Azumanga und Panzer!
Chapter 6
by Technomad
"Anzio's next," said Miho, when the team had gathered in the school baths. They were the only ones there, and you could just about hear a pin drop as the girls sat in the hot water, soaking away the day's weariness. Even Mako, who was usually the sleepiest of them, had perked up and was paying attention.
"Tell me about them," asked Sakaki. The other members of Cat Team nodded agreement. "I wasn't here for the match last year, remember? And at the time I didn't follow the sports news, so I don't remember any of the details, so anything you can tell me will be useful."
As the resident history experts, Hippo Team took over, standing up as Miho sat down and luxuriated. Erwin took the lead, looking a little unnatural without her usual crusher cap with goggles. "Their schtick is Italy, the way St. Gloriana does Britain and Pravda does the old Soviet Union. They curb-stomped Maginot Academy in their match last week. They use Italian-built tanks, and some tankettes. Italy had some good tanks in World War II, although their designs were outdated by the time the war began for the most part. But don't underestimate them for it! They're fairly tough. And Anzio's girls are nothing to despise. They run on guts, and don't have one ounce of give-up in them…do they, Caesar?"
Caesar shook her head. "That they don't! Their commander goes by the handle 'Anchovy.' She's a good commander, but prone to snap at bait. She likes ambushes."
"Tankettes?" That was a new one. Sakaki exchanged puzzled looks with her fellow Azu High refugees. "What in the world are tankettes?"
"A tankette is a small vehicle, with a crew of two or even one. It runs on treads like a tank, and is enclosed, but doesn't mount much of a gun and has very light armor. They're good for scouting; they can get into places you wouldn't expect a tank to be able to go, and they're fast and agile."
"And they sound like an instant death trap if they get into a heavier machine's sights," commented Yomi. "Might not even need the heavy gun to deal with them…right, Osaka?"
Appealed to directly, Cat Team's main gunner looked even more distracted than she usually did outside of a tank's gunner's seat. "Ah sho'ly don't know, darlin'. If'n y'all could get me somethin' specific, Ah could look it up. Thing is, though, even Ah cain't hit somethin' Ah cain't see, an' these things sound like they's awful elusive."
"You got it, Osaka," said Miho. "And they do have some regular-size tanks, which they know how to use. Not to mention a 75/18s, which is in the same class as Hippo Team's STG."
"We beat them last year, but that's no guarantee," said Mako Reizei. "The match is in a week, so we'd best get busy."
Meanwhile, at Anzio High, Anchovy was quietly gloating. "Last year, one thing that went wrong for us was not having more heavies. This time, we're going to spring a surprise on our dear friends from Oorai!"
The reason for her gloating was easy to see. The Italian cultural attache at their embassy in Tokyo had freed up some funds, and they had been able to buy two more P-40 tanks. They still planned to field some L3/33s, since the tankettes were unequalled in Anchovy's mind for scouting, but she wanted some more heavy punch, and the P-40s would do it with room to spare.
She heard a squeal, and looked down to see an adorable little girl looking up at her, hero-worship shining in her eyes. "Oh! Who are you?"
"My name's Chiyo Mihama, and I want to be a sports reporter one day! My teacher said I should get out there and practice, and I want to interview you!" Chiyo's eyes went wide. "I really, really admire Tankery practitioners, and you're supposed to be really good! Would you let me interview you? Please?"
"Really?" Anchovy was utterly charmed. "Why, I'd be honored! That's an Azu uniform, isn't it, dear?"
"Yes, it is! We're rebuilding at a real great clip, and soon you won't know anything was ever wrong! But tell me…how do you plan to beat Oorai?"
"Come along with me, sweetheart, and I'll tell you all about it! Maybe someday you'll take up Tankery too!" Anchovy walked off, talking a mile a minute, with Chiyo priming her with questions and taking lots of pictures for the school paper article she said she wanted to write.
Some while later, Chiyo left the Anzio school ship, waving goodbye to Anzio and the rest of her teammates. It wasn't till the boat touched land and she was able to scramble ashore that she really relaxed. She could hardly believe that Sakaki's plan had worked so well.
Once she was back at Oorai, she quickly changed back into her Oorai uniform, and ran to find Sakaki. The reserved commander of their tank showed uncharacteristic glee at what Chiyo-chan showed her.
"Miho's got to see this!" she gloated, before running off to find their team captain and share the information that Chiyo had obtained. Chiyo pelted along, eager to see what would happen. They found her talking with their team coach about the upcoming match.
Miho's eyes went wide when she saw all that Chiyo had done. Captain Chono was utterly amazed. "How did you get all this, Sakaki?" she asked.
"It was Sakaki's plan, but I did all of it!" Chiyo said proudly. "I dressed up in my old Azu High uniform and went on board Anzio's school ship. Once I was there, I found Anchovy and told her that I was going to be a reporter when I grew up. She thought I was just so cute, and harmless! She wouldn't say just what they're planning to do, but she gave me an interview, showed me around, and let me take lots and lots of pictures!" Chiyo held up her camera. "Let's get these downloaded!"
As the two Azu High refugees disappeared computer-ward, Captain Chono and Miho exchanged glances. "I'm just very glad they're on our side," Miho finally remarked. "They're scary. Brilliant but scary."
"I've been wondering about pointing our Miss Sakaki toward the Self-Defense Force officers' school. Now I'm thinking that our child prodigy might also do well there." Miho nodded, and the two women began planning out their attack.
Anchovy's plan was simple, but deceptive. She knew that Oorai High had the edge on her in raw punch; even before Cat Team and their SU-100 had joined, and she planned to make up for that in stealth and speed. They'd deploy decoys again, but this time she would make damned sure that there weren't more decoys than she had tanks on the field! She was still annoyed about that stupid mistake last time. She and her girls had trampled all over Koala High and Maginot Academy, and this time they'd humble Oorai, too!
She also planned to enjoy the little surprise she had cooked up for Miho and her friends. While she still couldn't match Oorai in sheer firepower, she had more now than she had had before, and she planned to put it to very good use. In particular, that pestilential "Duck Team" was on her little list; she planned to take them out as soon as could be, because they were among the few who could reliably hit her L3/33 tankettes. And since the tankettes were so elusive, she had designated one of them as the command tank. What they can't hit, they can't take out, she thought.
The signal for the start of the game sounded, and Anchovy gave the order: "Move out, girls! And remember our plan!"
Back came the response: "Viva Italia! Viva Anzio! Viva Anchovy!" The tanks' engines roared to life and Anzio High's forces forged forward into battle.
As Anchovy had planned, the command tank skittered off into the woods, staying hidden. Unless Oorai happened across it, it would stay safe and secure, while Anzio's harder-hitting units cleared up the battlefield. Anchovy knew full well that most Tankery team captains tended to designate one of their stronger units as command tank, and planned to take advantage of that habit.
Miho smiled rather grimly. She knew more about Anchovy's plans than Anchovy was aware of; even though Anchovy hadn't been so enchanted by Chiyo-chan as to let slip her exact plans, the terrain itself dictated certain things, and she had spent years studying Tankery.
She knew that Anzio's tankettes couldn't hurt her heavier units, and Anglerfish, Cat, Hippo, Leopon, Turtle and Mallard teams were under orders to ignore them. Instead, they were to concentrate entirely on Anzio's heavier hitters, in particular her new P-40s. Miho figured that one of those was likely to be Anzio's command tank, and if she could take that out, she'd have the game won. And she fully intended to be the winner. She was very different from her driven mother and sister, but she was still a Nishizumi.
Anteater, Duck, and Rabbit teams were tasked with keeping Anzio's tankettes occupied. While they weren't heavily-enough armed to do much damage to Oorai's heavies, they could easily report their locations and harass them, and make nuisances of themselves. Duck Team in particular had done well against them in the last match against Anzio, and were eager to show their worth to their schoolmates.
The terrain was hilly, and everybody kept a careful eye on the hilltops as they roared past. A tankette on a hilltop could easily report their location and course to Anchovy.
As it happened, it wasn't a tankette. In the lead, Leopon Team roared past an innocuous-looking outcropping, too small to support a tank, and were suddenly hit from the side. "Hit! We're hit! What the hell?" came over the radio. Through her periscope, Sakaki could see what had happened. They had happened on two of Anzio's Semoventi da 85/18s, which packed enough punch to make even the tough-skinned Porsche Tiger feel it. Leopon came to a stop, then turned on its tracks, heading away from the Anzio tanks, its long-gunned turret slewing around to return their fire.
"Osaka!" called Sakaki. "Can you see those Anzio tanks?"
Snapped out of whatever daydream she'd been in, Osaka peered through her range-finder. "Ah can sho'ly see the nearest one, ma'am! They's right in range! Tomo! Load!" Tomo was already heaving a shell into the breech of the big 100-mm gun, and Osaka narrowed her eyes, making minute adjustments in the gun's aim. She triggered it, and the gun roared.
Even for Osaka, it was fine shooting. The shell's impact took the Semoventi in the side, knocking it clear over on its side. Over it, a white flag popped out, signifying that the Semoventi was out of the action. "Ah sho'ly hope I ain't hurt them girls!" Osaka worried. Yomi patted her on the shoulder.
"I'm sure they'll be all right, Osaka. You're a good person to worry about them, though." Too many Tankery practitioners didn't care about injuries to rival players; Osaka was, as always, an exception.
The other Semoventi clearly decided that discretion was the better part of survival. It pulled back before Tomo could reload. The first one's flip-over had apparently rattled Leopon's gunner, and even at close range, they missed. The Anzio tank turned and fled.
Leopon was clearly rather rattled by having come on the other side so unexpectedly; instead of staying in formation, they went roaring off after the other Anzio tank. Miho's voice came over the radio: "Leopon! What are you doing, woman? Stay in formation! Over!"
"We are pursuing the enemy, ma'am! Over!"
"Permission to pursue refused! They may be trying to lure you into an ambush! Return to formation at once! Over and out!"
"Roger, wilco, ma'am…" Just at that moment, the three P-40s that Anchovy had under her command appeared; they'd been cleverly camouflaged under piles of brush and leaves, and they caught Leopon completely off-guard. Their guns roared, knocking Leopon's Tiger back and forth on its treads, its gun traversing as Hoshino tried to figure out who to fire at first.
Osaka triggered her own gun, and Kitty Cat rocked back on its treads as the gun recoiled. One of the P-40s took a direct hit, slewing to one side as smoke began pouring out of its engine compartment and a white flag popped up. But the other two were still in the fight, and they both targeted Leopon, firing almost simultaneously. Leopon's right tread was shot clear off along with several of its bogie wheels, and its main cannon was knocked out of true by a lucky hit on the turret. A white flag appeared, and Nakajima's voice came over the radio: "Sorry, ma'am, but it looks like we're out of the game!"
"Are you all okay? No injuries?" That was Miho. Sakaki reflected that Miho's instinctive reaction was part of why her teammates would follow her to Hell. A commander who cared about her girls could ask a great deal of them.
"We're all fine, ma'am!"
"Well, when we get done with this, I want to have a little talk with you! In the meantime we've got work to do!" While Miho was a very unusual sort of Tankery commander, she was still a Nishizumi and a Tankery commander; the mission had to come first.
By that time, Anglerfish and Hippo had come up. Hippo slewed around, aiming its gun, and opened fire on the Anzio tanks. Clearly deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, and having more than carried out their mission of locating Oorai's main force, the two remaining P-40s turned tail, heading into the tall timber. Saemonza's shot bounced just short of the last one's tail pipes.
"Back on track, ladies! The recovery trucks can take care of things here! Panzer Vor!" Very soon, the formation was back on the trail they had been following, leaving Leopon and the P-40 for the recovery teams.
Sakaki was thinking. "We've located their heavier units. At the same time, they've located ours. This should become a straight-up slugfest."
"Why would they be so careless as to let us know where their heaviest units were?" asked Yomi. That question struck Sakaki as eminently sensible.
"Maybe…maybe their heavies aren't the key to victory, this time. Could they have designated one of their light tanks as their flag?" Once the idea had come, Sakaki was grabbing Kagura. "Kagura! Get me Anglerfish on the horn, now!"
When she was contacted, Miho was startled by the idea, but quickly assimilated it. "It makes sense, Sakaki! Those tankettes are the devil to find if they don't want to be, and if one of them is flag tank, they can maybe run the clock out even if they lose all their heavies!"
Anteater Team was not having a very good time. They had eaten some snacks before the tournament started that were turning out to disagree with them, and the rough ride their Chi-Nu medium tank was giving them didn't help. Finally, their commander took pity on them.
"Stop the tank, Momoga," said Nekonya. "My stomach is churning." A chorus of agreement met this statement, and the Chi-Nu stopped, with Momoga turning off the engine. In the sudden quiet, they could hear the engine ticking as it cooled. Nekonya unbuttoned the turret hatch, sticking her head out. Birds were twittering in the trees, and there was no sign of the enemy. Without the jouncing around that they had been enduring, Nekonya felt her stomach settling down, and she wondered if they could just stay there.
Piyotan spoke up in the sudden quiet. "Ma'am? That stuff we ate…it went right straight through. Permission to disembark so I can go behind a bush?"
"Granted. I may just join you." The thought was mother to the deed, and soon both girls were getting rid of what they'd unwisely taken aboard earlier. They'd packed along some toilet paper, so cleaning up was no problem, but as they headed back to Anteater, Nekonya's eyes went very wide behind her glasses. Piyotan was just about to say something, when her commander held up a hand.
"Do you hear what I hear?" she murmured; she knew that a murmur carried less well than a whisper. Piyotan went quiet, straining her ears. Nekonya's eyes narrowed as she tried to pin down what she'd heard, and then she silently pointed off to one side.
The girls stealthily crept through the brush, and suddenly stopped cold. Not very far away, an Anzio M13/40 was parked, along with a CV-33 tankette. What made both girls suppress gasps, though, was that the tankette was flying the flag that marked it as the flag tank. Silently, they retraced their path, finally turning and running to the relative safety of Anteater. Once they were inside, Nekonya picked up the radio handset, and then put it down with a sigh. "Momoya! Start us up, and go to the left! Try to be as quiet as you can be!" The tank's engine purred to life, and Anteater lurched back into motion.
The Anzio girls were almost completely off their guard, staring off into the distance as though they could see the battle of heavyweights that was going on. The first they knew that Anteater was anywhere near was when the main gun roared. The M13/40 was out of action without being able to so much as fire a shot. The white flag popped up over its turret, and Piyotan was already traversing the gun, loading it as fast as she could. She cursed her own impulsiveness; she knew that the CV-33 was the important target, but she just couldn't resist taking a shot at its big protector.
Luckily, the CV-33's crew had apparently been caught napping. They scrambled to dog their hatches, then fired up their own engine, but their first mad dash for safety rammed them into a boulder. A heavier tank would have likely been able to continue up and over, but they were stuck for a few critical seconds as they fought to throw their tankette into reverse, and that was all that Piyotan needed. She triggered the big gun again.
Miho was absorbed in a duel with one of Anzio's P-40 heavy tanks, with Kitty Cat and Hippo lending support from a distance, when all of a sudden the signal to stop came. "Anzio High's command tank has been knocked out. Victory for Oorai High School!" The watching spectators cheered, and Miho told Mako to stop the tank. She picked up the radio, and tuned to the frequency for all Oorai tanks.
"Who took out their flag tank? Over." She was wondering who had won them the game. The heavies' duel had not gone as well as she could have hoped; besides Leopon, she had lost Mallard and Turtle was under heavy fire. Osaka's genius for tank gunnery, and Hippo and Kitty Cat's low profiles, helped keep them in the game, but it was beginning to look bad.
When she got her answer, her eyes went wide. "Nekonya speaking, ma'am, and that was us. Chalk up a M13/40 and a CV-33 tankette - their command tank - to our score, please. Over."
Miho suddenly had to sit down. "Well, you can knock me down with a feather!" she muttered. She had never expected Anteater Team, of all people, to pull off a win for their side.
"I guess we all underestimated them," drawled Mako. All of Anglerfish Team agreed.
When they were all back together after the match, Nekonya was explaining: "We'd stopped for a breather; we were all feeling a little icky from those snacks we ate. We - Piyotan and I - were out of the tank, and we spotted them, hiding. We figured we could take them out and we did."
"Why didn't you call us?" asked Miho.
Nekonya gave her an odd look. "There was no need. They were completely unaware that we were anywhere nearby. You were busy anyway, and if you'd come charging in with your heavies, that CV-33 could have slipped away easily. We just knew what was needed to do, and we did it."
Captain Chono, who'd been listening, smiled and clapped both girls gently on the shoulder. "Nekonya, you did just right. Congratulations on winning the match for us! I guess Miho's example is contagious!" Miho blushed, and Nekonya bowed her head, hiding her face in her long hair.
Just then, a delicious odor came wafting across the field. Captain Chono's eyes lit up. "Oh! The Anzio girls are hosting their usual post-match picnic for both sides!" She grinned. "I love Italian food! Let's go!" She led the Oorai girls in a happy mob toward where the food was.
(Author's note: I wanted to give Anteater Team a moment of glory, and didn't want this story to be an endless repetition of "Azu saves the day!")