summary: you have been having nightmares about steve dying after the events of winter soldier, so he comforts you every night. you gather the courage to admit your feelings to steve, with surprising results.
word count: 1405
trigger warnings: none
"Everything will be alright, doll. We'll replace the chips, take out the Helicarriers and be home just in time for dinner," Steve kissed your forehead gently. "And that's a promise, Agent (Y/L/N)."
"You better not be lying to me, Captain. Because if I do remember correctly, my best friend and I had plans to go dancing next week, and he'd better not disappoint."
You tried to smile at Steve, but it came out more like a grimace. Even though Steve tried to assure you otherwise, you knew that this mission was hopeless. You and the rest of the team were going up against HYDRA, a compromised S.H.I.E.L.D, and the elusive Winter Soldier himself. It seemed impossible, that you'd be able to replace the chips in all three Helicarriers before they were deployed and killed millions. In fact, you weren't even sure you'd live to see nightfall.
Steve was insisting that you stay with Agent Hill and guard her back while she works the controls. You wanted to go with Steve and help him and Sam replace chips, but the Captain, stubborn as ever, refused. He stayed firm in his decision that your talents as a trained assassin and hacker would be put to much better use overriding the controls than fighting.
And so, you complied. You took out a dozen or two S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA members- it was impossible to tell who was who anymore- and now, you and Agent Hill had received the command you'd been waiting for. It was time.
You couldn't really make out what Agent Hill and Steve were saying, but it sounded like an argument. Your comm had gotten damaged during a particular nasty scuffle with a large, beefy agent, and you were now fighting off a couple of his cronies by yourself.
"Any time now, Captain!" you called breathlessly, delivering yet another clean blow to one of the men's faces.
Then, it was over. The Helicarriers went down, one after the other. After knocking out the last agent in your vicinity, you turned to Agent Hill, wiping blood from a cut on your lip. You only then realized that Agent Hill wouldn't quite meet your eyes, and her expression was grim.
"Agent Hill- Maria," you ditched formalities, deciding that if S.H.I.E.L.D was down, there was no use in sticking with their appointed rites. "What's happening? Did the Helicarriers not go down according to plan? Did- did we lose someone?"
Your heart sank when Maria continued to avoid your gaze. She only gave you a noncommittal jerk of her head as she turned back to the computer screens. You slammed your fist against the desktop, causing Maria to jerk and finally, her eyes met yours.
Immediately you knew. You knew why she resisted Steve's orders, and why she wouldn't speak to you. Steve was doing exactly what he'd done over seventy years ago, when he crashed that jet into the ocean. The captain was going down with the ship. Or in this case, the Helicarrier.
You let out a small cry and hung your head. Maria didn't have to confirm anything. She didn't have to say a single god damn word, because you knew Steve Rogers like no other. You knew he'd sacrifice himself without a thought about himself. You knew your best friend, and you knew that he'd rather go out in a blaze of fire than see millions of people die.
"(Y/N), we've got to get out of here. The Department of Defense, they've already caught wind of what we did. We've got to regroup, get our stories straight, figure out what the hell our next move is," Maria said gently. "I know you're hurting, but we've got to move."
You nodded mutely, and allowed her to pull you by the arm out of the building and into a helicopter driven by Fury and Natasha. Sam was already seated inside. You didn't speak to anyone, didn't allow Sam to pull you into a hug, because your best friend was dead. You would never see him again, and worst of all, you could never admit to him how you felt.
"No, no, no, Steve," you moaned. "Steve, no!"
You sat upright in bed, clutching the comforter to your chest as your eyes flew open. Your heart was beating wildly as you tried to make sense of what was happening, where you were, what day it was...
"(Y/N), I'm here. Everything's alright, sweetheart, I'm here."
And then Steve's arms were around you as he slid into your bed, a routine you had perfectly choreographed by now. He pulled you against his chest and slowly began rocking back and forth, whispering words of comfort into your ear. You wildly grabbed at his shirt as you inhaled the scent that was so distinctly Steve, trying to find something to anchor you to reality.
"Your name is (Y/F/M/L/N). You were born on (Y/B/D). We met in 2011, and later on, we were both assigned to the Avengers Initiative. We've been best friends for four years." Steve murmured softly, stroking your hair.
You tried to control your breathing and focus on the words that Steve was repeating over and over in a low whisper. He wasn't dead. Steve wasn't dead, because he was here, and you were in his arms, and you both were safe.
It had been three long months since you, Steve, Maria, Natasha, and Nick had taken down S.H.I.E.L.D. And during those three months, you'd been plagued with nightmares of Steve dying, of the Winter Soldier (who you now were working actively to find) brutally beating him, of not seeing Steve alive on a hospital bed, but in a casket. You couldn't sleep through the night without waking up screaming for Steve, and he came. Every single night that he was home (home being the apartment you, Sam, and Steve were staying in during your hunt for Bucky), he came to you and stayed the entire night.
"You okay?" Steve asked, pulling back from you just a bit.
You offered him a weak, watery smile. "I'm alright. Just the same old, same old. I'm sorry you have to keep doing this, Steve. I don't know how to stop it..." You trailed off helplessly, staring down at your lap.
Steve lifted your chin so your eyes met. He wiped the few stray tears off your cheeks and brushed back your hair.
"Hey, (Y/N). As long as you need me, I'm here, you got that? Doesn't matter what I'm doing, where I'm at. You just say the word, doll, and I'll be by your side in a second." Steve smiled at your softly, then pulled you in again for another hug.
You nuzzled your face against Steve's chest, thankful that he couldn't see the blush creeping across your cheeks. You had to tell him. You had to know whether or not Steve Rogers loved you as deeply as you loved him.
"I love you," you mumbled into his chest. "A lot."
You felt Steve chuckle as he squeezed you tighter. "I love you too, (Y/N)."
You leaned back from Steve in an effort to see his face. From the looks of it, he hadn't thought much of your words. After all, you'd been best friends for years. "I love you" wasn't an uncommon sentiment exchanged between the two of you.
"No, Steve," you paused, bracing yourself for possible embarrassment and humiliation. "I love you."
Steve furrowed his brow, lips parting in confusion. "What do you m- Oh. Oh!" It was Steve's turn to look awkward. "Really?"
You cringed inwardly as you disentangled yourself from Steve. It had been a bad idea, admitting your feelings for the super-solider. You supposed that you'd be waking up alone from now on. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing yourself to not cry in front of Steve again. When you opened them, you were surprised to see Steve intently staring at you, an unreadable expression on his face. You opened your mouth to speak, but Steve beat you to it.
"May I kiss you?" Steve asked quietly.
You nodded, eyes growing wide as Steve leaned in and pressed his lips against yours softly. You leaned in to the kiss, hesitantly wrapping your arms around Steve's neck and threading your fingers in his hair. He responded with equal enthusiasm, pulling you flush against his chest.
After several seconds- or maybe it was minutes, or hours, or years, you weren't quite sure- you and Steve broke apart, lips swollen and faces red.
"I love you too, (Y/N). Always have, always will."