This is NOT a MST!

Warnings!: Okay, guys. Because there are so many wacky, and sometimes just plain cracked up pairings, out there in the Naruto fanfiction universe, I've taken it to the next level and decided to take a fun poke at all of them! I mean no harm to anyone who ships a certain pairing, nor am I here to insult anyone. I'm simply taking all the Naruto characters and their respective pairings, putting their personalities into the stories and making them react as they really would. If you are going to be oversensitive and overprotective about your pairing and you know that you will flame me to death, please don't read! This is only for fun and nothing else!

A/N: As I said, this chapter will make you feel rather sick and nauseous! Don't question my sanity, it doesn't exist anymore. Enjoy a nice, random crack pairing!

Anything in bold from now on will be the character's true personality and their own words and thoughts. I only forced them into these situations, so have fun seeing how they react to my script!

Also, whenever they seem to be talking to you, as in referring to the story/ script, they are actually insulting me, the plot creator.

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A certain Jounin was strolling down the murmuring streets of Konoha. Cigarette smoke fluttered around him as he walked at a somewhat lazy speed. His hands were in his pockets and he was simply enjoying the pleasant day. As he turned the corner, he turned his head a bit to see behind him.

Since he wasn't aware of what was in front of him, he was rather surprised when he impact as he rounded the turn. "Oh!" he exclaimed, quickly looking to who or what he just bumped into. My first cameo in your wacko story and I crash into someone? That isn't very nice! "I'm sorry about that," he apologized.

Pale, pupil-less eyes gazed back up at him. "It… It's okay…" A deep blush was swept across her face as she stood up with the help of Asuma's outstretched hand. Ah… How embarrassing!

"Are you okay?" the man asked as he lifted up the girl. Do I know her?

"I'm fine…" Hinata said quietly, she looked at the ground and found a small parcel wrapped in a handkerchief. "I'm glad this is okay…" she said under her breath. Umm… Umm… What is this again?

Asuma smiled widely. "I'm glad! Sorry for bumping into you like that!" he apologized again. No, seriously, do I know her?

I don't understand what we're doing here… She laughed lightly, her right hand covering her mouth a bit and her left hand still clutching onto the parcel. "It's alright. I was looking for you anyway…" I was?

If this pairing is what I think it is, then you have the most twisted mind ever. "Hm? Ah… Sorry… I can't recall when we have met before! Who are you again?" he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Hyuuga Hinata," she told him, blushing even deeper. But wasn't that completely irrelevant to what I was saying? Her warm eyes looked up at him.

"Oh, you're from Kurenai's team, right? Team … Eight, was it?" It still doesn't ring a bell…

Hinata nodded slightly. "I… I wanted to give you this, Asuma-sensei…" she held up the parcel and offered it to him politely. But why am I giving him something? I barely even know him…

"Thank you," he thanked, somewhat puzzled. This isn't a trap or something is it? He took the parcel and pulled at the bow at the top, loosening the tie and allowing the cloth to fall from the top of the box. He held a black box that was ornately decorated with golden filigrees. This looks expensive. How much can I sell it for?

"I… I… um… Thought that you might like some sweets?" Hinata looked away shyly and began clutching her hands nervously. Do I always act like this?

Asuma let out a hearty laugh. "You came all the way over here to give me some sweets?" he smiled good humouredly. What kind of idiot would do that? I don't even see how in the world you came up with this pairing, you sicko.

Once again, Hinata nodded, bravely looking up to see if the man liked her gift. I've realized why Naruto-kun always comes back from your jobs fuming… Why did I even accept the job offering?

"Hmm… Since you are so kind to me, I suppose I should treat you to something as well! To thank you for this and to apologize for knocking you over! Are you free today?" Great, now I can join the "Pedophile Club" along with Kakashi… Thanks a lot…

"Yes, I'm free for today…" Hinata looked up expectantly and smiled in her own gentle way. Even I must admit that this is vile…

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"Hmm… It's such a beautiful day today, isn't it, Hinata?" Asuma queried as they walked down a field covered in blooming flowers.

"Ah," she nodded slightly and wore her faint but ever-present smile. Her hands were clasped in front of her as the two of them walked down a path. Where do you create these scenes from? I don't even think they exist in Konoha…

"Still…" he took a long puff from his cigarette and looked down at the young girl next to him. Oh geez, this isn't going to be good… I have that ominous feeling…

"Hm?" the girl glanced up questioningly at the Jounin. Is it too late to quit right now? Oh… This isn't good!

Asuma smiled again before continuing his sentence. "Still… This day isn't as beautiful as you are, Hinata…" Not only do I find this sick and wrong, I have to point out that it makes no sense. Just so you know.

Hinata stumbled back a bit, a blush turning her face redder than rust. Wait, that's not a good shade of red… Hm… Blood? Gory… Gah, go find your own simile or something, geez…

Uh… Yeah… I agree with what Asuma-sensei just said…

"HO!"

The two of them snapped back and looked around quickly. Who was that?

Jiraiya leapt out of a spot from the field of flowers. His finger was pointing accusingly at the two of them. "You two!"

"It's not what you think it is!" Asuma threw his hands up quickly, trying to look innocent.

"What are you talking about?" He glanced between the two of them. "I'm here to save you from the terrible fate of the end of the chapter! Naruto told me about everything! He couldn't devise a good way to jump into the story and 'ruin' it, so I'm here!" Jiraiya whipped his head around, looking for something. "With… A frog!" he pulled one out of his pocket.

"Uh…" Asuma and Hinata looked at him.

"It's a good distraction! Watch…" he threw the frog into the field. "Now, while everyone's looking at that frog fly, run away! Go, run away from this chapter!"

And so they did.

Look, there has to be a way to keep people from ruining my stories or running away from them, right? I'm going to find a way to do this! And Jiraiya isn't even supposed to show up until later! Waaay later! Darn them all! Sorry guys, all my chapters are getting messed up because of them!