AN: As always thank you for the reviews/follows/favs! I really badly wanted to update this fic so here it is. I hope you're enjoying it so far even though it's a little more sad than my usual stuff... next chapter will be a bit happier!
Enjoy and much love!
Santana opened her eyes and looked at the empty spot on the bed beside her. She closed her eyes tight before opening them again, hoping that she somehow developed the power to turn back time overnight; no such luck. She sighed and slowly got ready for the day ahead of her, and what she had to face when she walked out of her room.
The brunette quietly made her way into the living room to find Brittany sitting on the window sill. "Morning, B," she greeted.
When Brittany didn't respond or even acknowledge her wife's presence, Santana started looking through the kitchen for anything to eat. This was a typical morning for them now. Santana would wake up and find Brittany in the living room staring out the window, at a wall, or at the TV. The brunette was starting to doubt her wife was sleeping at all.
"I'm going for coffee with Kurt in a bit." Santana told Brittany and waited for a response, but one didn't come. "Britt."
Brittany finally turned to face her wife. "What?"
"I'm getting a coffee with Kurt soon. Do you want to come?" She asked, even though she knew the answer.
The blonde shook her head and leaned against the window. "I'll call Quinn today, don't worry."
Santana nodded and sighed in relief. She knew Brittany was only spending time with Quinn so she wouldn't worry so much, but it didn't matter the reason, Brittany was talking to someone and that's what was important.
She walked over to her wife and sat on the arm of the couch, holding a cup of yogurt towards the blonde. "Breakfast?"
Brittany looked down at the cup. "Yogurt?"
Santana shrugged. "It's all we had in the fridge."
The blonde smiled slightly at the news. "That's pretty pathetic."
The brunette leaned back and eyed the small cup of yogurt. "I don't know, I mean this yogurt has two times the protein of other leading yogurts."
Brittany let out a small tired laugh at her wife.
"But if you don't want it… more yogurt for me." Santana winked.
Brittany quickly grabbed the yogurt before Santana could pull it further away. "I don't think so." She smiled, opened the yogurt cup and watched as her wife did the same. "I'm sorry, San."
Santana couldn't bring herself to look up, she was worried her wife had gone back into hiding at that the woman in front of her was no longer the one she longed for. Instead, she nodded and kept her eyes glued to her yogurt. Soon she would be in a coffee shop with Kurt.
"She feels guilty, Santana," Kurt told her as he held the door open to their favourite coffee shop within walking distance.
They walked in and waved to the barista who smiled and waved back. "Coming up, guys!" They had been there enough recently that she knew their order by heart.
The two friends sat down at their usual seat. "I get that, Kurt," Santana assured him, "but I'm done talking about this, ok?"
Kurt stared at his friend for a few seconds before deciding it was better to drop the subject for now. "Seb and I are going to a drive-in movie tomorrow night."
Santana loved how happy her friend was with this new man, so she couldn't fight the smile that made its way to her face. "Those actually exist still and Sebastian is letting you drag him to one?"
"Ok, first of all, he happens to appreciate the romance of a vintage drive in." The barista came over with their coffees and he paid her before continuing his defense. "Secondly, yes they do still exist. Well they do outside of the city, but it doesn't hurt to leave the busy streets of New York, New York from time to time." He took a slow sip of his coffee and evaluated his next sentence before suggesting, "You and Britt should come with us sometime."
"Not now, Kurt," Santana warned.
"I'm just saying it could be fun and-"
"Look, even if I wanted to go to some stupid old movie with you and your new boy toy, Brittany would never agree," she almost shouted before lowering her voice, "so just drop it."
Kurt knew he shouldn't be offended by his friend's outburst, she was stressed and hurting, but he couldn't help it. "My what?"
Santana fidgeted with her coffee cup and sighed, "I didn't mean that."
"I know," he assured her. "I'm going to say one more thing and you can bite my head off after if you want, ok?" He waited for her to nod in agreement. "Ignoring what's going on isn't going to do anything, Santana. You and Britt love each other and if any couple can work it out it's you two, but you can't afford to give up."
Quinn knocked lightly on the Lopez-Pierce door. "Britt?" She called.
The door opened and a very tired Brittany appeared. "Hey, Q."
The shorter blonde didn't wait for an invitation before she pushed the door open and made herself at home. She placed a bag on the living room table and started pulling out containers. "I made Rach and I omelets this morning, but I decided to take breakfast to go," she explained, "I assume you haven't eaten?"
Brittany sat down beside her friend. "I had a cup of yogurt."
"That's not breakfast." Quinn handed her a container that had a delicious veggie omelet inside, as well as a fork. "Eat while it's still warm, please?"
The women started eating their food in silence for a while before Brittany couldn't stand it. "How's Rachel liking her new job?"
Quinn smiled at the opportunity to talk about her girlfriend. "It's only been a few days but I think this is perfect for her. Thank you again for putting in a good word."
Brittany shook her head and smiled. "This has nothing to do with me, Rachel deserves to be head of the arts department; she worked hard for it."
"You know, you're going to be reporting to her now when you get back to work," Quinn joked.
Brittany rolled her eyes over dramatically. "Don't remind me."
Her friend laughed. "It won't be that bad! Maybe she'll end up being the best boss you've ever had."
"You know that's not going to happen, Q! She's going to be so weird about it because we're friends."
"You never know." Quinn shrugged and took another bite of her omelet. "Did you fight with San this morning?"
Brittany stopped eating to look at her friend. "Wow, that's one way to change the subject."
"And that's another way," Quinn put her food down on the table before turning to face her friend, "but it's not going to work. Did you and Santana fight?"
Brittany placed her food beside Quinn's and folded her arms across her chest. "No, we didn't fight."
"That's good, right?"
"I would almost prefer if we fought, then at least we would be talking about something." Brittany paused and bit her lip in contemplation. "I can't talk to her, Q. Every time I try I just end up apologizing because it's all I can say."
Quinn looked down at her friend's hands that were now nervously pulling at her pajama bottoms. She placed her hands on top of Brittany's to still them. "It's not your fault, Britt."
Brittany pulled her hands away and stood up. "It doesn't matter how many times people tell me that, Quinn, it won't change how I feel."
"How do you feel, Brittany? Because you haven't really talked to any of us about it."
The taller blonde let out a small frustrated grunt. "I feel guilty!"
"It's not your-"
"Stop!" Brittany demanded. "It doesn't matter if you or the doctor or Santana or anyone thinks it's not my fault, because when it comes down to it me and my body are what took something from Santana."
Brittany slumped down beside her friend and held her face in her palms, and as she started to cry Quinn wrapped her arms around her. "I wish I knew what to say to help you, Britt."
"Maybe there's no helping this," Brittany told her through light sobs, "maybe this just can't be fixed."
Santana stood outside her apartment and stared at the door, she hadn't planned on being out all day but she couldn't bring herself to come home right away. She needed to prepare herself for what she had planned for this evening.
She opened the door and turned the light on, finding Brittany on the couch sleeping for once. She walked in, sat down on the chair next to her wife, and watched as the blonde slept in peace.
The brunette closed her eyes as she tried to sort out her feelings. Sadness, anger, defeat, hope, and confusion were all fighting to surface, and it made her thoughts harder to sort through. There was, however, one thing she needed to say. "Britt," she took a deep breath and gave it her best shot, "I forgi-" She stopped.
Santana sighed and let her head fall into her hands in frustration; she couldn't do it, she couldn't bring herself to say the one thing she knew she had to. She stood up, turned off the light, and started heading towards the hallway when she heard Brittany stir.
"I can't tell me that either." The blonde said from her spot on the couch.
Santana turned around and stared into the darkness towards where she knew Brittany was lying. She couldn't say those words but she could say, "I love you, Britt."
"But you don't forgive me yet, and I don't blame you."
Santana felt the tears sting her eyes; Brittany was right. She knew what happened wasn't her wife's fault, but she couldn't hide the disappointment and anger. "There's always tomorrow," she told her wife before turning around and going to their room. In the morning she would wake up and no matter how badly she wanted it to be different, tomorrow would be just like today.
Tomorrow would come, because it always does, even if she didn't want it to.