John's POV
I'm awake... or at least, I'm conscious. I feel like I've been awake the whole night, not being able to make my mind blank and silence my thoughts. Visualizing in my head all what happened since we got here over and over again. Pascal and Trina's death, the acid fog, being back in camp, Charlotte and all the Murphy situation… Bellamy… last night.
At some point, I'm not sure if I've been awake, or in that sort of trance you're the moment before falling fully asleep… when you're not either here or there, just in the middle of the hallway between the dream world and the real world.
I jump out of bed when I hear Octavia's voice calling for Bellamy, I feel knocked out and that's when I realize that I was, in fact, asleep. But I don't feel rested at all.
"Bellamy, get out here!"
I put my shirt on as fast as I can and I get out of my tent, finding a group of people reunited in the middle of the camp next to the fire that is still on from last night.
"There" Octavia talks again. I move my eyes on her direction but something gets my attention.
I see Bellamy come out of his tent and get in front of the semicircle of people. He's shirtless and for some reason I stop in my tracks and give an eye-roll to my own dirty mind.
Holly molly. Oh god shut up.
When I'm done talking to myself inside my head, I go stand next to Octavia and I can't help but take a better look of shirtless Bellamy.
"They're coming to help us" Someone says forcing me to snap out of my mental paradise.
I finally look up to see what everybody is looking at and I see something falling from the sky, a shooting star is the first thing I think of and I get lost in that thought for a second. I look back again and this time I consider what that person from inside the crowd said. It's another dropship, they're coming down… but, are they coming to help us?
"Now we can kick some grounder ass" I hear, from the crowd again.
"Please tell me they brought down some shampoo"
I smile at that comment but my smile drops when I turn to see who said that and I see two girls whose names I don't know. They're standing next to Bellamy, covering their bodies with his blankets.
I feel my cheeks turn to fire, the back of my head starts beating and I get shivers all over my body, I'm angry. That's what I feel when I'm angry and that's exactly how I feel right now.
Why is he such a mind twisting asshole? Why do I feel this way about him and why do I keep thinking I have a chance at all? I zone out for a second and I decide I'm not up for this kind of situations right now, so I try to downplay it.
Bellamy's looking at the sky and for a second I wish I could read his thoughts.
I realize I'm staring too much and just before I look away, we exchange glances and he looks back at the girl who just spoke, then back at me and then back up to the sky.
After a couple seconds, he gets inside one of the tents with a couple more guys, one of them I recognize as Jones.
I turn to Octavia and all I have to do is raise my eyebrows for her to understand we need to go where that thing just dropped.
"Go get ready, I'll talk to Bellamy" Octavia says before getting inside the tent.
I do as she says, getting inside my tent and grabbing my jacket, putting my shoes on, after realizing I was still barefoot, and a knife with some sort of decorative handle Finn made for me with metal from the dropship a couple days ago. My abilities with the knife are pretty bad, to say the least. I haven't had any grounder encounter yet, thankfully, so I haven't really had to use it.
When I'm done, I head to the tent where Octavia is waiting for me, where Bellamy, Jones and the others are reunited, and I get inside.
"We'll head out at first light, pass the word" Bellamy says right after I get inside and everyone leaves the tent except for Octavia, him and I.
Bellamy tries to get outside but Octavia gets on his way.
"Everyone from a hundred miles saw this thing come down" She says to him "What if the grounders get to it first?" she adds, turning to me as if looking for approval.
"Bellamy, we need to get there before some else does" I say, with a blank expression on my face, expecting him to realize I'm mad at him. "They could be sending us food, medical supplies, and we know we're not alone here" I add.
He looks at me, his expression drops for a second and he speaks again, this time looking at the ground.
"I said we wait till sunrise" he says, giving us one final stare and leaving the tent.
"I'm going; I don't care what he says" I say, looking at Octavia, not even being sure of the decision I'm taking.
"Jonathan, I know my brother, he's going and he's doing it now" she says with an overcoming look on his face.
"If you're right, then whatever there is in that thing, he wants it." I say, zipping up my jacket "And I'm not letting him have it"
"Let's go" She says, agreeing with me after staying quiet for a second and just looking at me, impressed for my change of attitude.
We get out of the tent and pretend to be walking around camp and talking while keeping an eye on Bellamy.
"So… what got you in lockup?" Octavia says, and she stops walking, resting her back on a tree and looking at me.
"I tried to steal an oxygen mask from medical for my mom… she was having an asthma attack" I answer, looking down and sitting on the ground next to her feet.
"Did you make it?" She says.
I stay silent, tilting my head back to look up at her and furrowing my eyebrows at her question.
"No, I mean… did she?" She speaks again, reformulating her question.
"No…" I say, looking back down to my feet. "I guess when you're living on a spatial Ark that's secretly running out of oxygen, you can't lose your time with asthmatic people" I add, taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry" Octavia says, sitting down next to me. "I guess you know my story, don't you?"
"Yeah… it was pretty much of a big new when it happened…" I say, looking at her and deciding if it's proper to smile or not. "I was there… at the masquerade party?" I speak again.
"Really? Did you see me?" She says, excited.
"Nah, not really… I mean, how would I know? It was a masquerade party" I say, mocking at her. "But I saw Bellamy" I add, not sure why.
Octavia doesn't say anything and when I turn to look at her, I see her staring at me with a smile on her face.
"What?" I say, furrowing my eyebrows and smiling.
"You know what!"
My smile drops and I feel a wave of heat travel my body. I look away from her.
"Oh come one… it's kinda notable you know?" She speaks again, grabbing my shoulder.
"Can we not? Please?" I beg, noticing my face turning red.
"Fine…. Fine. Just go easy on you. Bellamy can be an asshole sometimes"
I say nothing, looking around camp with my eyes and sitting straight when my eyes catch someone leaving camp out the side door. Bellamy
"Hey!" I say, hitting Octavia's leg with my hand and pointing at the door when I get her attention. "He's leaving" I add. And in a blink of an eye, the two of us are standing up and heading to outside after Bellamy.
The sun starts going out. We're going after him and we're making sure he doesn't notice us at first, but once we get far enough from camp and Bellamy starts walking faster, we decide to take less care of where we step and don't mind being noisy.
We're basically running after Bellamy when Octavia decides to let him know we're following him, even though I'm pretty sure he already knows.
"Bellamy!" She says, and we keep running when he stops in his tracks. "What are you doing?"
"Go back to the camp, is isn't safe" he says, looking at the both of us while we reach him. Not looking surprised to see us, at all.
"You lied to everyone" Octavia says, heavy breathing. "You lied to me… You just want whatever is in that –"
"JUST GO HOME!" Bellamy cuts her off and pushes her, making her collide with me.
"Bellamy fuck off!" I'm stepping in front of Octavia now. "Whatever it is that you're hiding, you're not getting away with it" I say, stepping real close to him now and I can feel his breath accelerating and see his pupils getting bigger.
"You always wanna play the big brother, huh? Octavia starts talking from behind me, and gets closer to him, next to me. "Joke's on me, you're just a selfish dick" She adds, and I turn to look at her, pretty shocked by what she said, even though I can't say she's wrong.
"I did this for you! To protect you!" Bellamy says, stepping away from us and looking at her. "If the Ark find out we're alive, they'll come down and when they do, I'm dead".
My expression goes blank and I start stepping back, leaving Octavia and Bellamy in front of me, since I understand this is not a conversation I should part of.
"What did you do?" Octavia says, and I can notice her expression dropping by the tone of her voice.
"I shot him" Bellamy says, taking a second to inhale and I can tell he's shaking when the air comes altering out of his nose. "I shot Jaha" he adds.
I look away. I can't explain how I feel right now, I can't tell if I'm disappointed, mad, or just scared for whatever that will happen to him if they get down here. I turn and make a few steps away from them, raising both of my arms and resting my hands on top of my head, interlacing my fingers and taking a deep breath. I'm shaking and I try to calm down, telling to myself that I've nothing to do with it, and I shouldn't be this worried about Bellamy. He's... a murderer. NO.
I turn back to them.
"Someone came to me and told me to do it if I wanted to get inside the dropship with you" Bellamy says "I did it for you" he's falling apart.
"You killed the chancellor?" Octavia is stepping away from him, closer to me. "I didn't ask you to do that"
A few seconds pass until Bellamy speaks again with water in his eyes.
"You're right" He says and in a second his expression changes and he's back looking like tough Bellamy again. "I made my choice, this is on me... whatever they sent down, I'll take care of it"
I realize Octavia is in shock, her whole body is shaking and I'm getting closer to her when she speaks again.
"I didn't ask for any of this" her voice cracks. She turns to me, glancing at me for a second and starts walking back to camp.
I'm left alone with Bellamy and he's looking at me. I don't say anything, I just look at him trying to label what I'm feeling but I can't, so I start stepping back and then turn to go after Octavia, leaving him behind.
I try to process all the information in my head as I walk back to camp. I'm looking down to make sure I don't step on any roots and up from time to time just to check for acid fogs or be aware of any sort of mutant animal that may appear – yes, I've been pretty traumatized with that since Clarke told me Finn and her saw a two headed deer the day we got here –.
When I snap out of my thoughts, I realize I don't know where I'm going. I'm not following Octavia as I thought I was, she's nowhere to be seen. I'm alone.
My heart starts accelerating and I hear someone moving around me, or maybe it's in my head, but I don't take chances and I start running.
I'm looking around to see if I can find Octavia and at the same time, making sure I don't get speared by a grounder like Jasper did, according to what Clarke and him told me, and I make a mental note to remind myself not to listen to their stories anymore.
After a few minutes of what feels like running in circles, I still can't find Octavia and I'm not even sure I can make it back to camp. My breathing is accelerating and the back of my neck starts pounding. I take a deep breath to calm myself, afraid that I might pass out if I keep running, so I take a second to recompose.
When I start thinking straight, around fifteen minutes later, I believe I recognize a couple of trees I've seen before behind camp. I follow my instinct and find one of the walls of what I now call home.
I'm grinning like a mad person while walking next to the wall made of large wooden sticks and pieces of metal from the dropship until I get to the front access and start looking for Octavia, unable to stop and just ask anyone if she's here.
I stop in my trails when the idea of her being out there just taking a walk, not lost at all, crosses my mind. But I start walking again, discarding that theory and following my instinct.
I check her tent and she's not there, either is Bellamy so I head to the dropship and I find Jasper and Monty making some kind of bizarre joke about Well's fingers and they jump when they see coming in.
"You're sick" I say, trying to hide my smile and furrowing my eyebrows at them. "Have you seen Octavia around?" I speak again after getting closer to them.
"Nope" they say almost in unison "Not after this morning, but you were there too" Monty adds.
I nod and smile as a way to say thanks and I turn on my heels and leave the dropship.
Once I'm out all I can think about is this is my fault, I should have payed attention to where she was going. I was right after her and now she's lost and Bellamy's gonna hate me and I care, I do care what he thinks of me. I need to f-
"Hey, Jonathan?" Someone says, interrupting my self-destructive thoughts.
I turn around to look at the person speaking to me and I put one of my hands on my forehead, blocking the sun hitting directly on my eyes so I'm able to see who it is. It's Jasper, he's standing outside the dropship, on its liftgate.
"Finn came around a while ago and took, like, four guys with him… I don't know what for but I thought this could help" he says.
"Oh, okay that's… actually helpful" I answer, trying to think what that could mean and putting my hands down, narrowing my eyes because of the sun.
"Is everything alright?" he speaks again.
"Yeah…" I lie. "Yeah everything's fine. Thanks Jasper" I lie again, and watch him get back inside the dropship after sticking his hands in his pockets.
Okay… if Finn came they probably know. Bellamy must have found out and went back into the woods to look for her and Finn – who is probably with Clarke too – came back to camp to get more people to help them, yeah, that makes sense… they already have it sorted out… and all you could manage to do was get lost, you're so stupid Jonathan.
I turn to head to the woods to find Bellamy and help them look for Octavia when I see him coming inside the camp, he's with the group of 'four' people Jasper told me about which ended up being around seven people. I go talk to him and I notice they're all carrying something that look like pieces of control panels, technology from the Ark, and small rockets that I imagine were inside the 'package' they sent down here.
"Bellam-" I star saying, but I get interrupted.
"John! I think you might want to see this" It's Finn, he's talking to me from outside the camp.
I head out and my confused expression softens when I see someone standing outside, talking to Clarke and even though I can't see her face, I recognize the red jacket and the reddish brown hair in a ponytail.
But it can't be, it's not possible. I look back at Finn with a sickly appearance on my face, trying to find out if I'm hallucinating or its real, and my best friend is really standing there.
Finn nods and when I look back, Clarke looks at me and the person talking to her turns to me. Raven.
I'm in shock, my mouth's in an 'O' shape and I only move to open my arms when I see her running towards me and collide with my body in a hug.
"You bastard, you made it!" She speaks, and I feel relieved when I hear her voice, proving me once again that everything is real, and she's standing right in front of me, holding both of my hands.
"H-How…" I begin to say, and I can't stop grinning like an idiot.
"An old Escape Pod… and a really talented mechanic" She says, with a cocky tone in her voice.
I roll my eyes at her.
"You came down here in a one hundred years old metal coffin?" I say, rising my eyebrows. "You're fucking insane" I say and we're back hugging, burying our faces in each other's necks.
"Okay you can talk later, let's get the rocket show started" Finn says, pushing us inside the camp. And updating me with the new 'Ark-Contacting' plan as we go.
"For My Help" by Hayden Calnin
After a couple minutes it's all settled up, the three rocket flares are ready and we get the big logs in place, tied together into some kind of tripod to aim the rockets to the sky.
To be honest, I don't really care if this works or not. I already have, down here, the closest thing I've had to a family since my mom died.
A while later, people start getting the panels connected to fire the flares into the space.
It's all ready, we're standing there, all together, Raven to my right, followed by Finn and Clarke to my left. The rockets are fired and we all look at them going up in the sky.
"Do you think they can see it from up there?" Bellamy says, and I realize he's standing next to me now. But I keep my eyes on the dark sky.
"I don't know; I hope so…" Clarke says.
"Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?" I say, not specifying who I'm talking to and still looking up.
"I wouldn't even know what to wish for…" Bellamy says, looking at me and then back up to the sky "What about you?" he adds.
I don't answer. I look at Clarke instead and I see her staring at Finn and Raven, realizing what is going on there, I purse my lips and also look at Raven, who's now looking back at us with a smile on her face.
"I'm with my family now" I finally answer, almost whispering. "I've nothing to wh-" I stop talking and look down to my feet, as if people could read my mind, when I suddenly remember what I was up to right before Raven got here.
My heart starts beating fast and it feels as if it was about to pop out of my chest, my hands start sweating and the back of my neck catches on fire.
I feel the adrenaline traveling around my body and I speak, almost unconsciously.
"Octavia" I say in a gasp while looking up and turning to Bellamy, who's now looking at me with a dead serious expression on his face.
Notes:
Hope you enjoyed :) x