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Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew just how old he was. He was old enough to have watched her grow, to see the progression of her life from childhood to girlhood to womanhood and wifehood. He was old enough to know the first time she had kissed a boy, the first time she had worn high heels, the first time she had gone to a grown up party. He was old enough to know that she had never seen him as anything other than a man, even as a toddler, her eyes looking at him widely and with wonder.
Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew just how old he was and just how they looked to other people. When she was a child and blindly followed him, ahjummas on the street asked him if she was his little sister, their eyes and lips full of smiles and laughter. When she was a teenager, her figure still girly, and friends with Jung Ah, ahjusshis complimented him on how beautiful his wife and daughter were, a perfect family. When she was a young woman, just after they were married, ahjummas clucked with disapproval and ahjusshis crowed with pleasure saying that he wanted someone young and pretty to warm his bed. To them, that was all that Meahri was.
Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew just how old he was and just how long she had been chasing him. To the ahjusshis and ahjummas who thought that Meahri was merely a pretty plaything, they could not possibly understand how much she loved him and for how long. She had chased after Tae San in her school uniform and pigtails in hopes to catch a glimpse of him who had always been nicer to her than her brother. She had become friends with Jung Ah to be closer to him, knowing that as a married man he was forbidden to her forever. She had asked him for help with her studies before she transferred to university in America in order to spend more time in his company. He had not always been nice to her, but he had never been cruel. And even though she had perceived his unkindness for what it was, she had always chased him, hoping that friendship with him, at the very least, would be available to her.
Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew just how old he was and just how much she had suffered. She had been passed from her parent's care to her brother's, from her brother's to an aunt's, and then back again, like someone who was unwanted or an item that required too much care and trouble. She had been told everything in life that she should do and everything that she could not do. She had been told what everyone's expectations about her were without anyone ever asking if she had her own hopes for herself. Her childhood had been sprinkled with unpleasantries as she came to the slow realization that her age and generation did not always match. Stuck between a younger, more innocent world and an older, jaded one, she was sucked into the latter. She had watched her friends her own age come and go; she had watched as Jung Ah, the woman she called unni, faded to the edge of death. She had friends leave her as she was forced to say good-bye to Korea and leave the life she knew behind.
Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew how old he was and just how desirable she had become. She was pretty and educated and rich. Her body, once a baby's then a girl's and then an adolescent's, had finally become that of an adult woman. She was willing to move mountains for the people she loved, make the impossible possible, protect them from harm. For the people dearest to her, she would feign happiness and apologize for things not her fault. People were the most important thing to Meahri. All she wanted was to love and be love. And for those whom she held in her heart, she would sacrifice and suffer and accept it with grace. And those qualities are what made him want her for a wife.
Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew just how old he was and just how much she loved him. He knew that her girlhood crush, during the years of his widowhood, had become the feelings of an adult woman. He knew that she was willing to accept any part of him, any piece of his past, as long as they could walk into the future together. He knew that she understood the affect she had on him, that she realized he had stopped seeing her as a little girl a long time ago. He knew that she understood how long he had kept his feelings at arm's length for the sake of his friends, his in-laws. But not for her sake. Because a woman willing to do anything for the man she loved could not accept defeat so easily. Because he had never said that he did not love her, only that he could not love her. But it was for his sake that she was willing to leave even as she wailed that she could not live without him. It was then that he knew just how much, and how deeply, she was in love with him.
Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew just how old he was and just how hard their life would be together. Tae San's disapproval, society's assumptions, the disdain of his colleagues were all things they would have to face. She would lose her youth to him, caught up in his world of aging and the things she must do on her own because he would not be able to help her. There were times when they would feel uncomfortable, stared at by lookers-on. He would be old and tired while she was still bounded with energy. Some days, he knew he would be more of a hindrance than a help in raising their children. And one day, he would leave Meahri to cry at his funeral, years of life ahead of her, while he passed on to the next world.
Even if Meahri didn't realize it, Yoon knew just how old he was and just how much he loved her. He was willing to give her as much as it was in his power to give whether it be affection, love, comfort, money, time, or any other material and immaterial object that came to mind. She had become everything to him-wife, sweetheart, darling, lover, partner. His memories were now colored with thoughts of her. He loved her enough to tear his world apart so she could sew it back together, the seams tighter and sturdier than what they once were. He loved her in a way that could not be said with words or always demonstrated by actions. She had become his everything, the sun around which his life revolved.
Even if Yoon didn't realize it, Meahri knew just how young she was and just how precious their time was together. She had spent a lifetime chasing him and she would spend many more lifetimes by his side, for as long as possible. She loved him enough to trade youth for marriage, dreams for fate. She knew that their days were numbered and would pass by quickly, like sand in an hourglass. So she would hold on to him for as long as she could until he slipped from her fingers and time, their largest obstacle, had won. But for now, he was beside her and she was happy.
Even if Yoon didn't realize it, Meahri knew just how young she was and just how blessed they were.