A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed the previous chapters. I'm sorry I made some of you cry. The tears will most likely be over at this point. This chapter was pretty last minute, but I wanted to write something in case the holidays got crazy. Let me know if you see any grammar mistakes so that I can edit them out! Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa! Review!
"Letty? What are you doing?" Dom asked perplexedly as he walked into the kitchen. His wife was in full attire whipping something in a large bowl.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" She unintentionally snapped at him. Dominic attempted to ignore her tone and proceeded with caution.
"It looks like you're about to create a feast. How long have you been down here?" He commented observantly.
"Not that long, just about four hours." She said without missing a beat.
"Are you okay?"
"Of course why wouldn't I be?"
"It's just a little odd. One minute you're Mortitia from the Addam's family and the next minute your fucking Martha Stewart."
"How is this odd? I do this every year Dominic. I just had to start a little early because I won't be getting the extra help." She told her husband, evidently losing her patience.
"Why don't you sit down for a moment?" He suggested. "You know? Take a breather?"
"I'm not tired. Don't you think I've rested enough?" Letty said insinuating the endless cycle of sleep and insomnia she had experienced the last few weeks.
"Do you need anything?"
"Yes, I need you to leave and stop asking me questions." Letty told him as she aggressively chopped vegetables that seemed to appear out of thin air.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure that-"
"Everything is fine. Can't you tell?"
"Did you invite people over for Christmas dinner? I didn't." Letty stared at him and Dom slowly backed away. "I'll leave you to it then."
"Papi is Mami out of her room?" Axel asked his father excitedly.
"Yes kiddo she is." He said scuffling the young boys hair. "She's in the kitchen. Why don't you go and try to help." The young boy went in search of his mother who he felt he rarely ever saw. He peered his head inside the door carefully.
"Mami?"
"What do you want Ax?"
"You need any help?"
"No"
"That smells like what Mama used to make. Is that Sancocho?" Letty did not take her eyes off her task. She kept absent mindedly cooking. "Mami?"
"Yes, it is." She finally answered him shortly.
"She always used to have me be her taster. Do you need a taster?"
"Axel, not now. Go watch TV or something."
"But how will you know if it's good?" The six year old asked reaching on the counter and grabbing a spoon.
"Are you deaf? Did you not hear what I said? You're going to make a mess in here. Just go."
"Fine" The boy said slamming the spoon on the ground. "I'm never helping you again!"
"What did you say to me? You better watch your tone with me, and pick that spoon up before I pick you up. You may not like where you land." Letty threatened.
"No!" The boy said storming off and bumping into his father on the way out.
"What's going on in here?" Dom asked concerned.
"She's mean! All I wanted to do was help like you said." Axel informed his father silently crying against his leg.
"Hey, it's alright. Wanna help me build a car in the garage?" The boy shrugged his shoulders without looking up. "Meet me there in ten minutes. I'll have everything ready. Okay?"
"Okay" the young boy mumbled and ran off.
"Did you have to do that?" He asked hoping his wife would see the excessiveness of her actions.
"He was in my way."
"He just wants to spend time with you Let."
"There'll be time for that later."
"When?"
"Dinner."
"At this rate we'll be lucky if anyone shows up to the table other than you."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" She asked him crossly.
"No one likes a Grinch."
"Excuse me?"
"What's the point of having a dinner when no one will enjoy it? You obviously aren't."
"You wouldn't understand."
"I bet", was all he said before stepping out. Dom hated how their conversations had morphed into a brief and snappy exchange of words. Christmas Eve had been a time of great joy in their household, but that year all the Torettos could feel was misery. Dom attempted to put on an act for his youngest, but after a poor interaction with his mother there was little to cheer him up.
"It's so quiet." Mazda told her father pensively.
"Yeah, your grandmother knew how to bring the noise." Dom remembered fondly.
"And the moves", the young girl added with a smile. "Hey why don't you teach me salsa today?"
"Why don't you help me with this engine?"
"Because salsa would be funner"
"Would it?"
"Lets all dance salsa!" Axel cheered excitedly. Dom was so glad to see a smile grace the boy's face that he gave his children a smirk in return.
"Salsa it is." He said with a light chuckle. They spent the afternoon attempting to entertain themselves any which way they could. However, eventually Letty called them to eat promptly at seven o'clock.
"Where are these boys?" She asked frustrated.
"Isn't it kinda early?" Mazda asked. "I don't think we've ever had dinner before nine. Is uncle Milo coming."
"No, and they should be here." Letty said cutting her daughter off and leaving to find a phone.
"Did I say something wrong?" Mazda asked her father.
"No you didn't." Dom said caressing her hand. Three phone calls later Jensen and Alexus appeared in the doorway.
"Where's the fire?" Jensen asked jokingly.
"You're late." Their mother scolded them.
"Better late than never, right?" Alexus chimed in. Letty rolled her eyes and sat at the table tapping her foot impatiently. The boys came and sat feeling uneasy over how their mother had greeted them.
"Looks real good Mami" Alexus commented surveying the table.
"Lets hope its not cold." She responded snarkily.
"What are microwaves for?" Jensen smirked, but Letty only glared at him. Axel attempted to reach for a bread roll, but Dom tapped his hand away.
"Well I guess that's our queue to say grace." Mazda said attempting to cut the tension in the room.
"You think you can handle it bud?" Alexus asked Axel.
"What?" The boy asked confused. His siblings smiled at him, pre-conditioned to the Toretto rule.
"You were the first to grab at the food so you have to say grace. You know, like you do at night before bed?"
"Ohhh" The boy said in realization. "Okay."
"Bow ya' heads." Dom commanded them. "Whenever you're ready Ax."
"Um…Dear God Merry Christmas"
"Christmas is tomorrow Ax" Jensen interjected with a small snicker.
"Oh yeah"
"Lets get on with it." Letty urged impatiently.
"Um…thank you for Santa and my toys."
"Oh Axel" Mazda said shaking her head.
"And for this food", Dom added with a smile.
"And for this food that Mami made with no help. I hope it's delicious even if she didn't have a taster. And God please bring Mamá back from wherever she is. I hope she's happy in heaven, but I miss going over her house. Everyone's too sad all the time. I think it would make everyone happy if she would visit. And…"
"Okay let's eat." Letty said cutting her son off mid-prayer. She grabbed the first entrée and started serving herself. Dom and their children all uncomfortably stared at each other.
"Well is no one going to eat?" Letty prodded while passing over the plate of rice to Alexus. "I worked really hard on this."
"Of course", her son responded awkwardly.
"Good thing we can finally eat at a reasonable time. Remember last year when Mamá got here three hours late? I was starving." Jensen commented.
"And drunk, but it was worth the wait because she came rolling in with like ten people." Alexus said.
"And already Lit" Mazda giggled thinking back to the very merry Christmas the year before.
"Your grandma was always ready to go." Dominic added cheekily. Letty attempted to ignore the conversation and began fidgeting with silverware instead. She did not enjoy reminiscing.
"I wish it weren't so quiet without her."
"Can Santa bring her for Christmas?" Axel asked genuinely.
"You never know." Dom answered giving the boy hope. A hope that Letty could not deny being envious of.
"God damn it!" Letty yelled out knocking her plate onto the ground. "I just wanted one day. That's all I wanted was one day!" She screamed before running off upstairs. She felt herself about to combust. The Torettos sat in silence for several moment unsure of what to do.
"Papi was Mami kidnapped by aliens like in the movies?" A scared Axel asked his father as his sibling erupted with laughter. "What?"
"Watch it", Dom warned.
"That was probably the funniest thing said…ever." Mazda defended.
"Don't ever say that in front of your mother." Dom told Axel.
"I was just asking. She's been acting funny."
"Should I go check on her?" Alexus asked once they settled down.
"No, I will. You guys finish your meal and pop in a movie or something."
"Which one? You know we can't make decisions." Jensen told his father anticipating an argument sometime in the near future.
"I really don't care. If you'll excuse me?" Dom said before heading upstairs in search of his wife. He could hear loud panting coming from their bedroom and knew she was having one of her many anxiety attacks.
"I'm really trying. I really am." Letty hyperventilated as she paced across her bedroom. He finished making his way inside and quietly closed the door behind him.
"I know you are, but baby I think you need help."
"I'm not crazy!"
"I didn't say you were. You're sad. You're angry. You won't open up to me, which is admittedly a little hurtful, but I understand. You need to let someone in, anybody. That may mean going to a shrink."
"What part of I'm not crazy do you not understand?"
"We weren't crazy when we found Jensen after he got kidnapped. You even said it helped. Why not try it again?"
"That was different. That was all of us. You just want me to go because you think there's something wrong with me."
"You want us to go together? Because we can all go. It has affected all us, but you can't deny it's affected you the most."
"She was my mother. What if Tony died tomorrow, huh? How would you feel?"
"I already know how it feels."
"Please you barely even knew her." Letty regretted the words as soon as the escaped her mouth.
"Wow" He said genuinely shaking his head in disappointment as she placed her hands over her face. "That may be the meanest thing you've ever said to me in all the time of known you."
"I'm sorry." She said grabbing at his arms as he pulled away. "Baby, I'm sorry. I really mean it."
"You know what Let? Go or don't go, but I hope you know that you're not helping anyone, including yourself, by avoiding all of this. We got two kids that are hurting real bad over you. I gotta say Letty that I'm trying to have them understand why they're mother isn't acting like their Mami anymore. But you see, it's really hard. It's really hard when you shut us all out like this. There is no way we can be happy if things keep going the way they're going."
"So I'm not allowed to feel?"
"You won't let yourself feel! That's why you're like this. And when is enough, enough? Aren't you tired? I don't want to be that asshole. I don't want to be insensitive to your needs, but you won't let me help you and it's frustrating. I'm pissed off and I'm not allowed to express it. That's not fair either. It hasn't been easy bearing all of this. It's a lot of pressure." Dominic blurted out.
"So what are you saying? You're going to leave me because I'm too sad? Is that what almost thirty years of partnership boils down to?"
"Don't put words in my mouth Leticia. That's not what I said."
"Then what did you say because that felt a lot like an ultimatum coming along?"
"There isn't anyone in this house who can be happy when they're too busy walking on eggshells around you. Everything we do is wrong. The kids don't deserve to feel like that. Treat me like shit all you want, but the kids are a different story."
"So now I'm a bad mother too. I'm just this God awful monster."
"Don't give me that shit. You might as well be. Mazda may seem grown, but you know she's not. This is hard for her. This is hard on all of them. You can't be unresponsive towards them." Letty attempted to cut in, but Dominic continued to rant his grievances out. "I've tried everything I can think of to make you comfortable and safe, but it doesn't matter what I do. It's never good enough. You never tell me what need anymore. You talk down to me in a way that's so disrespectful sometimes that I don't even know how to react. I don't want to hurt you more than you're already hurting, but babe you gotta do something. Just because she died doesn't mean you have to die with her. You're stuck. I think you're in the same place emotionally that you were a month ago when Ana died, and you keep trying to pretend like you're not, but then you hit us with all this superficial bullshit or freak out like you just did. They just want to remember their grandmother. Is that so bad?"
"Well I'm sorry that I'm such a burden to all of you."
"Are you? Because if you were sorry, you'd try to bring us together; instead of withdrawing yourself from what we've built. I miss my wife. I miss my friend. I miss you, but telling you that won't be enough. Will it?"
"Dominic…" Letty attempted to interject. His words were starting to scare her.
"And to answer your previous question" He continued talking over her. "I don't think I could ever have the balls to leave you. You mean too much to me. However, I will be staying in one of our guest rooms tonight. I hope it gives you the 'space' you need." Dom said using air qotes.
"Dominic…you're not listening. Don't mock me." Letty argued.
"What are you going to say? What! I want to hear something new, see something new!"
"Not everything can fix itself when you want it too. What you're asking is unfair." Letty yelled at her husband.
"What is fair then? Because what you're doing sure isn't either", He yelled back. "I'm not a mind reader. Whatever I thought I knew, I guess I don't."
"What do you mean?"
"I've always been able to figure you out, but this time it seems impossible. I don't want to stand here and tell you to suck it up. I don't want to be the dick that walks over your feelings. I don't want to be this person right now, but you need to own that you're not meeting me half way. And God knows I need you to."
"I don't know how to do that." Letty told him quietly as she began to shed tears staring at the ground.
"I don't know either."
"I can't promise I can be my old self again." She said finally looking up at him. "What's going to happen if this can't be fixed?"
"I have no idea."