AN: So this is the episode skins, there is a lot of sappy stuff in this chapter, and I kind of just summarize what happened on the hunt and jump right into the original stuff. I hope you enjoy this one :) Just a heads up as well, between school and work next week I will not have a ton of time to write, so there potentially will be no chapter next week! But I promise if there is not I have not forgotten about you all! It will be coming! So lets begin, friendly reminder I do not own supernatural story or the characters, just Holland and her story. Also this chapter deals with a lot of heavy emotional stuff, abuse (physical and sexual), also suicidal thoughts, and mentioning of self harm, please do not read if any of these are triggers!

Deans POV:

We were dealing with a shape shifter, after Sam got that message from an old classmate we came to check it out, I did not think that it was anything, but he was right a shape shifter. And what's even better? It turned into Holland, jumped our asses and now Sam and I are tied to chairs down in a sewer, and where's Holland? No idea.

"Where is she? Where's Holland?" Sam yelled.

"I would not be to concerned about sister dearest, I would be more worried about yourself right about now.

"Where is she you bitch?" I finally said.

"Well now is that anyway to talk to your sister?"

"Your not her." I said harshly.

"Well you see, I have all her thoughts, and man the more I learn about her and your family, the better I feel about where I came from, you all are so screwed up." She said laughing, what did she mean she had all her thoughts. Then she continued. "And man does this girl have issues. First her mommy decided she did not want her, you know that crushes her right? You had a mother and lost her in a fire, her mother chose not to love her. Then Sammy boy left her for college, never even batted an eye. Now daddies gone, and for a long time you were gone Dean. The hell she went through." I looked at her confused, what was she talking about? I knew things were hard but I did not think it was so bad for her. "O, you don't know?" The shape shifter started laughing. "You should really ask her, ask her what it felt like to have her innocents ripped from her, after being abandon. Ask her what it was like when she was beaten, how her flesh felt like it was on fire. Ask her what it is like to feel the razor on her skin. Ask her, ask her." The shape shifter yelled. Finally I got the courage to speak!

"SHUT UP, SHUT THE HELL UP! THIS IS NOT TURE." I finally yelled. This couldn't be true, my baby sister, was just that, the baby. Nothing like this could happen. The shape shfter was just trying to get to us.

After taunting us a little bit more the shifter left and Sam and I untied ourselves. We got out and went to Rebecca's, the shape shifter had switched to me, so we killed it, and then we had to find Holland.

Holland's POV:

It was cold and smelt awful down here. I started to wake up and realized I was alone in the dark, I was sitting in water, shivering.

"Sam? Dean?" I whispered, praying that they were hidden in the dark, but no luck, no one answered me. "Sam! Dean!" I screamed. I continued to scream for what felt like hours and my voice started to get horsed. I started to cry, this could not be how I die, please please find me. I stayed quiet until I heard movement behind me.

"Help me!" I tried to scream but it came out sounding like I smoked a carton of cigarettes a day.

"Holland?" I heard Sam's voice, sounded like an angle, this was the first time in a long time I was actually happy to hear his voice.

"SAMMY!" I said as loud as I could.

"Dean! I found her." He said running behind me to untie me. "Are you ok?" He asked me after untying me and checking me for injuries. I just nodded, tears in my eyes. He grabbed my head and hugged me. "Oh thank god!" He said.

"Sammy," Dean said. Sam lifted me from the hug and Dean looked at me, he must of thought I was unconscious because of the way Sam was holding me. "Oh, Holland Thank God!" He said lifting me up into a hug. He had me wrap my legs around his waist and carried me like a toddler, but I did not care. I was so scared. "Lets get out of her baby girl." He said in a whisper so only I could hear him.

Everything happened so fast, he got me out of the sewer, into the car and to the hotel. We all showered and were sitting in the bed when Sam asked if I would come help him with food. I agreed and we left.

Deans POV:

Sam and I had discussed that he was going to get Holland out of the room and I was going to remove anything remotely sharp that she could hurt herself with, we knew the conversation that we were going to have tonight was going to be tough, and if that shape shifter was telling the truth, we were not going to risk anything. I cleaned out the bathroom, the room, took the weapons bag to the trunk and finally the part I did not want to do, her bag.

I reached in and took everything out looking for any knifes, got to the bottom and nothing, but her makeup bag. I pulled it out and opened it. There was a small piece of metal that looked like it came off of a box cutter hidden in her bag. She must have gotten it from the diner she was working out. I blew out a loud breath; this just confirmed it, that if she was not now, then in the past she was hurting herself. I threw this away in the trash, there was no need for us to keep it, and then put everything back. When it was all in order I texted Sammy we were all clear for them to come back. I mentally prepared myself for the rollercoaster ride this night was going to be.

Holland's POV: 2 hours later (This is where the talk of abuse, and self harm comes into play, please stop reading if this is in anyway a trigger for you)

We had gotten back with the food and we all ate in silence. Dean suggested watching a movie and so they left me pick out what to watch, when it was over Dean reluctantly sat up and motioned for me to follow him to the table where Sam was sitting.

Once I sat down Sam slowly closed his laptop and set it aside. What the hell is going on?

"Holland, you know how we were telling you that we were kidnapped as well by the shape shifter that was posing as you?" I nodded and shuddered at the thought of the shape shifter being me. "Ok, well we found out shape shifters do not just take your look, they literally become you, with all your thoughts and memories." I started to panic, where was this going? Dean must have noticed cause he reached for my hand. I did not know if it was to comfort me or to make sure I did not run off. "Holland the shape shifters said some things and we wanted to talk about them with you." Dean spoke finally.

"Ok." I said, my voice still harsh from the screaming earlier.

"Well, she said that something's had happened in the 3 months we were gone and we would like you to tell us about it." Sam spoke when he noticed Dean could not.

"There's nothing to talk about, you all left, I needed money, I started working. End of story."

"Holland," Dean said looking into my eyes "we know that something happened, that was really bad. I just need you to tell me." I started to panic. Dean stood up and wrapped me into a hug and brought me to the bed. He kept pressure on my body to help with the panic. He always knew how to make them stop if he caught on it time. "Take your time baby girl, we just want to help."

"I-I-I-I-I c-c-c-a-a-a-n-n-n-t." I said stuttering through my words. I looked up to see Sam had sat on the other bed across from us.

"Please, let us help you." Sam said to me. Dean kept rocking me. Finally I nodded. Dean let me go and went and sat next to Sammy. He reached out and grabbed my hand.

"A little while after everyone left, I went to a bar. Some guy bought me a drink and he must have drugged me. How could I be so stupid? Your never suppose to let a stranger buy you a drink." I said torturing myself even more through this conversation. Sam and Dean didn't say anything, I'm sure they did not want to stop me from talking. "Well he uh took me to his apartment, after hauling me out of the bar telling everyone I was some drunk girl who did not know her limits. One we got to his apartment he a like whipped me, on my stomach and back mostly. Then he uh-um- he uh-." I kept stuttering hoping they would stop me, but they did not. So I sucked it up. "He rapped me." I finally said in a whisper. "It took a really long time for the drug to wear off, like 3 days or so, and when it finally did, I uh-I-Oh Dean please don't hate me." I faintly said on the verge of a break down.

"I could never and will never hate you, what did you do though Holland?"

"I killed him." I finally said looking down at my hand that Dean was still holding. I could not look up, I could already tell he was fuming and Sam was giving me he sad puppy dog look. God I wish I could die right now.

"What about after that? The cutting." Sam finally spoke. I shot my head up, I didn't think he really saw the cuts the other day, and then I realized the shape shifter must have confirmed what they were. Oh my gosh, what am I going to say? Well, if we are telling the truth, might as well keep it going.

"Well, after everything happened, I was really numb, I could not feel anything. I thought of killing myself a couple of times." I finally said and Deans grip tighten around my hand. "But when I could not do it, I started to cut myself." I said slowly, disappointed in myself. How could I be so stupid and selfish?

"Are you still cutting yourself?" Sam asked. I couldn't respond. I just looked up into his eyes begging him not to make me answer.

"Holland, just answer the question." Dean said finally.

"Y-y-e-s. But not as much as I used to."

"What triggers it?" Sam asked he seemed to know all the questions to ask.

"I don't really know I guess. Just random things. Like when I'm sad, or scared, or mad, or I remember that night. Or when I think I've disappointed people." Dean stood up and I thought he was going to walk away. Instead he sat next to me. He brought me to his lap and hugged me.

"Never have I ever been more proud of you." He said to me and I started to cry.

"What, why. I'm a failure. I screwed up so much. Why would you ever be proud of me?" I asked between sobs.

"You went through all of that, and you are still here, fighting and kicking ass. Yah, there are a few things we need to work on. You are not going to cut yourself anymore and you are going to talk to Sam or I about what your feeling, we will get you a journal and you can write down your emotions and felling's there as well." He said to me calmly. Sam placed his hand on my knee now nodding along with what Dean was saying.

"But you hate chick flick moments. I'm sure this is killing you right now." I said with a laugh.

"No, what's killing me is the thought of my baby sister thinking so low of herself. What's killing me is that you thought of killing yourself. What's killing me is that I left you, is that you were alone and I was not there." Dean whispered. "And if I'm an ass and you don't want to talk to me, and you don't want to talk to Sam, cause lets be honest he can be grumpy sometimes too." His comments made me giggle and he smiled. "Then we will look at getting you into therapy, get you someone to talk to. And Sam and I talked about it and we are going to go to the doctor and talk about our options with your panic attacks. We want to get you better Holls. I want you to be better." He finally said to me, turning my head to look me in the eyes. "I love you hol doll." He said with a smile.

"I love you too Deanie, and you Sammy." I said looking between them. I felt like I was five years old, however, I did not mind, I felt loved. Sam smiled.

"I love you too Holly."

"Ok, so we are going to need to see you wrists and stuff. I want to make sure nothing is infected." Dean said softly. I froze and tensed up.

"Hey," Sam said, "your ok, we just want to make sure you do not get sick." I nodded and Sam went to get the first aid kit just in case they needed it. Dean sat me on the bed and kneeled in front of me.

"Ok, I know this is going to be hard. But you said where he physically hit you was on your stomach, and back. Are there any scars or anything?" He asked me keeping eye contact and I nodded. "Ok, well, I need you to take off your shirt so we can see them ok?" He asked, I did not want to feel so exposed. So Dean turned around and I took off my shirt and they laid it across my chest. I was wearing a bra, but still was awkward in front of your brother. I told him when I was ready and he turned around.

"SSSS." He hissed looking at the ugly scars lying across my stomach.

"I know, its ugly." I said reassuring him that he was not the only one that thought that.

"Baby girl, you listen to me, you are beautiful, scars and all. They just say that you fought a war and won. And I am so proud of you for that. They just look like they were painful." I nodded and he swiped his thumb under my eye and caught the tear. When Sam walked over he seemed unphased. He was always good at putting on a good face.

"Ok, any of them still hurt?" He asked me. I shook my head no. He still examined them. The scars that went acrossed my stomach, back, and my upper arms. "They are ok. Now Holland, I need to see where you hurt yourself. Is it only on your wrist?" He asked me calmly slowly removing the bracelets that cover my wrist. I nodded; it was the only place that I had cut myself. Dean grabbed my other hand and was holding it. I had my eyes closed.

When Sam was done he had cleaned up the recent cuts and wrapped my wrist up. They let me put back on my shirt and Dean crawled into bed next to me and situated me so I was lying on his stomach.

"Your exhausted, close your eyes and go to sleep baby girl." He said to me. I nodded and he whispered, "Tomorrow will come sooner or later."

"And I will always be here waiting." I said back while he brushed his fingers through my hair, I fell into a dark, dreamless sleep, and I welcomed it.

Deans POV:

Slowly but surely Holland's breathing evened out. I sighed in relief, there was still a lot to cover with her, she had been through so much, too much for a teenage girl to go through.

"So, that went a lot smoother than I thought it would go." Sam spoke up and I looked up and smiled.

"Yah it did. But don't think just because we are worrying about her that I forgot about what you have been through these last couple weeks, losing Jess and the nightmares. I'm here for you man."
"I appreciate it an all Dean, but I can only handle so much chick flick for one night." Sam said with an honest to God smile. I smiled back and he went and lay down. Hopefully we can get back to how things were. Hopefully we can get back to our definition of normal.

AN: I warned you, a LOT of sap in this chapter. And it was really long, so I hope you liked that! But now the boys know. I kind of wanted to get that out of the way early so we could get more into her coping, and talking, and also more supernatural stuff! Well I hope you liked this chapter! Shout out to the amazing reviewers. There is one in particular that has been cheering me on since the first chapter and the is snn7b. Thank you so much for your constant support! It keeps me seriously motivated to write. Follow, Favorite and please review! I honestly want to know what you all are thinking! And I am now open to requests on what you want to see happen! Thanks again! GOODNIGHT! (Its 10 PM here, so not super late but Im exhausted!)