Wow, I'm sorry this is a day late! I tried to update yesterday, honestly, but was being a booger and wouldn't let me update. Also, I'm going to attempt for a Thursday update, but I can't promise anything. I have gotten the flu, I'm afraid, and thusly won't be able to write today, and I have class tomorrow...But I'll try really hard for Thursday!
Also, this chapter is a little bit...Um...Well, let's just say it's not the cleanest chapter, but I don't think it's above a "T" rating or anything like that. If anybody thinks its horrible, just let me know. :) And this chapter is really short! I didn't notice how short it was until I uploaded it...I hope you enjoy anyway!
Chapter 8: The Unwanted Realization
The two were cuddled closely, the blankets wrapped around their bodies. The night was very quiet, and very still. Yuna assumed that it was incredibly late. Just the same, she didn't feel tired. How could she? She felt as if she was dreaming. There was no need to sleep, for she was living the dream as it was.
Although she knew it wouldn't be long before she woke up, and back into reality. For the time being, she was just going to enjoy herself. She'd already decided that, and it was far too late to go back.
She found herself looking up at him. He was still awake as well, staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. They had been lying there in silence for what had seemed like an eon.
Finally, Yuna opened her mouth.
"Tidus," she said, turning on her side and placing her hand on his chest, "There's something I've been wondering…"
"Hmm?" he just said, looking at her.
He had grown so quiet—peaceful, almost. She wondered if he was tired.
"The first time I really watched you play blitzball…We were down a man, and you made the smoothest goal I had ever seen in my life. I think that's when I…Fell for you."
It was odd. Even now she still felt awkward.
She swallowed quickly, and continued, "What does it feel like, to just swim around the goalie and make a goal like that?"
Tidus smiled and said, "Unlike anything else. My heart starts pounding, the adrenaline rushes…It's the greatest feeling on Spria. Better than anything I've ever felt before. I let the ball slip out of my hands, or kick it, and I just know if it'll go in or not, you know? I can just feel it."
Yuna sighed. She had wondered if it had felt that way. Better than anything else in Spira…
"Mind if I ask you something?" Tidus asked then.
"Nope, ask away," Yuna said, smiling at him.
"Who else have you had sex with?"
Yuna's smile instantly faded. He couldn't ask that question! …Could he?
"Um…" Yuna started, but then she gave him a challenging smile and said, "I'll tell you, but then you have to tell me all about your sex history."
She figured he'd back down. But he just gave her a challenging smile in return and said, "Alright, I'll tell you if you tell me first."
"How do I know you'll actually tell me?" Yuna cried.
"Just trust me," Tidus said, "I rarely go against my word."
"Fine," Yuna said, feeling defeated, "My high school boyfriend. You know, it was senior prom night… I felt like… Well, we'd been dating throughout high school—you know, over two years. I really thought I was in love with him, and he was in love with me. So we rented out a hotel and went about our business. Only the very next day, he broke up with me, completely out of the blue. I didn't understand why. Then I found out that he had another girl on the side. Apparently she was better in bed than me, and…Well, that was that. I was really crushed for a long time…"
Tidus listened to her intently, but made no expression. She bit her lip. It was awkward to tell him this, especially since she figured everything would work out the same with him.
Deciding to keep the mood light, Yuna said, "So, I told. Now you have to."
"Fine," Tidus said, "I did it for the first time when I was fifteen. She was an older girl, seventeen or so. It was at a party, and all I remember was that I had to get up really early the next day for blitz practice and I was so tired that I fell asleep in the locker room, and missed out on the entire practice. I didn't do anything again until I was seventeen, when some really hot cheerleader came knocking, asking for it. Then when I got into college, I hooked up with some girls and would pick the prettiest out of them and date them for two days or so, do it, and break up with them. I did this for most of my freshman year—last year—before I realized how stupid I was being. So I took a break, and—."
"Okay, okay," Yuna said, "I don't need to hear anything more."
Tidus laughed and said, "You wanted to know!"
"Yeah but fifteen? What did your mother think?"
Tidus' eyes dimmed, and he said, "My mother died when I was really young?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," Yuna said, and she tried to recall if Tidus had told her that before, "Well, if it's any compensation, my mother died when I was young too."
Tidus just gave her a little smile, and said, "It was hard, growing up without a mother, you know. And without a father, too."
"How old were you when he died?"
Tidus rolled his eyes and said, "I don't know, seven or so? Mom died really soon after that. Leaving me all alone."
Yuna didn't know what to say. No wonder the poor guy had been out doing who-knew-what at the age of fifteen.
"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" Yuna asked then.
Tidus was silent for a while, but then he said, "Not really."
"Why not?" Yuna asked, deciding that if they were spilling their entire life stories, she could ask him whatever she wanted.
"I don't know," Tidus said, "I don't really have time for one." He seemed to be having trouble talking, and couldn't look at Yuna when he talked about it.
Yuna swallowed. She was glad that he didn't have a girlfriend, but she figured her chances of becoming his first 'girlfriend' were very slim.
"I have to leave at five," Tidus said then, "We always leave really early to get back. It's supposed to be so we have time to study and stuff before class on Monday. But you're free to stay for as long as you want. What time does the fan bus go back?"
"Ten," Yuna answered. That meant that Tidus would be back in Bevelle before she was probably even awake. "What time is it now?"
Tidus looked over at the alarm clock on the nightstand, and said, "It's two."
"Are you tired?" Yuna asked him.
"Kind of," he answered, "My knee kills."
"Want something for it?" Yuna asked, "I have some ibuprofen in my purse."
"Nah, I'm fine," Tidus said softly.
The two laid there in silence for a long time, and Yuna began to get sleepy. She wondered if he was already sleeping.
To answer her thoughts, he suddenly spoke, saying, "What was your senior prom like?"
Was he still on that subject? Yuna felt herself glare, but she said, "I don't know. At the time I thought it was the best night of my life. It was…Fun, I guess."
"I didn't get to go to mine," Tidus said softly, "I wasn't at school for most of my senior year."
"Why not?" Yuna asked.
"I was playing in a junior blitzball league," Tidus explained, "So I didn't have time for school."
"You must have played so much blitzball," Yuna said sleepily.
Tidus didn't say anything, but he finally sighed and said, "Yeah."
"Was it worth it?" Yuna asked.
Again, there was silence, but Tidus finally mustered a, "Yeah."
Silence followed once more, and Yuna felt her eyes begin to grow heavy. Before she knew it, she was fast asleep.
-
She vaguely noticed that he got up, but she couldn't seem to open her eyes. She simply rolled over and pulled the blankets further over herself, not wanting the night to be over, for she knew what would happen then.
The night had seemed like something that would happen in a fairy-tale. She had been in such a dreamlike state that it didn't even seem real. Her eyes snapped open then. Had she just dreamed it?
At that same moment, she heard the door close. She sat up, only to realize that Tidus must have just left. He was gone.
She laid back, and sighed. It hadn't been a dream, but even if it had been a dream, she was in the same place. It was over.
Yuna snuggled back into the blankets anyway, and drifted off into a much more restless sleep.
-
Rikku hadn't said a word all morning, and Yuna assumed it was because she was tired from too much partying. Of course, Yuna was tired too, so she hadn't said anything either.
They had already been on the bus for an hour, and Yuna felt as if she could nod off to sleep at any time.
Just as Yuna had gotten as comfortable as she could manage, and was drifting off to sleep, Rikku turned to her, and said, "Alright, spill the beans, Yunie."
"What do you mean?" Yuna just asked tiredly.
"You know exactly what I mean, missy!" Rikku said, "Where were you last night? I got home at like three, and you were no where to be found."
Yuna didn't answer.
"Yunie, I know you're not sleeping!" Rikku cried, shaking her cousin, "Were you with Tidus?"
"Shh!" Yuna hushed her cousin, "Don't say it so loudly!"
"So you were!" Rikku said, laughing, "Sounds like you had a nice night."
Yuna didn't respond. She just wished that Rikku would stop talking about it.
"Don't tell anybody," Yuna finally said, sighing, "I'm…Kind of embarrassed."
"What's to be embarrassed about?" Rikku asked, "You're probably not the first."
"Exactly," Yuna said, "I don't need people to think I'm a slut…"
"I see," Rikku said, "Do you feel like one?"
"Kind of," Yuna said, for she did indeed. Her cheeks felt flushed. She was very embarrassed, for indeed, she seemed an awful lot like a slut. Perhaps she was?
Yuna crossed her arms, and said, "I don't know what I was thinking. It's not like me, you know?" Perhaps she was just hoping her cousin would tell her that she had been drugged or something, and that it wasn't her fault at all. Perhaps Yuna needed someone to tell her that.
"Well, I would've done it," Rikku said, "If everybody on this bus knew, they'd probably all be really jealous. Anybody could lose it around Tidus."
"I guess," Yuna said, her eyes downcast.
"Do you regret it?" Rikku asked her cousin.
"I don't know," came Yuna's response.
"Don't worry about it," Rikku told her cousin reassuringly, "I'm sure it would happen to even the most innocent girls out there."
Yuna nodded, but Rikku's words weren't making her feel any better. And Yuna knew why.
She felt like a slut, she honestly did, but she didn't feel that way because of what she did. She felt that way because she wanted more. She wanted to be in his arms forever, not just for a night.
She couldn't help but think of his words. He had told her that it wasn't a one-night stand, hadn't he? What did he mean by that? Or was that just his way of getting her to stay? Although, would she have really left?
It was snowing, Yuna noticed, as she looked out the window. She had hoped that spring would come soon, but by the looks of things, it would still be a while yet.
"When does the blitzball season end?" Yuna asked her cousin.
"Not this game, but the next one, is the last one," Rikku said, "Sad huh?"
"Yeah," Yuna said, "What do they do in their off season?"
"Got me," Rikku said, "Party. Stuff like that."
Yuna frowned. Tidus probably really partied then. Hadn't he said the only thing keeping him from drinking was the fact that he couldn't play if he got caught?
Yuna closed her eyes. He had tricked her. It was apparent now. That smile and those eyes…It was all just an illusion. Underneath everything was just a normal, crude college guy. Underneath everything, he was the same as her high school boyfriend had been. Sex and then goodbye.
"I feel like such an idiot," Yuna mumbled.
"What Yunie?" Rikku asked.
"Never mind," Yuna just said, and she turned away from her cousin. At the moment, all she wanted was to sleep.
-
"So are you going to go to the game this weekend?" Rikku asked, as she took a drink from her latte.
The two had agreed to meet for coffee a few days before. The day was already Thursday. Wednesday, the day that Yuna had seemingly seen Tidus the most, had come and gone, with no sightings. It made her a little upset, but she was mostly over it. Mostly.
"I don't know," Yuna said, answering her cousin's question, "I don't know if I want to."
"Well if you want to," Rikku said, "I have an extra ticket. My brother said he wanted to go, so I picked one up for him, but now he doesn't want to go."
"I guess I could," Yuna said, "Although I bet Baralai will be there…"
"Well, if he tries to talk to you, I'll punch him!" Rikku said, smiling, "What time do you want to meet me?"
"I don't care," Yuna said, shrugging.
"Want to eat before or after the game?"
"Whenever," Yuna said.
"After it is!" Rikku chirped, "I know where the players hang out!" She winked then, but Yuna just looked at the ground.
"Cheer up, Yunie," Rikku said, "Tidus is just an idiot. There are a lot of nicer guys on the team!"
Yuna laughed and said, "No, I think I've had my fair share of blitzball players!"
"Gippal's nice," Rikku said, looking thoughtful, "I have him in a few of my classes. He's Tidus' roommate, you know."
"Yeah, I do know," Yuna said, "I've met him before."
"He's really cool," Rikku just continued, "He's having a party on Saturday night, but I guess you probably don't want to go."
"Not really," Yuna said, looking down at her coffee. Her stomach began to ache though, for she knew that she did want to. She wanted to horribly.
"Oh my gosh!" Rikku cried then, shocking Yuna, "Isn't that the cutest thing ever?"
The coffee shop had set up a little display of coffee, shaped like a moogle.
"I guess so…" Yuna just said.
"I bet it took them hours to do that!" Rikku said, "It's so cute. You know, I saw a moogle once!"
Yuna just nodded. Apparently her cousin had a strange fascination with moogles.
"Man, I wish I had a camera!" Rikku cried, "It's so cute!"
"I have one," Yuna said, taking her camera out.
"Yay!" Rikku just cried, and snatched the camera from her cousin. She snapped the picture, and said, "Thanks so much Yunie! Give it to me at the game, okay?"
Yuna nodded, and said, "Alright."
"Hey, what pictures do you have on this?" Rikku asked.
"I don't know," Yuna said, "I can't even remember the last time I used it."
Rikku held the camera so that Yuna could see it, and she pushed the play-back button, to view the pictures.
"Aw, there's my moogle picture!" Rikku said, and she pushed an arrow, only to have her smile fade. Yuna's smile faded as well.
There on the screen was Tidus with his arm around Yuna, smiling widely, and Yuna smiling a slight smile.
"Aw, this is even cuter!" Rikku cried, "When did you take this?"
Yuna couldn't seem to move. She had completely forgotten about the pictures that Tidus had taken of the two of them that day.
Even though it had only been a little less than a month ago, it seemed like ages ago.
Yuna took the camera from Rikku and quickly shut it off.
"I have to go," she said, although her coffee wasn't finished, "I'll see you at the game, Rikku."
"Okay," Rikku said, seeming shocked that her cousin was leaving so early, "See you this weekend!"
Yuna didn't say bye. She simply rushed off.
As soon as she was out of sight, she pulled that camera out again. She was going to delete that picture.
Of course, she knew she couldn't. Hugging it to her chest, Yuna rushed to her car, and decided to go home.
She threw the camera in the passenger seat of her car and quickly got in. She rested her head on the steering wheel and let out a loud sigh.
"After the game," she said softly to herself, "I'll talk to him. I'll tell him how I feel."
Somehow, she knew things weren't going to work out well. It was a realization she didn't want to face. For the time being, the only thing she could do was stay positive. As positive as she could muster to be.