uh oh I'm running out of pre-written material guys. I'm updating based on how many reviews I get so I can space it out a little more!
thank you reviewers, by the way. you're lovely. the more of you there are, the faster you get updates!
Warnings: this one is pretty goddamn sweet. jade uses less than or equal to's instead of just less thans... because ff docs won't read the less thans. :( also jade was supposed to use lots of exclamation and question marks but ff docs delete those too! sigh. ff why do you do this.
Disclaimer: every day we be hussin.
The Figurehead of Queer Justice
Waterworks Central
The next day during his lunch break, John pulled out his PDA and chewed thoughtfully on the tuna sandwich his father had packed for him as he found Eric Reading's number in his contacts list. John's dad had told Eric that, after everything he'd done for his son, he would very much like to keep in touch, maybe have Eric and his family over for dinner. Eric had been very gracious, and they exchanged business cards, and John had saved the number to his phone, just in case.
He had always believed that the sad story of his sexuality would remain his and Rose's secret to the grave. Never in a million years did he consider that telling Anna that silly lie would have such real and frightening consequences. A few days ago no one would have questioned his supposedly staunch heterosexuality. Now at least five of his classmates and some random guy he probably never would have met all knew the truth because of a stupid lie.
Dave. Dave also knew. Color rose in John's cheeks and he half-heartedly frowned at his PDA. It hadn't been an accident or a fabrication or an exaggeration or even an understatement. It had been the complete and honest truth, and despite how overwhelmed and embarrassed John felt, he knew it could never be any other way. Dave was his best friend, and even if he was still young, even if most people would consider him silly and overly romantic, even if the feeling went unrequited forever, John knew that Dave was the love of his life.
With his heart beating in his throat, John pressed the call button and held the PDA up to his ear. It rang a couple times before Eric picked up.
"Hello, this is Eric in IT, how can I help you?"
"Uh, hi Mr. Reading. This is John. John Egbert?"
"Oh, hey kid. What's up? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just… Um, yesterday you said that my dad would want to know."
"Uh huh?"
"I don't… I mean, I want to. I just really don't know what to say to him." The phone went silent for a couple moments, and John could hear the ambient sound in the background, phones ringing and copy machines and co-workers chatting. He swallowed. "I-I'm sorry, you must be busy. I'll go—"
"Hold on, kid. It's not a big deal, I can always spare a couple minutes for you. Now, what's this? You don't know what to say?"
John's head dipped a little and he murmured, "Yeah. I'm just… I'm so afraid that he won't accept me."
"Hm, he isn't one of those crazy right-wingers, is he?"
"No, not at all."
"Has he ever said anything to you that made you think he had a problem with homosexuality?"
"…No."
"Well, from what I've seen, he's a very caring guy who loves his son probably more than anything in the world. All I know is that if I were him, I would much rather be able to understand my son to his core than go on most of my life not knowing something so intrinsic to who he is." John was silent then for several moments before Eric continued. "I have to say, it doesn't sound like fun trying to hide your boyfriend. Why not put him through the humiliation of the first time meeting the parents?"
John laughed a little at that, but the sound dried up in his throat after a few seconds. "I… have a confession to make," he said quietly.
"Hm? What's that?"
John glanced around the break room to make sure he was completely alone. "I don't… actually have a boyfriend. I told a girl who was flirting with me that I had one so that she'd leave me alone, and she ended up telling those classmates. If… if you hadn't intervened, I probably never would've told anyone it happened."
Eric was silent for a very long time then. As the seconds passed John began to regret admitting to that, and thought it would be best if he just hung up now, but finally Eric said in a gentle tone, "In that case, I consider it a blessing that I happened to walk back there. I really hate to think of the kind of hurt you'd be feeling if you had to go through all of this alone."
Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and John shut them tightly to fight off the overwhelmingly warm feeling in his chest. "Thanks, Mr. Reading. I… I'm really glad you got there when you did."
"Of course, kid. Alright, I gotta get back to work, but you call me if you ever need anything. Just try to remember your dad loves you, and his feelings aren't going to change when you tell him."
"Okay, thank you. I'll try to keep that in mind."
"Goodbye, John."
"Bye."
This time when walking home, John avoided the alleyway. He knew it was silly and superstitious, but the thought of going back there scared him.
When he closed the front door behind him, he took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. He could hear Dad rummaging around in the kitchen.
He loves me. This isn't going to change anything.
John walked into the kitchen to see Dad frosting a cake while dinner cooked on the stove. "Welcome home, John. How was work today?"
"It was pretty good," he responded, reaching into the refrigerator to grab something to drink. Dad had bought apple juice today. John tried to fight down a blush as he grabbed it and poured himself a glass. "A bunch of coworkers were doting over me and my dumb black eye. Got some funny stares from customers and stuff. Other than that it was pretty much just the same as usual!"
"Did Dave ever find out what day he's flying in?"
"Oh, no, he told me last night that he'll find out today if he's approved for time off from work. I'll ask him when I go upstairs and let you know."
"Thank you."
Dad turned back to his cake and John quietly sipped at his apple juice, his stomach twisting in knots and sort of making him feel nauseous. Ten minutes of silence passed, Dad roaming around the kitchen preparing for dinner and John sitting and watching, opening his mouth every minute or so to begin to speak and becoming irritated when nothing came out.
A few more minutes of frustration, and Dad finally said, turning around to face John, "Son, is something bothering you? I really like you being in here to keep me company, but usually you'd be upstairs talking to your friends by now."
John couldn't meet his gaze. "I…"
Tears welled in his eyes, and blinking only caused them to seep onto his skin. Dad walked over and kneeled in front of him. "John?"
"Dad, I'm… I'm gay." He let out a wet sob, and as soon as he was properly crying he felt his father's arms encircle him.
"Why are you crying, son?" John wrapped his arms around his dad and tried to calm himself down.
"I… don't know. I'm s-sorry."
"John, you don't have to apologize for anything." He pulled away and looked John in the eyes. "Especially for who you love, alright?" John's eyebrows crinkled and he embraced his father again, burying his face in his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, son."
– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
TG: john
TG: you there
EB: yeah.
TG: uh
TG: i got time off work
TG: a lot of time off actually
EB: oh!
EB: that's awesome, how much?
TG: a lifetimes worth
EB: wh
EB: what?
TG: im joining the mass ranks of the unemployed
TG: i quit
EB: you
EB: wh
EB: why?
TG: uh
TG: basically
TG: something happened
TG: and i told my boss about it and he didnt believe me
TG: so i was like fuck this shit and i quit
EB: something happened...again?
TG: well one could say it was a followup to the previous events
TG: act 1: wherein our hero is accosted and repeatedly bumped into by some douchebag
TG: act 2: wherein the douchebag proceeds to assfondle our hero
TG: then in the climactic third act the hero decides fuck this ive had enough of some douchebag touching me
TG: he strides into work in a manner that befits his surname
TG: and he opens his mouth and says
TG: colin
TG: (the douchebags name)
TG: look i really dont dig you laying your hands on various parts of my anatomy
TG: we cool bro
TG: and the hero lifts his hand up to fistbump him and he just looks at him like he doesnt know what the fuck the hero is talking about
TG: fast forward a couple scenes
TG: its time for the heros fifteen minute break
TG: fuckin excellent
TG: the hero goes outside to get some fresh air and then all of a sudden
TG: (dramatic camera pan here)
TG: its douchebag colin
TG: who proceeds to shove the hero up against the wall and grunt some utterly debasing shit about how he can tell im gay and that ive been flaunting myself in front of him for fuck knows how long
TG: and then the douchebag defiles the heros mouth
TG: thankfully the hero isnt a complete piece of shit
TG: he knees him in the groin and goes to tell the manager
TG: the manager calls bullshit
TG: the hero hands in his notice
TG: roll credits
EB: holy shit.
EB: i can't even
EB: fuck
TG: yeah right there
TG: that was my mental process during and after
EB: dave, i'm so fucking sorry that happened to you.
TG: i just feel
TG: idk
TG: slimy
TG: like i took a bath in that ectogoop you liked fuckin around with so much back in the game
TG: except its sunk right through to my skin and i cant get it off no matter how much i bathe
EB: goddamnit.
EB: i don't know if i've ever wanted to hurt someone like this before.
EB: you don't have to answer this
EB: but why do you feel slimy?
EB: i mean, other than he's a major disgusting creep who needs to get punched, or...
TG: yeah its like i got creeper all over me
TG: creeper slime
TG: eugh gross
TG: yeah while he was kissing me he kind of
TG: touched the inside of my thigh
TG: fucking christ i just
EB: dave, you need to tell your bro.
EB: shit like this just cannot slide.
TG: i dont want to
TG: what if
TG: idk
TG: what if bro doesnt get it and he thinks im gay and he kicks me out or
EB: would he really do something like that?
EB: i mean he's an asshole but he still cares about you, right?
TG: he
TG: does
TG: i guess
EB: well i don't understand what there is to get or not get or whatever.
EB: some guy sexually harassed
EB: fuck, he sexually assaulted you, dave.
EB: you can't just let him get away with it.
EB: please talk to your bro.
EB: i can't even describe to you how serious i am.
TG: i
TG: how should i tell him about it
EB: what's wrong with the way you told me?
EB: just tell him something happened at work.
EB: maybe skip on the movie thing.
EB: it was funny at first but...
EB: well, you know what happened.
TG: hes online now i guess i could just
TG: copy paste
TG: hed appreciate the movie thing my bros weird
EB: are you sure you don't want to just tell him in person?
TG: im sure
TG: i mean as soon as i send it hell be in here anyway
TG: might as well put off the weird sunglasses-shielded stare-off for as long as possible
EB: should i go..?
TG: no
TG: stay
TG: just while i tell him
TG: if its ok
EB: of course it's okay
EB: i'll stay up all night if i have to.
TG: i might have to disconnect after i send him the mail but
TG: yeah
TG: heh
TG: i dont deserve you man
EB: i could say the same about you.
EB: i honestly don't know what i'd do without you.
TG: hey man
TG: what are best bros for
TG: except you go above and beyond the call of duty a lot
TG: guess thats what heroes do
EB: i'm not a hero, dave.
EB: i'm just me.
EB: and besides, i don't do anything that you wouldn't do for me.
TG: id do anything for you kid
TG: just putting that out there so you know the terms of this contract
EB: well good because it's mutual and always has been.
TG: john
TG: im really glad were friends
EB: so am i.
EB: like i said i don't know what i'd do without you.
EB: you're seriously the best friend i've ever had.
EB: no one else could ever even compare to you, bro.
TG: funny i could say the exact same to you
TG: im building up to telling bro
TG: i think he knows somethings up though
TG: mainly cause hes using punctuation
EB: uh oh, shit gets serious when bro strider breaks out the periods and apostrophes.
EB: but really though, maybe you should just tell him.
EB: it seems like he might be worried.
TG: yeah
TG: im getting there i promise
TG: when i tell him ill tell you because seriously hes gonna come in here and its gonna be awkward as fuck
TG: so ill disconnect
EB: i understand.
EB: um
EB: before you do
EB: i, uh..
EB: i told my dad tonight
EB: that i'm gay.
EB: i just thought you might like to know...
TG: what
TG: you did
TG: woah
TG: how did it go
EB: it went better than i could have ever expected.
EB: i told him that i was sorry after i said it
EB: and he just said that i had nothing to apologize for
EB: especially for who i love.
EB: and told me he's proud of me.
EB: i was crying the whole time, it was really embarrassing.
TG: your dad is such a nice guy
TG: i mean its fucked up that in this country you have to describe someone who isnt a raging homophobe as 'a nice guy' but you get my meaning
TG: hes legit a nice guy so it still applies
TG: and heh im not gonna judge you for crying
EB: yeah, i really love my dad. i hope i can be as understanding and gentlemanly as he is when i grow up.
EB: and thanks, hehe. 'cause i was really worried you would. :P
TG: youre already halfway there
TG: well get you a top hat or something
TG: top hats are gentlemanly
EB: haha!
EB: i dunno, dave.
EB: i might be a little too dorky to pull off a top hat.
TG: nah youd look cute
TG: maybe reserve it for special occasions
EB: yup, first date = top hat. that is what will happen. no such thing as overdressed.
EB: but anyways don't be silly not even a tophat can make me cute.
TG: youre about on a par with kittens and puppies in baskets
TG: wearing little hats
TG: thats the level of cute were discussing here
EB: i don't know what you're talking about!
TG: pff
TG: if i were there in person right now id be ruffling your hair jsyk
EB: oh, that reminds me!
EB: have you booked your flight yet? because soon you will be able to ruffle my hair whenever you want, hehe!
TG: heh i booked it when i got in from work
TG: matter of days bro
TG: ill forward you the flight details
EB: i can't believe this is actually happening.
EB: i don't even have any cool to begin with, but i'm totally going to lose it when i see you.
TG: well between you and me my cool is at serious risk too
EB: at least i'm not the only one.
TG: heh youre telling me
TG: speaking of cool im sending my bro the movie script thatll make me a millionaire
TG: so ill say goodnight now
EB: okay.
TG: seeing how ill disconnect in a couple anyway
EB: tell me tomorrow how it goes, alright?
TG: i will
TG: seriously john
TG: thanks for everything k
EB: there's no need to thank me, bro.
EB: it's already established that i'll do anything for you.
TG: and the same back
TG: ok
TG: goodnight john
TG: see you tomorrow
EB: yeah
EB: i
John stopped himself when he realized he was about to type "i love you" and accidentally hit enter. His heart pounded in his throat and he did as he always did in situations like this: smooth it over by being completely unsmooth.
EB: haha yeah goodnight dave.
– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –
John leaned back in his chair, his stomach a mess of nerves and anxiety and butterflies. He highly doubted Bro Strider would react negatively, at least towards Dave; if anything, John thought it was most likely that Bro would just be pissed that anyone would ever put his brother into that sort of position. Or, that could just be hopeful thinking. John didn't really know.
The thought that Dave's situation was suddenly so much more serious than John's own planted itself in his head and refused to shake away. He knew it was silly to compare something like that. And yet, John's bruises would heal eventually; he had admitted the truth to his father and his best friend, who to him were all that mattered, and he had been unconditionally accepted by both of them. Dave, on the other hand… Well, John could only assume, but being touched like that, made to feel low and dirty in a way that left no mark and had no proof, and indeed had been disregarded as insignificant, a falsity, must cut a lot deeper and do damage that might be irreparable.
His expression darkened when he thought of that douchebag Colin kissing Dave, touching Dave. It made him feel sick to his stomach, and he hated himself to know that, mixed in with anger on behalf of Dave for being treated so horribly and worry that Dave might not be as calm about all of this as his coolkid demeanor might pretend, John felt a horrid, raging jealousy deep in his chest to know that some creep had had his hands and lips on Dave.
Just when he was considering taking some melatonin to calm himself down, pesterchum flashed.
– gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
GG: john!
GG: i heard what happened to you!
GG: im so sorry! :(
EB: oh.
EB: did rose tell you?
GG: yeah
GG: i really cant believe anyone would ever do something so mean to you! :(:(:(
EB: me either, really.
EB: i'm fine, though! maybe a little bruised up.
GG: you poor thing! :( so youre going to court soon?
EB: yeah, unfortunately. i really don't want to, but i guess i'd rather those guys be in juvy than around to beat up other people.
GG: totally!
GG: that must be a real pain though
GG: are any of them planning on fighting you in court?
EB: as far as i know, no.
EB: i really hope none of them do, that would be so stupid.
GG: seriously!
GG: what kind of argument could they even come up with?
EB: a really shitty one, that's for sure!
GG: yeah! like there could ever be an excuse to beat up poor john
GG: you are the least beat upable person ive ever met!
EB: pfft.
GG: rose never did tell me why they beat you up :(
EB: um, well.
EB: haha funny story really!
EB: there was this girl flirting with me, and i don't like her at all but i didn't want to hurt her feelings, so dave offered i use him as my fake internet boyfriend.
EB: and she ended up telling these homophobe assholes that we go to school with, and so they cornered me after i got off from work.
GG: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
GG: what assholes!
GG: if i was there i wouldve beaten all of them up 3
EB: haha, thanks jade.
EB: you know, i'm really sorry i didn't tell you myself.
EB: i guess i've just been distracted the past couple days.
GG: its fine john!
GG: i totally understand 3
GG: but i am kinda wondering now...
GG: do you like dave?
EB: wh
EB: what?
GG: its okay!
GG: i wont tell anyone
GG: :D
EB: um.
GG: hehehe im sorry im not trying to make you nervous!
EB: it's...
EB: it's fine.
GG: i think it would be really cute if you liked him john
EB: whatever, jade.
EB: anyways, he's actually coming to visit soon! i'm pretty excited.
GG: ohhhhhhhhhh
GG: thats sooooooooo romantiiiiiiiiiiiiic 3
EB: oh my gosh jade i didn't even answer your question and you're making all these weird assumptions!
GG: methinks the john doth protesteth too much!
GG: hehe did i sound like rose?
EB: haha as much as it's possible for you to.
GG: weeeeeell?
GG: im sitting here waiting patiently for an answer!
EB: jeez, jade, you don't sound patient to me!
EB: why are you so persistent?
GG: because youre my friend!
GG: dont you trust me?
EB: sigh, of course i trust you jade.
EB: okay.
EB: you might
EB: possibly be right...
GG: omggggggggggggggg really?
GG: thats so cute! :D
EB: oh boy...
EB: you can't say anything to him, okay?
EB: no hinting or anything!
GG: fiiiiiiine :(
GG: its okay though i wasnt going to anyways
GG: i would never do anything to betray your trust john 3
EB: thanks jade.
EB: oh crap i have to go!
EB: i'll talk to you soon, okay?
– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -
– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –
EB: dave!
EB: are you okay?
TG: ok im back
TG: woah that was
TG: eerily quick
TG: heh yeah im ok
EB: oh, um...
EB: haha i guess i was worried!
EB: well what happened?
TG: it was hideous
TG: i dont think ive ever been that jumped up and awful in front of my bro ever
TG: i dunno we train pretty hard for our poker faces so the fact i was freaking out made it worse and then suddenly i was just chattering all this bullshit and then he touched my shoulder and it was like flicking the switch to waterworks central
TG: and then he was bro-hugging me with one arm and calling up the pizza place with the other
TG: it was
TG: bizarre
EB: dave
EB: that makes me really happy.
EB: i knew he would be there for you.
EB: did he get ahold of the pizza place?
TG: heh he did
EB: and?
TG: he really flipped his shit at them which was kinda nice
TG: i mean seeing how i didnt really do any shit flipping of my own
TG: in fact i was a goddamn gentleman to those assbags and i have no idea why
TG: shouldve at least pulled some middle fingers and a litany of fuck yous as i slammed the door
EB: well i don't know, when shit like that happens sometimes you just
EB: freeze and don't know how to react.
EB: i mean that's how i felt anyways...
EB: sometimes it's good to have someone who can flip their shit for you.
TG: youre telling me
TG: im pretty sure douchebag colin is getting fired now anyway so thats something
EB: that's good.
EB: he should go to jail if you ask me, but fired is as good a start as any.
TG: look hes just some dick loser with no social tact
TG: maybe thisll permeate the spongy wastebag of his brain and teach him something
TG: im pissed he took my first kiss though doesnt a guys first kiss have magical fairytail properties or some shit
EB: it was
EB: your first kiss?
EB: dave, i'm so sorry.
EB: i just... hate to think of that creep doing those things to you. it makes me so angry.
TG: it made me feel sick yeah
TG: wish i could undo that
TG: i was saving it
EB: oh.
EB: yeah
EB: for that guy you wanna have sloppy makeouts with, right?
TG: bingo
TG: welp im spoiled goods now forever
TG: guess id better learn to deal with it
EB: you aren't spoiled goods, okay?
EB: your second kiss can be just as sparkly and magical as your first should've been, as long as it's with someone you care about.
EB: and i highly doubt your guy would think less of you just because some asshole cheated and got to you first.
TG: thats a good point
TG: yeah i feel a lot better about it now
EB: i'm glad.
EB: you know i really just want you to be happy.
EB: if you're ever feeling down you know you can call me, right?
TG: yeah i know
TG: it means a lot dude
TG: i mean the offers always extended to you too
TG: yknow if you ever needed me
TG: coolkid advice hotline fuck yeah
TG: anyway i think my bro made coffee so i have to go but
TG: thanks for making me tell him
EB: of course, dave.
EB: that's what best bros are for, right?
TG: you got it
EB: alright, well...
EB: i'm glad things went well.
EB: try to get some rest, okay?
TG: heh cant make promises
TG: but ill try
TG: hey you too ok
EB: yeah i guess i am pretty tired, hehe.
EB: goodnight, dave, i'll talk to you tomorrow.
TG: night john
TG: and
TG: yeah
TG: thanks
– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –
I didn't see it's like living in a movie, twisting the plot
My friends and family, the little things I got, I got
When my thoughts drift to you
Infinite Arms, Band of Horses