summary: sequel to "captain". after a year's absence, Nick Fury has assigned you to work a mission with the avengers. you arrive to stark tower unsure of what to expect, or what your ex-love, steve rogers, will say when he sees you.
word count: 4025
trigger warnings: slightly graphic mentions of battle. angst. heartbreak. chaos.
a/n: here it is! the much-anticipated sequel to "captain", prepare yourselves.
It had over a year since your blow out fight with Steve. A year of pure pain. Pure agony. Pure rage.
You thought that you would heal with time. That after a few weeks your silly post-breakup depression would go away, and you could move on with your life. That you could be happy without him. Oh, you were so very wrong. You missed Steve terribly, even though you were still furious with him. You couldn't go from being everything to strangers instantly, you knew. But it didn't explain why after a year you still felt like there was a gaping hole in your heart, slowly ripping your body apart at the seams.
True to his word, Steve hadn't once tried to reach out to you. No phone calls, no texts, not even a second glance when you passed each other in the halls of the S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters. Nothing. It was as if you and Steve were nothing more than casual work acquaintances, and not long-time lovers who'd been on the verge of something even bigger. No, you were nothing more than two people who shared some memories, memories that you still held close to your heart even after all this time.
Since the day you'd ended things with Steve, you had been filling your days with more missions. You were gone constantly, in fact, and couldn't even remember the last time you'd slept in your own bed for more than a night or two. You found that the constant overload of work, helping people, saving lives, kept your mind at bay. During these missions, Steve never once crossed your mind.
Until now.
Nick Fury, for some ungodly reason, had decided to assign you to a case with the Avengers. You'd worked with Clint and Natasha on separate occasions many times these past several months, and you still kept in contact with Tony, but you hadn't seen the rest of the Avengers during those times. You had no idea how they were going to react, and most importantly, if you'd be able to concentrate with Steve so near you on the battle field.
You were standing outside the big glass doors to the Avengers tower like a moron, trying to gather the courage to go inside. It had been so long since you'd been here, but somehow, it still felt like just yesterday that Steve and you had made the big decision to move into his wing of the tower together. For the first time in over a year, you felt like you were home.
Still shaking slightly, you pushed open one of the glass doors and signed in with the receptionist, a young, pretty blonde girl who's name you couldn't quite remember.
"Ms. (Y/L/N)!" she looked surprised, but quickly turned her expression into one of professionalism. "It's wonderful to see you. How are you?"
You distractedly smiled at her as you signed your name on the line she indicated. "I'm fine..." A name flashed through your mind. "...Lily. How are you?"
Lily seemed pleased that you remembered her after so long. "I'm doing well. Ms. Potts has been keeping me busy lately, she's training me to be her personal assistant!"
"That's great to hear, Lily. I hope everything works out for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I better go on up, or else the Captain will have my head-"
You froze. Just being back at this place, seeing the familiar walls and inhaling the familiar scent, made you go back to a head-space of a year before. You weren't the same woman who walked out of that gym those many months ago, and you would do well to remember that once you were in the presence of your old teammates.
Lily laughed awkwardly and shuffled around a few papers on your desk. "Thank you, Ms. (Y/L/N)," you began to walk away when Lily called out to you. "Oh, Mr. Stark wants you to meet him and the others on the roof. The Quinjet is ready."
"Thanks again, Lily," you smiled at the blonde girl. "I'll see you around."
You pressed the "up" button on the elevator and stepped inside. Once the doors closed, you let your smile fall and ran a shaky hand through your hair. This was it. Just a couple more floors before you saw the group of people you more-or-less had abandoned for the past year.
"Mr. Stark and the rest of the team are already on the quinjet, Ms. (Y/L/N)," the voice of JARVIS startled you out of your thoughts. "Good luck today."
"Thanks, JARVIS." You said quietly, and then stepped out of the elevator and into the blinding sunlight.
The quinjet was roaring, meaning that you were the last one to arrive. You stepped inside the jet and were instantly met with the faces of your old teammates. Everyone was silent for a moment, taking you in, and then Tony jumped to his feet.
"My, my, as I live and breathe! (Y/F/N/L/N) back from the dead!" Tony grinned and pulled you in for a tight hug. His lips came to your ear, whispering quietly enough so only you could hear his words. "It's good to have you back, kid. We all missed you."
The rest of the team greeted you in a similar fashion, and soon, there was only Steve left to acknowledge. He had awkwardly hovered behind Bruce for several moments before pulling you into a fleeting, one-armed hug.
"It's nice to see you, Agent (Y/L/N). I hope you're doing well." Steve said stiffly.
You nodded curtly, staring him straight in the eyes. "I've been fine, Captain Rogers. The same to you."
Steve muttered something about checking up on some last-minute coordinates before disappearing into a corner of the jet. Natasha pulled you with her back to her seat, asking about a hundred questions a minute.
"So, are you seeing anyone?" Natasha asked.
You froze, as did everyone else on the quinjet. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat and picked at a lose thread on your uniform. You had two options: lie, and say that you were in a relationship, or admit that you hadn't seen anyone since Steve.
"Not right now, no," you said carefully. "I really don't have time for a relationship." Natasha shot you an apologetic look, realizing the awkward position she'd put you in.
"Hey, look at that, we're nearly there." Tony said hurriedly.
You looked out of the front of the quinjet, and sure enough, the green, rolling hills of Ireland were coming into view. Your mission was a simple one: invade the alleged HYDRA base located deep in the Ireland countryside, take out as many soldiers as possible, and recover intelligence for S.H.I.E.L.D use.
"Game plan, Cap?" Clint called as he finished loading his quiver with arrows.
Steve rose from his seat and joined you and Tony in the cockpit of the jet. "Myself and Thor will take the base from the front. That's the area where they're most heavily armed, so we should be able to distract a good amount of the soldiers. Clint, I want you to find a high place and stay there. Take out the soldiers on the upper decks of the fortress. Bruce, stay here and keep the jet ready to fly, unless we need a Code Green. Tony, take the sky. There's an entrance on the roof and you should be able to get it open. Once you're inside, head straight for the labs, no detours. Get the intel we need, and get out. (Y/N) and Natasha, I want you both to hit them from the back. If you find a way in, take it. Tony will need all the help he can get once he's inside," Steve paused and looked at everyone in turn. "Let's make this trip as quick as possible."
Everyone nodded solemnly and began preparing themselves for landing. You were loading a 9 mm pistol and attaching it to a holster on your belt when Steve took a seat next to you.
"(Y/N)," Steve took a deep breath. His earlier coldness was gone, replaced with something that could only be described as pain. "I'm so-"
You stood up quickly. "Not now, Steve. We've got far more important things to focus on right now than our silly drama. Come on, it's time to go."
Steve looked taken aback, but still, he followed you out of the quinjet and into the fresh, cool Ireland countryside. Tony had landed the jet in a large, sprawling field surrounded by trees. It was the perfect cover, or at least the most inconspicuous place to hide a large aircraft in the middle of nowhere.
"Just on the other side of those trees is the HYDRA fortress. We should be able to get the jump on them as long as we're careful," Steve said. You began trudging through the small patch of woods, following closely behind Natasha. "Natasha, (Y/N), once we get out I want you both to-"
What Steve wanted you to know, you would never find out. Because just then, a swarm of HYDRA soldiers burst through the line of trees and immediately began firing. The entire team sprang into action.
As you watched, Steve threw his shield in a neat arc, causing three soldiers to go flying. Thor was swinging his hammer every which way, and Natasha had a pistol in each hand, firing round after round. Tony had disappeared into the sky, trying to salvage what was left of the Captain's carefully thought-out plan. Clint was gone as well, perched in a tree somewhere far above your heads, taking meticulous aim and shooting down soldier after soldier.
You went for the 9 mm strapped to your waist that you'd only finished loading moments before and began firing at those closest to you. You moved backwards, trying to find some sort of cover for yourself. You ducked behind a large tree to reload your pistol and jammed a finger against the comm in your ear.
"What the hell is going on, Cap? What's our next move?" You yelled, trying to be heard over the gunfire.
"There's no need to scream, (Y/N), we can all hear you perfectly fine. Save that for the bedroom," Tony replied snarkily.
You bit your tongue in an effort not to scream. You were extremely out of your element right now, as it had been over a year since you'd been out in the field. You hadn't fired a weapon in months, and the last time you engaged in hand-to-hand combat, you had no idea. Every mission you'd worked in the past year had been strictly recon or citizen evacuation. You hadn't felt blood on your hands for a long, long time.
"Shut up, Stark," Steve said. "(Y/L/N), meet me at the back of the fortress. Romanoff issued a Code Green; Banner's on his way. They're going to handle things here, along with Thor and Barton."
You didn't answer, instead stealthily rolling out from behind your rock and shooting the two soldiers who had been following you. You looked around wildly for a way to the back of the fortress. It seemed to be a straight shot from where you were to there, but you had to avoid the soldiers-who were now very aware of your presence-pacing the upper levels of the castle.
You quickly thought through your options and decided to make a quick dash for the wall of the fortress. A shower of bullets followed you, but then quickly stopped. On instinct, you looked up to the trees above you and saw Clint, bow in hand. You mouthed a quick "thank you" to him before continuing on, hugging the wall as close as you could.
You reached the back perimeter of the fortress without much difficulty, thanks to Clint. Steve had been right; there were only about ten or so guards watching the back half of the fortress, and they looked to be not as heavily armed as the guards at the front.
"(Y/L/N?) (Y/L/N), where are you?" Steve's voice crackled over the comm.
"By the wall to the right, Cap," you whispered. "Ten or so guards in sight. Barton took out most on the upper levels. Guards seem to have a rifle in hand, two pistols in holsters, and a few sheathed knives."
"I'm seeing eleven from here," Steve said. "you were right on the weapons count, though."
"Damn," you muttered, "I'm losing my touch."
"Such a shame, too," Steve teased. There was a brief pause, followed by an awkward grunt. "Er, go in on three. Aim to injure, not kill. Fury wants a few to take back for questioning."
"Got it. On my count, then?" Steve didn't respond, so you took his silence as a yes. "Three... Two... One..."
You flew around the corner of the fortress, a pistol in each hand, and started shooting. Immediately, you brought two soldiers down with single shots to the leg. Steve had already knocked out four others, and he was engaged in combat with a fifth. The soldier was firing an assault rifle at Steve, but he managed to dodge every bullet.
Suddenly, you saw it. One of the soldiers you shot in the leg managed to prop himself up, and he was now taking aim at Steve from behind. There wasn't enough time to warn him, wasn't enough time for him to react.
So, you did. You ran forward and knocked Steve to the ground. Upon hitting the ground, you let out a quiet "oomph" and rolled over. Steve threw his shield at the rogue gunman, sending him flying backwards and landing in a heap beneath a tree. Then, he turned to you, and his face went pale.
"Steve? What-?" you tried to reach for your pistol, but then you noticed the blood dripping from your body, and the stinging began. Your catsuit was torn at the waist, and blood was seeping through the tight fabric. There was an obvious gaping hole in your abdomen, and that's when you realized something. You'd been shot.
"(Y/N), you're losing a lot of blood," Steve paused to rip a piece off of the sleeve of his suit with his teeth. "I'm going to get you out of here, okay? Just stay awake."
Even as Steve spoke, you felt your eyes becoming heavy. Your body was starting to throb painfully now that the adrenaline was wearing off, and even more blood was seeping through the tourniquet Steve had just tied over your bullet wound.
The world was starting to go black around the edges when Steve disappeared from your line of sight. You heard the sound of a scuffle, a few grunts, and then Steve was beside you again, face alight with worry.
"Shit," he mumbled. "Stark, how much longer is this going to take? (Y/N) got shot, she's losing a lot of blood here. We need to get her to Doctor Cho as soon as possible."
You heard Natasha's frantic voice reply over the comm. "I'm in with Tony, we're processing data now. We'll be five minutes, tops. Just hold on, Cap."
"Make it two," Steve said tersely.
Then, he looked at you, and his gaze immediately softened. Your eyes met for a long, silent moment, and in that instant, you both knew. You knew it was going to take too long to get to Doctor Cho. You knew you'd lost too much blood. You knew that no one, not even Captain America, could save you.
"Steve," you coughed, and when you moved your hand away from your mouth, it was covered with blood. "I'm so sorry-"
"Shh, it's okay. I forgave you a long time ago, doll," Steve said thickly. He began softly stroking your hair, gently pulling you across his lap. "I missed you, so much. I'm so, so sorry for everything that I said and did, (Y/N). You're the greatest woman I've ever known, and I would never, ever want you to be someone you're not, not for me."
By now, tears had gathered in your eyes, and they weren't from pain. "I forgive you, Steve," you smiled gently. "And I want you to promise me something."
"Anything for my best girl." Steve tried to smile back at you, but it came out more like a grimace.
"Promise me that if I don't pull through," Steve opened his mouth to retort, but you kept going. "Don't give me that look, Steve. We both know it's possible that I won't. But promise me that if I do die, that you'll move on. You won't regret this year we spent apart. You'll find a girl, whisk her off her feet, and you'll marry her. You're going to have beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired kids. You'll live a beautiful life with your family, and you'll be happy. But you damn well better not forget about me. Tell your kids about me, and our story. Tell them about the girl and the boy who loved each other too much to bear. Tell them how they fought each other blindly, out of love. Tell them how they would die for each other. Tell them how she did. How she died for love, and their future."
Steve was crying now and hugging you close to his chest. "You're not dying today, (Y/N), not on my watch. You're going to be living that apple pie life right there beside me, doll. Those kids are going to look just like you, and they're going to be beautiful."
Your vision was becoming blurry again, and your limbs strangely heavy... but also light, all at the same time. You offered Steve a small, weak smile, and managed to push four more words past your quivering lips. "I love," you coughed. "-you Steve."
Steve shut his eyes and took a deep breath before answering you. He lowered himself to your height and pressed a shaky kiss to your forehead. "I love you, (Y/N). Always have, always will."
You pressed your lips together in a thin smile, coughed once more, and then the world went black. You felt nothing more.
ONE YEAR LATER
"It's time, Steve," Natasha said softly. She laid a hand on Steve's arm, but the super-soldier shrugged her off.
"Nat, I can't," Steve said thickly. Tears were brimming in his eyes. "If I do this, she's... She's really gone. I can't let her go."
Natasha, who hadn't cried, or even come close to crying in several years, felt hot tears sliding down her cheeks. She hurriedly wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. "She wouldn't want you to keep holding on like this, Steve. (Y/N)'s been dead for a year, and nothing can change that. We owe it to her to spread her ashes, just like she said to. She deserves that much."
Natasha locked eyes with Clint, silently instructing him to tell Tony to start taking the quinjet down. The entire team-with the exception of Thor-had gathered together to spread your ashes over the ocean, as per your instructions found on a napkin locked up in Tony's safe. You hadn't written a will, or gave any inclination on what you wanted done with your body as you took your final breaths, so the team had taken that napkin as your final will and testament.
Steve had been putting off this day for months, though Natasha and Bruce had been trying to push him towards it. He had made excuses at first, saying that you didn't like warm weather, so your ashes couldn't be spread in June, or that he hadn't found an urn suitable enough for you. Finally, though, Natasha had to put her foot down. The team needed closure as much as Steve did.
"We'll be over coasting over the Atlantic in three and a half minutes. Everyone ready?" Tony asked dully. He especially hadn't been the same since you died, having been an older-brother figure to you for many years. The sparkle in his eyes had dulled, and there hadn't been a party lighting up the Stark Tower in ages.
Steve looked to Natasha, and then the gold urn sitting in his lap, and he stood up. "Yeah, Tony, we're ready."
The group huddled around the quinjet's exit as Tony let FRIDAY take the controls. The aircraft slowed to a crawl as the door slowly opened, exposing the team to the chilling December air. Steve handed the urn to Natasha, who was going to speak first.
"(Y/N)," Natasha began quietly. "You know I'm not one for emotional shit, but you were a damn good agent, and an even better friend. Thank you for trying to know me, even after I pushed you away, time and time again. Thank you for having a heart of gold." In truth, Natasha had about a million other things she wanted to say, but she couldn't bring herself to utter the words. Instead, she stared up at the open sky above, and hoped that somehow, somewhere, you were hearing her unspoken thoughts.
Tony was next, and he wiped fresh tears from his eyes before taking the urn from Natasha. "I miss you, kid, and I don't know how else to say that. I miss you so fucking much that it hurts. It's not fair that you're gone. You were so young, so good... You had an entire life to live. I would trade places with you in a second if it meant that you got to live your life."
There was silence for several moments as everyone sniffled and wiped their eyes, silently agreeing with Tony's words. Any one of them would have gladly laid down their life for you, the twenty-two year old girl with a bright smile and an even brighter future. Clint, who was next in line, passed on speaking, too overcome with grief to do much more than hold the urn briefly before handing it off to Bruce.
"You were such a beautiful, intelligent girl, (Y/N)," Bruce began quietly. "You didn't deserve this, not at all. Thank you for giving the green guy as much of a chance as you gave me. I hope you find peace and happiness, wherever you are."
Finally, it was Steve's turn to speak. He held the urn that he had so painstakingly picked out in his hands as he stared out across the ocean, a faraway look in his eyes.
"(Y/N)," Steve murmured. "I should have never let you go, and I'll regret that until the day that I die and join you once again. I've loved you since the first day I laid eyes on you, and I will forever remember you, and the way you lived your entirely too short life. I'll remember how you laughed at the sad parts during movies, and how you once beat up a guy at a bar for trying to pick you up. I'll remember how you made me feel like a normal person, and how you accepted me, flaws and all. You'll always be my very best girl, and nothing will ever change that. I love you, (Y/N), always have, and I always will."
Then, in one fluid motion, Steve unscrewed the top of the urn and let the contents drift lazily through the air into the deep blue ocean below. After a moment's pause, he tossed the urn into the water, and you were really, truly gone.
Natasha pulled Steve against her, trying her best to keep her composure enough to comfort Steve. Tony had at some point sank to the ground, shaking, with his head in his hands. Bruce was still standing, staring blankly out into the ocean, and Clint had retreated to a far corner of the aircraft to grieve privately. The door to the jet clanged shut with a sort of finality, and darkness fell over the space.
It would always be dark, Natasha suddenly realized, because the sun had died a year ago. The light, everything good and pure in this godforsaken world, it was dead, and it was never coming back. Silent tears fell down Natasha's cheeks as she held Steve against her, and she could only hope that somehow, some way they'd survive this.