I love you reviewers you make everything better.
Warnings: this chapter has a little nsfw! also swearing still. okay actually so I don't have to keep saying it, just assume there will be swearing in every chapter.
Disclaimer: hussie and his homesteak.
The Figurehead of Queer Justice
An Ironic Thing for Nerds
Somehow he's standing right in front of you, and he's like everything you'd ever imagined. Blond hair neat and swept to one side, sunglasses covering an expression that might have been passive if not for the lips that were slightly parted, body lean and tall. Dave… Dave, I love you. I've never cared about anyone more than you. He leans towards you, so close that you feel his breath on your mouth, and he reaches up to remove your glasses as his lips touch yours, sweet and slow and gentle. Your knees quiver and you kiss back, tongue moving between his lips as his knee moves between your legs, eliciting muffled moans and whimpers. He pulls away enough to groan, "John," into your mouth before reaching for the hem of your pants, and hearing him say your name always brings a heady rush, but more so now that it's said with such desperation. One of his hands grips the underside of your thigh and pulls up, wrapping your leg around his waist. D-Dave, ah… He thrusts against you, this time moaning your name into your neck. You wrap your arms around him, fingers digging into his back, moving your hips to meet his. "John, I love you. I fucking love you more than anything." And suddenly everything is searing white.
John awoke with a start, the sweat already cooling, his heartbeat slowing from an incessant flutter, and the liquid covering his hips making his boxers stick to his skin. "G-Gosh," he breathed, and braced himself as he threw the covers off. The clock on his bedside table read 1:24am. With a sigh and a grimace, John stood and hobbled to the bathroom, praying the sound of the shower wouldn't wake his father.
"Do you recognize this boy?"
"Yeah, that's one of the kids who were surrounding him."
Mumbled responses and the sound of pen scribbling away on paper followed, and John stared at Daniel Harlen from behind the one-way window, at his angry and tired expression, and tried to snuff out the pangs of fear shooting through his stomach. It's silly to be scared, they can't do anything to me here.
Thinking rationally never did comfort him.
i still worry
John felt heat rise in his cheeks when he remembered those words, and the fear was slightly subdued by the constricted feeling in his chest.
He looked over at his dad, whose face was drawn and frowning, then over to the man who had saved him and the police officer writing in her forms. The man, Eric Reading, was looking at him when he glanced over, his expression somewhere between concerned and curious.
"Hey kid, how you feeling?"
The police officer excused herself to take Daniel back to the holding cell and bring the next boy in. John cleared his throat.
"I'm… I'm okay. Thanks again, for doing this. It must be a huge inconvenience…"
"Not at all, man. Anything I can do to help."
Dad shifted, and finally turned around. "John, I have to use the restroom. I'll be right back, okay?" He patted his son on the shoulder and gave Eric a weary smile before turning towards the door. Panic rose into John's throat as he watched his father close the door, and he wanted to follow him, didn't want to be away from his father, made to move after him when Eric put a tentative hand on his shoulder.
"You sure you're okay? You don't have to be scared here, no one's gonna let them do anything to you." John looked down and didn't answer. He knew he was safe, but that didn't stop the memories of being cornered and punched and called disgusting things from bubbling inside him and making him feel sick. Eric's hand on his shoulder tightened a little, and the man tilted his head, trying to look John in the eyes. "Kid, um… does your dad know why they were attacking you?"
John's eyebrows creased a little and he finally met Eric's gaze, panic rising in him for a completely different reason. "Wh-What?"
"Uh, sorry. Before I intervened I heard them say some stuff about your boyfriend, and calling you, well, using the six-letter f-word, let's say." When John tensed and braced himself, Eric let go of his shoulder. "Look, I'm not gonna say anything. I just think he'd probably want to know."
The door on the other side of the one-way window opened, and they could see the officer escorting one of the other boys into the room. Eric glanced at her before looking at John again.
"I'm saying this as a father, kid. Trust me, he'll be happy if you tell him."
The officer finally opened the door and came in, and John rushed out before it could close.
– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –
EB: dave, how's your hand?
TG: shit bro you gotta stop getting there first
TG: its okay
TG: it itches some
TG: how was the police interview
TG: other than pretty fucking terrible which is how im imagining it was
EB: it wasn't really what i expected, i guess.
EB: the guy who intervened and pretty much saved my ass was there to identify them
EB: but i didn't actually have to be face-to-face with any of them.
EB: that was a big relief, let me tell you!
EB: my dad and i had to talk to their families though which was really awkward.
TG: oh that is way better than i expected it to go
TG: urgh
TG: did they give you any shit
EB: for the most part they were pretty nice about it and seemed surprised and apologetic that their darling sons would have ever done something like that.
EB: one of the dads was really...
EB: i don't know he kept glaring at me.
EB: haha i guess he probably hates me 'cause i'm "gay".
TG: huh
TG: then fuck that guy
TG: except no because he isnt worth that
EB: very funny, dave.
TG: yeah sorry my humor isnt quite up to the usual standard on account of me being unholy levels of pissed off on your behalf
EB: it's fine, really.
TG: incorrect
EB: the court date is scheduled for two weeks from now and the police said it should be pretty quick.
TG: you sound really unfine with it if you dont mind me saying
EB: r
EB: really?
EB: why?
TG: just idk getting a vibe from that 2P-color text of yours
TG: for what its worth i still wish i could go with you to do that whole supportive family member bullcrap
TG: court hearings dont sound like a day out to the circus
EB: um, i'm fine really!
EB: just tired, i guess.
EB: and, well, have you bought the plane ticket yet? when are you getting in?
TG: gonna book as soon as i get my confirmation for time off which should be like tomorrow
TG: how soon would be too soon
EB: you can come whenever, as long as it's not on the actual court date.
EB: we still have to come get you from the airport, after all!
TG: true true
TG: then i might try and come for the middle of next week
TG: i already asked bro and hes fine so long as he doesnt have to pay anything
EB: haha how nice of him.
EB: and good, i'll let my dad know.
TG: yeah spoilers the bro stands for broke-ass
TG: and sweet
TG: god i cant wait to get time away from work its getting really shitty lately
EB: really?
EB: is that guy still bothering you?
TG: yeah
EB: did something happen today?
TG: i suppose that depends on your definition of something
TG: or happen
TG: there was a minor thing that may or may not have occurred but no one else noticed it so did it really transpire
EB: oddly cryptic...
TG: bust out the philosophy textbooks im doing a mashup of freuds greatest hits dont miss it
TG: ok yeah im running at the keyboard but you get the point
TG: yeah something happened
TG: or at least
TG: i think it happened
EB: well are you gonna tell me what it is or just keep speaking in riddles?
TG: i like the riddles
EB: i like the truth better!
TG: i think
TG: he touched my ass
EB: what?
EB: really?
TG: i
TG: i dunno
TG: i was doing wash-up and no one else was really around
TG: and this dude he was meant to be doing toppings but he came over and stood by me a while and we talked about some stuff
TG: which you know i was totally down with execpt for how he was stood right up by my side
TG: like forget about up in my grill this guy was breaking through the car window and lying prostrate on my dashboard
TG: and then i dunno
EB: wait, is this the same guy who fried your hand yesterday?
TG: yeah
TG: like i said he apologized for that but he bumps into me a lot
EB: i'd hate to sound like rose here, but maybe he... i dunno maybe he digs you?
TG: heh i havent told rose about it for exactly that reason
TG: shit dude i know you wouldnt but
TG: ftr this stays here ok
EB: yeah bro of course.
TG: he stayed there for a really long time
TG: still talkin like nothing was going on
TG: wish his hand on my ass like it belonged there
TG: i thought someone was gonna come in or something but idk i didnt want to tell him to take it away as thatd involve acknowledging that he had his HAND on my ASS
EB: wow
EB: um, maybe you should talk to your boss about this.
EB: sounds like sexual harassment to me.
TG: idk dude hes really socially inept and just genuinely terrible at everything
TG: maybe he just
TG: doesnt know that youre not meant to put your hand on your workmates ass without asking
EB: that... seems like a terrible excuse, dave.
EB: socially inept or not, what he did is definitely not okay.
TG: look im fine
TG: its not hurting anyone right
TG: maybe my ass is just more powerful than i previously imagined
EB: dave
EB: are you really fine?
EB: you seemed really confused about this, which i guess is natural.
EB: but like, some guy at your work touched you inappropriately.
EB: do you really think that isn't hurting anyone?
EB: oh my gosh dad this is a really bad time...
EB: dave please say something.
TG: yeah im
TG: yeah i guess its probably pretty weird huh
EB: subtract the probably and pretty and add extremely to and from that sentence and you have the truth.
TG: fuck you egbert im only just getting over how much trouble math causes me with my sylladex without you putting it into sentences and junk
TG: ok yeah lets put all our cards on the table
TG: it freaked me the fuck out
TG: he freaks me out
TG: hes weird and he breathes on me
EB: well he molested you so yeah i think he should freak you out.
EB: i'm serious dave, you need to talk to your boss about this, if not your bro.
EB: goddamnit okay my dad is getting angry, i need to go down for dinner!
EB: i'll be right back i swear.
TG: i dunno
TG: i mean id feel like shit if he got fired cause of
TG: ugh nevermind this is dumb
TG: yeah sok i need to get dinner too
EB: dave, this guy is sexually harassing you, why would you feel bad about him getting fired?
EB: i mean, the ass-grab, the burned hand, what more do you need?
TG: sup im here with my cup ramen like a boss
TG: hey he didnt mean to burn my hand
TG: i dunno i just
TG: idk i dont want to make waves
TG: accusing a guy of harrassing you is one thing
TG: accusing a guy of harrassing another guy is another
TG: this is texas after all
EB: goddamnit.
EB: can't you at least kick his ass and make him stop?
EB: i don't...
TG: you dont
EB: nothing.
EB: it just makes me angry
EB: to think of you being in this kind of situation.
EB: i mean, at least with me the assholes will end up in juvy.
EB: but you can't even say anything about it.
TG: yeah its a sticky situation
TG: tell you what ill mention to him tomorrow that i wasnt exactly enjoying the proprietary hand-over-buttocks gig
TG: and if he carries on after that ill either kick his ass or tell my boss
TG: i mean shit think what itll do to the average retail price of my ass if i just let any random schmuck cop a feel
EB: hehe.
EB: okay i guess that makes me feel better.
EB: just
EB: don't let him touch you again, okay?
TG: next hand to touch that ass is gonna be attached to someone who has permission
TG: scouts honor
EB: good.
EB: are you
EB: well, are you gonna tell your bro about this?
TG: fuck
TG: no
TG: no way
EB: why not? i mean i guess i can think of a couple reasons, but...
TG: it was weird enough telling you
TG: bro is great for a lot of things but
TG: yeah
EB: but you didn't do anything wrong!
EB: you know you don't have to be weirded out telling me things, right?
EB: i mean, it is me.
EB: i would never judge you for anything, especially shit that is out of your control!
TG: no i know
TG: i just
TG: yeah nevermind
TG: it was out of my control i guess but still all the same i didnt really want him to be the first one to touch my ass
TG: a striders ass virginity is a pretty big deal
EB: hehe i'm sure.
EB: but really, your ass has never been touched before?
EB: somehow this surprises me.
TG: well sure people have TOUCHED it but violating ass virginity is a bigger deal than that
TG: and not in the way youre thinking god egbert wash your mind out with soap
TG: but yeah in the terms of flirtatious rumpus fondling creeper mcpizzadude was my first
EB: no girlfriends jumped on that?
EB: consider me shocked.
TG: hey lets keep this between us but
TG: i havent dated anyone yet
EB: oh
EB: really?
EB: now i really am surprised.
EB: why not?
EB: with all the girls interested in you you're bound to dig someone...
TG: eh idk
TG: i figure ill know when the right one rolls along
TG: and people egbert
TG: people are interested in me
EB: well, yeah, but i guess if
EB: well if you're straight it only makes sense to comment on the girls?
TG: oh
TG: haha
TG: yeah
TG: definitely yep
TG: although idk recently ive been thinking
TG: i mean if someone were to confess to me and they were a dude but they were like
TG: good looking and shit
TG: and had all the qualities ive liked in a bunch of different girls combined
TG: wouldnt it be kinda lame to dismiss it just cause he was a dude
EB: what
EB: um
EB: what kind of qualities are those?
TG: well i dunno
TG: maybe
TG: when a guy is this cool all the time he gets burned out on cool
TG: maybe the most ironic thing would be to date someone who wasnt cool at all
TG: yeah
TG: i guess i have an ironic thing for nerds
EB: oh
EB: that's, um, hehe that's kind of cute!
TG: yeah but that alone wouldnt cut it
TG: theyd have to be patient i guess
TG: im self aware enough to know i can be a cockend at times and sometimes i need someone to tell me when
EB: haha i guess you can be an ass sometimes.
EB: you've been so nice to me lately, i must have forgotten!
TG: shit ive not been nice lately ive been a tool pretty much nonstop
TG: but yeah theyd also have to be able to put up with bro
TG: i guess i wouldnt mind if they didnt get the irony stuff
EB: what, how have you been a tool!
EB: and haha expecting other people to understand those crazy levels of irony might be a bit much.
EB: not everyone is a master like you and your bro.
TG: well yeah but were striders dude it goes with the territory
TG: and ive been a tool in all the ways lets just move on
TG: but yeah if i met some dude who was patient and on the nerdy side and good looking in a kind of dorkoid way
TG: and he said he was into me
TG: fuck you know where im going with this fill in the blanks
TG: that doesnt make me gay right i mean women are
TG: like
TG: fucking hot
EB: well, there is such a thing as bisexual?
TG: this
TG: is true
EB: so maybe you aren't quite as much of a fine specimen of a heterosexual man-steak maybe?
TG: i am a fine specimen of bi-curious man-steak
TG: fuck anyone who says otherwise theyre liars and blasphemers and ill not have them in my house
EB: haha fair enough.
EB: um, this seems kind of sudden though?
EB: yesterday you were pretty deadpan about the heterosexual man-steak.
EB: is there
EB: some guy you're interested in?
TG: what
TG: no
TG: why would you even think that
TG: has rose talked to you
TG: shes a liar and blasphemer too
EB: no she hasn't!
EB: i'm just
EB: curious
EB: like, you were really serious about the straight thing yesterday.
EB: i mean, you said it a couple of times...
EB: i'm just
EB: wondering is all.
TG: well maybe
TG: i was
TG: thinking about it already
TG: and maybe i wasnt entirely comfortable with it
TG: maybe
TG: shit im falling down all these maybes
EB: would it
EB: well
TG: yeah
EB: would it make you feel better if you knew someone BESIDES creeper mcpizzadude who also kinda had a thing for guys?
TG: huh
TG: someone else?
TG: wait like someone i work with or what
EB: um.
EB: well i guess if that's what would help then sure?
EB: i was sort of thinking of someone a little closer to you...
EB: you know nevermind this is silly.
TG: wait
TG: like
TG: haha this is dumb im shitty as fuck at guessing games
TG: it isnt you is it
EB: it
EB: might be...
TG: shit seriously
TG: but youre the straight one
EB: are you kidding i always thought the same about you!
TG: hell i wouldve suspected harley before you
TG: wait what really
TG: hahaha fuck
TG: this is crazy
EB: you aren't...
EB: i dunno, weirded out?
TG: why would i be weirded out
TG: im fuckin relieved
TG: wait uh i mean
TG: im just glad its not just me dude
EB: um, haha yeah me too!
EB: i guess i
EB: eheh, yeah i am pretty relieved too.
TG: heh
TG: guess its less ironic for a bisexual dude to have a fake boyfriend
TG: or maybe more ironic
TG: yeah actually im bunping this shit up a level in irony
EB: oh
EB: yeah that is pretty ironic...
EB: maybe i should get some irony points for being actually gay but beaten up over a fake boyfriend.
EB: uh, or bi...
TG: welp
TG: blame the lalonde in me but that sounded freudian
TG: egbert im not gonna give a shit if you dont like girls
TG: just for the record
EB: sorry, i guess after what happened
EB: i'm just...
TG: no its understandable
TG: im just yknow
TG: letting you know
EB: thanks, dave.
EB: in that case, well
EB: it's been a couple years now since i've found a girl attractive like that.
TG: thats cool
TG: same kinda
TG: well i mean ive liked a bunch of girls but
TG: eh nevermind
TG: say is there a dude you like just out of interest
EB: um, sorta but i don't think he really thinks of me that way.
EB: but it's no big deal, i'm a little more curious what you mean by you've liked a bunch of girls but not really?
TG: there was always something missing
TG: hey so tell me about your dude
TG: just trying to gauge your tastes here bro
TG: i mean i already know your platonic taste in women is terrible so i guess i just want validation it extends to both genders
EB: haha yeah you're so hilarious dave.
EB: liv tyler is beautiful okay don't deny it.
TG: she looks like a man so yeah maybe
TG: asnyway quit dodging
TG: do i know this guy or what
TG: *anyway jegus fuck
EB: there's just not much to say!
EB: he's cool i guess and likes music and physics and stuff.
EB: but seriously it doesn't matter.
EB: have you seen the new l4d2 campaign on steam?
TG: sounds like the sort of dude id get along with
TG: anyway im sure he probably likes you fine i mean whats not to like about you
TG: as much as i love l4d2 in an ironic sense im more interested in your burgeoning love life
TG: im related to rose i cant help it
EB: sigh, dave i don't even have a love life, do we have to keep talking about this?
EB: i think video games sounds like a great topic right now.
TG: ordinarily id agree
TG: tell you what if you tell me more about your dude ill come clean about how i might have not have told you as much about my own doomed lovelife as i could have
EB: r
EB: really?
TG: yeah
TG: so maybe theres a guy i like
EB: oh
EB: why didn't you just say so?
TG: reasons
TG: but yeah theres a dude i like and hes cute and i want to have sloppy makeouts with him how does that go for embarrassing lovelife gossip
TG: tell me more about your dude now
EB: reasons, he says!
EB: um, well i've liked this guy for like three years actually.
EB: which is really stupid i guess, maybe i should just move on.
EB: but uh, he's really talented and good at school when he tries.
EB: is that enough information? i really would rather not keep talking about this...
TG: three years
TG: shit
TG: sorry im just backlogging and trying to think who youve mentioned
EB: seriously dave it is the most unimportant thing to ever exist.
EB: how interested would you be in spending a day in seattle while you're here?
TG: hey if im gonna be there at your gay wedding in new york of course its important
TG: rosell be over the moon by the way
TG: and dont even think about getting married anywhere else as soon as she finds out youre gay your wedding venue is decided
TG: also that sounds really cool
TG: two bros united against seattle they can make a movie about it
EB: yeah rose will be ecstatic, haha.
EB: are you gonna tell her about your not-quite-so-heterosexual-man-steak thing?
EB: and um, also that band muse is touring again and i sort of bought tickets for us to go.
EB: if you don't like them though i can just sell them i guess.
EB: they're kind of shitty seats actually...
TG: what the british one
TG: werent they on a twilight soundtrack or whatever
TG: ironic justification verified sign me up
TG: plus i want to see how you act at a concert
TG: i bet its adorable
TG: also no i am not telling rose because shell find out on her own
EB: dave shut up i'm not adorable, okay?
EB: and muse is a cool band i figured you'd probably like their style...
EB: despite their disgusting cameo in the twilight movie.
TG: TT: So, you are de-closeted. I threw a miniature party in your honor.
TG: whatd i tell you
EB: what how'd she know? hahaha
TG: spooky mind powers egbert
TG: nah we had a conversation yesterday and i guess she put two and two together when i mentioned i was talking to you
EB: that seems like a pretty big leap, if you ask me.
EB: you talk to me all the time, how could she put two and two together from that...?
TG: shit
TG: never mind
EB: no i'm confused, what...
TG: so thatl4d2 campaign
TG: not played it yet how is it
EB: bro you can't use my shitty transitions against me, okay!
TG: look lets
TG: not go into this
EB: why, what's wrong?
TG: bros calling me
EB: dude you've gotta be kidding me.
TG: yeah he ahs the worst timing
TG: *has
TG: fuck uh
TG: maybe we can talk about this tomorrow
TG: if you havent already forgotten about it then because seriously this is so uninteresting
TG: i get off work pretty early so
EB: whatever dave that is the biggest lie.
EB: i actually go back to work tomorrow so i might be a little late.
EB: promise you'll wait up for me?
TG: hey i always do
EB: okay, okay.
EB: well go on, follow up on your lame excuse to leave.
TG: pfft
TG: ok
TG: but before i do that
TG: just wanna tell you that uh
TG: its nice
TG: not having to lie about being completely 100% heterosexual anymore
TG: anyway night john
– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –
John slumped back in his chair, mouth hanging open. He wanted to pinch himself, somehow convince himself he wasn't dreaming. He sat there frozen for a few moments before stumbling over himself to get back to his mouse and scroll back up to reread their conversation from the beginning. Pesterchum began flashing, and he tried to ignore it, but after a couple minutes it was too distracting and he finally opened another window.
– tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
TT: So he told you.
TT: This causes no surprise, naturally, though I must admit the satisfaction at having been correct is positively euphoric for me.
TT: Then again, I am sure my own euphoria can be nothing compared to yours.
TT: Certainly this hasn't failed to escape your attention, but you do recall your conversation with him that involved the admission of his hypothetical homosexual interest in you.
TT: To be honest, I'm quite surprised that he has not picked up on this himself.
TT: It could be that he is as insecure about his feelings as you are.
TT: Perhaps at this point it would be wise to admit your own inclination for penis.
EB: wow rose a little straightforward there don't you think?
TT: I am merely explaining the situation exactly as it is.
EB: okay i am just a little overwhelmed right now and don't really know what to think.
EB: and for the record i did tell him i'm gay.
TT: You did?
TT: What did he say?
EB: look can you just
EB: ask him yourself when he gets back from making up lame untrue excuses to get away from me?
TT: Oh, John, don't take his sorry attempt at escape as something personal against you.
TT: I do not know exactly what your conversation consisted of, but I am sure he was simply flustered and, being Dave Strider, did not know how to respond. In a situation like this, it is only second nature for him to abscond.
EB: i guess.
EB: this is just a lot for me to try to comprehend in one night.
EB: would you mind if i was just alone for a while?
TT: Not at all, John. Take as much time as you need. You can always send me a text message if you require advice or a listening ear.
EB: thanks rose, you're seriously the best.
– tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
John set himself as Away on pesterchum before sliding out of his chair to lie on the floor, watching the ceiling with creased eyebrows.
There's no way. He can't like me, I'm uncool in every way and he's way out of my league and what would he ever see in me anyways.
But he said, he said it to you that he had a thing for nerds. Patient nerdy guys who are good-looking in a dorky way.
That's nice and all except for the part where I'm not even good-looking at all. He's just so fucking perfect, everything about him is attractive and here I am with my stupid messy hair and huge stupid glasses and gross buck-teeth. And I'm boring and silly and there is nothing he could like about me that would make him want sloppy makeouts. He… he has to be talking about someone else. There's no way.
John rolled over onto his side and dug his face into his arm. "How could I ever be good enough for him?"
I've got a really bad disease
It's got me begging on my hands and knees
So take me to emergency
'Cause something seems to be missing
Restless Heart Syndrome, Green Day