Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, Gainax, and your life, Anno. Also, you should've stop trying to make Gendo as magnificent bastard as possible. I already cringed at the whole stupidity displayed by the whole cast in 3.33/Q just to make him looks so smart in comparison.
Lunch time was over. Now, they need to get back to the business.
Of course, the business for Max and Paul, two reporters from Planet Hollywood and Anime World respectively, was listening to the story of Rei Ayanami about how Hideaki Anno got the idea for the full-grown Lilith and Rei clones. As if it came from Rei's dimension travel into Warner Bros world wasn't crazy enough, they also learned that Rei Ayanami was somehow responsible for the cancellation of Animaniacs and perhaps, Pinky and The Brain.
It was not a normal business, to say the least.
" Please... don't tell me that you caused Third Impact in WB world. Please don't tell me. PleasePleasePleasePleasePlease." Said Paul in his head. He didn't want it to goes haywire from the sheer insanity that was already said and about to be said.
" Well...still a better fate than being stuck with Elmyra." Max thought, tried to think positively. Whether he really read Paul's mind was unecessary, since it could be applied on many bad situations and it still would be better than being forced to be with Elmyra.
" And so, the battle between me and giant anvil robot, was just began."
" TRANSFORMATION COMPLETE!" Said the Warners in unison.
The anvil robot looks like Iron Giant in his attack/defensive mode, only with more lasers...and anvils.
Yes. Pardon for my lacks of creativity regarding character description.
" Allright, hotshot. Now, we'll see who's the cutest girl around the town!" Said Dot. She was in the control of the machine for the time being.
" Way to go, Dot! Although my honest side said the fight is not on your favor."
" What?"
" Wakko has a point, Dot. Look at her!"
What they saw was a pale monstrous humanoid, with tiny legs all over her thighs. Her three pairs of wings were made out of rotten flesh. She was unbelievably thin, and her smile was uneery. Far from what would be called as cute in both real world and animation world.
" Um...we meant... Look at was used to be her! Wakko! You know what to do!"
" Yes, sir!" Said Wakko in his usual Liverpool, borderline on Ringo Starr accent. Honestly, his accent didn't make sense at all. But then again, it's Animaniacs.
Wakko then turned into a box, and then fastly morphed into a photocopy-alike machine with the brand of Wakkostein slapped on the top of it. Yakko then pushed several button on Wakkostein, which produced a photo of normal Rei at her one-piece swimsuit, smiling at the unknown photographer.
Yakko then picked the photo, looking at it before feeling the lavender smell that came from the photo by his nose.
" Hmmm...Lovely. Photographic Memory 3000, you are always so reliable. Please, tell us the best part of her that just strangled our heart with her outworldly beauty. Please!"
And suddenly, Photographic Memory 3000 produced a statue bust of Rei.
"...Goodnight, everybody!"
" Uh...Yakko. I don't think we ever met her like this before." Said Dot, who just looked into the photo.
" Why did you suddenly become deadpan, Dot? You were supposed to be as zany as us!" Asks Wakko who just changed back into himself.
" Because i'm girl, and the feminists said we need to make the girl more respectable. And since girls have been perceived as weaker than male, and female protagonists are still rare, the only way to do it is to make us looks more responsible in comparison to the boys. So the show's changed a bit like this. Amirite? Also, we haven't met cute boys for a while yet."
" Oh, yes. I forgot! Um...Are you sure they cannot hear you talk about them like this, Dot?"
Meanwhile, another file complain from feminists just came into Fox Censor mailbox. Too bad they were too busy suing Spiderman right now.
" Don't worry, Yakko. They won't hear us in our own crazy world."
" Okay. Let's finish our most urgent business, then."
" Hey, so-called angel! We won't allow you to destroy our city!" Said the three in synch.
" We, Warner Brothers-"
" And i, Warner Sister-"
" Are going to stop you now!"
The iron giant lookalike then launched itself on Giant Naked Rei, with lasers focusing on her. Giant Naked Rei (GNR) then simply deployed her AT field, stopped the ray from hurting her.
" Wow!" Said the brothers in unisoned awe. The robot then stopped itself on the track and made a gravel track, knowing that it's next attack will be useless for a while.
" Huh. I can do that better."
GNR then produced a battle axe made of AT field, with it's attack intended to cause the demise of the Anvils Robot. The robot then dodged to the left side, and then it dodged to the left again after she tried to slam her axe again. GNR then produced two axe and attacked the robot from both side.
" Look out, Dot!"
" Let me show you the real deal for a shield, boys!"
The robot then produced two gigantic anvils that shielded it from the attack. The power of the battle axes were not enough to penetrated the anvils, caused GNR to twitching out of vibration from the contact between the anvils and the axe.
" Ha! Toon power rule!" Said the Warner Brothers with high five soon come after them.
" How is it to feel the slapstick power of the Warners, bi...stering worth of slap-titude!"
At the moment of almost insult slip by Dot, GNR was attempted to stop the shaking from his head by held it by both her hand, only to had her eyes shaking up and down before the pupils settled on the bottom once the eyes had calmed down.
It was really weird to imagined Lilith or Rei on slapstick situation. Really.
Not amused by the shenanigans from the Warners Brothers (and Warner Sister!), the Giant Naked Rei then launched several furious punches. The Anvils Robot barely able to dodged the attack, and forced to used it's anvil shield once again at the end of the attack. This time, GNR was ignored her twitching from the attack, and managed to finally landed a punch on the gut of the AGR, caused it to flied into Warner Studio.
" AAAAGH!"
The robot's not hurt at all, but Dot...well...she's plastered by the cables on the upper side of the control room.
" Dot! Are you okay?"
" Yeah. I'm alright. But someone need to take my position. I'll just...hanging out for a while."
Needless to say, Yakko then gently shoved Dot onto the other cables, took over her position, while Dot had a cozy time and all with sodas and banana splits and hunky butlers and all. As you expected from the Warners.
" Wakko...this girl's rather...unpredictable in her behavior. Let's counter it by your own!"
" Ayay, Captain!"
Rei Ayanami's not having the best time of her life.
First, she blindly followed the order of Hideaki Anno, the biggest troll in Japan, to not blink in the shot at all, caused severe pain in her eyes. Second, she ran at the speed of sound from the pain of her eyes and keep going faster until she ripped the reality and get sucked in into another one. Third, now she needs to pay the bet she made with Toji about breaking reality and alternate dimension.
And now, she saw the gigantic clone of herself, fought a rusty robot that currently using spaghetti monster to wrap her clone into mail package.
And she saw two mouses with remote control, controlling her clone.
Indeed. Not the best time in her life.
" Brain, she's awake!"
" Ah, my little angel. Come here!"
Not having anything else to do, Rei decided to follow the order of the mouse with zombie-like face, and an idiotic looking mouse.
" See that, Ms..."
" Ayanami. Rei Ayanami."
" Ah. Okay, Rei. I'm Brain. See that? What you see right now, is the future to this world!"
"...A gigantic monstrosity against giant robot is the future of mankind?" Hypocritically asked by Rei Ayanami.
" No! Listen, my lady. I saw the plan in what your creator had in his mind for you. And i found the flaw in his plan, which made me cloned you. It's all thanks to...Pinky."
" Brain, indeed having her stay normal and had the clone do the business will remind us on what kind of good life we could had in the worst scenario. But why do we need to make her clone grow?"
" Because we haven't had any luck before and need to try something different?"
" Yeah, but...shouldn't we try to wait until real...Rei woke up first and made her clone know her purpose?"
"...Yeah. You're right. Darn. I knew i should've consult you first." Said Brain in his head. But his mouth said:
" It's not going to be relevant, Pinky. It's all going according to the master plan, after all."
" Wow. I don't know you already had all lied on your mind for this situation, Brain!"
" Indeed, Pinky. Indeed."
" So, Brain and Pinky." Said Rei, ignoring their conversation.
" Pinky and the Brain." Said the other two in not-so-perfect unison.
" Allright. So, Pinky and the Brain, we're stuck with mindless gigantic clone of me that currently fighting a giant robot?"
" Yes."
"...I have an urge to say that...we're fucked?"
" Oh, no!"
" Not the f-word!"
Meanwhile, in the Fox Censors/Radar house, 5 minutes ago.
" That's it, cunt fuckers! I quit!"
" Curse count No. #212!"
" And all of those came from this negotiation..."
" But, Spidey...You haven't even saved Mary Jane, yet!"
" No, i've had enough! You are not going to censor me once more, you Fox Pussy! Fuck this shit, i'm going to return to my comic business!"
" Your swearing is not going to help the case, Spidey. Curse count No.#215, by the way. Also, why are you wearing the black symbiote costume?"
" My lawyer said that it will be more...intimidating for this purpose. And he's right. No, wait. I changed my mind. Now, give me my demand. A brand new show for me that's better budgeted, less restrictive censored, more Black Cat and M.J., less Kingpin and Madame Webb, or else..." Said Spidey as he cocked a shotgun.
" *Gulp* But, Spidey, ah...We're not the one with the idea to censored you this much."
" What? Then, who was it?"
' We lied.'
" It was..." Fox Censor #1 closed itself into Spidey's ear, and then whispered the name.
" Shocker."
" Shocker? SHOOOCKEEEEEEERRR!"
Meanwhile, in the bad guy lair #22
" What's that sound?"
" Oh, not again..."
" YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME!"
The house of Fox exploded. Why? Because Spidey could, that's why.
" I'LL CHASE YOU TO THE END OF THE EARTH!"
With this 'revelation', Symbiote Spidey then once again, went to chase Shocker to the end of the earth... again.
" Well..."
" That was easy."
" But now we just lost one of the better cartoon in today's television! And that came from both rating and quality perspective!"
" Nah. Rating's not important. What's important, is to protect kids from those bastardations that mangled with their foundation of moral and ethics! Now, say it again, my brothers and sisters! What's our priority?"
" To protect the world from devastation of moral and ethics, by every way possible."
" And unite the world into Political Correctness."
" To denounce the evils of free speech!"
" To extend our reach to Cartoon Network!
" Fox Radars!"
"Fox Censors!"
" Team Fox blast off at the speed of light!"
" Censor yourself now, or prepare to be cancelled."
Somewhere, Nintendo suddenly got an urge to sued someone.
Suddenly, a new tabloid descend down into the land that what used to be their house. It hit Fox Censor #9's head with velocity of 200 MpH, killed him instantly. The other members ignored his fresh body that was just stolen by Gaston's hyena pets. It seems that such occurence is a normal thing for them. Although what's Gaston doing there, and why he had Hyenas from Lion King in the first place is a mystery that we shouldn't dwelve into.
" Well..."
" What is it now?"
" It's about Animaniacs."
" *Facepalm* That frikin show again..."
" What is it now?"
" Hmm. It seems that somehow, a character of Neon Genesis Evangelion appeared in their world."
" Wow. My favourite Anime!"
Suddenly, everyone focused at Fox Radar #4 with murderous intents on their eyes.
" Umm...but not for children, anyway."
" Let's ignore that for a while. It seems that the NGE character, Rei Ayanami, has been a subject of several case of abuse for the censorship."
" Like what, for example?"
" Inadvertently caused Pinky and Brain to said the D and K words."
" Not a big deal for them."
" Also, one of her clone became a naked, uncensored monster."
" We'll just edit the footage. Also, Minerva once come nearly naked, and we still allowed her on it for a while."
" Yeah. I even bet it's just one of their way to trick the censor for more subtle references."
" Also, Rei said fuck just 10 seconds ago."
A minute of silence carried them away, before they said the three words in unison.
" That."
" Was."
" TRAVESTY!"
" NUKE THE FRIKKERS!"
" Woman! Look at what you've done!"
" I'm afraid that all i've done is spelled one profanity."
" Now the censors are going to oblirerated us!"
" I've been made aware of what you all actually. Cast of Animaniacs. And as far as i'm concern, you all have implied more offensive materials than just one common curse word."
"...Lady, there's a difference between subtext, and just text."
"...I understand." No, she didn't.
" What shall we do now, Brain?"
" Pinky...embrace yourself."
" Nice job, Wakko!"
" You just sent her away into another dimension!"
" Ah, of course! Now, where's my reeee...ward?"
And then, staff with an eye and a picture of a Zombie materialized in front of him.
"...I hate it when the puns are not working in my way."
" Delivery for Warner Siblings!"
A very tall box then dropped in front of them. At the velocity of 400 MpH, this baby just caused an Earthquake worthy of 4.5 Richter Scale.
" Hmmm. Must be my real reward. Let's check this new toy!"
" Wait, Wakko! There's a letter on the box!"
The robot then picked the letter. It said:
Dear Universe 5802-Sigma-Blue-Romeo;
It's your problem now, suckers.
" Oh, no."
" Don't tell me..."
Indeed. It was Giant Naked Rei, without tiny legs at her thighs...but with the black moon on her hands!
" And then Yakko took over the control of the robot for some negotiations, but he then also realized that 500 nukes are going into their way. Then, GNR asked them if he really desired a world where everyone become one without physical restrain, where there's neither sadness or happyness. He said:
" Anything's better than the fucking nuke!"
" And so, the world become one but me.. and the legendary WB characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Things would just look weird without them exist, i suppose. And then...what happened to Paul?" Rei asked after she saw Paul suddenly dropped his head into the table.
" Oh, i believe he just blew a fuse." Indeed. His head just smoking out...smoke.
" So, Rei...what happens to the Warners Siblings? Did they really not want to become their own again?"
" No. The LCL there tastes like Cranberry Juice, so they wouldn't be out for a while."
" What the? Do you mean-"
" Yes. They're out, but they got addicted with the LCL. And i don't know what happens to the souls that got drinked by the living. Although for my own taste, the LCL is too sweet. More cranberry and less sugar would be necessary."
" I don't even! AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!"
That were last words from Paul before he blew out his brain, too.
" So i suppose Doc Brown and Marty helped you get out of there, right?"
" Yes. Good fellas. Allthough i don't understand for why Doc Brown picked the car for his time machine. Everybody know that DeLorean is a crappy car. Also, Marty said that he would never drink Cranberry Juice again after he learn the origin of it...after he drank two glasses or so. So...what do you think about my story?"
"...Alright, Ayanami-san. This story's just...too weird for everyone. I'm sorry. I can't publish it." Indeed. After he read it again, he also couldn't even.
" No. It's okay."
" So, i guess that's all-"
" Hey! You haven't interviewed the mighty Soryu here!"
" Sorry, redhead, but i've had enough of Evangelion insanity. Oh, by the way, Ayanami has better bust than you." Said Max before he ran away at the speed of...human.
" WHAT? Hey, come back here!"
" Calm down, Asuka!"
" How dare you said bad thing about my awesome tits!"
And so, the chase between a redneck-um, redhead, and a scared for life reporter, began.
I knew i shouldn't say that. Actually, Asuka's tits are not that bad. Hmmm...Jiggling tits. *Clank!*
Meanwhile, on the moon
Hideaki Anno was smilling. A very creepy smile in that. With murderous intent
At the side of him was the body of Doc Brown, who just picked a wrong day to have a trip to the other dimension.
The lunatic genius, just found a way to get the power of the god. Yes. With the dimension picker, he'll had a way to get it.
" Soon, Ayanami... i'll have my revenge!"
" Oh, my lord! What can we do to cured the Warner Siblings out of their addiction?"
The answer came into a diamond carrot. After 4 hours of grinding, the paper inside it finally came out. It said:
" BASKETBALL GAME WITH EVANGELION CAST AGAINST THE MONSTARS?!"