A/N: I know its late, im sorry real life got in the way ! So I give you this and a promise 2 get the next chapter upwithin 48hrs ! Glad you are all still enjoying, thanks for the reviews they keep me motivated ! DM x
Trigger Warning: Torture
Chapter 9
The first thing Regina noticed when she woke up was that it was not her bed she was in, the mattress was hard and the sheets were rough. The second thing she noticed was the very warm body that was snuggled up next to her, but breathed a sigh of relief when she realised she recognised the woman's scent. Regina cracked her eyes open a little just to confirm her suspicions and it was indeed Ruby lying next to her. What Regina couldn't work out though was how she ended up here, true she had woken up next to Ruby many times before but it was usually after a night of rough or extreme sex and Regina was fairly sure that hadn't happened as she was still wearing her underwear although she was wearing nothing else. Regina nudged Ruby multiple times until the wolf finally woke, when Ruby finally opened her eyes she grinned at Regina glad to see her awake and full of colour again.
"Glad to see your back with the living" Ruby said sleepily.
"Care to explain what you mean and how I ended up here" Regina asked quizzically as she raised herself onto her elbows to look directly at the young wolf she was currently sharing a bed with. Ruby flushed with embarrassment and turned away shyly as she began her explanation.
"Well I kinda heard from one of the servants what happened at dinner and thought you might need someone to talk too, so I went upto your chamber's but you weren't there so I followed your scent upto the rooftop. When I found you, you were unconscious and as cold as ice, so I picked you up and brought you here because I know you wouldn't of wanted anyone to see you that way" Ruby said nervously, hoping she had done the right thing. Regina sensed Ruby's uncertainty and raised Ruby's eyes to meet her own.
"Thank you Ruby, you really are a true friend despite that I don't really deserve it" Regina said with genuine sincerity. Ruby visably relaxed and flopped back down onto the mattress.
"Regina, you were practically at death's door when I found you, what were you doing up there" Ruby asked obviously confused as to why Regina was up there and why she had let herself fall into that state. Regina sighed and flopped back down next to her newfounded friend.
"I was waiting for the blue fairy" Regina said wistfully.
"Did she show ?" Ruby asked confused as to why Regina had sought her out in the first place.
"I'm not sure" Regina replied thoughtfully. "I think so".
"What do you mean, you think so ?" Ruby said now even more confused.
"Well after the events at dinner, I wanted to ask her what fate was playing at so I went up there as that was were the blue fairy came to me before. I waited for hours and by the time she did eventually show up I was pretty out of it, so I'm not sure if I hallincated it or not" Regina said with a shiver, remembering the cold that invaded her body.
"So what did she say ?" Ruby asked excitedly, secretly hoping for some epic life altering revelation and she wasn't disappointed. Regina relayed the blue fairy's message to Ruby word for word...
"...but I don't know what it all means, why does she have to be so cryptic all the time" Regina sighed frustratedly. Ruby looked at Regina with a big goofy grin on her face,
"How is any of that cryptic ?" Ruby said, her tone laced with a little bit of humour.
"What do you mean?" Regina replied suddenly confused.
"You know for someone so smart you really are a dumbass sometimes !" Ruby laughed out, which pushed Regina's buttons a little and she retailated by forcefully pushing Ruby out of the bed.
"Some friend". Regina grumbled irritably as Ruby hit the floor with a yelp ! Seeing the frustration, fear and confusion in Regina's eyes, Ruby calmed herself.
"Look I'm sorry its just think about what you said to me yesterday and think about what the blue fairy said to you last night for a moment" Ruby emphasised her point with a brief pause and once she saw the dawning of finally understanding the blue fairy's message in Regina's eyes, Ruby continued "Go to Emma, go talk to her tell her how you really feel and let her in and when you do I bet your find the answers your looking for" Ruby said with a wisdom Regina was starting to believe in.
"And the Queen ?" Regina asked hopefully.
"Hey I'm not a prophet, but I'm sure your figure out something especially if you and Emma figure it out together" Ruby replied with a hint of the same wisdom. Regina climbed out of bed and helped Ruby back up of the floor and for the first time in year's she hugged someone. Regina pulled away to find a radiant smile on the young wolf.
"Thank you, Ruby" Regina said gratefully.
"Your welcome, now go talk to Emma" Ruby ordered. Regina returned Ruby's smile and gave a small nod. Once she was dressed, she left to find Emma and hopefully her happy ending.
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Regina managed to sneak back to her chamber's unnoticed as the other inhabitants of the castle were only just beginning to rise. When she got there she found Emma still asleep on her bed and on closer inspection she saw Emma's eyes were red and puffy and dried tear streaks on her cheeks. Regina's heart suddenly felt very heavy, the shame and guilt of her actions weighing it down. There was no doubt in Regina's mind now that she loved Emma and yet she abandoned her last night when Emma needed her comfort and support. Regina knew she couldn't make Cora's decision go away, there was no way they could run for it either but somehow she had to make it right, although she had no idea how to do so. Maybe Ruby as right maybe they could figure it out together. Regina sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook Emma's shoulder until two bloodshot eyes finally opened and bore holes in the depths of Regina's soul.
"Emma I'm sorry I woke you but we need to talk" Regina said gently. Emma shifted and sat up with a confused look on her face.
"You came back ?" Emma said in disbelief and Regina's heart felt yet another punch, Emma felt alone and abandoned and once again the blame was solely on Regina.
"Of course I came back, Emma you mean so much more to me than you realise" Regina said with certainty.
"I wish I believed you" Emma muttered staring down at the lose thread she was currently playing with on the bedspread and with those disbelieving words Regina realised it was now or never. Reaching over and stilling Emma's trembling hands with her own.
"Emma there are some things I need to tell you, things I've been afraid to speak of before" Regina said confidently and this time when Emma's gaze connected with Regina's own, Regina saw hope and intrigue which gave Regina the courage to continue...
"It's true what people say about me Emma, I am a monster. I've done some terrible and awful things, things that most people wouldn't be able to live with but I did. I let the darkness hat has surrounded me my entire life invade my soul like a disease until I no longer felt the shame and guilt of my actions, that's when I truly became the Dark Commander". Regina closed her eyes, afraid of what emma could see in them.
"I was ruthless, devoid of emotion, I was nothing but a weapon, a tool used to statisfy the Queen's thirst for power. A few months ago I returned from yet another display of the Queen's control, I realised there was no light left within me, just darkness and I just wanted it all to end" Regina said ashamedly, turning away from Emma as she did so not wanting to see the judgement in her eyes. A tense silence silence started to fill the room as the courage Regina felt earlier started to wain but Emma saw this a gave Regina's had a gentle squeeze in encouragement.
"It was night of my birthday I almost gave in and threw myself off the roof of the castle but fate intervened and sent the blue fairy to me with a message she told me that I had not served my purpose yet and I would see light in my life again. I was beginning to lose faith in what I had been told, then you walked into that tavern and that's when I truly started to believe. Emma your surrounded by light and goodness and I find myself drawn to it like a moth to a flame. Every moment I spend with you, light fills yet another dark corner of my soul and what I realise now is that fate was talking about you Emma. You brought light into my life again and you made me feel in here" Regina said truthfully as she placed Emma's hand over her heart and looked into Emma's bright green eyes.
"When I'm near you my heart feels, even though I had thought it had shrivelled up and died long ago and if I have a greater purpose in this life than what I am now, I know its tied to you. Emma from the moment I rescued you, you became everything to me. I love you Emma and will continue to love until my dying breath but the real question is can you love a monster ?" Regina said her voice finally cracking with insecurity. Regina's confession had sent them both on a fast emotional rollercoaster, and Regina herself now felt broken, scared, bare and insecure. Tears started to well in her eyes and stared down at the blankets as she fearfully waited for Emma's response.
After a few moments Emma's emotional rollercoaster finally stopped, she felt overwhelmed with elation, love, light and happiness. Emma smiled brilliantly and brought her hands up to cup Regina's face gently bringing Regina's eyes to met her own. One set filled with fear and insecurity the other filled with love and adoration.
"Definitely. I already do" Emma said with so much honesty and certainty that the tears in Regina's eyes began to fall freely out of pure joy and relief. Emma gently wiped the tears away before pulling Regina's face gently towards her own and when thier lips finally met it felt like fireworks, a kiss that was soft and tentative at first but was filled with so many promises; a promise of love and support, a promise of shared trust and mutual respect, but it also felt like so much felt the beggining of something epic, like both thier lives truly began in that moment. As the kiss intensified so did they're emotions, every part of them felt connected like two half's of the same soul.
Regina suddenly pulled away and Emma saw fear in Regina's eyes. It was the fear that Regina associated with happiness, for whenever she felt truly happy before it had always been destroyed; mainly by her mother, until eventually she found pleasure in destroying the happiness of others with endless suffering and torment. It helped shape her into the monster her mother wanted her to be and Regina now feared that Cora would destroy her happiness once again by any means possible, but what scared her the most was that even if Cora didn't intervene, her own darkness was more than capable of destroying her own happiness if she lost control of it.
At first Emma was startled by Regina's sudden departure, she was revealing in the emotions she now knew they both felt. She felt like she had found her destiny, like the connection they felt was worth more than life itself but when she saw the fear and vulnerability in Regina's eyes it unnerved her.
"Regina, what's wrong ?" Emma asked hesitantly. Regina could see the love and compassion in Emma's eyes and panicked.
"Emma, I can't... We can't.." Regina started to say before Emma interuppted her.
"Regina, its OK we've found each other now, we can do this together" Emma said with absolute belief.
"No Emma we cannot" Regina said abruptly slamming her walls back up and retreating back behind the Dark Commander.
"Don't do that" Emma said angrily. "Don't hide from me" Emma said as she roughly grabbed Regina's hands as the commander began to walk away from Emma once more. "I love and trust you Regina and I'm not scared of you or this connection we share but you need to trust me and trust that I will love you no matter what happens" Emma said with so much love and honesty, that Regina knew she either had to let Emma in now or would she would push her away forever.
"Emma I'm so scared, I just don't know we are going to get through this. I'm engulfed by darkness's, a darkness you've barely scratched the surface of. Thiers only so much control I have over it and I don't want to hurt you Emma" Regina said fearfully, scared by her own awareness of what she was capable of.
"I have heard that stories of what you have done and what you are capable of and yet I'm still here, I'm still falling in love with you" Emma said honestly, relieved that Regina was finally letting her in and not running away.
"Hearing it and seeing it are two very different things Emma" Regina muttered dejectedly avoiding Emma's eyes again. Suddenly a lightbulb went on in Emma's mind. She needed to prove to Regina that Regina could trust her, that she could let Emma in and Emma needed to prove that she wasn't scared of Regina and of what Regina was capable of and suddenly clambered out of bed.
"Then show me !" Emma said demandingly, as she went to stand in front of Regina with determination in her eyes.
"What ?!" Regina spluttered disbelievingly, automatically thinking Emma's was asking her to hurt her.
"I said show me !" Emma repeated with an authoritive tone.
"I will not hurt you on purpose, Emma !" Regina snapped angerily and rose to her feet. Emma stepped forward and quicky kissed Regina softly.
"That's not what I meant" Emma explained with a little hint of humour and almost immediately Regina understood what Emma had actually meant and felt a little idiotic for jumping to such an extreme conclusion.
"Fine, I will but Emma please know that I am still the commander and I have a job to do. Some of which I know you will not like" Regina said, not sure if they should do this or not, as there where many aspects of the commander Regina wished for Emma to never see but also knew that if she truly wanted to be with Emma then she needed to see and know who Regina really was.
"I know Regina and I'm not afraid. I love you and want to know and love all of you including the darker parts if yourself" Emma said sincerely with a bashful smile. Regina pulled Emma into her arms and hugged her tightly, Regina doubted she we ever understand how Emma always knew what she was thinking and feeling.
"I love you too" Regina murmured into soft blonde waves and held Emma just that little bit tighter.
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They decided over breakfast that Emma would accompy Regina to her duties and rounds in the morning, then in the afternoon she would show Emma around some other parts of the castle before Regina had to attend a council meeting at dinner.
First they went to the barracks so Regina could check on the arrangements for her men, as her army should be returning that evening or in the early hours of tomorrow, as soon as she was statisfied they then continued into the training grounds so Regina could get a progress report on the new recruits for her army. Once they reached there, Regina immediately set of to find Braxas, when they found him Emma immediately felt nervous around the large, well built man who bore the battlescars of a lifetime of combat and loyalty. Braxas was one of Regina's most experienced and skilled generals, until he lost the sight in one eye during a particular nasty battle at which point he was retired from the battlefield and instated as Captain of the barracks by Regina as well as being in charge of equipment and training. After brief introductions Braxas lead them round the training yards giving status and progress reports on all the troops starting with the newest and ending with the few recruits that could join Regina's army when they departed on thier next mission.
Upon reaching the final group, Emma noticed that there was about 15-20 recruits of both sexes, mixed races and ages, although most seemed to be in their early to mid twenties. Regina asked Braxas to line up the recruits for inspection. Emma stood quietly at the sidelines, watching, Regina in true commander mode as she walked up and down the rows, Braxas providing a personal report on each recruit until Regina caught something she didn't like out of the corner of her eye. At the end of the row was a well built young man who was utterly distracted by Emma who was beginning to look slightly bored, Regina paused and silently pointed the man out to Braxas before continuing with there progression down the line. By the time they reached the man he was so lost in his sick fantasy's about what he could do to Emma, he hadn't even registered that Braxas and the commander where stood in front of him and Regina's blood boiled when she caught the dark, lustful and predatory look in his eyes. How dare he ?! Emma was hers !
"Name !" Regina snarled at him, gaining both his and everyone else's attention including Emma's. The man snapped back in line at full attention before speaking weakly.
"Michael, Commander" He replied. Regina punched him hard in the stomach without warning causing him to double over in pain before dropping to his knees.
"Don't you ever look at a woman that way, in my presence ever again, you worthless scum, now get to your feet !" Regina ordered angerily. The man struggled momentarily to get back onto his feet and it was only when he finally managed it, that the Commander spoke again, this time addressing the whole group whilst maintaining eye contact with the man she was infuriated by.
"As soldiers, you have but one job and that is to follows orders. Failure to do so will result in methods of punishment and discipline." Regina informed them authoritively. "Captain, please tie this man to the whipping post" Regina ordered nonchantely. The young man in question began to freak out, as shock and fear overcame his senses.
"What... You can't... I didn't..." The man shrieked as Braxas started dragging him through the courtyard and began to tie him to the whipping post. Regina ordered the rest of the group to line up to witness what the cost of disobience within her ranks would be.
"This man disobeyed a direct order, he broke from attention to lust after something that does not belong to him" Regina said, adding venom at the last part, which Emma didn't miss. Regina turned her attention back to the recruits as she addressed them. "Distraction on the battlefield, can cost you your life. Remember that !" Regina said as Braxas had finishing tieing up the man and was now on his way back to her, whip in hand. After Braxas handed over the whip, Regina tested it a few times before unleashing her rage upon the young man's back, rage provoked by a simple lustful stare at something that was hers alone. The whip tore through the man's flesh with ease and after a few strikes, Regina felt her rage start to dissipate. She paused briefly to look at the recruits, true there were a few pale faces but they all stood perfectly in line and at complete attention. Lesson learnt. Regina walked over to stand in front of the group before picking one out randomly.
"Name" Regina ordered.
"Frederick, Sir" The man replied dutifully. Regina smiled a little at the man's slip up, it had always amused her when people addressed her this way, before handing out the whip to him.
"10 more lashes" Regina ordered. Frederick nodded nervously as he took the whip from Regina and took up his position. Ready and waiting. Regina moved to one side and nodded at him to begin.
Emma watched the scene play out before her with shock and horrified bewilderment. The stench of flesh blood, the crack of the whip and the sounds of ripping flesh made Emma feel sick and pale. Braxas had come to stand next to Emma a while ago but she had been so transfixed in what was taking place in the centre of the courtyard, she had yet to notice him. Braxas watched the tirade of emotions play across the young woman face.
"She's a good teacher, you know" Braxas said honestly, achieving his goal by refocusing Emma's attentions away from the cruel punishment she had been fixated on.
"Good ?! How is any of this good ?" Emma asked in disbelief. Braxas snorted at Emma's innocence.
"Well in the last ten minutes, she has taught these recruits three very important lessons" Braxas stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Which are?" Emma asked with doubtful curiousity.
"Well the first lesson, is the most obvious one : disobeying a direct order will be severely punished. Second ; distraction can cost you greatly especially in battle and thirdly ; that we all must follow orders even if we don't like or agree with them. Granted at times the Commander's methods may seem a little harsh but they immediately gain the men's respect and obedience. There isn't a single soldier in the Commander's army that wouldn't be proud to fight and die for her, whether it was alongside her or under her orders, and that is what makes the Commander a great leader" Braxas explained helping Emma to come to understand Regina's actions a little better, although still thought that the level of violence was unnessercary, but that had more to do with the way the man's punishment was still assaulting all her senses.
Regina glanced over to where Emma and Braxas stood, her old general obviously trying to explain something but Emma's focus had shifted back to the whipping before her, resulting in Emma looking rather sick and pale again. While noting Emma's obvious distress and also the fact that the young man in question was starting to !ose consciousness Regina decided that the lesson was over.
"That's enough" Regina ordered. Frederick ceased his actions and stepped back, releasing a nearly inaudible sigh of relief. "Captain" Regina said and in a flash Braxas was back by her side. "Make sure this man is taken to the healer's quarters"Regina ordered before turning her attention back to the group of recruits. "I hope you all learned something today" Regina asked rhetorically. "You are all dismissed". With that Regina turned and walked back over to a very pale Emma who was still standing silently at one side of the courtyard.
"Come we are done here" Regina ordered still in her commander mode although cringed inwardly at the way she just addressed her true love. They didn't speak again in until they were far enough away from the training yards that the clattering if swords sounded someway off in the distance.
"Emma, are you OK?" Regina asked nervously, as it was unlike the blonde to be quiet this long.
"I'm fine" Emma shot back unconvincingly.
"Obviously your not" Regina said with a little irritation hidden amongst the concern. "I'm sorry you had to witness such disclipline " Regina added a little more apologetically, than irritated.
"It's OK Regina, honestly" Emma said a little more believingly. "I asked for this remember".
"Yes but asking and seeing are two very different things. I would understand if you are not OK with what you just witnessed" Regina said softly, Emma saw a flash of vulnerability in Regina's eyes, a vulnerability caused by Regina's fear of being rejected and abandoned, doomed to a life of darkness. Emma knew she had to be strong, but she wouldn't lie to the woman she loved either.
"Maybe I'm not OK, but I will be I promise and I know you were only doing your job" Emma said with understanding. "I'm not running yet, and I still love you" Emma said sincerely and smiled sweetly at the brunette. Regina let out a relieved sigh and managed a small smile of her own.