Gail was woken by a kick in the middle of the night, not by Holly but by the baby. It was an odd sensation, like being poked really hard, but not, because it was a baby in utero.

Holly had snuggled into her side again, laying her head in the crook of Gail's neck and her baby bump half on Gail's stomach. Which happened every night. Gail secretly enjoyed it, found immense comfort in sharing body heat with the brunette, and it squeeze at her chest every morning Holly woke up and scurried away. She knew why Holly did it, she didn't want Gail to feel uncomfortable or weird or pressured. But it only added to the weirdness.

Gail laid her free hand -the one not around her wife- on Holly's stomach and massaged it lightly, usually the baby would go back to sleep after a few minutes, but it seemed like more of a restless night. So Gail wiggled down the bed a bit, careful not to wake Holly, and settled near the baby.

"Kid, you need to sleep, your mom is really excited to see you tomorrow and it'd be nice if you were awake for that. And I'll be honest, I'm pretty excited too. I've never seen an ultra sound, or heard a babies heartbeat in the womb, and I've definitely never heard my child's..." Gail paused, trailing off.

Her child's.

Was the baby really hers anymore? Was she going to be a parent or was she just Gail, the woman who lives in the house and is technically married to their mom? Was she supposed to move out or anything? Gail didn't want to, she liked Holly a lot, and sort of wanted to see if they could build themselves up to where they had been. But Holly didn't seem like she felt the same way. She unconsciously gravitated to Gail, but once she came to and realized how close she'd gotten she would almost flinch away. Gail tried not to let it get to her, Holly obviously cared for her, but it still hurt just that extra bit more each time.

Gail removed her hand from Holly's stomach, the baby had settled down, she needed to distance herself as her worries were beginning to overwhelm her. She rolled over and forced herself back to sleep.

Sunday morning came around quickly, and Gail's nerves had only grown by the time she woke up. Luckily Holly was no where to be seen, probably making them breakfast, so she had time to try and talk herself down as she showered and got dressed.

Gail was glad that they developed a routine in the days since she went home, it let her slip into autopilot while she freaked out, after her 'cooling down' session had ended up in the opposite direction than planned.

What was she during the doctors appointment?

What was she when it came to the baby in general?

What would happen when the baby arrived? It wasn't long now, Holly was past the halfway mark into seven months and time was flying by.

The drive to the appointment was quiet except for the low hum of the radio. Gail was drowning in all of the pending questions she had, all of the uncertainties of what her life was now. And Holly had sensed the blondes need to be left alone in her head, and let her.

Once in the office Gail let Holly lead, she wasn't sure how it all worked and she wasn't in a place to do anything but follow along.

Holly signed in at the front desk, receiving smiles and 'how are you's from all of the nurses working, before they noticed Gail lingering just behind her.

"This is Gail, she was discharged on Wednesday." Holly smiled, and grabbed Gail's hand, pulling her forward and into the conversation.

There was a round of hellos and it's nice to finally meet the wife Holly's been going on about, all too excited for Gail's taste. But she smiled politely and answered the few questions thrown her way. They did answer her first question after all, at the baby appointments she was wife Gail, co-parent, nothing weird or out of place about her.

Holly squeezed her hand, pulling Gail's attention to her, and smiled encouragingly, thankfully. It calmed her body, her mind, stopped her from being too overwhelmed.

"Alright girls, enough with the questions, we don't want her ears to fall off before the check up." Holly quieted the women down before taking Gail into the waiting room.

"I'm sorry about them. They're chatty on a bad day, but they were really excited to meet you so I guess their mouths ran double time." She chuckled. And when Gail didn't react she had to ask. "What's on your mind, Honey?"

Gail blinked, not meeting the beautiful brown eyes she could feel watching her. Should she tell her? No that wasn't a good idea, not just before the check up and definitely not at the doctors office. She sighed and leaned further into her chair.

"I'm just nervous." There, that's not lying, and it's a totally reasonable explanation for her behaviour.

Holly nodded and began to play with their still clasped hands. This was the first time Holly had initiated physical contact for no reason, had purposely touched her because she wanted to, and Gail only just noticed. The corners of her lips twisted up slightly, the excitement of having Holly hold her hand brought a warmth through her body that she couldn't resist no matter how badly she felt.

"Sydney, our doctor, is going to ask me a few questions first, how I'm feeling ect. Then she's going to measure my stomach and tell us little facts about how they're growing. After that comes the ultra sound, we get to see the baby and listen to their heart beat while she makes sure they're all healthy. Next is the time to ask any questions. And then we come back out and make the next appointment." Holly went through the steps, she knew how nervous Gail got when she was in the dark.

It helped. A little. The gentle, calm way Holly spoke to her brought down the building anxiety in her chest, and her playing with their hands was a nice distraction, the repetitive motions something she could get lost in. Gail took a deep breath and tried to clear her racing mind.

"Holly, room two."

Gail stood before the brunette, and used their clasped hands to pull Holly out of her seat. The brunette was at the stage in the pregnancy that she had difficulty getting up, Gail found it adorable and hilarious to watch. But Holly didn't make a move for the little hallway that the woman had gestured to, instead she stared at Gail, waiting.

She met Holly's gaze and tried smiling. "Common' it's time to check up on the baby, we don't want to keep them waiting do we?"

"No, we don't."

It happened just as Holly had told her. Doctor Hunt did everything step by step, the only hitch was the few questions she had for Gail, how're you feeling, what do you think it is, that sort of thing. And while she was excited to be included in these things, to be able to see and hear the baby, it was all clouded by her continued racing thoughts and worries about where she stood in everything. Her name and face fit but she didn't.

Gail's day got better, if better meant having to drop off Holly at the morgue for half the day and while there her intern forgot of Gail's amnesia and went of on an excited banter about how Gail would get to be there for the birth and everything, lucky her. And if that wasn't enough she stopped by 15 Division to talk to Oliver about getting back to work. The Staff Sargent told her not to until she was well settled into being back at home, he didn't need to know about her life crisis, same as Holly or anyone else for that matter. They were her problems, fears and anxieties, everyone seemed to be handling her return just fine and there was no need to ruin it.

But of course, Ollie didn't fall for it, she'd forgotten how well her old T.O. could read her.

"Why does your face look like someone's dropped a box of your favourite doughnuts?" Oliver asked as he neatly put the now filed paperwork for Gail's return to the streets in his desk.

Gail glared at the balding man, she hated being called out. "My face always looks like this."

Ollie shook his head. "No, it doesn't. Only on bad days, days you've fought with Holly, days your rook is being extra mindless, dropped pastries, night shifts. Somethings up."

"I'm just learning my place in my life, I'm fine." Gail shifted uncomfortably, looking at anything but Oliver.

Her fellow food enthusiast was silent, making her flick her gaze up to see what he was doing, and found him staring at her patiently. Waiting. Gail knew what he was doing, knew the tactic, but that didn't stop it from working. Oliver's gaze was burning holes into her amour and she had no chance of keeping it together. It was Ollie she was talking to after all.

Gail let out a long breath, blowing out the last bit of will power she had.

"I'm freaking out a little. There's four years that I have no idea about, four years, Ollie. I cut my hair shorter than I've ever dared to, I got married to a woman, I became a T.O., I decided that I was ready for a baby, I eat vegetables with every meal, I drink vomit smoothies, and I must have gotten into some sort of massive family feud. Because I know that my parents are careless, selfish people, but I expected at least one visit from Elaine about carelessness or about getting back to work asap, or some sort of recognition for what's happened to bump up my career. And Steve, I haven't heard from him either, and when I pointed it out the room grew tense, I thought it was for Traci's sake, but it's not. Ollie, it's not." Gail was in tears by the end.

"No one's told you?"

Gail shook her head. "I think everyone thought it'd be best from Holly, but the look on her face when he's mentioned is pained. I can't do that to her."

Oliver cleared his throat. He knew what Gail was asking of him, so he took a moment to think of the right way to tell her.

"Your parents haven't been by because they disowned you when you didn't lie for Steve at his trial. Steve was... He was a dirty cop, Gail." Oliver's voice was as small as she could remember ever hearing it, it was grievance and sorrow put as softly as possible.

Gail's eyes began to sting and everything became blurry, her world crashed around her. Breathing was more like clawed gasps for air. Her chest ached. She covered her mouth in an attempt to smother the sobs she knew were bouncing off the walls.

"I'm so sorry, Darlin'." Oliver's voice sounded in her ear and suddenly she was being held, enveloped in an embrace she desperately needed.

But it wasn't helping. Not like it used to. There was no comfort, no easing of her chest, no nothing. It was empty.

Gail stood abruptly, shrugging off the hug. "I have to go, sorry, I just-I need to be alone."

"You can't drive like this, Gail. Please let someone escort you home." Oliver stopped her at his office door. "Me, Diaz, Traci, anyone."

"I need to be alone. Have someone tail me, whatever makes you feel better, I don't care." And with that Gail opened the door and made her way to her car.

She rubbed her eyes clean of hot wet tears and blinked a few times to clear her vision, she could do this, she could hold it all in until she got to the house that claimed to be her home.

"Pull your shit together, Gail, and stop being such a baby." She berated herself and pulled out of the parking lot.

Gail didn't remember the fifteen minute drive from the station to the house, she barely remembered leaving. One minute she was joking around with Oliver in his office, about the fact that he had an office and a crisp white shirt, and the next minute she was piling photo album after photo album with shaky hands back in Holly's living room.

She didn't know what was happening, her every movement not registering until after the act, her emotions at an all time high and in a cluster fuck that couldn't be solved.

Gail curled into herself, bringing her knees up to her chin and hugging her legs, she picked up the first album. Running her fingers over the white cover her heart clenched, and she opened it with a held breath.

Her wedding day.

Supposedly the happiest day of ones life, and from the awe struck daze in her eyes and easy, loving smile, Gail could believe it.

It'd been a long day and her feet were killing her, they were swollen to twice their size, and her back was hissing with every moment. All Holly wanted to do was take a hot soothing bath, eat dinner, and cuddle into bed with Gail.

She knew that wasn't what was going to happen though, Oliver had called her not long after Gail had left the station, said he had told Gail about Steve and the rest of her family. She knew about the betrayal and had to go through the heartbreak of her brother's choices again. Holly remembered the first time, she remembered the nights filled with tears, she remembered all of the doubts and plummet of confidence, she remembered her world crashing around her when she called her parents only to be told by the maid to never call again. God, did Holly remember.

So she knew that she wouldn't be sleeping, not when Gail was suffering. And Holly had noticed that Gail didn't share with her, she'd forgotten how tightly knit the cop was, Gail didn't want to worry Holly and it only served to do the opposite. It stressed her out, all she wanted was for Gail to be comfortable and happy and healthy, and she of course wanted that to be with her but she wouldn't stop the blonde from leaving. If Gail wasn't happy in the life they had built, the life she couldn't remember fighting with and for, then Holly could understand.

Once her shoes were kicked off and put in the shoe rack, Holly set out to find her wife, her gut filling with acid at the thought of what condition she'd find the blonde in.

Gail wasn't in the kitchen. All alcohol was still in place, so that was a good sign.

She wasn't in the down stairs bath room. No hair removal, also a good sign.

She wasn't in the living room either. But the cabinet beside the TV was open, photo albums stacked in two piles, one left open on its own. Not a good sign.

Holly waddled up the stairs to their room as fast as she could, taking note of all open and closed doors on her way, listening intently for any clues as to what she'd find. There was nothing. Everything was in the place they'd left it that morning, all but the albums in the living room.

Their bedroom door was open, Holly had to stop and remind herself of the Gail that was in there. She was the jumpy-cat Gail, the one who climbed trees and jumped out with a crash, she was the one who got drunk and cut all her hair off, the one who acted on frightened instincts before contemplating their effect. She was the fragile hearted woman Holly met all those years ago, and she couldn't go in there with her regular tactics for approaching her wife.

She took a breath and stepped into the room. "Hey."

Gail didn't respond, instead she stayed where she laid curled into herself on the bed.

Holly slowly shuffled over, stopping just shy of the bed, unsure of whether or not it would be okay to be close. The Gail she married would want her to lie next to her, to be close but not hold her, she needed space to breathe and not feel captured. The Gail she first met was a different story. Holly could never quite tell what to do, how to help, every time was different yet the same and it used to frustrate her.

"Gail, sweetie?" Even though her voice was hushed, it still felt like she was shattering the silence with a bullhorn. Holly timidly put a hand on Gail's shoulder.

"Why do I have to be such a Peck?" Gail asked dejectedly, her voice grave. Holly's chest clenched. Gail was bad, as bad as she feared she would be. "Life was just going too well, wasn't it? I had the house, and the wife, and the baby on the way, I had it all. I mean look."

Gail put a single picture onto her hip, still not making any moves to look at Holly.

Holly hesitated, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Gail didn't seem phased about Steve, she wasn't upset for the reasons Holly had prepared to aid in, this was a complete 180 on her.

The photo was of the two of them. It was taken at the Penny when Holly moved back from San Francisco, one of the many nights of drinks with the gang, playing trivia. Gail was sitting in Holly's lap with a huge grin on her face, she could have been laughing, Holly had her arms wrapped around her, and placing a kiss just under Gail's ear. Holly smiled at the picture, they did kind of have it all.

"I can't fix it. I tried, Holly, I tried to fix it. I looked through all of the albums, I studied every picture, and I couldn't remember any of it. Not one thing." Gail was working herself up, Holly could hear the tears raising in her voice. They were in a sorrowful, angry heat. "I fucked up everything just like I always do."

"No, honey, you didn't. It's not your fault-" Holly tried to soothe, and got cut off by the blonde rolling over aggressively.

"No. Holly, how can it not be my fault? How is it okay that I can't remember you? I don't know who you are! I don't know who I am! I don't know anything."

Holly finally sat on the bed. She pushed under Gail's chin until their eyes met, her finger tips tingling at the touch she's craved for so long. Holly's own tears threatened to make an appearance, she couldn't stand Gail feeling so guilty, and angry, so filled with remorse.

"But you do know, honey. You know when I'm pushing myself too hard, you know when I'm lying, you know when I've forgotten something and where I left it, you know when I need something and I'm not asking, you know when I need to laugh, you know to switch the channel when that swifer commercial comes on, you know-"

"Those are trivial things I've picked up on, anyone can do that." Gail interrupted again.

"Not like you can." Holly shook her head, tracing her thumb over Gail's cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "No one knows me like you do, even now. I did marry you for more than your dashing good looks y'know." She smiled gently, hoping beyond hope that Gail would give her one back.

"Oh really?" Gail's voice was void of all earlier pain, and more like herself.

"Yeah." Holly's smile grew, the blue eyes she was getting lost in were beginning to shimmer in a familiar way that had her heart beating a little faster.

Before she knew what she was doing, her lips were on Gail's, capturing her top lip between her own. They were just as she'd remembered, soft and plump, just a little chapped by the weather, and it sent a blazing joy through her entire body. It'd been so long since she last had the taste of home on her lips. And to her surprise and delight, Gail didn't pull away. Instead the blonde deepened it, curious and exploring, as a hand snaked into the dark waves of Holly's hair.

Holly was the one to break the kiss, the baby had done something akin to a somersault and kicked Gail, which made them smile.

"I'm sorry." Holly managed in between breaths.

Gail looked down at her hands, playing nervously with the sheets. "It's okay. I um, I liked it."

Holly felt breathless for a whole new reason, her chest had constricted with the overwhelming feeling of joy. Gail liked it, she wasn't mad or weirded out, Holly felt like a teen again with all of the excitement of the moment. "I liked it too."