Christmas, part 2!

"You two sure you don't wanna come with us?" Lizzy checks one last time, zipping up the front of her coat as Dean pulls a knit hat onto Sammy's head.

"I think we're good," Sam tells them over his shoulder from the couch, his arm around Lou. They pulled the piece of furniture over from the TV to face the big stone fireplace and got a nice, warm fire going. They're just sipping whiskey and relaxing under a blanket, the moment perfect after the very filling meal.

"You sure?" Dean checks again, sounding annoyed. "I mean, wouldn't you rather go to an outdoor event on a freezing cold night where there's too many people and screaming children everywhere?"

"No thanks," Lou smiles, leaning her head onto Sam's shoulder. She's completely content where she is.

"Dean, it'll be fun," Lizzy reminds her husband. "I'll even buy you a hot chocolate while we look at the park light up with Christmas lights, huh?"

"Hot chocolate, ooh," Dean patronizes, the incentive weak.

"Kicked up hot chocolate," Lizzy reminds, knocking on the metal flask in her pocket.

"Alright… that's better," Dean grumpily admits. He's only doing this for her. She wanted to bring their son to a local light display, something Whitefish does every year, to keep their lives normal and for Sammy to get out of the cabin. He thought it sounded terrible but he just couldn't say no when she looked so excited.

"We'll see you guys in a few hours!" Lizzy cheerfully tells them, winking at Lou with encouragement before leaving.

"Few hours!?' Dean complains as the walk through the door with Sammy in his hold. "How long does it take to look at some friggin' Christmas lights…?"

The door shuts and Sam exhales hard. "Poor bastard."

"He's so whipped," Lou laughs, her head on his shoulder again. She sighs, happy to be where she is but she's suddenly worried about what she needs to do now that they're alone.

"You know, staying here was a really good choice we made," Sam tells her, taking her glass from her. He places them on the floor to the side of the couch before turning to face her. He smiles once and leans in, kissing her lips.

She knows what he's up to. When he kisses her some more, his tongue making itself known, Lou presses a gentle hand to his chest and backs him up.

With a confused face, Sam asks, "Something wrong?"

"Is this meant to be number three?" Lou has to wonder.

Sam breaks out in a wide smile. "Maybe."

She smiles back. "Can you maybe wait a minute on that?" Lou requests.

Sam, taken by surprise by this, sits back in his seat with a slightly hurt face. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes," Lou assures and grabs one of his hands, it barely fitting between her two. She grips tightly enough and looks at them as she tells him, "I just… I wanted to give you your Christmas present."

Sam just grins lightly. "You said you didn't get me anything."

"Well… I didn't," she admits, looking up at him. "But then you got me this ring. And you got me a few other surprises throughout the day…."

"I thought you'd like those," Sam interjects, smirking.

"You know I did," she emphatically lets him know, always loving a good orgasm or two peppered into her day. "And after all that… I felt the need to give you something too."

"You don't owe me anything…."

"I owe you everything," she corrects him, turning to face him directly and gripping harder to his hand. "This might take a minute but, um… just kinda bear with me. Ok?"

Sam nods, eager to know what she's doing.

"I'm… difficult," she starts. "I know it. We've talked about that. I know I'm closed off and I'm cold sometimes and I… push you away even if I don't want to. I swear I'm trying to, I guess, overcome the damage my dad did to my view of relationships but it's really fucking hard to do that."

"We're not all like him. And Lou, I know you're trying," Sam nods, making sure she understand he's aware.

"Good," she smiles slightly. "Because if you ever… if you didn't want me anymore at some point, for whatever reason… I would get it but it would kill me."

"You really think that's gonna happen?" Sam asks, his heart breaking over her vulnerability that she's allowing him to see. It's a rare thing she does this and now he knows why. She's shattered deep in there and it's hard for her to present that to him. At the same time, it's hard for him to be shown that.

She shrugs. "I hope not… but I'm realistic."

"Lou…." Sam pauses, his thoughts needing to formulate as he grips her hands tighter. "I don't ever want anyone else."

"You say that now…."

"And I'll say it the day I die," Sam tells her with nothing short of certainty. "I love you. I may not come from a very open and honest family, but I've never lied to you about that. The way I feel about you… that's not going anywhere."

"How do you know that?" Lou has to question, his self-assured view of her something she's trying to understand.

"Because… I love you more now than I did just days ago," Sam tells her, his words sounding so simple despite how huge they are. "The way I feel about you, how strong it is, it grows. It doesn't lessen. It just gets stronger."

She nods, swallowing hard. She understands this completely. It's an exact description of how she herself feels.

"I figure, by the time we're old… if we make it that far… I'm not really sure how I'll be able to handle how much I'll feel for you by then," he says with a huff, meaning for it to be lighter despite the strength of his words.

It's no joke to Lou, though. She grabs for his jaw and pulls him in tight, kissing him hard. Sam lets her, kissing her right back and feeling that spark in his heart. He loves her so much.

When Lou ends it she leans back a bit to look him in the eye. "You know how hard it is for me to say this kinda stuff, right?"

"Is it all that hard for you?" he asks with a wrinkled brow and she smiles a little at the sarcastic joke.

"Just know that whatever you're feeling… it's not just you. I… I love you more than I know what to do with. It scares the shit outta me. And I know I've run from in it the past but... I've decided I'm not gonna do that anymore."

"No?" Sam asks happily.

"No. I mean, I'm not about to pour sappy love lines down your throat every day but… I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what?" Sam wonders.

"You. This. All of it," Lou explains. "I've played the part. I've been with you but I've always felt that at times I make you feel alienated or I go cold… but that's all been my personal fears and all my crap. But I'm starting to realize how ridiculous that is. You've proved over and over that you're not going anywhere or giving up on me. What am I being such a baby about?"

"I have no idea," Sam answers honestly. He never did totally understand her perspective. He's been patient and he's been kind because he honestly does love her, but he's never quite been able to grasp her fear of him and this. He's never been scared of his feelings for her, only what it could lead to for her own safety.

"Okay." Lou nods and takes a deep breath. "So… for Christmas, my gift is… and I swear if you make fun of me for how I say this I'll punch you because there's no non-sappy way to say it…." She pauses and eyes him. He draws an X over his heart with his index finger, promising. "It's my heart. It's all of me. I'm done being scared of you and of this. I'm done being scared of the idea of being with one person the rest of my life. I love you. I know I do. And I love you so much it makes one night stands look completely unappetizing these days."

"Whoa," Sam jokes.

"I know, right?" Lou answers back with a laugh despite it being a joke. "But it's true. It's very true. So, from here on out, I'm yours. Completely. I want to be yours. I want to commit to you and only you." She licks her lips with nerves, her hands grasping his harder than before. "I want to be in this family."

Sam cocks his head to the side, narrowed eyes on her as he can tell there's more to it. "What are actually trying to say?"

"I'm saying…," she inhales deeply again. "Let's get married."

"What!?" Sam asks, eyes widening as his brain nearly short circuits with her suggestion. She just looks back at him. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I feel great. Shockingly great, actually," she tells him with full disclosure. "And I know what I want. I want you. And I know you want this. We've talked about it and you've claimed you can live without getting married but I know you better than that. Every time I say I don't want to get married you're face drops. You want all that normal stuff still…."

"I can live without it though," Sam reminds her. "I don't need that."

"But Christmas is about want, not need," Lou says to him what her mother always said. "And for Christmas I want to give you something you want."

Sam looks completely unaffected, not a sign of excitement anywhere on him.

"Well, calm down, Giant," Lou sarcastically says with his lack of reaction, taking her hands back. "Don't want you to get too excited over there."

His expression remains stoic. "I'm concerned."

"What about?"

Sam clears his throat and moves over, pulling an arm around her shoulders and sitting right up next to her. "As of just yesterday you believed that marriage was a bullshit tradition and you were never going to change your name,"

"I'm still never changing my name," Lou informs him quickly. "I've been Louise Becker my whole life. My family all had that name. I'll die with it."

"I have absolutely no problem with that," Sam answers back honestly.

"Better not."

He just smiles a little at her attitude, the one he knows well and that she usually has. "But… how do you expect me to take this sudden change of heart seriously when you've been so gung-ho about no marriage, no family…."

"I never said anything about having a family," Lou points at him with her finger in warning. Sam nods, his hands out in surrender. "That shit is still off the table. We're hunters. No fucking kids."

"Plus… you don't want them… right?" Sam asks, having heard her words. She's not saying she doesn't want them. She's only saying it isn't safe to have them. There is a massive difference in the two.

She pauses, clearly thinking. "Nah. Too messy."

Sam smiles to himself. Maybe she is changing. Better not mention it though, baby steps.

"Point is… Lou, you haven't wanted this at all. And suddenly… I just don't get it," Sam explains, his voice never angry or annoyed to make sure she'll stay in this conversation.

"I know it seems kinda out of nowhere," Lou admits, leaning her head onto his shoulder. "But it isn't, not for me at least. I've been thinking a lot about us and our lives lately and… it's so short, you know?"

"Yeah. I know." Sam nods.

"And after everything with Lizzy and Dean, it made me really look at what we have. We kept seeing them fight and the only thing I could think about was how much time they were wasting. Every fight took time away from them living life right. I knew they'd be back together at some point so this whole thing was so stupid."

"Couldn't agree more."

"And then it made me think about my life, and you. And I started to think that I wasting my life with you."

"Harsh," Sam laughs, knowing she didn't mean it the way it came out. She always does that.

"Shit… I'm not wasting my life with you…."

"Deep breath," Sam smiles at her. "I know what you meant. Just busting your balls a little."

"Thanks for that," she rolls her eyes. "Thing is… when I'm looking down the barrel of a gun or bleeding out on the floor of some warehouse someday… all I'm going to think about is how I never made an honest woman out of you."

"Oh, that's… nice," Sam responds to her joke with a little grin. Lou lightens up and smiles back at him.

"I would hate to think that I would leave this world not a Winchester… in spirit, not name. And I would completely regret not doing this since I know you want it. You still do, right?"

"Yes." Sam nods earnestly.

"So… what the fuck? Let's do it," Lou smiles wide, the expression honest and hiding nothing. "I want to get married to you."

"You're really serious about this," Sam states, still just plain shocked by all this.

"Yes I am."

"What happens when we go to do it?" Sam asks her. "What if you freak out?"

"I won't," she tells him, sure of herself.

"But you might."

"But I won't," she fights back, leaning into him and holding eye contact, almost challenging him.

"You know, I'll be ok if you do," Sam tells her so that she understands he's not pressing the issue in the least. "You change your mind then we won't do it."

"Honey," she starts, moving so that she's sitting with her legs folded under her. She reaches for his jaw again. "I'm not changing my mind."

Sam smiles small before leaning into her. He kisses her thankfully, feeling a tension leave his body and soul. He always wanted more from her and he always feared she'd never want the same from him. It's damn good to be on the same page. She wants this. Truly wants this.

"Did we just get… like, engaged or whatever?" Sam asks between kisses.

Lou pauses to think. "Huh. Yeah, I guess we did."

"So weird," Sam tells her, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"You call me fiancé and I smack you, by the way," Lou warns seriously. "That word is so weird."

"Deal."

"And can we not tell them about this?" Lou requests. "Lizzy'll get all sappy and weird and I'm not dealing with Dean with that one…."

"No one needs to know but us," Sam shrugs, having no problem with it. Having a secret like that with her sounds good to him.

"Thanks," Lou says, her nerves still making her jumpy but at the same time she's so damn happy. This is a good thing. This will make her and Sam even stronger and it'll prove to him she's trying to change and be better for him. She sighs. "I love you, Giant."

He grins, all dimples and boyish charm. "Love you too, Louise."

"Fuck you!" Lou gets mad instantly and shoves him in the chest, making him lean away from her.

"Okay," Sam says easily to her words and plows right into her, getting her on her back and attacking her mouth as they sit by the fire and revel in the nice, quiet, beautiful moment they just shared.

"Ooh, Sammy! Look! It's Santa!" Lizzy delights when they see the big set up in the park. A big throne for the big man, helpers dressed as elves, and pictures being taken of kids on Santa's lap all amid the commotion of the well-lit and overly decorated park.

Dean doesn't say anything. He knows they're going over there already and even if he protested he'd lose. That seems to be their way now that Sammy's in their lives. Mom wins a lot.

"Come on, Grinch," Lizzy pokes fun at Dean as they walk towards the line to see Santa. Dean's hunched over, Sammy's small hands in his, as he lets the little boy walk them there. "You know you're dying for a picture of Sammy with Santa."

"Just dying." His tone is flat but he goes along with it.

"Boy, so glad we brought you along," Lizzy gripes a little, keeping her tone light enough. "Just bringing that Christmas cheer to a whole new level."

"Hey, you're the one that wanted to come here," Dean reminds her.

"My mistake for inviting you to the family outing then," she quickly returns with. "Thought you'd lighten up and enjoy this."

They arrive at the end of the long line and Dean picks Sammy up, perching him on his hip. "Hey, we never did this stuff growing up."

"And it's a shame," Lizzy lets him know. "My family always did Christmas right and we went to fun events for the family… I just want Sammy to have that. And you too."

"I don't need it," Dean answers honestly, not thinking it was insulting. Just honest.

"I beg to differ," she complains right back and Dean knows he screwed up.

He looks at her, her arms folded and her eyes far off as she looks around at the families with two smiling parents, and feels bad already. He's been a tough case this whole trip and he knows it. The cabin was quiet and warm, Sammy's toys were there, and everything was easy and calm. Dean's not a crowded area, stay out in the cold at night, deal with other whining kids kind of guy. He'd rather it be just his family.

But Lizzy loves this and it's all for Sammy. He's being a dick.

"Hey," Dean calls to her and she looks at him. He hands over their son and she takes him. "I'm gonna get some hot chocolate. Huh? You want some?"

With a straight face, Lizzy says, "Sure. It's cold."

"I'll be right back."

Dean marches off away from his wife, hoping to give her a second away from his grumpiness, and walks right for the little shack selling food and beverages. Luckily there's no line.

"Hey," Dean says to the young girl behind the counter window. "Can I get a couple hot chocolates?"

"Sure thing," she says and smiles wide at him in a way that makes Dean pay attention. She's eyeing him over. Shit.

She puts together the drinks, bending over to reach something he's sure wasn't actually there, and he knows she did it on purpose. She's cute, too. Great ass, long blonde hair, cute face... she's everything a teenage Dean used to love.

"Here, honey," the cute girl tells him and places the drinks in front of him. She then leans over the counter on her elbows and gives him a clear shot down her shirt. "Anything else I could get for you?" She smirks and eyes him.

"Why don't you get me a bucket of that popcorn over there? Extra butter, sweetheart," Dean adds in, winking at her.

She lights right up, eyes sparking with hope as she skips off to scoop a bucket of popcorn, not skimping on the butter like he asked. When she gets back she has a massive grin going. "Just like you asked. Extra butter."

"Thanks… Kara," Dean says, looking at her name tag. "My wife loves a little too much butter on her popcorn. I tell her it's unhealthy all the time but, hey… it's Christmas."

Her face falls terribly. "Eight is your total."

Dean hands over a ten. "Keep it."

"Thanks," she grumbles and starts to walk away.

"And, Kara?"

She turns back to him.

"I'm old enough to be your father," he winks one last time and heads back for his family, a little pep in his step.

Lizzy sees him coming and eyes him for his new attitude.

"Here you go," Dean says to her, handing her the bucket of popcorn.

"What's with the sudden mood change?" she eyes him funny.

"Can't a guy just suddenly get some Christmas spirit?" Dean lightly asks.

"No, he can't."

He grins at her and takes Sammy very carefully, not dropping their stacked drinks. After some maneuvering, Lizzy has a hot chocolate and a bucket of popcorn, Dean has a drink and a child. "Alright, so maybe I'm happy because daddy's still got it."

"What does that mean, daddy?" Lizzy asks, voice unimpressed.

"It means I totally just got hit on," Dean tells her. "By a very cute young lady."

"Oh did you now?" Lizzy plays right back.

"Yes," he returns with, still full of pride.

"And what did you tell this cute young lady?"

Dean smirks and steps in closer to his wife. "I told her to load up on the butter because my beautiful, sexy, amazing wife loves extra butter on her popcorn," he says and leans in, pressing a slow, meaning-filled kiss onto her lips. When he pulls away he sees her smiling bright.

"Good boy," she says, popping a kernel in her mouth. "I have you trained so well."

Dean doesn't respond, just gives her an annoyed look. She just laughs at him as the line moves up.

"Alright, we're up, baby!" Lizzy says to Sammy when they realize they made it to the front of the line. "You ready to meet Santa!?"

"You do know that he'll never remember this, right?" Dean reminds her one last time as they walk up to Santa sitting in his oversized, ornate chair.

"We will," Lizzy shrugs and brushes his statement completely off.

"And who is this little one?" they hear Santa asks as they approach.

"This is Sammy," Dean tells him, cringing on the inside. He's caught somewhere between embarrassed and amused. Luckily Sam's not here to see this. Handing his boy over, Dean watches Santa settle his son on his lap.

"You're much smaller than Santa's last several kids," Santa tells the baby in his lap. "And lighter. I like you, Sammy."

Lizzy laughs at that. "Long night, Santa?"

"Oh no, I'm fine, young lady. Don't you worry," Santa jokes lightly before looking down at Sammy. "Now, did Sammy get everything he wanted for Christmas?"

"Sammy got everything and more," Dean answers for his boy. "Not sure we have the space to keep it all."

"Aw, then that means Sammy must be your first," Santa once more jokes. "Every first child is spoiled on their first Christmas. Just wait until there's more."

Lizzy smiles with thin lips pressed together. Her first child. Wait until there's more. How badly she wishes that were the truth instead of Sammy being their only but his birth wasn't clean and easy and there will be no more kids for them. Luckily Dean catches her mood shift and places a hand to her shoulder to comfort her immediately as he knows this is a touchy subject for her. It still hurts her to know that she can't have any more children, even if the hunting life would never allow it.

"He's all we need, momma," Dean says quietly to her, gripping her shoulder. He kisses her cheek.

She nods slightly, watching Santa speaking with Sammy as the little boy touches his long white beard. "I know."

She smiles at her husband and he kisses her quickly, making sure she knows he's got her back.

"Would you like a picture with Santa?" one of the girls dressed as an elf asks the two of them.

"Definitely," Lizzy grins back and steps to the side.

"You can get in there with him if you want," the girl says to them, offering the full family photo.

"Yeah?" Lizzy lights up right away, looking at Dean. She knows how much he already hates the idea.

"We're fine. Just the kid," Dean tells the elf.

And Lizzy looks up at him with a massive, playful grin. He's in trouble.

"What, L?" he asks, already knowing the answer.

"Come on!" she cheers, placing her drink and popcorn bucket to the side. "Don't be a Grinch!" Lizzy practically skips over to Santa's chair and sits onto the arm of it. She looks at Sammy with wide eyes. "You want dada in the picture? Dada?"

With the name, Sammy turns his head to look at Dean and reaches a hand out to him. Dada. He knows who that is.

And Dean's already rolling his eyes. Lizzy's excitement and the way Sammy's reaching for him… he knew he would never be able to resist. He knew he was screwed already.

Without a word, Dean walks to the opposite side of the big chair as Lizzy and stands to the side. He leans in and grins, saying through his teeth, "Take it quick."

"Cheese, everyone! Look over here, Sammy!" one of the other elves says and clicks, the flash going off and making Dean blink rapidly.

"Think I'm blind," he gripes, standing tall.

"I think you'll be fine," Lizzy warmly responds as she leans down to Sammy. "Can you say bye-bye Santa? Bye-bye."

Sammy lifts his hand and opens and closes it a few times.

"Bye-bye, Sammy," Santa laughs back, following it up with a ho-ho-ho. "You keep being a good boy!"

"Thanks, Santa," Lizzy smiles at him and picks Sammy up, she and Dean then gathering their hot chocolate and snack before grabbing their picture from the elves.

Lizzy takes a moment to look at the image, a proud smile spreading over her face. Everyone, seriously everyone, is smiling, even Sammy… even Dean. If she didn't know any better she might even think Dean enjoyed the moment, his grin all teeth and looking very genuine. Even his body language looks relaxed, his arm resting on the back of Santa's chair as he leans down to fit into the photo.

Looking up at him with a grin, Lizzy feels her heart skip. He doesn't love doing this stuff but he'd never let her down. They're in a far better place these days and sometimes the reminder of that just feels so damn good.

As they walk away through the crowd, kids screaming with excitement and Christmas music piped through the park, Lizzy peers up at her husband and tells him, "Thank you so much."

He looks back at her and lifts an eyebrow. "Anything for you, dear," he answers back, pulling an arm around her shoulder, still gripping his hot chocolate with Sammy tucked into his other arm. "So… back to the cabin?"

"Yeah, we can do that."

"We need to get engaged more often," Lou tells Sam as she lays under him on the couch, limbs tangled.

"Why's that?"" Sam asks, kissing her yet again as he pulls the large, plaid blanket over them for warmth. It's been over an hour that they've been occupied and they haven't put any more wood on the fire. Nor have they put any clothes on. The cabin is getting cold.

"Because apparently getting engaged leads to really good sex." Lou cranes her neck and kisses his jaw slowly a few times, the lazy feeling they're left with after the quite meaningful talk paired with some very emotional, surprising deep sex has them in a lovely place. They lay there together, hands moving languidly over still fully exposed skin and mouths landing much more softly than before, basking in what's been one of the bright moments in their lives as of late.

"I'm still not convinced that you really agreed to do this," Sam comments, rolling onto his side and pulling her tightly in.

"I did, so get used to it," Lou harshly puts, pulling him in by the back of the head and kissing him good one more time. She then smiles at him and when Sam smiles back, the cute smile he always used to have then they first met, the one with dimples and innocence, she flushes a little. With heat on her cheeks, she complains to him, "I hate what you're doing to me."

She ducks her head under his chin and snuggles closer, Sam laughing quietly at her. "You hate that I'm making you a real girl?"

"Girls are so lame," she bitches, voiced muffled against the skin of his throat. "I feel like such a damn girl around you."

"You are a girl…."

"I was a cool girl until I met you, though," she returns quickly with. "Now I'm all… sappy and stuff."

"Just wait until I get you a ring," Sam threatens. "You'll go girly fast."

Her head pops up and looks right at him. "Don't get me a ring."

"What? Why not?" Sam wonders, almost hurt.

"Why bother?" she wonders. "I don't want a diamond. What if I punch something and it pops out of the setting, or I dent it while hunting… or lose it. I'll feel terrible."

"I can't not get you a ring though," Sam denies.

"Why not?"

"Because… I want you to, you know… have normal things."

"It's cool," Lou shrugs. "I'm not all that normal anyways."

"Yeah, but…." Sam stops there. He realizes now how traditional he is deep down. He thought it was gone, along with all hopes of normality, but Lou makes him long for those things. Diamond rings and a white wedding dress, flowers and vows… shit. "Don't worry about it. I won't do it if you don't want me to."

She sees right through him. "You're the worst liar ever."

"What? I practically lie for a living," he denies.

"Yeah, but I can tell you're lying," Lou eyes him hard and sighs. "Alright, fine. You can get me a ring. But nothing too fancy. And too big. And don't blow a bunch of money on…."

"Relax," Sam stops her and kisses her on the lips. He holds it for just a moment to make sure she'll shut up and listen before saying, "I got it covered, ok?"

Lou just nods and kisses him again, her leg wrapping tightly around his and pulling her body closer. One roll of her hips into his and he gets it.

"Yeah?" Sam asks, knowing she wants to go again.

"Uh… always…."

"We're back!" Lizzy announces as the cabin door opens. Lou groans with annoyance and Sam yanks the blanket fully over them to cover up.

"Hello?" Dean calls out, the sound of a babbling child coming with his voice.

"Uh… hey, g-guys," Sam meekly greets and pops his head over the back of the couch facing away from the door.

Dean's face drops immediately when he sees bare shoulders. "Really?"

"Sorry?" Sam apologizes without meaning it.

"No you're not," Dean calls him out as he drops Sammy into his high chair. "Did you two forget that we all like to sit on that couch?"

"It just happened, Dean," Sam excuses as Lou's head peeks up over the couch and looks at him.

"Don't give him crap because you're pissed you had to visit Santa instead of fuck by the fire," she says to Dean.

"Louie!" Lizzy scolds very quickly as she reaches into the refrigerator to grab some already made blueberry baby food for Sammy.

"Sorry… made love," she corrects, her tone completely patronizing and rude.

Lizzy shoots her eyes over to the couch and can see Sam has no shirt on. "Alright, get dressed or something, will you two? It's dessert time."

"About time…." Dean comments, nearly skipping to the counter to grab the pie and a knife. He then heads for the kitchen table.

"Deep breath, Dean," Lizzy jokes, knowing how excited he is for the rare moment of homemade, fresh baked pie.

"Oh… yeah," Dean sighs with sheer love as he cuts into the crust, slicing a quite big piece and placing it expertly onto a plate without breaking it. He plops down into a chair, cuts a bite lightning quick with his fork, and shovels the forkful in. And he hums damn near pornographically. "Oh my god…."

"Ha, he sounds like you a few minutes ago," Lou jokes to Sam, standing up from the couch with the blanket wrapped around her small form. She swats Sam on the shoulder and smirks.

"Cute," Sam sarcastically responds as he pulls his boxers on before standing up. At least he has something on now….

"Aw, man… come on! I'm eating!" Dean complains with a fell mouth when he sees a nearly naked Sam across the room.

Sam gives him the patented bitch face before getting fully dressed.

Lou gathers her clothes and heads to the back bedroom to get redressed.

"You know, Sam," Lizzy starts to speak as she scoops a bite for Sammy and feeds it to him while sitting in a chair next to Sammy' highchair. "You had almost two hours to screw my sister and be fully dressed before we got home."

Sam heads for the refrigerator and shrugs. "We… lost track of time."

"Unless you spent a lot of it talking before… other things," Lizzy tries. She knew Lou was going to explain her whole 'I'm yours forever now' gift but she knows nothing of the commitment Lou just made to him.

Instead of tell her he just grins. "We did." He pours two glasses of milk.

"And?" Lizzy asks, peeking over at him while feeding Sammy.

"And what?" Sam challenges, capping the milk and putting it back.

"And… how'd it go?" she wonders.

Sam glances quickly at Dean, wondering if he's listening as usually Lizzy and Sam talk when he's not around, but his brother is fully engrossed in his almost finished pie slice. "Ah… really well, actually." He smiles a little at her.

"Good," Lizzy grins brightly. "Just, you know… remember how hard that was for her."

"That wasn't the only thing hard for her…."

Lizzy's eyes bug out as Sam places the glasses of milk on the table. He grins at her.

"Crap. She's rubbing off on you," Lizzy jokes.

"Maybe. And yes, I know that wasn't at all easy for her," Sam assures, cutting two pieces of pie and plating them. "But… it was good for us. She's okay."

Lizzy can't stop smiling to hear the news that her sister was able to have an adult, emotionally heavy, honest conversation about feelings. Sam deserves someone that can be open with him and give him everything he's willing to give. Finally, Lou's getting there. It gives her some peace of mind.

Sam places a glass of milk in front of Lizzy along with a slice of pie. "For when he's done," Sam nods at Sammy.

"Thank you," Lizzy smiles, flattered that he'd think of her. She then looks to Dean. "See? That's what a gentleman looks like."

Sam just grin as he sits down.

"Can't hear you," Dean says over a full mouth. "Eating."

The rest of the night was lovely. They had some whiskey, played with Sammy, and sat by the fire laughing and reminiscing about past Christmases when John would bring home beer can wreathes and the multiple ways Lou and Lizzy got themselves in trouble Christmas nights when they had their annual sleepovers. It was exactly what Lizzy wanted for the day. Everyone together, happy, enjoying the moment. It was light. It was picturesque.

And now? Now, it's the middle of the night and Lizzy can't sleep for the life of her.

Tomorrow. It's coming fast. And she's going to either kill Dick Roman or die trying.

Her stomach hurts. She's frightened. She's so scared she starts to shake a little every time she thinks about it. But she'll do it because Sammy deserves a future, as do they all. It'll be fake names and no home until the Leviathans are taken down.

She has no choice.

When Lizzy looks to her right while laying on her back she sees the resting face of her husband. Dean drank maybe a little more than he meant to (it happens) but it made it easy for him to pass right out when the time came despite the plan that they need to set into motion tomorrow. She wonders how he does that. Even if she were drunk as a skunk her nerves would keep her awake but Dean can sleep through most fears and anxieties. She knows it's due to the life he's had but that just make it worse.

He doesn't even know. Dean's ready to go out there and protect her and their son, willing to give his life several times over for the two of them, and she's been lying to him. He has no idea that she's going and he needs to stay behind.

What if he loses his shit over this? What if he refuses to stay here and goes anyways, getting them both killed? What would happen to Sammy? What if he does stay behind and she doesn't make it back? Can Dean deal with that? Will he raise Sammy right on his own or would he turn into John and bring their son up in this terrible world?

She can feel the panic rising in her chest. She can't hack it. She should have been honest. She should have told him. He's going to hate her. They promised honesty from here on out. She lied by way of omission. She's a terrible wife.

Lizzy's breathing starts to quicken and she pulls the blankets off her legs, sitting up sharply. She drops her feet on the floor and stays there, perched on the edge of the bed as she can feel the panic attack threaten her.

And then she looks over to the crib in the room. Sammy's sound asleep, no idea what's about to happen within his family. He had a wonderful day, his new moose sitting cutely by his head, and she can't fight it anymore. She can't. What if this is the last night she sees him?

She can't handle this.

"L?" Dean calls out when he hears her, the struggled sounds waking him up. He opens his eyes, looking at her back that's to him. Shoulders rapidly and jerkily rising and falling and he knows what's happening. "Shit," he complains, very quickly sitting himself up and scooting in close to her. He puts a leg to either side of her body, hanging off the bed parallel to hers, and pulls an arm around her middle. Once she's flush against his chest he starts to speak to her. "No, no. Come on, L. Breathe with me."

She tries, the deep breath not all that deep before her spastic exhale proves she's not getting better.

"In and out, Lizzy. You know how to get out of this," Dean talks directly into her ear in a quiet tone, her hands clamping down on his forearm around her body. "Breathe with me. Deep. In." He inhales big. "Out," he pushes the air out and keeps her back pressed to him so she can feel it and follow. "Again, L. In."

She tries to inhale hard, it getting easier once he literally has her back.

"Out."

They both breathe out and Dean smiles. "There it is. Keep going." They breathe together for a bit. "Make that attack your bitch, L."

After a few more minutes, Lizzy's back to normal. She's caught up to her panic, the sheer anxiety ebbing and leaving behind a profound feeling of real guilt.

"Better?" Dean asks, peering at her face from the side. What he sees is not relief. It's pure pain.

Lizzy turns her head to the side. Her eyes lock onto his and even in the dim moonlight from the single window in the room he can see the tears rimming her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out and collapses into sobs.

When her back hunches and she curls in around his arm, Dean's shocked. She hasn't acted like this in so long. Not his wife, the toughest damn woman he's ever known. "Is this about tomorrow?"

She nods while crying, her absolute guilt crushing her. What was she thinking keeping this from him? How did she get through the day?

"L… it'll be fine," Dean tells her, both arms wrapping around her now as he hugs her tightly. "I'll be fine. You know that if anyone's coming back from a fight with Dick it's me…."

Shaking her head no, it's the best she can do through her sobs at the moment. She takes a deep breath, attempting to calm herself enough to talk.

"You're worried I won't come back?" Dean asks, his chin on her shoulder as he just holds her, trying to understand.

"You… can't go," she tries to get out, the phrase broken as she fights her breakdown.

"You know I have to," he gently says to her, trying to be kind and understanding despite not knowing what she actually means.

"No!" she says louder. "You can't go! I have to!"

She can feel him tense a bit with the statement. "We talked about this…."

"Stop," Lizzy says quietly, crying still when everything overwhelms her. "Please. You have to listen…."

She's interrupted by whining that is sure to become crying. Lizzy woke Sammy up.

"Relax a second," Dean says to her, shifting to get out of bed. He pauses in front of her, bending down to kiss her forehead. "I'll get him, you calm down, and we'll talk, okay?"

When she looks at him she's seeing a brand new man. We'll talk? Who is he?

Dean reaches into the crib and picks up a tired and now cranky Sammy. When the little boy leans his head onto his father's shoulder, Dean instantly bouncing him and humming the riff from 'Carry On', her heart melts a little. He's humming a Crosby, Stills, and Nash song, something she's imparted into his life. That was the band she and her parents always turned to, all three of them agreeing on the excellence of that band. And now, after playing it in the car enough, Dean's right there with her. And he's helping give that to their son.

And she was supposed to stop crying.

"Hey," Dean quietly calls to her as he eventually sits down next to her. With Sammy held on his shoulder closest to Lizzy, he looks at her with sheer concern. "L, you gotta calm down. Tell me what this is about."

Looking at her two men, one so small and falling asleep and the other wide awake and staring at her with serious worry, she just can't stop the feeling of love for them both. "You have to stay here tomorrow. With Sammy."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean questions right away, brow lowered. He keeps a hand rubbing Sammy's back as he falls back asleep.

"I'm talking about me having to go… and you being the one to stay with Sammy. I have to."

"Why?"

"Because… Cass told me the truth," she sucks it up and starts to spill it all. "After having the souls of Purgatory in him for so long he... I guess you could say, he got to know them."

"Meaning?" Dean asks, brow still lowered.

"Meaning he can tell which of the Dicks is the real Dick just by looking at them," she sighs. "He can see it."

"That's good news," Dean nods slightly, his concerned face still on.

"It's great news," she agrees. "But... um, since Cass woke up he and I have had a… stronger connection than usual."

"Okay…."

"I think it's because he isn't as burdened," Lizzy explains, wiping her eyes. "But whatever it is… Cass has a wide open connection to me and through it he was able to give this vision to me. He just kinda passed it on."

Dean's face drops when he gets it. "You can see which is the real Dick?"

"Yes. I tested it out with Sam. I looked at the surveillance cameras and I knew instantly which one was him."

Dean looks away and Lizzy can see his jaw clenching with fear. She knew this would be bad.

"When did he do this? Yesterday?" Dean wonders and waits for an answer. She keeps quiet and he already knows. Deep breath in, Dean keeps his composure for his sleeping son. "You didn't tell me…?"

"I wanted Christmas," she starts to cry all over again, her voice high pitched and so sad. "I just wanted one day to be real people. I missed you so much these past months and Sammy's first Christmas should have been good. And it was. Please don't be mad at me, Dean. I felt like shit all day about it but it was such a good day. You have to understand."

He closes his eyes and reels in his anger. She lied. "We said we weren't gonna lie to each other anymore."

"I know," she sobs out. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I just… if anything goes wrong, I wanted a good day to go out on, you know?"

"Don't fucking say that," Dean says low and angry, knowing he shouldn't say such words in front of Sammy as he absorbs everything so quickly these days but he couldn't help it.

Lizzy looks down at her knees, hands folded when she doesn't know what else to do as the guilt kills her. She's ashamed now, regretting having ever kept this whole thing from him.

After a long silence, giving Dean time to process everything, Lizzy repeats, "I'm so sorry."

Shocking her, Dean reaches over and grabs her hand. When she looks back up at him he has a much softer expression on that she was never ready to see.

"I get why you did it," Dean admits, fighting his need to fire out hurtful words or punch a wall. They said they'd work on their relationship and he's working hard on it right now. "I hate to say it but I probably would have done the same thing."

With wide eyes she lets him keep talking.

"It was a really good day," he nods slightly. "And… even if I'm seriously pissed that you kept this from me… thanks."

She exhales with hard surprise. "Who are you?"

Dean huffs without smiling. "I'm a guy that's trying to keep our marriage together."

She nods rapidly, ready to cry again with how happy she is to see him like this.

"But… I mean… L, tell me how I'm supposed to let you walk out that door tomorrow without me," he asks of her, his heart on his sleeve with how emotional his voice gets. "How do I just let you leave without me and head into a boss fight like that?"

Unable to answer with the massive lump in her throat for a moment, Lizzy looks over the pain in Dean face and the tired, slacked face of her once again sleeping son. "You need to be there for him. Just in case."

Dean looks away, struggling with this. He can't imagine her not coming home, what life would be like without her in it. "You can't do this."

"I don't have a choice if we want Sammy to live in a world he won't become food in," she reminds him. "We need to save the world for him."

Dean shakes his head. "Just… no. You have to come back."

Her hand gently smoothing over Sammy' head as he rests, her eyes fill up again. "I will do everything I can to come back. I love too much of what I have right here to not come back. No matter what… Dean, I'm coming back. I'll always make my way back to you both."

He knows she can't promise this but what choice do they have. If he goes, unable to know which Dick is the real monster, he could so easily never come back. She has the advantage. She has to be the one to go of the two of them and both going isn't an option, not with their son still needing at least one parent around. "Shit."

"I know," she nods, hating this situation too.

"Alright, one condition," Dean says to her. "Cass goes with you."

Her shoulders drop further. "He can't…."

"Screw his problems," Dean gets heated. "I'm not letting you walk in there without an angel in your back pocket to help out. He'll cover your ass. And he'll make sure you get back in one piece. He doesn't have a choice."

"He seems to think otherwise," Lizzy laments. "He's a mess."

"Then he's a mess that goes with you tomorrow," Dean decides right then and there. "He's going. I'll talk to him."

"You'll yell at him and he'll flee," Lizzy says cautiously, knowing it's mostly likely what will happen.

"I'll… control myself," Dean tells her. She shoots him a look. "Hey, I didn't yell at you, did I?"

She nods, agreeing. "Okay. Talk to him. I couldn't get through to him but… I hope you can. It'll be good to have him with me."

"It's the only way anyone goes tomorrow," Dean determinedly says. He sighs and closes his eyes a second, still trying to understand what tomorrow is about to look like. He then looks at her, really looks. "You're exhausted."

"I've been too worried to sleep," he admits.

"Well, stop worrying so much. I know now. So get some sleep. Come on," Dean tells her, standing up. He pulls back the comforter and nods for her to get in.

"Can… uh, you mind letting Sammy stay in bed with us. Just for tonight," she asks of him despite their always stringent rule to keep him out of their bed whenever possible. But tonight is different.

"Sure," Dean answers. He hands Sammy over slowly, Lizzy taking him and curling up around his tiny form as he stays asleep. Dean then climbs in behind her, his front pressed hard into her back and his arm around them both. He'll stay more stoic but that's all for Lizzy. If he were to show even an ounce of the emotion she is then she'll collapse and never get a single second of sleep. But on the inside… he's horrified. How did they get here?

When one of Lizzy's hands weaves into his, she says to him, "You two are my world. I love you so much."

"We love you too," he responds, kissing her hair and laying down comfortably. "Sleep, L."

Even though it takes her a good half an hour longer to fall asleep, Lizzy does get to sleep.

And then it's Dean's turn to lay there, holding onto her tightly, unable to sleep at all for the rest of the night as his mind becomes a jumbled disaster of what-ifs.