Chapter 11

BPOV

There comes a point in your life when you have to take a step back and re-evaluate the things happening and people in your life.

Ask yourself the questions, "Do I really need these people in my life?" "Do I really want this to be the direction my life is going?" "Can I truly trust this person?" "Is this even truly worth it?"

Sitting back and asking myself these questions I look back to when I met the Cullen Family. Oh how I wish they had been just regular people. I wish that life wouldn't have gotten so crazy or turned down the road to what-the-fuck Ville.

So back to the questions.

Do I really need these people in my life? Well the answer to that would be both yes and no.

The yes because I love them and in the short time that I have known them and reconnected with them they have become my family. They have become long lost second parents, sisters, brothers, and a man I love.

The no part would be because I wouldn't die without them. I would do what I have ALWAYS done and watched out for myself. Care for myself. I refuse to let any man control me or think that I live and breathe only for him because I do that for myself, not him. I would survive if he left me tomorrow. Sure it would suck and hurt like hell but I would live and survive. I would go about my life with a sadness in part of my heart but I would fall completely apart.

Do I really want this to be the direction my life is going? A big part of it is yes and again there is a part that is a no as well.

The yes part is because I love this man and his family. They are becoming my family. I will eventually want a family of my own someday.

The no is because I really don't want to be shot at every day or week or ever really. I mean what will happen if I ever get pregnant or have young kids? Will I have to worry about them being killed every day? I mean I get his job is dangerous but when do you draw the line?

Can I truly trust these people? I don't know.

I would like to. I would love to. But when Edward told me about his mother's fear that I am a rat or a mole for their family had me second guessing. I felt like I could trust Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rose, Carlisle, Edward, and Felix. But she was a mystery and one I fully intended to keep an eye on.

Thankfully no one else in the family has the fear or even believes the crap coming out of Esme's mouth.

Is this truly worth it? Right now I would have to say yes. But that may change because life changes.

I want to continue this life with Edward. I want to marry him, love him, and give him a family. But I also know right now there seems to be a HUGE target on my back. Whether it is to get to Edward or it's really about me (which I doubt) there is this big target on my back that must say "hey here I am. It's cool just shoot you might get me"

Right now my life is hanging on the edge of a steel blade and one gust of air the wrong way I am going to fall, and fall hard it seems.

Looking out the window my thoughts were interrupted by a light knock.

I had been in this house since Aro's funeral, 2 days after he died, for a straight 2 weeks. Not because of security, not because I was scared, but because I was grieving.

The funeral we had for Aro was beautiful.

His poor wife had decided to sell the restaurant. She had plenty of money and decided she was going to move back to Italy. Having no children and losing her husband she was at a loss of what to do. When her brother Caius asked her to come stay with him back in Italy to help him care for his sick wife who had cancer unfortunately. She jumped at the chance to go home and just be with family. My heart goes out to her and with her.

With her selling the restaurant I decided to buy it quickly. They had been the first family, since my parents had died, that I knew. I was going to miss her dearly but now I had my book store and new restaurant to worry about as well. I kept the staff that had been hand-picked by Aro and Sulpicia but I made a few rearrangements. Her sous chef, Demetri, was now head chef. He asked me if I would allow his apprentice, Jane, to become his sous chef. I did. I then hired Jane's twin brother Alec to take Jane's spot on the line. That was almost the end of the changes. I had bought the restaurant but Edward suggested since I didn't want to be there all the time, because of the book store, to hire a manager. Instead of hiring one I promoted Zafrina, who had been Aro's apprentice. She knew this place like the back of her hand and I trusted her to take over with a fair but firm grasp. The other employees loved her and trusted her.

Thankfully no one was upset by the changes and they went about their jobs, new and old, with no complaints.

The book store was coming along nicely. Tanya had come over with pictures, videos, samples. She understood I was trying to move past Aro's death and tried to make it more accommodating to me to call or come over with every detail of progress, or a setback, at least every other day.

Turning around I saw Alice.

Smiling at her I beckoned her over to the window bench I was sitting on.

"Hey, how are you today?" We hugged as she asked.

"Better thanks. I think I am going to the hospital and see rose and the new babies if you want to tag along?" I asked her.

I had finally had enough of my sitting and moping. I wanted to remember that life was given and taken away everyday but that didn't mean life would stop or the world wouldn't continue to spin.

Rose had gone into labor 2 days ago and given birth to identical boys. She had given birth that night and had asked for no visitors that next day so they could bond as a family. She finally gave the ok to come and visit today when visiting hours started at 11 am. It was only 9:30 am now.

"Of course. I wasn't sure if you wanted to leave or not but you seem to be in better spirits." She bounced slightly next to me.

"I don't think I'll ever forget that day but I am going to try and move past it. I want to be happy and carefree again" I smiled a bigger smile at her.

"Knock, knock" I looked towards the door and my smile widened.

Edward was the epitome of perfect man. In looks, and inside as well.

These past 2 weeks he allowed me to grieve but also helped me make decisions and took care of me mentally. He helped bring me back and realize that while it was sad and ok to be sad, it wasn't the end of the world.

"Hey" I smiled bigger as he walked over and kissed me sweetly but deeply.

"Hey I was just coming to see if you had seen my runaway sister that came to talk to me but abandoned me when my back was turned in the kitchen." He smiled at his sister as he knocked her leg lightly causing her to laugh out a huff and cross her arms.

"I came to check on my sister and you were boring just going on and on about wanting brownies and cakes" She laughed at him.

He blushed slightly but stuck his tongue at her causing me to laugh outright.

"That's a beautiful sound. I missed it" He looked back at me wistfully.

I just smiled at him and gave him a bigger kiss.

"Ok well your sister and I are going to visit Rose and the babies." I told him "Do you want to go as well?"

He nodded and told us he'd be ready to leave in a half hour he just had to make a quick phone call.

When he left Alice did nothing but quiz me about the wedding and any details or dates until I just asked her to be my wedding planner. To which she replied with the loudest squeal and a hug that could rival any bear. Then she went off on a tirade about needing to get her sketch book and samples and I lost interest after she started to talk about not having enough time to plan, it was only when she said glitter and sparkle would be everywhere that I came to my senses and glared at her. She turned sheepish and told me she would use whatever colors we chose and be happy with that.

When we got to Rose's room we noticed Esme and Carlisle were there as well each holding a baby.

When Esme saw me she looked down at her lap and had a contrite look upon her face. I knew she was sorry for how she had been acting towards me and also for the things she told her husband but I wasn't ready to let her in fully yet. I was going to be an adult though and not cause drama.

Smiling at everyone in the room I crossed over to Rose and Emmett and gave them each a big hug, Rose more gently than Emmett.

"How do you feel?" I asked as Rose settled back against the pillow with a slight wince.

"C-sections are no fun" She laughed out then grimaced "But I'd do it aa thousand times over for those little boys" She smiled at the babies across the room.

"My Rosie was amazing in there. Sure it was scary seeing as they came 2 days before the scheduled C-section but she was such a calm influence that I didn't start freaking out." Emmett said as he kissed Rose's forehead.

Carlisle walked over and handed me the baby he was holding.

"They look just like you Emmett" I looked over at Edward holding a baby as well and dear batman he was gorgeous with a baby.

He seemed to be looking at me the same way, so much that I had to look away.

Handing the baby to Rose I walked over to Edward as he handed the other baby to Emmett.

Grabbing his hand we looked around the room together. A doctor entered the room and asked to speak to Edward and Alice in the hall. I went to let go of Edward's hand but he kept a hold of it and took me into the hall as well.

"What's going on Dr. Gerandy?" Edward asked.

"It's about Jasper" He told us to which Alice gasped "He was stabbed but is ok. It was a minor flesh wound. He was patched up but we advised that he stay in my office till you could get there to speak with him." Dr. Gerandy led us to a small office but shut the door as we walked in.

"Don't worry his office was checked for bugs" Jasper said as soon as Edward gave him some kind of hand signal.

Alice ran over to him and started to fuss but Jasper just kissed her really quick and had her sit in his lap.

"I know who the shooter has been each time and I took her out"