Inhaling evenly, Lizzy slowly wakes up easily and to nothing in particular. When she opens her eyes, blinking away the restful sleep, she lifts her head to look around the bedroom while lying on her stomach.
That's right. Rufus' cabin.
She's a little sad to see that her small bit of normalcy disappeared so quickly. She grew accustomed to waking up, feeding Sammy and spending the morning hours with him before heading to work. No hunting. No blood. No fear… for the most part. It wasn't all that bad. But Cass is awake and they had to ditch town. That glimpse into the slightly domestic life is gone.
It'll be fine, though. She'll trade her crap job and quiet calm for an awake Castiel any day.
When she searches the room she realizes Sammy isn't with her. A flash of panic hits. The last she remembers is changing his diaper and then laying down next to him as he looked a little sleepy. Seems like she was actually the sleepy one.
The diaper bag and all its supplies are repacked, however, so she knows someone must have found her up there with him and cleaned up. She has a sneaking suspicion as to who that was.
She smiles. Dean. Time to go find her boys.
"Hey," Lizzy says to Lou and Sam once she makes her way to the bottom floor. They sit at the kitchen table, laptops open and clicking away. They have oddly placed grins on their faces, making her suspicious.
"Welcome back," Lou says lightly, eyes glued to her screen. Her body is turned ever so slightly towards Sam and Lizzy doesn't miss it.
"What's going on?"
"Just… sitting here, trying to decipher what Kevin wrote," Sam easily tells her.
Lizzy doesn't let the slight stutter in his voice go. She knows him far too well at this point. "That's all?" she curiously wonders.
Sam nods innocently.
"You've just been sitting here for a few hours… researching?" Lizzy narrows her eyes, thinking she suddenly smells the scent of lies and sex in the air.
"Yeah… yeah," Sam repeats with a heightened voice, giving him away to Lizzy. "What else would we be doing?"
Lizzy peeks at Lou and catches her eye roll. Lou knows they're busted.
"Alright, twitchy. Take it easy," Lizzy laughs at Sam. "Hope it was fun." She winks at him.
Sam just clears his throat and squirms a little in his seat. "Can you grab me Kevin's notes?" Sam asks, looking to move on.
Lizzy shakes her head and shrugs. "I don't have them."
"Dean does," he tells her and points to the couch.
When Lizzy heads that way to get the notes for Sam, she finds Dean on the couch as expected.
She pauses there for a moment when she gets a good eyeful of his situation. Her heart nearly bursts as she takes in Dean's passed out form stretched across the couch on his back, boot-clad feet propped on one of the furniture arms and his head on the other. The open notebook in need is laying on his upper chest with a hand clutching it still. Laid out on his stomach with his head on Dean's hip and his feet practically in Dean's face, is a resting Sammy. They both fell asleep.
Lizzy quietly walks to the coffee table and takes a seat on it while facing her boys. She presses a hand to her mouth and swallows hard. This is her family. She and Dean figured it out (with help, of course) and now they're together. Sammy gets his dad back, Lizzy gets her husband back, and they're a unit again. No fighting. Just love and simplicity at its core and she knows deep down that it'll always be that way now. They'll never let this break again.
"Lizzy?" Sam calls over when he realizes she's not coming back.
"Shh!" Lizzy calls out as she pulls her phone from her back pocket. She quickly snaps a picture of the peaceful and perfect scene in front of her as she never wants to forget it. Sammy's face squished up against Dean's flannel shirt, Dean's mouth open as his head's tilted back, the way Dean's hand rests on his little boy's back even when unconscious… she's in love all over again with her family. And she's once more madly in love with her husband.
With a soft grin on her face, Lizzy gets up and gets to work. She tries to gently pry Dean's fingers off the notebook without waking him but being the easily ruffled hunter that he is it doesn't work.
"Hm!" Dean sharply hums as he wakes, his right hand tightening on the notebook and his left grabbing a handful of Sammy's t-shirt when he's on alert right away.
"It's only me," Lizzy quietly laughs at him as she takes the notebook. "Go back to sleep."
"Hey," he groggily greets when he realizes it is Lizzy, a drowsy smile spreading slowly across his face. "What're you doing?"
"Sam wanted to look at Kevin's notes."
"Right… right." He sniffles and rubs his face with his now free hand. "I'm up."
"Dean, just sleep," Lizzy tells him, pushing his shoulder down when he moves to sit up. "Sammy's, like, seriously out. Don't mess with a good thing."
Dean looks down at himself and is greeted with a face full of two little feet. "Ugh," he groans. He then begins to move again.
"Dean, no…" Lizzy starts to complain, just wanting Sammy to sleep off the excitement he's been through.
"I got this. Relax," Dean tells her, his voice only slightly annoyed. He moves smoothly, never jostling Sammy more than absolutely necessary. After a few moments he has a still knocked out Sammy in his arms, the little boy's head over his shoulder with a squished cheek and some very lax limbs. Dean then smirks knowingly at his wife. "See? What'd I say?"
"Show off," she rolls her eyes and stands up, walking back for the kitchen table with Dean following.
"Here," Lizzy hands over the notes.
"Alright, so… Lou and I have been at this for a few hours now…."
"Sure you have," Lizzy smirks, proud of her quick catch.
Sam ignores her completely. "And it doesn't seem like there's much information out there on Word of God tablets and prophets that can read them."
"Correction, there's zero information on them," Lou jumps in there with elbows on the table, rubbing her face with fatigue. "If neither of us can find anything… then trust us, there's nothing."
"You two are the nerds," Dean nods, agreeing in his own way. "And I have read that notebook more times than the Playboy I found in Dad's duffel and it isn't making any more sense than the first time I read it."
Sam narrows his eyes. "Anna Nicole?"
Dean slickly smirks with the lovely memory. "Anna Nicole," he confirms. "Oh the good. They die young, huh?"
Sam just grins awkwardly at the memory of that magazine.
"Well, we could read until our eyes bleed and get nothing… or we could break it down the notes line by line until we figure out what it all means," Lou tells them, her mind in full work mode. She slides the notebook over to herself and she flips it open. She points to the first line. "Hm… cut off the head and the body will flounder…." Lou then realizes that Sam's got a weird, half-smile on his face while he stares at her. "What?"
Sam blinks awkwardly when she surprises him with the question. "What, what?"
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lou asks with paranoia.
"Like what?"
Lizzy huffs a silent laugh at that as Dean just rolls his eyes with impatience.
"Like… I don't know. Just stop it."
"Jesus, sorry," Sam holds his hands out to her.
Lou's wrinkled expression stays on him for a moment longer.
Sam sighs. "Alright, I… maybe I just… you got in the zone."
"Ok…."
"That's all," Sam shrugs it off.
Lou narrows her eyes at him. "Did you just get turned on by me doing research?"
"Alright," Dean cuts in there and steps closer to the table. "Work now, weirdo nerd-foreplay later. What's that mean? Cut off the head and the body will flounder. The head is Dick, right?"
"I'd say so," Sam nods slightly, moving past the moment that put a slight red flush on his cheeks for getting caught admiring Lou in her element. Yes, she's a badass that can fight and she's a damn near expert with a gun, but when she's behind a computer and she's flexing her mental muscles there's something extremely appealing about her, besides the way she bites her lip while concentrating as she does that all the time when in the midst of more sexy moments too. Sam can't exactly put his finger on it as to why but it does it to him every time.
"So, bottom line is, we go grab the stuff," Dean says, pointing to the next few lines that describe the weapon instructions. "And we mix ourselves a weapon. End of story." Dean's eyes light up at the idea of finishing all this once and for all.
"I'm down!" Lou lights up with a grin. "I'd love nothing more than to kill big daddy Leviathan. Only problem is, we kill Dick… then what?"
"What do you mean?" Dean asks her, not seeing an issue with killing Dick Roman.
"She means that we're all for killing Dick, I think that's safe to say," Sam gets it. "But… what then? I mean, what about the rest of the Leviathan? What, are they gonna just... drop dead?"
"I don't know, maybe," Dean brushes it off.
"Maybe!?" Sam disbelieve his nonchalance. "Maybe is good enough for you right now?"
"Maybe is the only game in town," Lizzy reminds him and she lets out a long exhale, sounding bone-deep tired. "I don't want to run anymore. I don't want to keep separating and having to have… fried blonde hair." She gestures to her ponytail, the fake, bottle blonde still not her thing. "I want my name back. And I want Sammy and all of us off the Levi radar. If killing Dick gets us even a little bit closer then… I say off with his head. One problem at a time."
Dean looks quickly at Lizzy and then to the two at the table. "What she said." He nudges his head in Lizzy's direction, on her side completely.
Sam looks down at the notes for a second before back up at Dean, knowing if he can sway one person it would be his brother. "I get it. And I want to have a more stable life without copies of me Dillinger-ing banks too but it's not a crazy idea to try and figure out what the catch is before we go crashing the gate."
Dean opens his mouth to answer but gets interrupted by the ghost that decides to make an appearance in the cabin, blinking in and looking exhausted.
"Hey Bobby," Lizzy smiles warmly, her nerves still on edge every time he's around yet she's always glad to see him.
"How you feeling?" Dean asks right away, also seeing the tired appearance of their old friend. The room all turns their eyes to him.
"Stronger than ever," Bobby answers, it being slightly menacing the way he says it despite his look. "Now, while you all have been chasing your tails I've been thinking on that weapon."
"Maybe you should take it down a notch, Bobby," Lou suggests, catching the absentminded nod Dean makes with his agreement.
"What's that?" Bobby asks her, already looking slightly pissed off.
"Just, you know… take a second. Because you look like stomped on crap," Lou spells it. "You worry us sometimes. Right now, you look tired as all hell. You gotta watch yourself and make sure you don't…." She stops there, knowing she could set him off with her words. The angry look she gets from Lizzy confirms that she should have kept her mouth shut.
"I'm in the veil," he grits out, eyes narrowed at Lou the way he always did when she'd anger him. "My Brad Pitt days are over. And I see that you still haven't quite learned how to mind your P's and Q's."
"That's my charm," she winks at him and smiles, joking like she used to with him. She can see him visibly relax just a touch but it's enough.
"You're funny as ever. Now, the kid says that the only way to kill Leviathan is with a bone washed in the three bloods of the fallen. The bone's got to be from a human as light and good as the Leviathan are hungry and dark."
"Child's play," Dean rolls his eyes.
"The rest is doable, and doable now. You've already got the fallen angel blood. Now, next up is blood from the ruler of fallen humanity. Now, the best I can tell, that's Crowley. Numero tres is the father of fallen beasts."
"Which means...?" Sam asks.
"You got to bleed an Alpha," Bobby answers with certainty.
"But they're all dead. I mean, every one we found, we rounded up for Crowley, and then Cass whammied them all," Dean recalls, all while bouncing Sammy as he starts to stir a little with all the voices around him.
"Well, then, make this Cass' problem, too," Bobby returns with a sharp bite.
"Cass… he's not really in the problem-solving mode right now, Bobby," Lizzy explains calmly, the angel off his rocker for sure.
"Then Crowley!" Bobby yells when the anger and frustration of being questioned so much gets to him.
"Alright, alright," Dean says in a quiet, kind tone as he watches Sammy move around in his hold and start to wake up with the shouting. He runs his hand down the back of his head and bounces him some more. "We get it."
"Do you?!" Bobby shouts at him and this one makes Sammy flinch. At the same time a light by the couch bursts and scatters glass shards around the floor.
Sammy instantly starts to cry.
"Balls," Bobby says the second he realizes what he's done. He made his grandkid cry all because he got mad over… what? His kids trying to question him and make sure they don't screw the pooch on one of the biggest pieces of evil shit they've ever gone up against? What did he just do?
"Ok, we're just gonna get outta the room for a second," Dean says lightly but his face contradicts his nice and easy tone. He gives Bobby a look of disappointment and anger before heading for the stairs to their bedroom.
Bobby's shoulder's dropping, he just stares at Lizzy as Dean leaves. "I'm sorry," he immediately blurts out.
"I know you are," she nods. "But this is exactly what we worry about with you. You can't let yourself get so pissed so fast. You know where that road leads."
Bobby looks around the room with guilt so heavy it hurts to look at the faces staring back. "I'm just sayin', I have faith that you kids will figure it out." He then eyes Lizzy, the worrywart of the group. "Relax. I'm fine. Just got a little carried away."
She nods slightly. "Well, we know what we have to do. Now we need to make a plan on how to get it all done."
Bobby just nods once and disappears.
The second he does Lizzy rubs her face with stress. "We need to figure out what to do with him."
"Like you said, one problem at a time, right?" Sam reminds her, using her own words against her.
"Right," she agrees, but her gnawing concern gets worse and worse.
"Alright, ok," Dean keeps calmly speaking to Sammy as the boy continues to cry in his arms. "I know, kid. I get it."
He really does. Bobby even scared him a bit with his angry response. The outburst was loud and powerful. The change is happening, from a well-intentioned ghost to an angry spirit.
"Look, he didn't mean it, ok?" Dean tells his son with a kind voice, making excuses for Bobby not much unlike he did for his own father to Sam their whole lives. "He's just trying to help."
Sammy wails in his ear and Dean brings a hand to the back of his head, his hair really starting to grow in now. He's looking more and more like a child instead of a baby. It's crazy and it's happening too fast.
"I'm sorry, Sammy," Dean apologizes when his heavy heart gets the best of him. "It's all too much. You've seen more than most people have their whole lives and you haven't even had your first birthday yet. It's not fair, man. And I'm sorry you're stuck with parents that've put you in this life."
He sighs heavily when Sammy finally calms down a bit, still fussy and crying but his cheek is once more pressed to Dean's shoulder with exhaustion and need for comfort. Hearing Dean's voice talk to him is soothing, comforting to know he's with someone he trusts fully.
"Angel's getting stabbed, Cass flying in and out, ghost grandparents… it's too much, man," Dean says, not sure if he's talking to Sammy or himself at this point. He leans his head down until his cheek is against Sammy's head. "It's all too much…." His voice gets thick, ready to crack with need to cry. He just hates what this world and what his life is doing to his own son. Dean isn't an emotional person but when it comes to Sammy… all bets are off and he's a marshmallow deep down.
"But he's a tough one. He can hack it."
Dean turns towards the door and watches Bobby's form flash a bit before solidly appearing in the room.
"Oh, good. You're using your indoor voice again," Dean snaps at Bobby, still unnerved by his previous actions.
"Don't sass me, boy," Bobby says without an ounce of upset as he watches Sammy lay limply in Dean's arms, his nose a little runny and his breathing still hitching a bit now and then as he calms. He feels terribly right away. "I came to apologize to my grandkid for being a bit of a dick."
"Maybe you should apologize to my blown eardrums then," Dean dryly jokes. "This dude's voice is piercing."
"He's got lungs on him, that's for sure," Bobby smiles a little, fondly looking at Sammy. He loves that little guy more than he was ever prepared to, even despite knowing how screwed he was from the second Lizzy told him she was pregnant. He loves his hunting kids, that's not a question, but his adoptive grandson? He could never have gotten himself ready for the level of love he'd feel for him. And still feels for him. "I shouldn't have let myself get that angry."
Dean blinks slowly as he chooses his words carefully. "We're all a little worried about that. About you keeping this in check and not going Darth Bobby."
He fights it hard when the fire starts to burn again at the accusation but he fights it as hard as he can. Instead, he goes truthful. "Me too."
Dean's surprised face looks back at him and Bobby decides to keep talking, hoping it'll help.
"It's getting… really hard to stay even. To not rage out and get my revenge." It's when he sees the pain and deep concern all over Dean that he changes his mind. He's always had too much on his plate and Bobby can't put more on it. "But I'm getting better at keeping it in check. I have moments but… nothing I can't handle."
"That sounds like a load of crap," Dean instantly calls him out.
"You kids got enough to worry about," Bobby tells him. "You don't need me making anything worse."
"That's not it," Dean tells him as he sits at the edge of the bed with Sammy slowly passing out once more from exhaustion. "It's… we owe you everything, Bobby. You've always been there for us, all of us… and this is not what we want for you."
"You want me to head upstairs and live out my days alone, not helping out…."
"No," Dean stops him. "No, we want you here. Alive. But we can't have that so the next best thing is to head to your personal dream life and go get your toes done in a Korean joint with Tori Spelling."
When Dean smirks knowingly Bobby shakes his head, trying to hide his smile at that.
"We don't want you turning vengeful and not having a way back," Dean keeps explaining. "And I know what that means. We won't see you anymore. But… I'm willing to sacrifice that as long as you, for once, get to go be happy."
Bobby's silent with that.
"Plus, with all you know… just haul ass up there and find Ash. He'll get you to Karen. Don't you wanna see her again?"
The gruff man's expression completely melts at the mention of his wife, the woman he hasn't seen in so long.
"I know that if I lost L… I'd be willing to ditch a lot of people to get to her again," Dean admits. "We'd understand."
"Understand what?"
"That you're not dropping us. We would never look at it like that. Just move on, Bobby. We won't be pissed. Sad, maybe… but definitely not pissed."
Bobby just nods and keeps quiet. He knows how right Dean is, the boy absolutely looking at the situation the right way and being level headed. Years and years of keeping this kid in line and kicking his ass when needed and he's turned out to be a good man… whether he knows it or not.
But Sammy. If he leaves now, while Sammy's so young, the little boy will never remember him. He'll have no memories of his surrogate grandfather that thought the world of him. He can't stand that thought.
"You should put him to bed," Bobby changes subjects. "He's just gonna pass out soon. That little guy gets heavy awfully fast."
"Nah," Dean brushes off, allowing Bobby to move on. "I finally get to see him so he's staying put. Tired arms be damned."
Bobby smiles slightly at that. "That'a boy," he says fondly before blinking out once more, needing to rest up for when he'll be needed next.
"Whoa… what's all this?" Dean asks the group huddled around the kitchen table. He sees a gold bowl of herbs and several lit candles arranged in a way he knows all too well. He walks over with Sammy still sleeping on his shoulder, his body slipped down a bit over time. "Who we inviting to dinner?"
"Crowley," Lizzy answers with a wide-eyed expression.
"What!? With Sammy here!?" he asks, a little outraged that they'd ever do such a thing. "No fucking way!"
"Dude, what do you take us for?" Lou gets upset at the assumption. "We're waiting for you and Lizard to hightail it out of here with Sammy in tow."
"To where?"
"To a convent," Sam answers, finishing up a devil's trap on the cabin floor to ensure Lou and his safety once Crowley arrives. "Lizzy has the address ready to go."
"What's at a convent?"
"Good people," Lizzy smiles. "I'll explain in the car. Go grab your bag and Sammy's stuff," she tells him, taking the sleeping child from his arms. "I'll get him in the car seat and we can head out far away from here and the King of Hell."
Dean doesn't move yet, instead he focuses on Sam. "So, what? You're just gonna summon Crowley on your own?"
"Not alone," Sam simply answers, walking over to Lou where she stands next to the table, knife in hand.
"Just the two of you?" Dean comments. "Don't you think I should stay for back up?"
"Two hunters are enough," Lou reminds him.
Dean still doesn't move, uncomfortable. "Lou, you've been out for a while. This isn't some easy milk run, it's Crowley."
"Thanks for the reminder of my incompetence but I think I'll be fine," she fires right back and slices her palm, letting her blood drip into the gold bowl for the spell. "I'm ready to get back to it, ok? And you need to go with Lizzy in case she and Sammy run into anything."
"Are we expecting to run into anything?" Dean asks Lizzy.
"Not really," she answers back easily.
Dean's eyes return to Sam. "Fine. I'll stay here then, make sure that King Douche is under control."
Sam eyes him hard. "What the hell are you worried about? We can handle this."
Staying quiet, Dean can't answer that. He knows they're fine on their own but separating? Leaving Sam with Crowley? "This doesn't feel right."
Sam huffs a laugh. "I get it, man. We've been out there just us for a while now…."
"That's not it…" Dean clearly lies and shifts on his feet, arms folding over his chest.
"And you feel weird about separating," Sam keeps going, knowing he's right. He knows Dean all too well and he could see the protective instinct coming a mile away. "But the Sam you need to watch over isn't me this time. And Lou's awesome, you know this."
Dean watches the proud smile makes its way across Lou's face as she wraps up her hand once enough blood has joined the bowl.
Shit. "Fine. But if you run into anything…."
"Speed dial 1, man," Sam raises his phone. "You'll hear from us the second anything goes south."
Gritting his teeth and nodding, Dean realizes he has to leave.
"Hot Shot, get moving," Lizzy calls over to him. When he turns to her she's grinning warmly as she slowly shifts their sleeping son into her arms. "Family road trip."
Now that didn't sound so bad. Family road trip. The three of them sticking together, just like they agreed to. "Alright. Going."
Dean heads up to the second floor to quickly grab their bags and Lizzy sighs. "That was less of a fight than I was ready for." She raises her eyebrows at Sam and she slowly shifts Sammy in her arms without waking him.
"No kidding," he smirks a little.
"Maybe he's finally cutting the cord," Lou comments with a grin.
Sam looks at her funny. "That's a mother thing…."
"I know what I said," Lou stands by her comment and Sam gives her a huff.
"Be nice."
"I'm the nicest," Lou says without obviously believing it and she nudges Sam with her elbow.
"Let's bounce," Dean says to Lizzy when he gets down the stairs, four bags over his shoulders. "Jesus. Having a kid really makes this whole travelling thing suck, doesn't it?"
"You'll get used to it," Lizzy laughs it off, having done this plenty of times by now. "Be careful, you two."
"We won't," Lou grins.
Lizzy walks right for her. "You will if you know what's good for you." She leans Sammy's sleeping face into Lou.
Lou kisses his cheek. "His schedule's all fucked up. He'll be hungry in about an hour."
"Yeah, I know," Lizzy huffs a laugh at Lou's mothering, the mothering she denies doing all the time. The kind of mothering she just made fun of Dean for just moments ago. "Love you." She kisses Lou's cheek, Lou doing the same.
"Watch your ass," Lou point at her.
"Will do. Bye, Uncle Sam," Lizzy says and does the same to Sam. The tall man hugs her and Sammy at the same time.
"It was good seeing you," he jokes lightly, still getting used to saying goodbyes like this. He and Dean usually just leave places, jokes or warnings their only parting words.
"For all of a couple hours, right?" Lizzy laughs, their lives having been so separate as of late. She misses her good friend Sam sometimes. "Call us!"
"Seriously," Dean nods in agreement before shutting the cabin door behind him after Lizzy leaves first.
Sam and Lou both let out a solid exhale. Lou looks up at him. "Give it a few minutes?"
"Yeah," Sam nods. "Just make sure they're out of sight first."
Lou nods and walks for the window, watching Lizzy do her best to strap Sammy into his car seat without waking him. When he starts to stir she pauses and Dean marches over to help her if he can.
"It's still so fucking weird," Lou says to Sam without looking over.
"What is?" Sam asks, sitting into one of the chairs at the kitchen table.
"That," she points to the family outside and looks at Sam. "Those two having a kid, being all parent-y. It's… I don't know. Just weird." When she peers back out the window she can feel something deep within her stirring. When Sammy's in his seat, still passed right out, she watches Lizzy smile warmly up at Dean before bringing her arms around his waist. She says something, if Lou had to guess what it's probably assurances that leaving Sam and Lou to this task is a good idea, before Dean ducks down and kisses her. It's domestic as hell and all too sweet, the scene that of puke-inducing cuteness… but instead of getting nauseous like usual Lou feels something else. Something she's willing to denying all access to right now because now is not the time. But it's there. It's want. It's longing.
"Dean being a dad… never thought I'd see the day either," Sam huffs a laugh of disbelief and it takes Lou out of the moment in her head. "I'm glad it happened but… was starting to think it wasn't gonna, you know?"
"I know." She turns away from the driveway and looks at him, her eyes far away as she thinks it over. "But I figured Lizzy would have a kid. Kids, actually."
"She did want more," Sam sadly responds, remembering speaking of that with her when she was pregnant, wanting siblings for Sammy. So much for that.
"I just… I never thought she'd do it while in the life, you know?" Lou comments, watching again as Dean starts the engine of the stolen car and makes his way down the driveway.
"Well… neither did she," Sam reminds her. "That was her nightmare when it first happened. It was everything she never wanted."
"I know." Once the taillights are no longer visible she walks away from the window and heads for Sam.
She keeps getting like this, so worried about the future of her sister and nephew. This world is not for Lizzy. Maybe for a short while it was, she became a badass hunter for a few years there, but when she met Dean everything changed. Lizzy was reminded of love and possibility. She wanted a life, a real one, and Lou has always wanted that for her... but nowadays, with the example set by Lizzy and Sammy, does she want that for herself too? Now that she knows it's possible?
What is her head doing to her right now?
Plopping into his lap, Lou sits on Sam's thigh and tucks her head into his neck. Unsure of what brought this oddly sullen mood on, Sam just pulls an arm around her.
"What's this?" Sam asks her.
"I don't know," Lou admits. "Just… damn it. I really don't know."
Sam's face scrunches a bit in confusion. "Is it everything going on right now?"
"Probably." Lou shrugs.
"Does it have anything to do with what Cass said to us earlier?" Sam takes a shot at it, knowing the types of things that bother her. Serious relationships and her involvement in them definitely do that to her.
"What… the bond thing he mentioned? About us?" she asks.
"Yeah."
"Nah, that doesn't bother me."
"You sure?" he laughs a little at her without an ounce of a patronizing tone.
"Yeah… well, no… but I'm already aware of how deep I'm in it with you." She looks up at him. "I don't freak out about it anymore. I'm slowly accepting it. I know I'm stuck with you so just deal with it, right?"
"Wow," Sam laughs a little with how she made it sound. "Don't be so enthused to be stuck with me."
"Oh, god. No…." she tries to make up for her terrible way of putting it.
"No, no," Sam denies her apology. "I see now that I'm just an unfortunate thing that happened to you."
"Stop it…."
"At least I know how you see it now," Sam smirks but then groans as she shoves him in the chest maybe a little harder than most would when joking around.
"Cut the shit," Lou gets slightly annoyed before cuddling back into him. "You know I love you so shut up."
"Still just as sweet as the day I met you," Sam comments and braces for another hit that never comes.
Instead she inhales loudly and deeply exhales. "And there's something I need to say sorry for."
"What's that?"
"That I'm always a pain in the ass. And rude." She gives him an apologetic face. "My mom always told me it's not what you say, it's how you say it. I never say anything right and I never learned how to. Just comes out bitchy."
"Lou, you've been through a lot," Sam tells her, sincerity in his tone. "Your dad… doing what he did to your mom. Losing your parents. Purgatory. I'm not expecting you to be pleasant all the time. You should be, I don't know, hardened by all you've seen."
"Doesn't mean I should act that way towards you, though," she tells him, her blue eyes bright yet sad. "I should be nicer to you. You treat me so well and I… I'm rude."
"You're not rude."
"I'm a little rude."
Sam thinks a second as she stares at him expectantly. "Alright, a little rude. Sometimes."
"And I don't want to be that person anymore," Lou tells him. "I've been back damn near a year. Time to… adjust. And stop being so… whatever I've been."
"I'm not looking for you to change, Lou," Sam reminds her. "I'm happy. I know how you are. I've never been offended."
"But I'm looking to change me," Lou tells him. "This whole year has been bullshit. We've been on the run, separated constantly after being apart for four fucking years, we've dealt with Lizzy and Dean's shit storm, we're getting hunted down by monsters that trump angels and demons... ugh. When this is over I want a change. I want us to live a life."
Sam's eyes blow wide. "I thought you wanted to hunt."
"I do!" Lou says loudly, sure of it. "But why can't I hunt and live a life too? Of course I still want to rip throats when I can. But I want to sleep in a good bed now and then with a giant next to me taking up most of it."
Sam smiles a little at that.
"And I miss trying to cook in a real kitchen."
"Lizzy said you suck at cooking."
"I've been working on that," Lou tells her. "I'm not that bad a cook these days. Actually, I kinda like it."
"Does Lizzy know that?"
"Nope."
"Then why lie to her?"
"Because if she knew I was worth something behind a stove I'd never be off the hook. You've seen her eat."
"Fair enough," Sam nods and laughs. It's true. She has an appetite.
"I want both. And where is it written that I can't cook a fucking family dinner before stabbing a monster in the heart later that night?"
And this is where Sam brings his arms tightly around her. "That's a nice idea and all but I don't know anyone that's figure out how to make that work… except for maybe Ellen."
"Ellen?" Lou doesn't recall the name.
"Yeah, she… uh, she had a bar. It was like an outpost for hunters. They'd come in, trade stories, share hunts, meet up and get info, stuff like that."
"Shit, are you talking about The Roadhouse?" Lou lights up with the vague memory.
"That's the one."
"Lizard and I went there once. Bobby sent us. She had a daughter, right?"
"Yeah, Jo. Now and then they'd go out together and hunt while Ash watched the place."
"Wait… she hunted with her daughter?" Lou asks, unimpressed with the concept.
"Her daughter was pretty pigheaded, like a couple other women I know," Sam says fondly. "She was gonna hunt with or without Ellen, so Ellen went with her for back up. She said… uh… if Jo was gonna be stupid then she wasn't gonna let her be stupid alone."
Lou laughs a little. "I like her style."
"We all did," Sam tells her and Lou doesn't miss the loss in his voice.
"Didn't work out for her, huh? That life?" Lou turns towards him and pull her arms around his neck.
"No. But that's the risk you take when you keep hunting, I guess."
"Sucks when you feel like it's in your blood after so long, knowing full well you could die… Hell, I have died hunting."
"I know the feeling." Sam sure does.
Lou sighs before planting a sweet kiss to his lips. "Point is I'm sorry for being a bitch all the time."
"No apology needed," Sam tells her, making a face that shows he's not affected by it. "And we'll figure out what to do with life as soon as we off Dick."
Lou just nods for now and kisses him back when he leans down into her. That familiar, contented feeling hits her hard when the embrace washes through her. She immediately pulls away.
"Ok, let's summon this ass-face before I get too carried away," Lou tells him and stands up off his lap.
"Yeah. Let's get this done," Sam agrees almost sullenly, standing to join her as his mind flies with possibilities. Clearly Lou's stuck in an odd place, between needing to hunt and wanting to live a real life. He's a smart man. And he loves her. He can absolutely figure this out for her once the Leviathan are taken care of.