They had been worried about her kidneys at the clinic, because of her eating disorder.

They had force feed her.

They had her on a heart monitor.

She had tubes and needles everywhere.

She looked awful.

She was 85 pounds, 39 kilo when she came in.

They had never seen anything like it at the clinic. She had been admitted by force.

She hated every single second of her four long months at the clinic.

She hated not deciding what she put in her own body, she hated the therapist sessions, having to put name on her feelings when she had none, she hated not being able to take cocaine, she hated gaining weight.

Most of all she hated herself.

She had lost control.

She had lost herself.

She had put herself in that state and she was the only one to blame. She had promised herself she would never get this far. She had so many times over so many years promised herself that this would never happen.

She could have died.

It would have been better.

It had been decided that the safest place for here to be in this state was with a close relative.

Deidara had turned her down. He still had a business to run and he was right. He couldn't stop working.

Ino had not had much contact with her father since she left. The calls had become further and further apart.

Her dad was proud of his daughter, seeing her on billboards and in magazines. He loved his daughter, he just did not know how to act around her. He never knew what she needed growing up without a mother. He would never be her mother so he also stopped being her father.

He just let her do what she wanted. If she wanted to buy the dress with the deepest cleavage, he would pay for it.

If she wanted to stay out all night partying he would give her money for a cab so she would get safe home and looked away.

He never said no to her, he never gave her boundaries.

He was the town sheriff, but his daughter never had to follow any laws.

Ino found an empty seat on the Greyhound bus. She had brought plenty to drink with her on her trip and some carrots if her stomach would start had also brought a huge stack of fashion magazines.

Had it been a few months ago she was sure she would have been in all of them.

Now she was on a break they had called it.

They couldn't say it as it was. She was too skinny to work with. She wouldn't sell.

She would not get any contracts before she gained some weight. She knew that, but she was not ready to deal with it.

She was scared the bones beneath her skin would disappear. She ran her fingers over her bones, counted each of her ribs and let her finger fly over her collar bone. Satisfaction. Perfection. Hard beneath.

She wondered what her hometown looked like, it had been years.

She wondered what was new, and what had stayed the same.

She wondered who had changed and how they would treat her.

Her hometown had always been small and three years behind.

She considered herself an artist.

Though she did not make music or paintings, she felt like an artist.

She made any clothing look good on her body.

She created trends and everyone adored her.

Ino had always thought that she had the perfect life. That everything in her life was perfect as she was.

She was not, but she could not see that.

She could not see that she had become nothing but a shell of a human being, a pale image of the girl who left the place she was returning to.

Several hours after her journey started the bus pulled over and stop. She had to take the train from here on and out.

Entering the train she felt free and more at ease. It didn't spoil her mood that the train was crowded. She would sit next to a window on those quadruple seats that had a table.

Walking up and down a few times she realized there was nothing free. She had to sit next to someone.

She saw someone in the back sleeping. He had pulled his jacket over his head and sat down next to the person.

She was exhausted traveling and almost envied the sleeping pile.

She had contemplated breaking up her traveling and spending the night at the hotel. She decided against it last minute. She made herself comfortable in her seat and dozed off.

The noises around me woke me up.

I had almost forgotten that sound. I had not heard it in so long. Not since I was a child. It was coming from the opposite next to me.

The stranger was eating chips. He pulled his jacket off his head.

He looked half decent. Half decent mind you.

It did not look like he had shaved at all this week, his dark hair in a messy pony tail. There was something familiar with that hairstyle and she had only seen one other living person wear their hair like that.

Worst of all he handed me the bag of chips.

I almost threw up, felt it riding up my throat. I shook my head.

"Some things never change."

He sounded just the same and he was nagging about the same things as always.

He ate on, the crisps must have been the noisiest ever produced and the smell was nauseating, BBQ.

It smelled like my hometown, it reminded me of my childhood, growing up when I as a disgusting child would eat such garbage.

I started looking through one of my magazines. I found a picture of myself and smiled. The beautiful flowery Vera Wang fluttered around me like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I loved my life back in New York.

I would get through the summer, gain some weight and go back pretending to be healed and healthy.

This time I would never move back to my hometown again.

"I know you've gotten famous and all, but it is still very rude not to greet old friends, Cover Girl."

I took my Prada sunglasses off to take a closer look on him. I certainly knew this boy, I had been right all along.

It was Nara, Shikamaru.

The boy I had bugged nagged on and bothered all through high school and he had rewarded the favor.

"What's it to you?"

I spat then laughed and hugged him. He was soft and warm. Soft and warm, two words I no longer used to describe even smelled like the same fabric softener his mother used when he was a child.

In my world they were bony or muscular and they all smelled heavily of this seasons perfume.

I wouldn't have believed falling into bad habits would be so easy.

I hadn't believed we would have been able to pick up where we had left it. I didn't believe his condensating eyes gazing at my body would make me feel ashamed.

The train pulled into the station before I was ready.

Shikamaru was one of the first of the train probably sick of my company already hating that he had to see me again. Hating that I was back. I would leave him alone again soon enough.

I walked off taking in the country air. I had almost expected it to smell of hick and cow shit. It didn't. It smelled clean.

"Is your dad picking up, taking a cab?"

Shikamaru was scratching the back of his head and stretching at the same time.

"I'm supposed to call my daddy."

I smiled. Shikamaru sighed. It wasn't like he could leave me all alone on the dangerous, soon to be deserted station.

"I got a car parked here, I could drop you off or something if you don't want to come see the gang. They'll be happy to see you."

There was still a gang and they still hung out together.

"Does the car have a mirror?"

I had to fix my make-up before seeing anyone. Bumping into Shikamaru in this state was embarrassing enough.

He shrugged and I went over to get my luggage and he to get his car.

"Are you moving here permanently?! Four huge ass suitcases!"

He screamed looking at my luggage.

"I'm staying the whole summer, that's months! I packed light!"

That should explain everything but he would never understand seeing he'd never owned more than six outfits at a time. I had left much more than I had brought he should have been pleased about that.

"You're even more work now than before you moved out off here."

He would know. He had dealt with my messes so many times. He started throwing my luggage in the car.

"Careful, it's Louis Vuitton. Not that you would know or care."

They cost more than his car and he was throwing them around like they were bought at JC Penny.

"I'm doing you a huge favor, remember that."

I narrowed my eyes, he was mocking me. He wasn't doing me a favor at the present time. He was torturing me.

I got in the car. It smelled rather musk. I got up my make-up kit out of my bag.

"Why does woman think they need that shit?"

Shikamaru asked me. It was obviously that looking good was not a concern of his. He had never needed to. He had always relied on his brains.

"To bring out beauty in every corner and crinkle of my face."

I smacked my lips after adding lip-gloss. I put my glasses back on even if it the sun had gone down, I was tired.

"We're going to the BBQ,"

Shikamaru explained what didn't need explaining. I nodded. I was more concerned about my clothes than were we were going. I should have worn my six inch heels, not the four and a half ones. I should not have dressed so comfortably in my Lanvin jumpsuit. It was black with a high waist, on the top it was golden beneath the lace. It was beautiful, but it did not have the wow-factor I had wanted.

Some childish part of me still needed to be better than Sakura. Leaving me to hope I made an impression when I walked in the restaurant.

High heels, designer clothes, glowing skin, luscious long blond hair and a body I almost died for.

I walked like I would on the red carpet. I slowly pulled my sunglasses off and smiled in front to the group Shikamaru had showed me to. There was nothing natural about me and I loved it. I was a supernatural being. I wasn't like them and would never be.

The group contained two new girls and a guy. I smiled as wide as my face would allow me and blinked with my eyelashes. I had gotten extensions and straightened them before I left the city, I had desperately missed the spa locked down in the clinic. It had been good practice for this summer trying to look at the bright side.

I heard one of the new girls say wow. I made sure they saw my Hermes bag and they did.

"No way pig! Is that the Crocodile red Birkin bag?!"

Sakura yelled out. I could feel the awe in her tone and see the envy in her eyes.

"Oh yes, I got it as a thank you for a shoot I did for Hermes. It's still a wait list on it, forehead girl."

The pig stung deep, but I did not let it show and answered like I was talking about the weather and not a $200.000 purse. It gave me great satisfaction that she had noticed my purse, it did not look like she had even bothered to bring one herself.

"The new guy is Sai, then there's Tenten that we went to school with if you remember her and last and most importantly, my girlfriend Temari."

A genuine smile appeared on his face.

Tenten was like I remembered her, but without braces. She still was not up to my standard. She looked sweet and innocent, brown hair in buns, cute face, pink shirt. She did had potential, I had to give her that.

Temari had spiky hair like her boyfriend in the color of sand, boring and out of style in other words. Her dress was in a pale pink and she had, ew, fishnet stockings. I could not believe she used fishnet stockings with that dress.

Sai was like a less hot and pale version of Sasuke, wasn't really more to say.

"Has anyone ever told you that you were the most beautiful thing they've ever seen?"

this Sai guy asked. I smiled again.

"It's more or less daily occurrence, but thank you."

I must come across as a stuck up, arrogant and spoiled bitch, just like in high school. I did not mind, this is how I wanted to come off. Better than them in every single way. I wanted to be feared and looked up to. I didn't come here to make friends.

It helped on the sting seeing Sakura and Sasuke sitting next to each other had made. I did not know the deal with them yet. I would not allow myself to ask about it, I would pretend to care so little that I did not even notice them. That they had not broken my heart and made feel worthless, like they were not responsible for the worst day in my life I would never admit that.

Worst day in my life pre heart stop, that was a new personal best.

The group made room for Shikamaru and me. I sat at the edge.

"I do not know about you guys, but I'm starving!"

Naruto yelled out. Nothing new there.

The waiter slowly made his way over to our table. His name tag read Neji. Everyone ordered dinner and a few even appetizers. They were all insane. Did they not care about themselves?

"I was a cup of black coffee, no milk and absolutely no sugar or cream whipped or liquid and a cup of green tea, no sugar, no cream, no milk and no honey. Just coffee and tea, no sugar or sweetening."

He raised his eyebrow at my order. It wouldn't surprise me if he spat in my cup after that order. I just needed to be sure that my drinks were given to me plain.

I told the group that traveling so far had made my stomach upset. The Temari girl told it as it was, she wasn't shy.

"It's a known for fact that model girls like you don't eat! You don't know how to enjoy yourself,"

Shikamaru sent her a look. I was shocked because it was true and she had called it. The part about not enjoying themselves was wrong though. I had never been more pleased in my life.

I was sure Shikamaru already had put two and two together. He might not have been the one I spent the most time with before I left, but he was the one who understood me the most. He was the one who was always there for me. I was sure he already knew without even touching the subject.

"Itachi is coming down next week; he said he hadn't seen you in months, Ino."

It was Sasuke speaking. I had not told Itachi that I had left town, I had hardly told anyone. They slowly figured though, it was not like I had tried to hide where I had ended up. He should have known why he hadn't seen me in a while. Word did get around and I had done my part spreading it.

"I know. I went to rehab. It was kinda messy so there was no going away party to put it that way."

Everyone who knew me seemed shocked, but not like they hadn't expected this of me. To come home a loser, a failure with my tail between my legs.

They thought I didn't have what it took when it turned out I had too much of it.

"Ino pig!"

Sakura yelled. She was against anything fun and wrong. Always had been and always would be.

"It was just some coke, guys relax."

It had just been some coke every day, several times a day the month before my heart had stopped.

There's no time for rest if you want to be a success.

The food came before anyone said anything else. I decided to eat something when they ordered their main, I ordered a salad without dressing, no cheese and croutons of any kind.

I hated eating out and not knowing what I ate. I hated people watching me knowing what I ate and how much. I could not stand anyone looking at me.

The tea had zero calories, the coffee two and the salad would have around 50.

I still had control. I would have to eat some more when I got home when I was alone.

I had gotten a meal plan for the clinic that I had no intention of even trying to follow, it was crazy.

There was some small chitchat around the table. Apparently Naruto had started dating some unknown girl, Kiba was dating the cousin of waiter Neji, Tenten had some interest for Neji but he never paid her attention. By the way he looked I was not shocked that he would not notice a girl.

Shikamaru and Temari was an item, Sai seemed to be single or else I felt sorry for his girlfriend.

"We're having a summer wedding!"

Sakura screamed at me. I almost shattered. All through high school we had argued and fought about Sasuke. Now that she had him, it felt like I had lost. I had promise never to let myself lose in love to Sakura. It didn't matter that I had no interest in Sasuke, what mattered that I didn't have him.

I could do nothing but smile and congratulate her, the rock on her ring was huge. I was surprised I had not seen it earlier.

Sasuke's family had old money. Itachi's mother had supported him in the start when he moved out of New York. His father had not liked it, thought it was a foolish thing to do. I bet he was eating his own words now.

In my world wedding rings where just as much worth as a fake Chanel purse and nobody paid any attention to the whole meaning of marriage.

I knew I did not.

I had been with married men with no guilt about it, not my table.

"How about you Ino-pig, you came here alone."

Sakura was gloating.

"Oh, he's back in the big city. You guys we have the cutest story of how we met! My model friend had gotten an invitation to an exclusive party. I stumbled in where I instantly saw him. He was talking business, but we kept catching each other's eyes. When he was done talking to them he tried to hit on me, even if I was new in the game and frankly quite fat. He used to do that to all the new girls, to see who was worthy of his time. I ran for it, I just dashed. So he ended up using over a week to track me down, and when he did find me he invited me to his office. He's a photographer, and we've been lovers and co-workers ever since. I owe everything to him and he's so ah!.."

I ended in a childish way leaving out snorting coke in a bathroom and open zippers and erections. The truth was that we were slipping apart since I went away. He fueled my inner demons, but I hope I had Sakura beat.

I knew I did, there was a purpose to telling how we had met. She had met Sasuke crying covered in mud. He had been part of the group bullying her.

"Your life seems perfect!"

Tenten said mesmerized by my stories of famous people and fashion weeks in Europe.

"It's all fake and plastic. She's just out of fucking rehab!"

Temari said angrily. I did not want to comment on that.

"It's not for everyone; excuse me, too much tea."

I got up and went to the bathroom.

I was tired, I wanted to go to sleep. I had texted my father that I had bumped in to Shikamaru and would be late.

He was thrilled, our fathers are best friends. They always rooted for us ending up together; I let out a small laugh. Like he would ever be interested in someone like me.

I rubbed my arm winched as I figured out why it had been itching. I pulled up the sleeve of my jumpsuit to look down at a purple bruise.

Deidara did not take too kindly to me going away for the summer. He wanted me to stay, he would help me with what I ate and we could keep working. I could not do that, I was exhausted.

I needed a break from it all. I had almost died and he wanted to go on like nothing.

We often had fights that got out of control. We were both passionate people. We never meant to harm the other, we just lost our temper once every now and then. It was what made us cope, what made us perfect together. We were perfect and I loved him.

I was Barbie and he was my sunny Ken.

I heard steps on the other side of the door as I was checking my make-up.

"I couldn't believe it when they said you were coming back, I did not even believe it when you walked in. You look so good, just a bit on the thin side,"

she bad to add the thin part. I hugged her.

"Thank you Sakura, you look good too. You'll make such a perfect wife!"

I always pictured Sakura getting married and becoming a stay at home mom.

"Thank you, everything is going so great! I'm getting my license soon too, who would have thought. I will be a doctor and wife."

Pang!

I had been shot . I would have nothing in a few years, my looks would fade and my clothes go out of style while she had her life figured out. Not that I had ever pictured I'd make it that far that my beauty would start to fade.

"I never actually believed in you."

Pang!

"But you're a famous model now, I hope it was all worth it!"

Pang!

"Oh, of course, Sakura. I had accomplished all my dreams even before I had barely turned twenty, at such a young age, can you believe that?"

Pang! I shot back.

"I'm too much of an adventurer; I needed to see the world. I would not let me tie down by a ring. Still Deidara adores me more than life itself."

Pang!

Sakura smiled, I must have shot her dead. I washed my hands and gave her a smile as I exited leaving her alone with just her reflection as company.

"I'm not going to be nice, why should I? She's a total bitch."

I heard Temari's voice around the corner.

"She's going through a rough time, it would not hurt to lighten up."

Kiba always had my back.

"She never said she would come back, then why is she here?"

Tenten asked. I must have been the table topic since I had left.

"Because she's a fucking drughead loser who's too blind to see that nobody but her likes her and I hope she starves herself to death with her model diet, trip on the catwalk and crash her soft baby head to pieces."

I had no idea why Temari was so mean, hoping I would die was too much. I was used to death threats and slander. I could deal with it coming from strangers, but this was the girlfriend of my childhood friend talking to the rest of my childhood friends. It stung more than what Sakura had pulled in the bathroom.

"I smoke dope every now and then; you don't call me a drughead or loser. What I'm thinking is that she's a little unbalanced right now. She needs our support. I'm going to give her all of mine, I love that girl, I still care for her no matter how much of a jerk she's been."

I walked in before anyone could respond.

"We should put a fucking bell on you."

Temari yelled out.

"I think I'm going to head back to, eh Inoichi. I'm tired and don't want to break up the party. I'll get a cab."

Shikamaru was up on his feet before I was finished speaking. "I'm tired too, I'll give you a lift." It was unlike him to be this helpful, he must be really worried. He didn't even kiss Temari goodbye. Unlike my normal behavior I followed him like a stray dog.

"Do you think I'm a nutcase?"

I asked him while we were driving. I was almost afraid he would lose control for a second.

"No, Ino. No, you just need rest and to work out some issues."

I held my fingers around my wrist. Bones, I felt strong and in control again.

"You must be like, I don't know, 100 pounds, 45 kilo."

I laughed outwardly and cried on the inside.

"I'm 43 kilo, I'm 94 pounds." I said with a hint of pride. He let out a frustrated sigh.

"That's insane Ino, you're nothing. Literally almost nothing. Don't kill yourself over this. You've always been the most beautiful girl I've known, but now. Not after you started with all that dieting. Not like this."

I narrowed my eyes. I never thought anyone could do that. Find me pretty even if I was a fat failure.

I sent a good night text to Deidara. My phone buzzed and I did not bother looking at it. I was still in shock.

Someone could find me beautiful even at my worst. Someone did not judge beauty by how many bones were sticking out.

He had found beauty in me before I went on my never ending diet.