All Roads Lead To Hell
By: Paraflymore
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.
Summary: Between a rock and a hard place.
Fighting For Nothing
Chapter Two:
"Hollow"
The sound of the gun shot was still ringing in her ears as she made her way down the docks, her cellphone pressed to her ear. She came running out of the motel room as soon as she heard the gun go off. She knew that he was the one that was hurt – knew it because he would never hurt his brother, not in a million years, even if he was possessed.
His phone keeps going to voicemail, and she's worried that he might actually be gone – no she refuses to think that. It can't be possible.
Dean Winchester just can't die like that.
She calls him again, praying to whoever the hell is listening that he's okay.
And then she hears what sounds like a rock song vaguely through the old boat garage, and she rushes towards the sound of it, slipping between the rails to reach him.
Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead.
She touches his face and he gasps for air.
"Thank God you're okay."
He forces a smile and she resists the urge to kiss him right there.
"Its okay." She whispers. "I got you..."
She helps him back to the motel, and dries him off, she runs off with shaking hands and steals a first aid kit from the maintenance closet that she has to break into. She rushes back into the room and he's on the phone, talking quietly to someone and he hangs up shortly after she walks through the door.
Lila pulls out a bottle of whiskey that she also found hidden in the closet and hands it to him with a smirk.
He's bleeding and his blood all over her hands had always been her biggest nightmare.
He sucks on the bottle of whiskey reminding her the way his lips tasted.
She was too fucking distracted to get this bullet out. Even though it was something she saw her momma do a dozen times.
"Just do it." He whispers, pulling a chair over and sitting down in it.
"You're losing a lot of blood. You should go to a hospital." She says in a small voice.
He scoffs. "I don't have time for that."
"Where do you think it went?"
"The bullet?"
"No, the demon you jackass."
"Its targeting hunters, the closest one I know is in South Dakota." Dean says with a labored breath.
Lila chews on her bottom lip and pulls the tweezers out of the first aid kit.
"On the count of three?" she asks it as a question and she is met by seething green eyes.
"Just fucking do it." He says sounding like he used to sound when she was just some annoying kid and he didn't think of her any other way.
It fucking hurt.
So she may have jabbed the tweezers in there a little too hard.
His knuckles turn white on the table. And the hitch in his breath breaks her heart.
She didn't really mean to hurt him.
"I'm sorry it came here." She says, her pride and ego too big to apologize for what she's really sorry for.
"Me too."
"Thing must be really stupid if it thought you'd kill Sam to save me..."
He sighs, his voice hitching as he speaks. "Lila,"
"I know I'm sorry."
"He was right, dad - hell even your mom was right. I'm bad luck and I can't drag you along with me on this."
"I'm not asking you to," she feels the bullet finally and tries to block him out so she can concentrate on what she's doing. She hates blood, it makes her feel sick to her stomach but she has to get this thing out.
He takes another sip of whiskey, grunting and breathing heavily. And she tries not to think that those noises sound an awfully lot like what he sounds like in the throws of passion.
"You're a butcher." he says angrily.
"And you're a fucking baby."
He stands up.
"For fucks Dean will you let me patch you up?" Her fingers on his arm feels like hot coals, burning into him.
He wanted to bolt out of there. He had to find Sam he had to make sure Bobby was okay. But he was transfixed by her, unable to look away.
She opens up the bandage and her hands are shaking.
Was he just delaying the inevitable by not leaving?
"I can help." she says, barely a whisper.
He nods. "I know you can."
"Then why won't you let me?" she asks pressing the bandage to his shoulder.
He didn't know the fucking answer. He just knew he had to, to keep her safe. Every time he was around her she got hurt. He can still see her tied to that chair, knife to her neck, eyes begging him to help. Can still feel the fear in the pit of his stomach that he felt when that psycho ghost had her.
It was too much.
"I have to go Lila."
And she knows that now is not the time or place but she can't help but step closer, breathing in the smell of him. Her fingers curl around his shoulder pulling him in closer. The thought if him walking away from her was killing her.
Their eyes meet and its more like a volcano erupting than it is a spark.
And she can't really blame herself for kissing him. She is selfish and lonely and sad and scared and she just wants to feel alive again...
And he's a little drunk.
Despite the protest in his shoulder when he does it he lift her up onto the table, her sigh landing somewhere in his gut.
It was the easiest thing, falling into her.
Her hands lock around the back of his neck and all he can think about is getting closer.
But there was also so many other things he should be doing.
He pulls away, pressing his forehead to hers. "I have to go..."
"Take me with you, please?"
He's stupid. He knows this. But he could not just leave her – especially with the way she looked up at him like he was the only one who could save her.
But she doesn't even realize that it's the other way around.
That she is the one who saves him.
Always.
They ride most of the way in silence both of them afraid to speak – afraid that one word would ruin this space between them. He made her put some ice on her nose, because it looked horrible and he was like eighty percent sure it was broken.
But just like him she was too stubborn to go to a hospital.
Bobby's house was a little over a five hour drive from the Del's in Minnesota, but he had called Bobby to warn him that Sam might show up there, and Bobby was smart enough to handle it until he got there.
Three hours in and he finally decides to speak.
"You know Bobby Singer?"
She shakes her head, looking over at him with surprise in her eyes. "I've heard you guys talk about him before."
"He should be able to do something with your nose."
Lila removes the ice from her face and smiles. "I'm fine, stop worrying about me."
He sighs.
"I know this doesn't change things Dean, I know that the kiss didn't mean anything and once all of this is over you have to leave. I'm not stupid. I get it okay?"
"Lila..."
"No. Let me finish." She looks right over at him, all the conviction in the world in her brown eyes. "I care about Sam just like you do, and I have to make sure he's okay. After that I'll leave."
He swallows the lump in his throat. "Is that what you want?"
She looks out at the winding road.
No.
She wanted all of this, everything with him.
But she knew that she couldn't have it.
"Its not about what I want Dean, its about doing the right thing."
He lets out a deep breath. "Yeah... I guess your right."
He opens up the door quickly, his gray eyes landing on him with little emotion. Dean smirks at him and then Bobby looks at Lila. "You okay?"
She nods. "I've had worse."
He steps aside and lets them in, "I got Linda Blair tied up in the living room."
Dean nods and heads off in that direction and Bobby adverts his attention to Lila. "Can you breathe through it?"
She nods, "Yeah I don't think its broken..."
He holds his hands up and smiles at her, "Can I take a look?"
Lila nods and Bobby presses his fingers to her nose, he smiles, and turns around, getting her a rag and wetting it in the sink. "You'll have a nasty looking bruise for a two days, but it will heal."
"That's the good things about physical wounds, they heal."
Bobby's face softens. "I met your momma once. She was a good gal, I was sorry to hear about her passing."
What only can be described as the worst and noisiest exorcism occurs and Lila waits in the kitchen for what feels like an eternity and then Dean comes in grabbing a bottle of scotch from the table in front of her and downing a long sip.
"Is he okay?"
Dean nods but he doesn't look at her.
She wants to reach for hos hand but she doesn't think touching him would be a good idea at this point. Besides she had drawn that line and she wasn't going to be the one to cross it.
No matter how bad she wanted to.
"Bobby's got a guest bedroom upstairs. He said you can crash there for now, unless you would rather go home?"
Home? She looks at him, thinking that word over. Was home even really a place anymore?
Or was her home those two green eyes that won't meet hers?
"I'll help clean up."
Dean nods, and she reaches for the bottle of scotch, it was given to her anyways in the first place and she walks off to join them in the living room. She takes a shot when she sees the mess and Sam is picking up pieces of the chair in the corner.
He sees her and his eyes fill up with tears. "Lila, I am so sorry..."
She shakes her head. "You don't have to say it Sam. I know you are." she offers him the bottle and she notices the burn on his arm.
"What happened?"
He turns the bottle up and takes a long swig.
"Demon's are getting real clever." Bobby offers from the other side of the room.
Lila looks over at him, he seems completely calm for what just happened. She reaches for Sam's hand and tugs him into the kitchen where Dean is still standing in the corner like a zombie. She opens the fridge and pulls an egg out of the carton, she grabs his arm, pulling his sleeve up to the burn.
"An egg?" He asks, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy.
"Trust me." she cracks it open and starts separating the yolk from the egg whites and once shes finished she pours the whites over his burn.
"I got burned by a hot pan when I was a kid. Pretty sure it was like a third degree burn and all my mom did was put egg whites on it and it was healed within the week." she offers him a smile. Her face was starting to hurt a little and she felt like her nose was half the size of her face.
"Thanks Lila."
She nods, patting his arm. "Please remember that it wasn't you Sam. You didn't do all those bad things."
He works his jaw but offers her a nod.
Dean clears his throat and both of them look over at him.
"Can you give us a second, Sam?"
Sam nods, offering Lila a sweet smile before he leaves them.
She busies herself with cleaning up the egg mess and tries not to look at him.
"Will you look at me?" His voice comes out rougher than he intended it to be.
She sighs, biting her bottom lip as she raises her eyes to meet his. He's standing there an intense look on his face. Lila isn't sure what it is but she knows he wants to say something to her.
"Dean?"
"I'm just trying to find the right way to say this..."
She nods, folding her arms over her chest.
"All I could think of tonight when that thing had that knife to your neck was that I might actually do it - if it meant saving you. I might actually kill him."
Lila feels tears forming in her eyes. "I'm glad you didn't."
He smirks but it doesn't touch his eyes. "I can't explain what it is that I feel when I look at you. Its like this intense need to make sure your safe and this more intense feeling to..."
She nods, knowing where he's going with this. She felt those same things all the time when it came to him. "What are you trying to say?"
"Maybe they were wrong. My dad, your mom, hell maybe even I was wrong Lila. Maybe you and I aren't bad for each other. Maybe we're just what the other needs."
Years of experience taught her that he didn't say things like this. He didn't admit that his father was wrong, he didn't admit that he was wrong. He was completely losing it, or maybe she was.
"I might have a concussion or something because I don't think I'm hearing you right..."
"Don't make me say it out loud." he begs because he knows that if he does say it its all cemented, she's not going anywhere and he won't let her.
"Why should it even matter if you can't even say it out loud Dean?" she runs her hand through her hair. "You can tiptoe around the issue and hint at it but I'm not going to assume that I know what you mean. I can't do it again. I need something solid to hang onto here."
He pauses, his heart feels like it might leap right out of his chest. Could he take that jump?
Could he say it out loud and change everything?
"You two gonna stand here all night or are you gonna help me clean my house up?" Bobby says as he makes his way into the kitchen, he grabs a broom and thrusts it ar Dean's chest. And Lila turns to face the sink, pretending to wash her hands.
Great timing.
Great fucking timing.
If he could turn back time he would have never left her in that hospital. He would tell his dad to shove it. He would let everything go and look her in her eyes and promise that he was always going to choose her.
No matter what.
But things didn't work like that.
There was no magical fix to this rift between them. And it was getting bigger and scarier and harder.
Her eyes wouldn't meet his over breakfast the next morning. She had made french toast for them and he was surprised by how good it turned out.
She busied herself with helping Sam, it was like she was using his massive brother as a shield between them. And he was too fucking stubborn. It was always his biggest flaw. It was the thing he hated most about himself, especially right then when she offers his brother a sweet smile and pats his arm.
Dean knows that it didn't really mean anything. Lila didn't think of Sam that way and Sam didn't think of Lila that way. But he couldn't help but be a little jealous of the fact that his brother seemed to be the main focus of her attention.
She was giving him the cold shoulder and those words were hanging on the tip of his tongue.
He wants to reach for her he wants to pin her against the wall and kiss her until this ache in his gut goes away.
But, he doesn't.
He gives up trying to talk to her all together until Bobby offers her a car to get back to Del's and her eyes meet his from across the room and everything stops.
Tell her to stay.
Tell her you love her and you want her to stay.
Fucking say it...
"Thanks Bobby. I probably should get back. I know Del is worried about me by now." she finishes her glass of water and sits it in the sink without so much as a glance towards his direction.
"Are you even going to say something to her?" Sam asks, stepping out onto the front porch with him.
Dean looks over at his brother, he's tired, and not just because he only slept about an hour and a half. "It doesn't matter anymore Sam."
"Don't pull that crap with me."
He sighs. "She doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I ruined my chances with her."
"You really are clueless."
Okay, now he was starting to get mad. "About what?"
"She loves you Dean, she is willing to do anything and everything for you. And your just going to let her walk away, because your too stubborn to tell her how you feel?"
He looks back out at the road, at the old junker that Bobby drove around for her to drive. She's still inside in the shower and all he can think about is why he shouldn't stop her from leaving.
He wants to.
God knows he wants to but maybe its just better if she does.
Maybe its better for them both.
And she was right - it didn't matter if he loved her because he couldn't say it out loud.
Dean Winchester had some issues, okay?
Everyone he's ever allowed himself to care about has hurt him. Every single person.
Those words don't come easy for Dean, they never have and he's pretty sure they never will.
And his dad told him once about a week after he left her in that hospital in Alabama that Lila Dawson deserved a normal, happy life. Absent of all Winchesters.
And he couldn't say he was wrong about that.
As far as he was concerned he would give her the fucking moon if she asked because she deserved it.
She deserved so much more than he could ever give her.
So he had to let her go.
If you love something set it free? Right?
It was gonna hurt like hell.
He knows this as he watches her towel dry her hair in the living room, the news playing idly in the background. He's going back and forth in his head.
Tell her.
Keep your mouth shut.
Stop her.
Let her go.
No.
Yes.
It was starting to give him a headache.
"Do you think that demon will be back?"
He shakes his head, realizing that they somehow found themselves alone again. "Not for a while - I hear its hard to get out of hell..."
Lila nods, combing her fingers through her hair. The swelling around her nose had went down but she now had two really horrible looking black eyes.
"Del's gonna flip out when she sees me." She says, sliding an old baseball cap on her head trying to hide it a little.
She's still the most beautiful women he's ever laid his eyes on.
Say it...
"Lila, I..."
"Don't say anything okay?" she stands up, wiping her hands on the front of her jeans. "There isn't anything else to say."
He nods, swallowing the words, telling himself that it is all for the best.
"I should go..." but she stands there, looking up at him. "Promise me you'll be safe."
"Always."
She nods, seeming satisfied.
"You take care of yourself Lila."
"I always do." she stands on her tip toes to kiss him on her cheek her lips lingering there for a second too long. Every cell inside him screams for him to pull her in closer and kiss her. But he won't do that.
He'll let her go.
Again.
"I'll call and let you know I made it home." she fiddles with the charm necklace Bobby gave her to keep her safe from possession. "I'll see you around?"
He nods. "I'll be around."
And with that she's gone.
He watches her hug Bobby goodbye and thank him for everything. Then she wraps her arms tightly around Sam and holds him for a little while. Then without another glance towards the house she gets into the car and starts it up.
"I love you Lila..." he says to the girl driving down the long driveway towards the road.
No harm and no foul of she can't hear him, right?