumbling back a few paces."You bloody state! Go back downstairs!"

"But Artieeeeeee!" She whined, "Texas, Alaska, Hawaii, Virginia, and California are going against North, South, Louisiana, DC, and Mississippi at a giant water-balloon fight! They won't let me join 'cause Maryland doesn't want to!" Florida huffed angrily.

"They are doing WHAT in my basement?!" England screeched.

"An epic water-balloon fight without me." Florida repeated with a pout. "Hey, Dad, if you joined, we could go all out!" She said, hopefully.

"Your father will be doing no such thing!" The island nation yelled, roughly grabbing America and Florida by their sleeves. "America, get your children under control! I raised you better than this!"

America just let out his "hero-laugh". "Yeah, but your methods of raising me sucked!" He turned his head to England. "You wouldn't let me be independent! I, however, let my states be as free as they like, like Liberty!"

England just mentally face-palmed, and continued to drag the two down to his basement. "If my basement's flooded, I swear to God…" He muttered darkly, causing Florida and America to sweatdrop.

Florida gave her father a look that said; "Distract him, I'll warn the others."

Sadly, though, her father cannot read looks or the atmosphere for shit. Her poor siblings. Oh well, they deserved it. No one kicks Florida out of a water fight without paying for it. Cue the evil grin.

:)T(:

By the time England had finished chewing out America's states for "Completely bloody ruining my basement! America, you need to bloody raise your goddamn states better! Have you seen what they did to my bloody basement?! Stop laughing, you bloody gits! My poor basement!" it had become dark outside. Nations didn't necessarily need to sleep, but it was a welcome practice so they could still feel human. England's cozy estate, however, would not be able to fit all the states, so they were forced to stay at some sort of wizard pub called "The Leaky Cauldron". Even though it was a relatively common name, the states still laughed at it for the sake of annoying the English nation. When the states got all their rooms sorted out, America left to go back to his turf, saying that even though he loved his states in England dearly, there was still more of half of them at his house, most likely burning it down with some of New Mexico's bombs.

England was staying at his estate, but would come by the next day to help sort out all of the states' school stuff and money problems, as well as re-fill his stock of wizard money. But for now, the nations left the states on their own, to sleep and cause havoc wherever they go.

:)T(:

"Hey, Ala," California asked that night. "What do you think of all this?"

"All this what?" Alabama asked, looking up from his DS.

"All this-this magic stuff." California murmured. "It just… It doesn't feel natural! It feels so wrong to just change stuff like this! I mean, turning mice into teacups, glass into birds, and-and all these crazy theories on Voldemort! It just doesn't feel right!" California ranted.

Alabama set his DS down, turning to face his brother. "Do you really want my honest opinion?" The 22nd state asked the 31st. A nod from California was all Alabama needed to go into his rant mode. "Honestly? I hate the idea of tampering with life. We've seen enough of it during the wars. I hate the idea that most wizards - the British ones, especially - think they're better than everyone else because they wave a wand and say some random crap, and poof! Something happens. Honest, House Elves are stronger than them." Alabama shook his head, his usually bright, forest green, looking more like one of Louisiana's swamps' green colours. "I hate to agree with Tex and Al with this, but they're right. Wizards really need to get down from their high horse and face the fucking truth. They're not as good as they seem to think they are. The British wizards are super behind in the times, more than the Russians, and speaking of those bastards, they seem to be unable to be able to stop putting freaking vodka in all of their potions! I get why they do it, Russian spirit, y'know, but seriously! I got my animagus potion from Russia, and it had straight vodka in it! I got drunk off a potion! Do you know how embarrassing that is?" California snickered.

"I remember that! I still have the video of it, infact!" California started to laugh even harder. "A drunk black bear running around the house was something that was such good blackmail." He looked over at Alabama before flat out laughing, clutching his stomach.

Alabama tried to not laugh, he really did, but being able to watch his younger, grey-eyed sandy-haired brother laugh like that really doesn't help him not laugh. So he finally gave in, joining his laughing brother on the floor, like nothing was wrong with the world. But there was so much that needed to be changed.

So goddamn much.

:)T(:

Quick AN! So, I just finished reading all of you guys's reviews for my sorry excuse of a fanfiction, and I would like to say thank you! Even if it's only four reviews, they still mean a lot. I've been meaning to PM each of you, but school and writing the next few chapters have gotten in the way. I'm sorry to say, but this fanfiction will most likely only be updated once every 1-2 weeks. This is due to school, me writing a new story/plot bunny ideas down (Fullmetal Alchemist multi-fandom crossover, anyone?), random one-shot ideas for my friend, and me possibly co-betaing a Percy Jackson/Harry Potter crossover, and other stuff has gotten in the way, as much as it sucks.

And I'm also a very slow writer. A very, VERY, slow writer. So slow it sucks. :(

But still, thank you guys so much! It makes me so happy to see you guys enjoy this little bout of crack! And I have some replies for the four of you who reviewed:

TBNRpheniox: Really? Small world, eh? I hope you enjoy this version of your Quotev fic. Can you possibly give me a link so I can follow you on Quotev?

ChefBoyardee: Whenever I looked at my email and saw your name, I DIED laughing! Best name ever! Thank you for the little tidbit on Alabama! That will be very useful knowledge for later chapters… *Cough cough* Chapter ?: Alabama Blows Up The School?! *Cough cough*. ;3

Lukas Le Stelle: Yay! My old teacher actually got me into the ship. He was going over the Washington DC Burning of 1814, or whatever year it was, and he said, and I quote: "So, those British Bastards and those little Canadians just marched over to DC, yelled something about burning to hell, and burnt down that house like it was nuttin'! So, that, like, TOTALLY freaked little Maryland and Virginia out, 'cause, like, DC is their child. They love little DC to death. So they killed those redcoated British freaks. Together. Then they kissed like in all those Disney movies. So romantic. Much wow." Best history teacher ever. :D

TheChibitalian47: Really? That's a weird law :/ But, alas! It can be used! To go bath the donkeys of the US! *Charges into bathroom with E-oar. Or whatever the frick that depressed donkey's name was.*

SkyeShah: Aww, thank you! I'll try my best to! :D

A few more things before I take my leave: I'm still in need of some Betas. If anyone wants to Beta this, please, speak up. I'm going to run out of ideas soon, and when that happens, I give up on the story. Look at my account and you can see that it's true. None of those stories had betas, and I have up on them during the summer when I didn't have my best friend's ideas and support to help move the story forward. If any of you guys are band nerds, like myself, then the support from my friends and people are the bass drum that drives my writing forward. I'm just the clarinet, violin, flute, baritone, trombone, tuba, whatever you want it to be, that plays the melody and writes out the song, the story, the thing that makes people glow with happiness or cry with the feeling of hopelessness or pain. So, I need as much support as I can get, or else this fic will go down the drain. So, I leave my request out there one more time: PLEASE, if any of you would like to be my beta reader, speak up now.

This fanfic will be posted on Wattpad! Once I find out how to post things on their, of course, so if you are interested, or like to use Wattpad better than FF.N, then if you can tell me how to post fics there, SGTH will be posted on my (brand-spankin' new) account, Mermaidhorse. The nickname thingy on there is Elemental Alchemist, so idk if that helps you finding me or anything. My profile pic is a dramatic looking Prussia and a black eagle, and the background is Roy and Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist being adorable :D Hopefully this info will help you find me! :D

My request for random facts are still out there! If ye' have a fact o' any of dem tiny turfs of countries, tell 'em to me! (Dat accent dooooooo) I'll also be taking any random dates! SPOILERS AHEAD:::: I will have the states dress up for Halloween, do something in honor of Homestuck, MLP, Doc. Who, Supernatural, Fullmetal Alchemist, Sherlock, ect. on certain dates when it counts! Oct. 3, something will happen, April 13th, something will happen, as well as other stuffs on those kinds of dates. So, any random dates with anything (any fandom) I will try to reference it or make something happen in honour of that day and fandom, k?

So, once again, thank you all so much! Can't wait till the states head over to Hogsparts, eh? ;3

-Mermaidhorse =^-^=