Short but something to get me back in the mindset. Working on the next update for Repose also. Should be up in the next couple of days. Neither this or that one came out very smooth but getting back into it is always a little rough. Hope everyone is well and happy.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries, its characters, or plot.
Chapter 4
"Maybe a pea coat?"
Bonnie stopped scrolling through her phone to look up at Caroline who was sifting through multi-colored male pea coats. "For Stefan? A man who is over a hundred and has lived several different lives and you're going to get him a pea coat?"
"A pea coat is practical. It's December….."
Bonnie stepped closer and whispered. "He's dead. He will never be cold. Just get him a book or something."
"A book? I can't do that. I can't give a book to someone I've had intercourse with."
"Intercourse? Please don't say it like that!"
"I need help Bon. I need to get him something that exhibits our intimacy as friends without advancing the romantic side."
"Get him a new journal. He should start a new one with everything that's happened lately anyway."
"That's perfect!" Caroline ran out of the store in search of a journal with Bonnie trailing behind her.
Bonnie stopped following her and stepped into a store of Christmas decorations including trees and snow globes. There were bloated light bulbs strewn across the ceiling and trees dressed up in different themes including a weird Halloween theme. She made her way through the giant groups of families to the different displays.
She was looking at an assortment of pastel bulbs when she felt a hand on her elbow and lips against her ear.
"I refuse to have those colors shining on my tree."
She smiled slowly and turned around to the very beautiful model-like Damon. His hand stayed on her elbow and he leaned in until she had to lean back completely to see him.
"Who said we were having Christmas at the boarding house?"
"Caroline already spilled the beans. And no we are not bringing a real tree in my house. There will be crap all over the floor and I'm not a maid so I refuse to clean it up."
"Don't be a baby. I'll help clean it up. Just think about it we can go chop it down ourselves!" She patted him on the side to push him aside and then walked up to the wall of garland.
He followed behind her and stood close to her. "We will chop it down? You mean I'll chop it down and you'll stand there giving me directions."
"Of course. That's what makes us such a good team. By the way how did you find me?"
"Friend intuition?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Please! Are you keeping tabs on me?"
He took her by the elbow and pulled her into the corner of the store behind a massive pink tree. "I'm slightly concerned so I'm sticking close."
"Concerned about what? Nothing has happened. Your mother and her family have been quiet since the party in the woods."
"Yeah how long do you think you can keep up that lie?"
Bonnie's whole body went stiff. "I don't know what you mean and I can't keep talking in circles. I have to find Care."
She tried to walk past him but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back and leaned in to whisper in her ear so anyone passing would assume it was a couple getting very familiar with each other. "You've been distant since that night at the bar. You barely answer your phone and every time I come to see you, you're too busy to be bothered. I know something's going on and that you're keeping it from me. And I have to admit that pisses me off just a lot. I don't lie to you Bonnie and I don't keep anything from you and I assumed you would do the same."
"First off you were distant with me for weeks before the night in the bar…something that still hasn't been explained. And second, I'm handling things, Damon. I don't have to tell you everything, you know."
"There's nothing to explain. I was going through some emotional stuff that I've resolved. And you're right you don't have to tell me everything but do you tell Caroline everything? Because last time I checked I was your best friend. And what exactly are you handling?"
"Things. I'm fine, Damon. I've just been busy but I'm not hiding anything. Now about that tree….."
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"Explain to me again why we're doing this?" Caroline leaned into Stefan so Damon and Bonnie wouldn't hear.
"Bonnie's intent on it and Damon's whipped." Stefan said while grimacing. It was midnight and snow had been falling for over 3 hours now and to top it all off they were standing in the middle of the woods as Bonnie and Damon bickered back and forth over which tree to cut down. Stefan tuned in again to the pair's conversation.
"I like this one. So just chop it down."
"It's scrawny and hideous. That thing is not going up in my house."
"Oh my god! You don't even care about Christmas so why does it matter. I like it and I want it so get to chopping."
When Damon spoke it was through clenched teeth. "I care about Christmas because you do. So we are going to have the perfect tree. Don't make me explain myself Bonnie. Just accept that we are not getting that Charlie Brown tree and let's just find another one. Ok?"
Bonnie threw up her hands in exasperation. "Fine!"
They went stomping off further into the woods. Stefan and Caroline gave a collected sigh and followed behind them.
Damon pulled up in front of the boardinghouse in the 'borrowed truck' that carried the giant, fat tree. He and Stefan pulled the tree off the bed of the truck and lifted it high above their heads and carried it into the house. Caroline and Bonnie followed behind with boxes of crammed with ornaments. They all came to an abrupt stop when they came upon Enzo sitting on the couch. Damon barely took the time to acknowledge him before setting up the tree in its holder. Stefan however became stiff and his arms folded over his chest. Caroline and Bonnie sat the boxes down slowly and braced themselves for any movement.
"What are you doing here, Enzo?" Damon asked as he poured himself a drink. He looked relaxed but Bonnie knew him and she knew that if Enzo even coughed wrong, his heart would be on the other side of the room in seconds.
"Just checking on you, mate."
Damon smiled slowly and turned to face Enzo. The smile was completely predatory and if Bonnie didn't know him as a friend she probably would have ran from the room. "Well I greatly appreciate that. You know how I love a friend that cares…oh wait a minute, I hate that. I like honesty and loyalty. Two things that went out the door when you teamed up with my mother. So I'm assuming you're here to report back to her." Damon placed his drink down and walked to the couch and then leaned down so they were face to face. "And here's what you can tell her: I plan on killing her and her little family and I'm going to enjoy it." He sat back up quickly and walked back to his drink before downing the amber liquid. "Now get the fuck out of my house."
Enzo stood and straightened out his clothing but didn't budge from his spot. "So not handling the loss of your love, well, I see."
Damon whipped back around to Enzo. "You don't talk about Elena unless you want to lose your tongue." Stefan walked to stand beside his brother in solidarity.
Enzo chuckled. "The dynamic duo. Impenetrable. There was never a way I was going to be invited into the Salvatore fold, I see that now. Either way I came to warn that she's planning something. Something not too nice."
Stefan's eyes narrowed. "Why are you telling us this?"
"I believe a war should be fought by two equal opponents."
Caroline took a step towards Enzo. Stefan's eyes shifted to Caroline and then to Enzo to warn him to keep his hands to himself. "Then why don't you tell us what she's actually planning. At least give us a hint. Please Enzo."
He smiled at Caroline. "That pout doesn't work on me the way it used to blondie. And if you want a hint ask your little witch friend." With those parting words he sped from the house, slamming the door behind him.
Three heads whipped around to look at the small, caramel beauty still wrapped in her wool pea coat, wool cap and boots. She had gone pale and still. She blinked rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes and lifted her eyes from the floor to look at Damon who was staring at her with a hard unmoving face.
"Care to explain, Bon Bon."
She exhaled loudly, removed her coat and hat, and sat heavily on the couch while staring down at her intertwined fingers. "It's not what you think….."
Damon turned his head to the side and stared at her until she felt uncomfortable.
"What? Why are you staring at me like that?"
"I'm just wondering when you became such a liar."
Her mouth fell open and she opened and closed it repeatedly while she tried to come up with a response. Stefan cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.
"Damon, I think that's going a little too far."
"You think so, Stef? Hey, Bonnie, is he right? Did I go a little too far or have you really been lying to us this whole time?"
"Damon, I….."
"Don't lie to me."
"I wasn't going to lie. I just don't know how to explain myself. Let me start with the fact that I never wanted to lie, especially to you, Damon, but I-"
"Then why did you?"
"What?"
"Why did you lie to me? And don't feed me some bullshit about you not having a choice. You kept things from me, you lied to me, and I had to find out from Enzo!" By the end of the statement he was screaming at her.
A tear slipped down her face and Caroline took a step between the feuding couple. "You need to back off, Damon."
Damon took a step towards the little blonde beauty but Stefan slapped a hand on his chest to stop him. "Caroline did you know about this and not tell me?"
Caroline folded some hair behind her ear and cast her eyes down for a few seconds. "Stefan it wasn't my secret to tell."
Bonnie stood and walked around her friend. "Stefan I asked her not to say anything and to be honest she doesn't know all the details either." Caroline whipped her head around to look at Bonnie in shock. "I just want to say I'm sorry for keeping stuff from all of you. You're the closest thing I have to family and you're all I have left especially with Matt at police academy and Jeremy off doing god knows what. And because of that I just wanted to protect all of you. I thought I could handle it on my own and I was until Enzo opened his mouth."
Damon's face was still cold and hard. "What did you lie about?"
"Lily has been sending her 'family' after me. The thing in the woods was there for me, and a little while back one of them chased me into my apartment building which I told Caroline about. What I didn't tell her about and what I think all of you should know is that Lily wants me to join her."
Caroline looked betrayed and took a step closer to Stefan. "Bonnie how could you keep that from me?"
Bonnie shook her head in denial. "I thought I could handle it. I know I'm never going to be on her side and I just didn't want to put all that stress on you guys when I could handle it myself like I always do."
"Like you always do? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Care, I just meant that I'm the person that solves all the problems. I'm the fixer and I was going to fix this too. There was no point in involving you."
"Why? Because you're not only the fixer but also the savior. We get it Bonnie, you think you are the hero of the group. You didn't tell me because you didn't think I could or would help you out of this situation."
"That's not true. I just wanted to protect you."
"You always do this. You make decisions behind our backs and expect us to just fall in line. I would never have kept something like this from you. I'm your best friend and I trust you to always find a way to save me. I guess you don't feel the same way." Caroline grabbed up her bag and stormed out with Stefan following her only a few seconds later.
Bonnie closed her eyes tightly and tried to swallow around the lump in her throat. When she opened her eyes Damon was staring at her. The anger in his eyes felt heavy against her chest.
"Damon I'm sorry for not telling you. I just knew you were carrying a lot around over losing Elena and you had become so obsessed with finding your Mom. I felt like you were drowning under all that emotion and I didn't want to add this to it. You don't get how much you mean to me and I just wanted to take care of you. I feel so bad about how your life is right now and that you had to lose Elena for me and I just wanted to do something to repay you. So I kept it to myself and I was going to handle it. I was going to just get rid of her and her so-called family so it was one less thing on your shoulders. You have to understand, Damon."
"I do. I understand that the one person I thought I could trust lied straight to my face. I've let you in Bonnie. I've let you see me at my most vulnerable. I've told you things that I haven't told my own brother. I've told you secrets that Elena didn't know. I chose you over her and you threw it back in my face."
"Are you saying you made a mistake in choosing me?"
"Maybe I am. Elena, she trusted me. I can't say the same about you. You're having secret meetings with my mother and thinking about joining her….."
"That is not true! I was never thinking about it. I would never do that."
"How am I supposed to believe you? You've been lying to me for months!"
"Please just believe me, Damon. You know me. We went to hell and back together. You know my heart. I was not considering double crossing you."
"You've been dark and different since coming back. You let Kai get in your head and there have been times where you would turn cold and unrecognizable and I assumed you would talk to me when you were ready but you never did. You've kept me at arms-length and you just expect me to trust you?" He pushed his hand violently through his hair. "I've gotten through the last few months without Elena by leaning on you but for the first time having you isn't enough. I'm going to go visit my girlfriend and you can let yourself out of my house."
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"Hi, Grams. I know it's been awhile. I'm sorry about that. I'm here now because things are falling apart. I'm falling apart." Bonnie sat on the hard, frozen ground facing her grandmother's tombstone. The snow was falling slowly around her small indrawn body. She had left her phone in her car though she knew no one would be contacting her. She had lost everyone just as Lily had predicted and the only place she now felt welcomed was the cemetery that held so many of her ancestors who had, had the foolishness to devote their lives to saving people.
"I don't have anyone anymore. I'm alone and it's not like it's the first time it's happened. They've always abandoned me when I needed them the most but I thought things had changed. I thought I was important to them but they turned on me so quick. And I know I lied. I get that. That was wrong of me but I just wanted to protect them. All I do is protect them and it never seems to be enough. I'm being hunted by Lily and her family and all they could do was place blame on me because I didn't tell them about it. It makes me so angry but more than that it hurts. Elena used to do unforgivable things but she was always forgiven anyway. I'm not blaming her. I'm just…I'm just so over the utter devotion to Elena. I've never wanted to disappear so much Grams and I can't. I have to fight and save them even if they don't ask for it because let's be honest they still expect me to do it. I don't know what to do Grams and I wish more than anything that you could tell me."
She hugged her arms around her body and folded more into her body as she cried silently, completely unaware of the eyes peering from in between branches, watching her every move.
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Stefan found Damon nursing what had to be at least his fifth full drink of bourbon in front of the fire. He had left Caroline at Whitmore only 30 minutes ago after she had finally calmed down. As soon as she did she instantly wanted to talk to Bonnie and apologize but no matter how many times she had called Bonnie wouldn't answer. She finally gave up and decided to go to sleep. She had told him that Bonnie wouldn't talk to her until she was ready to so she just had to wait. And now that he was done with calming her down it was time to calm down his brother.
He sat down in the chair beside his brother and poured himself a drink from the table in between their chairs.
"Where's Bonnie?"
Damon shrugged and continued to stare into the fire. He took a deep gulp of his drink. "I couldn't tell you."
Stefan nodded and turned back to the fire while sipping his own drink. "You been here the entire time I've been gone?"
Damon slouched more in his seat and watched the fire playing against the amber liquid in his glass. "Nope. Went to see Elena. Needed to clear my head."
"Did it work?"
"Not so much. It used to but it didn't seem to work this time."
Stefan nodded and gulped down more of the burning liquid. "What's going on with you and Bonnie, Damon?"
"What do you mean?" Damon finally looked at him.
"I mean that you two are clearly more than friends. The look of betrayal on your face tonight didn't belong to a friend. I've watched you two and something has shifted…changed since you came back from the prison world. I suspected something right away but when you chose Bonnie over Elena I knew there was more to the story than you were telling. So tell me Damon, did something happen between you two in 1994?"
"What exactly does this have to do with what happened tonight?"
"Nothing. But I think you need to admit the truth and I'm giving the option to right now."
Damon nodded but didn't look at his brother. When he spoke he kept constant eye contact on the fire. He spoke low…barely above a whisper. "We kissed."
"What?"
Damon turned to him then. "You wanted to know what happened in 1994…we kissed." He chuckled under his breath. "That's the first time I've said that out loud."
"When? Why?"
Damon huffed and poured himself more bourbon. "It was late one night and we were fooling around. I asked her to dance with me and we danced to Ella and at the end I felt…..settled. I kissed her. I thought she would find a match and light me up but she kissed me back. We never talked about it and it's not something I think we'll ever discuss. But now you know. That's what happened."
Stefan stared ahead as he took in what he had just heard. Damon's mouth became pinched as he watched Stefan contemplating his confession. "You're not saying anything. I usually can't get you to shut up and now you're mute….."
Stefan looked up at him with his chin in his palm and his elbow resting on his knee. "Was it a simple peck or a full blown kiss?"
Damon lowered his eyes to the floor but answered regardless. "It was a real kiss, Stef. Hand in the hair, bodies pressed tight, tongues dueling kind of kiss. And it wasn't exactly short but the next morning she acted like it had never happened so it became this unspoken thing."
Stefan nodded. "Do you have feelings for her Damon?"
"Stefan don't make this into some big thing. It was a kiss. If you remember I've done more than that with blondie."
Stefan winced and stood to leave the room. "Fine, Damon, we won't talk about it. You can just let the secret eat away at you. I don't care. I'm going to bed."
"I don't know, ok?!"
Stefan turned back to him and leaned his body against the couch. "You know if you have feelings for someone or not. You may not want to admit it but you know one way or the other. Do you have feelings for her?"
Damon turned his eyes towards the fire so he didn't have to look his brother in the eye. "I love Elena. I love her desperately."
"No one is saying you don't but that doesn't mean you aren't or can't fall for someone else at the same time. Elena definitely fell for you when she was with me and I can admit that I felt something deep for Caroline before Elena and I split. This confession, whatever it may be, will not go beyond this room. I promise you that, Damon."
Damon turned back to him and watched him with an intense stare. "You won't repeat it to anyone else." Stefan shook his head in the negative. "And you won't judge me."
"Nope. Do you have feelings for her?"
Damon took in a deep breath. "Yes I do. I don't know how deep they are or what they mean but I do feel something for her."
"Why don't you tell her?"
"You are joking, right? That's not an option. Especially after tonight. She lied to me Stef. She hid stuff from me. I can't trust her and on top of that I'm am still in love with Elena. I still want to be with her. That hasn't changed and I don't think it ever will. Telling Bonnie about my feelings won't change that."
"Your choice, Damon but if I can give some advice?" When Damon stared at him and said nothing he continued. "Bonnie did what she thought was best. She didn't screw you over for the sake of doing it and she didn't lie or betray you because she doesn't care. She saw a threat and did what she always does. She put herself in between it and the people she loves. She's been carrying this burden around for weeks and that turmoil must have been unbearable but she continued to do so, so you wouldn't have to deal with it. And yet when you found out the first thing you did was bite her head off. You owe her an apology, not the other way around. As for still being in love with Elena…I can't say much about that except for the fact that once upon a time my life wasn't worth the same as Elena's but you chose to save Bonnie instead of her. Maybe you should ask yourself why. Goodnight Damon."
He left the room before Damon could even open his mouth to say something. Damon released a huge breath, downed the rest of his drink and then slammed the glass down creating a splinter along the side. He sighed and picked up his phone. He went to his recent calls and her number sat at the top. He tapped it and waited. Her voicemail was instant. He didn't leave a message. He wouldn't know what to say if he had.
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He woke up to screaming and crying. He could hear it drifting up from downstairs and he instantly knew who the cries belonged to. The blonde succubus! He dragged his hand down his face and jumped out of bed. He didn't even bother putting on a shirt. He made his way downstairs in just pajama pants. He stopped at the entrance to the living room as Caroline incoherently spoke to a calm Stefan.
"Why the hell are you screaming in my living room at the crack of ass, blondie?!"
She stopped babbling and turned to Damon with red rimmed eyes. Stefan stepped forward and put an arm around her shoulders. "Damon…."
"What? What can be so important and dire that she has to scream like a banshee at 7 in the morning?"
Caroline looked angry for a few seconds before her face crumbled again and she turned to put her face in Stefan's chest.
Stefan swallowed hard. "Bonnie is missing. Her car was found this morning with her phone and purse still inside but Bonnie hasn't been found. The cops suggested there may have been a struggle. Someone took her, Damon."
Damon's ears went practically deaf. He couldn't hear no matter how hard he tried. He could feel though. He could feel his nonexistent heart beat trying to carve itself out of his chest. He turned from Stefan's face to the bare Christmas tree that still stood and let the words sink in with a weight big enough to crush his bones into dust. Bonnie was gone. She was gone and he hadn't been there to save her.