This is NOT a MST!

Warnings!: Okay, guys. Because there are so many wacky, and sometimes just plain cracked up pairings, out there in the Naruto fanfiction universe, I've taken it to the next level and decided to take a fun poke at all of them! I mean no harm to anyone who ships a certain pairing, nor am I here to insult anyone. I'm simply taking all the Naruto characters and their respective pairings, putting their personalities into the stories and making them react as they really would. If you are going to be oversensitive and overprotective about your pairing and you know that you will flame me to death, please don't read! This is only for fun and nothing else!

A/N: Wow, I take forever to upload this thing! Whatever, have fun.

Anything in bold from now on will be the character's true personality and their own words and thoughts. I only forced them into these situations, so have fun seeing how they react to my script!

Also, whenever they seem to be talking to you, as in referring to the story/ script, they are actually insulting me, the plot creator.

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The cell was dark. Damp. Cold. Moldy. Unpleasant. Disgusting. Quiet… Silent…

And there were chains. Icy, metal chains. Rusted chains. Chains that held one to the wall.

The mossy wall. The slimy wall. Stone walls. Metal bars. A cell.

A person.

A boy.

A man.

What the heck am I doing here? Sasuke woke up and looked around his surroundings. "Wh-where am I?" he rasped. The chains that held his arms clanged as he moved.

"You're finally awake… Little brother…" Aren't I supposed to be somewhere else right now? Priorities…

He looked up weakly. There was a shadow. A looming shadow. A familiar shadow. "Aniki…" After all that he did to our clan, should I seriously still call him that?

A laugh echoed through the small cell. "So you haven't forgotten this older brother of your's… Sasuke…" Haha, that's hilarious. How could he forget? I killed our entire family, idiot!

… Yeah, actually, he has a point, y'know… "Aniki… Please, let me go… Please…" Sasuke's desperate voice mingled in with Itachi's ever lingering laugh.

"Why are you in such a hurry to get out of here? Don't you miss your brother?" Itachi's robe rustled onto the cold concrete floor as he walked closer to Sasuke. Once again, why would he miss me?

… I hate you.

I hate you too, Sasuke, now shut up and follow the script. Who wrote this thing anyway?

An idiot. Whom everyone seems to love for some reason…

Sasuke shuddered as his brother crouched in front of him and looked at him. He turned away.

"Look at me Sasuke. It's so impolite of you to look away," Itachi commanded.

The younger boy refused to look at his brother. He shivered in the cold. The harsh metal against his skin wasn't comfortable. Blood could not reach his legs, which were tucked under him in an awkward position. Itai, that hurts man… Make me move around or something…

Haha, Sasuke-chan's suffering! Itachi growled and grabbed Sasuke's chin. Forcefully, he pulled his head until they were looking at each other eye to eye.

"Sasuke-chan"? What is wrong with you? Sasuke could feel the air around him turn even colder as he met his brother's gaze. His lips were quivering in fear.

A smile rested on Itachi's lips as he looked at his brother 'lovingly'. "What's wrong? Is something scaring you, little brother?"

No, it's just your breath. Sasuke's head dropped when Itachi's hand left his chin and he stood up again. His skin came alive with goosebumps as the cloth of his robe brushed by.

"You have no idea how much trouble I went through to get you here…" The man was no longer facing the younger boy. His back was to him as he stared out of the broken bars that kept the boundaries of the cell. I kept telling Kisame that knocking you out was easier, but no he kept insisting that shaving off your leg would be better… Be thankful, idiot.

He needs therapy… "Why?" Sasuke's voice came out in shards. It broke and cracked even in that single syllable.

"Don't you know, Sasuke?" How many times do I have to repeat his name? He turned around and glared down at his little brother again.

Sasuke weakly tilted his head up as well, the chains clinking against each other again. Ink black eyes examined each other. Finally, Itachi blinked slowly and began laughing again. Haha, Itachi, I won the staring contest!

"You really don't know. How stupid are you, little brother?" Very stupid, huh?

That was a rhetoric question… Why were you answering it anyway? Sasuke's weak breathing filled the cell as he waited. Each passing second felt like hell. He was so weak, so tired…

"It's such a shame seeing you like this," Itachi veered off the original topic. Itachi veered off topic huh? That's some lame excuse for dragging this chapter for longer than intended. His face was riddled with the shadows that filled the cell. There was barely any light to begin with.

It was Sasuke's turn to let out a feeble laugh. "Like you really care?"

"Of course I do." No, I don't.

No, you don't. Sasuke's eyes widened at the statement. "Liar…" his eyes began to fill with tears. I. Don't. Cry.

Whoa, you're actually making him cry. Creepy. "I'm not lying, Sasuke," Itachi turned to face him again. "You still don't know the reason, Sasuke?"

Through his blurry vision, Sasuke shook his head. The salty liquid fell from his eyelashes and traveled down his cheeks where they glistened. I haven't cried like this… since I cut up those garlic last week. Geez, too much eyedropper!

What, did you want them to stab you in the eye instead? Lots of tears and blood as well.

I'll pass.

"Ignorant brother of mine…" Itachi swiftly walked back over to him. He bent down and held his face in his hand. Wow, they put this much makeup on you, huh? Grime and tears mixed together into an indescribable mess.

Look who's talking, Mr. I Wear Girly Purple Nail Varnish. Sasuke cried uncontrollably. His shoulders shook as he stared back into Itachi's eyes.

"I've always loved you, little brother… But it was something more than brotherly love," Itachi whispered into his ear. First you put Hinata and Asuma together…

I think I prefer being paired up with Naruto, thank you very much… This is much worst than that… Urk… I'm going to be sick for a while. The younger Uchiha's eyes shone with tears and hope.

Itachi leaned in closer to Sasuke's quivering lips. His eyelashes fanned out as he closed his eyes. Sasuke's breath became more rapid.

The wall next to them was broken down point zero two seconds before they actually kissed.

"Hey! You two. Uchiha Itachi and Sasuke, right?" Orange hair flamed through the dark cell.

Itachi stood up and looked at the new person.

"Heeey, you're from Bleach! What the heck are you doing here? You're not even supposed to be here!" Sasuke yelled.

"Look, I was just hired to break this thing okay. You really want to make out with your brother?" Ichigo took Zangetsu off his shoulder and pointed it at Itachi.

Sasuke shook his head.

"Okay then, I'm getting you out of here," the orange haired boy slashed at the flimsy chains that held Sasuke and pulled him up. "You coming too?" he asked Itachi.

"Sure, I think I chipped a nail off all that…"

And so they all left from the giant gaping hole in the cell.

And… I'm left without a pairing again. Geez, where did Ichigo come from? (sigh) I'm going to have to hire guards for this thing if people keep interrupting my perfectly awesome plots!