A/N: Hey, I'm updating a little early because originally this was only supposed to be the first part of chapter 11 but it was running a little long so I just decided to post it. Let me know what you think!

"So how have you been the last few days? I haven't heard much from you." Cluade asked Letty during their Monday morning sessions.

"Things have been on an upswing." She informed with a sigh.

"Very good, How so?"

"I think days of sadness have shrunken to short moments."

"What do you mean?"

"I just feel like before small things would ruin my day. I would freeze in the moment and not get passed it. Now I can move passed those feelings."

"Can you give me an example? What were these feelings."

"I guess sadness, inadequacy, fear….Like one day I was making dinner and I had this memory. It was one of my mother and me. I was a young girl, maybe ten. She was in a good mood and feeling festive so she took me out. We had a whole day just to ourselves. We went to the local carnival and she got me everything I wanted." Letty remembered fondly. "But anyway I burned whatever I was making. I burned it so bad that there was a small fire. My son came running down, put it out, and asked me if I was okay. I couldn't answer him. I just went to my room and cried and stayed there the whole day and spoke to no one. I can't tell you why I did that, but I did it. Now, I'll have a memory and stop what I'm doing, and then continue without sabotaging it. I can carry on as I was."

"That shows a lot of growth Letty."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Do you think there's been something that has helped with channeling your sadness?"

"The sketchbook has helped loads. It's already mostly filled up. I just sit down and start drawing. It allows me to get everything out and not have to speak to anyone."

"I'm glad to hear. Do you mind if I see?" Claude asked holding his hand out. Letty looked in her bag and pulled out her notebook to hand to him. He skimmed through the pages. There were sketches of children he assumed were hers, cars, and a woman. "Is this her?"

"Yeah"

"Wow she was beautiful."

"She milked it for sure. I can't tell you how much shit we got for free because she looked like that."

"I bet, and this man here?"

"That's my father."

"Your father? It seems only partially completed."

"I couldn't remember much more of him."

"Did he pass too?"

"No, he left me. Well he left us. He tried a couple times to reach out when I was a teen, but he never cared enough to follow through with anything."

"How did it feel when your father abandoned you?"

"I think I stopped drawing because he wasn't worth my thoughts. I came to peace with it a long time ago. It was always my mom that had my back, even when I thought she didn't. I used to fear she'd leave me too, and I guess she did."

"Do you feel abandoned now?"

"I know it doesn't make sense because it wasn't her fault, but apart of me does. She couldn't help that she died, but I still feel like the seventeen year old girl who got kicked out for being pregnant. She thought we would raise the baby without Dom, and scam him for child support. But instead, I wanted to be with him. I was so angry, but I felt more sadness than anything. I wanted my mom, just like I want her now."

"At seventeen that's a lot to handle."

"It was, but she came around. I don't think we would have made it this far without her. She did a shit ton of free babysitting. I owe her a lot, and I don't ever think I expressed my gratitude like I should have."

"I'm sure she knew." He said caressing her hand reassuringly.

"We'll never know will we." Letty responded with a sad half smile. Claude continued to look through her notebook taking advantage of Letty's revealing disposition.

"And who is this?"

"That's my husband." Letty smiled. "It's how I remember him when we first met. He looks a bit like our son, but just a bit rougher around the edges. I don't know why I've been thinking about that time period so much lately."

"It seems to have been a formative time for you. How are things with him? This is the only trace of him in the book."

"Well Dom and I are working things out. I guess I try not to think of the bad things because they scare me so much. We're actually talking rather than just glancing at each other now and again. It makes me happy to think that we could be what we used to be."

"But it isn't all sunshine and rainbows I assume. What are some of your fears?"

"No, of course not. I just hope he doesn't give up on us. Things haven't gone the way he has wanted them to, so I'd see why he would pack up and leave."

"Has he said he would?"

"He's sugar coated it using different words, but yeah." Letty informed him looking down at her feet. She did not like the thought of truly being alone.

"Are you taking steps to prevent that?"

"He moved back into my room, and we've been okay so I'm not as worried anymore."

"Is he holding it over you?"

"No, he wants us to work. I just need to work with him."

"And you haven't?"

"Not as much as I could have."

"What would you do if he left?"

"I don't know. I don't think he's someone I can live without."

"It is not healthy to put your happiness in the hand of one person."

"I know…but I wouldn't be happy without him. I've loved him since I was sixteen. That man means the world to me."

"Do you think your attachment to the people in your life is the reason why you've reacted to your mother's death the way you have?"

"Isn't it normal to be attached to the people you love?"

"Yes, it is, but there lies a fine line between healthy attachments and harmful attachments. I would hate for this to become something toxic in your progress."

"I guess you're right, but I don't think I've crossed it yet. He supports me, probably more than I deserve."

"Nonsense, good partners always support accordingly. I have a proposition for you. I would like for you to join us on our natural retreat. It truly helps our patients find the right space to soul search."

"A retreat?"

"It would be for three days up in Big Sur. The place is called Esalen. You'd love it. Everyone does. The goal is to work on the mind, body, and soul. We go there frequently for a number of workshops. It will allow for you to have an individual place to reflect, and the opportunity to finally join one of our group sessions."

"Can I bring my family?"

"Unfortunately it is only offered to our patients."

"I don't know three days is a long time."

"Think about it. We leave Thursday bright and early so you still have some time. Trust me you'll love it."

"I'll let you know by tomorrow."

"Spectacular", Claude beamed.

Letty left for home shortly after to surprisingly find no one there. She quickly called her son to find out where he was. "Jensen did you pick up Axel from school like asked you to?"

"Yeah, he's with me."

"Then why aren't you home yet?"

"I had an appointment."

"An appointment? For what?"

"Don't worry about it, nothing serious I'll be home in an hour. The kid's fine."

"Where are you? I can go get him."

"Ma' he's fine. See you in a few." A few hours later after Mazda and Dom had gotten home, Letty quickly learned where both her sons had been.

"What happened to your arm?" Dom asked Jensen when he finally arrived.

"I got a tattoo." He shrugged.

"Jensen another one? Don't you think this is getting excessive?" Mazda asked him.

"You took my baby to a tattoo shop! What if he had gotten into the needles?" Letty scolded.

"Mami he's six not three. Give the boy some credit."

"He still can't handle spaghetti!"

"He was fine." Jensen dismissed.

"I think we're ignoring the fact that this is like his tenth tattoo. Is no one going to say something about this?"

"It has not been ten." Jensen said staring at his arm. "It's like…six."

"Why do you keep doing this?" Dom asked

"I told you I'd stop once my sleeve was done."

"You better have not branded yourself." Letty voiced mincingly. "Heartbreak leads to very stupid decisions."

"You did it." Jensen alluded to the small Toretto tattoo she had on her lower hip.

"Excuse me?"

"You got one."

"It's my last name too. I lost a bet to your father ten years ago, and we're still married. You're not even close so don't compare yourself to me."

"Oh my god! Name tattoos really are cursed! Mami you need to get that removed before it causes anymore damage." Mazda told her genuinely concerned.

"Ay mija relax that ain't it."

"Everybody calm down." Dom intervened before asking his curiously, "What is it this time?"

"I'll show you when it's all healed up." Jensen told them. Dom then purposefully smacked his arm. "Ow what was that for?"

"I wanted to see if it was healed."

"Very funny"

"It looks pretty big. Show us now." Dom told him noticing the size of the bandage on his upper bicep.

"Alright", he said hesitantly peeling off the bandage. It was soon revealed to them that it was not what any of them had thought it to be.

"Is that..." Letty questioned staggered.

"Well damn...", Dom reacted in surprise. "It's so life like."

"I love it!" Mazda praised.

"It's a picture of Mamá that Milo gave me."

"Why?" Letty asked in a whisper. "I mean, why get it?"

"Because I always want her to be with me", he told his mother with a shrug. "It reminds me of how special she was."

"Oh..." Letty said.

"Aww, that's actually kinda sweet Jeny."

"Thanks Zoom, she was always the person I'd go to when things got bad because she had a worse story. She was so crazy in the best way."

"How long did that take?" Dom asked.

"Five hours, he works pretty fast. I had the appointment scheduled a month ago. I can't wait for Milo to see it. He loved the idea."

"You're fucking crazy you know that?" Dom told his son.

"I'm okay with that." Jensen shrugged. He noticed the pensive look on Letty's face and cleared his throat. "I didn't want to show you because you hate talking about her. I didn't want to make you feel worse." Letty forged a smile, and caressed his face.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be just fine. She loved you very much." She told him placing a kiss on his cheek. "You deserve to remember her however you want." Letty paused and turned away.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to head upstairs." She told them quietly. "I need to freshen up before dinner." She left them hurriedly and found her way up to her room where she proceeded to close the door and quietly cry to herself. Dom came in shortly after and sat beside her on their bed.

"I take it you don't want to talk about it." Letty shook her head, affirming his words.

"Okay", he said not wanting to push her too far. "Do you want to be alone?"

"No, I'm tired of being alone." She said placing her head on his shoulder. "Can we just sit here?"

"Absolutely", he said placing an arm over her shoulder. He held her close for what seemed like ages.

"I miss her." She finally told him.

"I know baby."

"Sometimes I call her leaving voicemails. I wish every time that she'll call me back, but she never does. And yesterday I called her and her voicemail was full. "

"How long have you been doing that for?"

"Two months or so. I can't delete the voicemails she's left me either. When I listen to them I can pretend like it's the night before thanksgiving again, before any of this happened."

"Oh…babe"

"I always tell her I'll see her tomorrow, but I never do. I can't even pretend anymore. She's really gone."

"It's going to be okay Let."

"I feel terrible. No one's been able to grieve around me."

"Everyone has their own way of dealing with it."

"Yeah but who am I to dictate how they're supposed to feel, how they're supposed to react. It's so selfish. I regret putting them in that position."

"Well it's in the past now. You weren't in the right place for it before. You just have to focus on moving on."

"I get into these dark cycles where I just think of what's the point of it all. We're all going to die right? These bullshit formalities we have in this life is all for what? Everything just ends, and then we're alone."

"There's always a purpose Let."

"We're raising our kids in a bullshit system so that the bullshit system can function even after we're all dead. No one is going to remember us, what we did, and who we are."

"I don't know about you, but I'm raising my kids to be happy. I want them to be whatever they want, whatever that calling may be. Have you not been happy?"

"I thought I was, but I'm questioning it all, and I don't know how to stop my brain from going there."

"Stop questioning and live because when you get caught up in the details you miss the big picture. You just need to live everyday the best you can. No one will ever replace her, but you're here for a reason. We all have our place just like no one could replace you. You broke barriers in the industry, you've been amazing mom to boot, and before a few months ago you were the best wife I could have hoped for."

"Up until a few months ago…right"

"Listen you matter to me, you matter us, you matter to the world. That's all you need to worry about when it comes to your place in the present. Now my question is what matter's to you? Do I matter? Do they matter? Does the world matter?"

"Of course you matter, our kids matter…the world doesn't matter."

"You're right. Fuck them. They don't live here." Letty gave him a hint of laughter.

"You're so stupid sometimes."

"I'll take that if it means I get to see you smile." Letty looked up at him and smirked.

"I love you." She said before placing a chase kiss on his lips.

"That's good to here. You had me worried there for a second."

"Shut up, you know how I feel about you."

"Well mam, how do you feel about me?" He asked her playfully.

"Well…I think you're silly"

"Silly?"

"You're handsome."

"Oh am I?" He prodded.

"You're generous and loving."

"Is that it?"

"No"

"Oh do tell Ortiz. I can listen to you forever."

"I hope forever is long enough." She said kissing him deeply.

"Don't worry. We'll have moments in eternity." He said smiling into another kiss.

"I love how hopeful you are."

"It not hope when you know it to be true."

"Damn…" Letty said with a sigh.

"That got you didn't it?" Dom winked at her.

"I'm not gonna lie, it kinda did."

"You want this bad." He gestured to himself.

"Too bad we're celibate." She shrugged while exaggerating her mannerisms.

"Yeah, too bad." He said with a child like sigh. Seconds later, Letty instinctively pounced on Dominic who happily reciprocated her actions. She pulled on his lips as he groped her body. Dom lightly tugged on her hair as she quietly moaned into his caresses.

"Wait…" She paused moments later, breaking their kiss and sitting up. "You're right we shouldn't do this until we're at a 100%."

"Baby I'm at a 100% right now." He said pulling her hips down to his so that she could feel just how ready he was.

"I think this is more like 60% for you."

"Nah, I'm ready to go." Dom dismissed.

"The food isn't cooked. People are waiting for dinner downstairs."

"They can order out. They can fend for themselves."

"No, it wouldn't be right." Letty said hopping off and standing up.

"Why God?" He said aloud to himself.

"Dom?" Letty called to him by the door.

"Yea?"

"My therapist wants me to join him and some other people on a retreat. Do you think I should go?"

"Do you think it'll help?"

"He sure does. The only problem is that it's for three days. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

"You didn't seem to mind that just now."

"It's your rule. I'm just following it."

"Sure", he said rolling his eyes.

"Well?"

"Babe do what you gotta do. If it will benefit you then I want you to go."

"I guess I'll try it out. I can always come back early."

"There you go."