Chapter 35 – Where is Daddy?

Sara ate her dinner quietly. Charlotte barely ate anything because she was talking so much. She was ecstatic to find out that Chester had a daddy too. She told Nanny and Grandpa about Chester and school and everything else in her life. Sara watched quietly.

After desert was finished, Sara went upstairs with Charlotte to tuck her in. She said she didn't want to go to bed but Sara could tell she was very tired. Getting her pj's on and reading her a story brought her close to sleep, but Charlotte still wanted to talk to Sara.

"Mommy? Where is Mr. Bear?"

"I don't know sweetie." Sara was very tired.

"Well, tomorrow, could we find him?"

"Maybe."

"Please?"

Sara sighed. "We'll try."

Charlotte smiled. Sara kissed her forehead and rubbed her thumb on it. Charlotte closed her eyes and Sara smiled before standing up and making her way to the door, but Charlotte stopped her.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"What if we can't find Mr. Bear?" Sara sighed again.

"Well…then we can't find Mr. Bear."

"But then Chester won't have a daddy anymore."

Sara turned ad went back to sit on the bed. "He'll still have a daddy."

"No, he won't. Cause we cant find my daddy and so I don't have a daddy anymore."

Sara was taken aback. She found that a lot of the questions Charlotte asked as of late were hard to answer. She opened her mouth, trying to find the words to answer her daughter, but they wouldn't come.

"He…" Sara tried. She didn't know how to start. "You're daddy…isn't lost." That seemed to make sense.

"Yes he is. I don't know where he is and you don't know where he is and we can't find him." Maybe not.

Again, Sara opened her mouth, trying to find the words to answer her. "I know where he is, Charlotte, I…just can't…get to him."

"Why not?"

"Because…" how to explain this? "Because…do you remember what happened to your daddy?" Sara asked.

Charlotte nodded. "He died."

"Right…" Sara forgot where she was going to go with this. "Well…when…when he died…when he died he left…the earth."

"He left?" Charlotte sounded amazed.

"Yeah. He…he didn't want to go, but he had to."

"Why?"

Sara closed her eyes. This was as hard for her to understand as it was for Charlotte. "It was his time to go." 'Ok that was good.' She thought.

"But if he left then why isn't he coming back?"

Good question. "Because when you die you can't come back."

"Why?"

'Beats me' she thought. "Because that's the way it is."

Charlotte looked down at the covers. Sara thought she wasn't going to ask any more questions but Charlotte proved her wrong.

"Where did he go when he left?"

Another good question. Sara didn't know what to tell her. Ever since Alex had died she hadn't prayed at all so she didn't know if she should tell Charlotte about heaven. But if there wasn't a heaven, then where did he go? 'How do you explain the most sought out question in the world to a 5-year-old?

"He…he…" Charlotte looked at her expectantly. "I don't really know where he went. But when someone dies, there is a part of you that leaves, but their…" (She didn't want to make this sound too morbid) "…body stays behind." Sara closed her eyes, hoping that satisfied the girl's curiosity. It didn't.

"What part of them leaves?" Charlotte nose was scrunched up. She thought your head or maybe you leg would stay behind.

Your soul? You life? your ghost? She decided on the first one. "Your soul."

"What's a soul?"

"It's a part of you that's inside that makes you, you. But you can't see it…its just there."

"Oooooh." That made more sense to her. But then another thought hit her. "But you said that the body stays behind." Sara nodded. "Where is daddy's body go?"

Sara wondered if she should tell the child about a cemetery. She looked at the little girl and decided she couldn't bend the truth for her. "He went to a place called a cemetery."

"Where is it?"

"Close."

"How close?"

"Close. Ok that's enough questions for tonight." She pulled the covers up to Charlotte's chin and kissed her forehead again.

"But, mommy…"

"No, pumpkin, you need to go to sleep now."

Charlotte was about to protest but Sara held up a halting finger. She closed her mouth and Sara got up again. She was almost out the door and Charlotte spoke again.

"Can we go visit him?"

Sara thought a moment. Would that be a good idea? Maybe. "Sure."