Chapter 4 – Who is Daddy?

Sara went home with her baby when she was two weeks old. A lawyer had read Sara Alex's will and she had discovered that half of his $10 million would be left to their baby, to be used when she was 18, and the other half to her. At first Sara almost hated that money. It was like a confirmation piece saying hat Alex was really gone. That he wasn't there to share it with her. She almost donated all her money, but she decided against it. She decided to keep it and use it only for their baby. So Charlotte would be as well off as she could be.

When she finally did get home, Sara barely walked into the apartment before she started crying. Everything was exactly as they had left it. Exactly the way it was when Alex left, when he died and when Charlotte had been born. She collected herself enough to bring the baby to the crib Alex had built. She set her down and collapsed into a handcrafted rocking chair that he had build as well. She cried softly for awhile then brought her face out of her hands. She looked up at the ceiling.

"What…what is wrong with you?!" she shouted. "How could you do this? I trusted you! I trusted you to bring him home safe! To…to let him see his baby!" Sara shouted at God as if He had betrayed her. "How could you do this to me….and to Charlotte? She's just a baby and already her life…her life is ruined!" Sara stormed out of the room. She ran into her own bedroom and flopped onto the bed as if she was a two year old having a tantrum. She cried and told herself that she would never trust God again.

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Sara tried her best over the years to raise Charlotte. Alex's parents helped a lot, but for the most part, Sara did it all herself. She tried really hard to raise her well and thought she was doing a decent job.

Sara missed Alex everyday. The pain did eventually subside, but it was still there. Every day she would lay in bed a will him to materialize beside her. She wished he could come back. For the first long months, Sara cried herself to sleep every night. When Charlotte was a year old and starting to walk, Sara told herself that she would try to get over it. That she would try to move on. Now, she still thought about him, but only once in awhile.

Charlotte had grown into a very beautiful little toddler. She had her father's curly, sandy blond hair and her mother's dark brown eyes. She was curious about everything which was a good and bad thing. She got into everything and ate almost everything she touched. As she grew into her trying threes, she started having tantrums. Sara did her best to keep them to a minimum, but a few would always sneak through. When she started talking, she asked all kinds of questions. She wanted to know everything about the world.

A year an a half later, when Charlotte started her first day of Kindergarten, Sara had trouble letting her little girl go. She had grown into a very, very friendly child and Sara knew she would fit in, but she hated thinking that Charlotte was going to school already.

Sara still didn't feel that Charlotte was old enough to understand what had happened to her father. But Charlotte had only been to going to school for one week when she asked a question that melted Sara's heart.

"Mommy, all the kids at my school talk about their daddies. Mommy, do I have a daddy?"

Sara didn't know how to answer her. She had asked confusing or complicated questions before, but this one was the hardest to answer.

"Well…" Sara tried to start answering, but she felt tears start to come. She had been so content on not crying when she finally got to telling Charlotte about her dad, but here came the tears anyway. "Char, umm. You had a daddy." Sara knelt down to Charlotte's level and took her hands.

"Mommy, where is my daddy?" She asked with her head tilted.

"Well, Sweetie, before you were born, your daddy…he…" Sara closed her eyes and tried to keep the tears back. She took a deep breath and tried again. "He died. Do you know what that means?"

"Yeah," Charlotte said. She nodded and hugged her mom. Sara started crying softly into her daughter's shoulder. "It's ok mommy," she whispered. Sara smiled and kissed Charlotte on the forehead.