oh my gosh everyone I'm SO SORRY this took so long to finish. I'm gonna talk at you more than usual in this a/n so bear with me.
I'm leaving for China this Friday to study abroad in Beijing and Kunming! So saying, making all of my preparations for departure, including a ridiculous amount of homework, has been taking up a big chunk of my time over the past month. And I'm really sorry to say that, since I won't have much time to use the internet while I'm in China, I won't be able to start working on chapter nine until I return (which also happens to be when school starts sob).
So to possibly make it up to you all this chapter is ALMOST TWICE THE LENGTH of our typical chapters. I hope you enjoy it! (The final pesterlog in this one is kalfja;klsj totally my favorite one so far omg Vector and I had so much fun with it.)
I also just wanted to take a second to thank all of the reviewers for chapter seven: Expelliar-mouse, H3H3H3, ectoBiologist EB, Uke-Huntress, Yaoi'sWhore, Pink Shimmer, Scuttlebutt AND Fumbles, r0arrr, Kainushi-Moi, BitterSweet-Scion, Spastic Wooper, Kidorkman, BlueLuci, .Bonum, harmonic alchemist, LyssiLuvr, Loveless12789, and all of the anons! Thank you so so so much for taking the time to read and review! Whenever I experience writer's block I just go through what you all have to say and feel inspired. You really make writing worth it!
now without further ado, )(e)(e)(e-
Warnings: just a tiny bit of nsfw, introduction of a trans character!
Disclaimer: hussie vs scratch. FIGHT.
The Figurehead of Queer Justice
An Efteeyem
– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
TG: where
TG: the hell
TG: have you been
EB: shit, i guess rose was right...
TG: what
TG: shit
TG: what has she been telling you
EB: nothing, she just said you were worried.
EB: i'm sorry dave, i'm really sorry!
EB: i
TG: look im sorry i just
TG: i panicked
EB: no, you don't have to apologize.
EB: it's kinda nice to know, actually.
EB: but, uh
EB: please, just try not to freak out.
TG: ok
TG: you have a sworn promise that ill hold the reins in
EB: ok.
TG: what happened
EB: i wasn't online last night because i spent the night in the hospital.
TG: oh
TG: thats
TG: okay these reins are slipping
TG: why were you in the hospital
TG: what
TG: john are you ok
EB: fuck... yeah, i'm fine.
EB: i just
EB: was on the news yesterday, like i got an interview and everything.
TG: yeah i watched it
EB: and afterwards i just felt really sick and went to the bathroom to puke and i guess i ended up passing out.
TG: god john what the fuck
TG: this is EXACTLY what i said would happen
EB: i'm sorry, dave, i know i promised i wouldn't let it get to that.
EB: i just couldn't help it.
EB: apparently i was dehydrated or something?
EB: i don't know.
EB: please don't be angry at me.
TG: im not
TG: i just
TG: ugh is there at least some way these people can keep a checkup on you so youre not burning through all your reserves and passing out and shit
EB: actually i got a prescription for
EB: um, shit what's it called...
EB: benzo
EB: er
EB: benzodiazepine?
TG: drugs
EB: yeah
EB: drugs
TG: they put you on drugs
EB: it's a prescription! and they're to help anxiety.
EB: i have a dosage that'll last me a week, and then i'm done.
TG: i cant actually believe the lengths you go to
TG: jesus babymunching christ
TG: but i guess a week isnt as bad as it could be
TG: im still not happy about it
TG: you might have gotten a hunch
EB: i know, and i'm really sorry.
EB: getting a prescription isn't a big deal though!
EB: lots of people need medication to make them feel normal.
EB: and after next week i'm not even going to have a reason to feel anxious anymore anyways.
TG: believe me no one is looking forward to that more than i am
TG: for once i wont have to take you being offline as an indication youre off risking your ass for something
EB: if you wanna get technical, next week you won't have to worry about me being offline at all, since you'll be here to make sure i'm not risking my ass for something.
EB: hehehe.
TG: my point exactly
TG: im probably gonna have to keep you in an armlock so you dont spirit yourself away to some worthy cause
TG: just letting you know
EB: i think i could be okay with that.
EB: but, um.
EB: are you going to go to the trial with me?
TG: that is a dumb question
TG: presuming im allowed in the courtroom and dont melt off any faces with all the righteous glaring im gonna do
TG: of course im gonna go with you
EB: good, just making sure.
EB: i really hope i can sit next to you.
EB: they'll probably make me sit alone, though.
TG: ill be there
TG: you can just look at me
TG: i mean what better way to expel anxiety than look at a prime example of coolkid douchebag
TG: i hear theyre marketing it in all the new age magazines nowadays
TG: itd be better if i could sit near you though
EB: well, if real court is anything like tv, you're probably gonna be behind me.
EB: and i'll have to sit with the attorney.
EB: but it's okay, i'll just be relieved to know you're there.
TG: wow who knew trials spent so much effort on making sure the people testifying feel like shit
TG: but yeah ill be there
TG: emanating good vibes
EB: haha, emanating good vibes and melting off faces with righteous glaring at the same time?
EB: you sure are impressive, dave.
TG: i deal in paradoxes and double standards its what i do
EB: no wonder no one can figure you out!
EB: except rose of course, hehe.
TG: yeah that wench and her gift of sisterly insight
TG: but yeah
TG: i guess mainly i just wish i could do more
TG: seems like my life involves sitting on the sidelines and doing nothing of any merit while people i care about get hurt or worse
EB: hey, it's not like i don't feel the same.
EB: what did i do when that colin mcdouche did all of that shit?
EB: i was worried, but i couldn't...
EB: i don't know, i felt pretty helpless too.
TG: at least that particular scenario is all over and done with though
TG: cleared my inbox of that scumbag
TG: the only thing left that bothers me shouldnt bother me at all
EB: what is that?
TG: look i know its not a big deal and everything but
TG: yeah i was kinda hoping the first dude i kissed would be
TG: hey lets not talk about this
EB: no, i really think we should.
EB: last i checked we had gotten past the embarrassing confessions, so
EB: if you're angry that i wasn't your first kiss, then i understand.
EB: i'm pretty angry too.
TG: yeah got it in one
TG: usually when society insists on cramming emphasis into arbitrary romantic milestones im just like yeah whatever
TG: but eh i guess i bought into that idea
TG: like an idiot
TG: i just get angry about it sometimes
EB: you aren't an idiot.
EB: ugh this is really embarrassing, but...
EB: when you told me what happened, i got ridiculously upset.
EB: even though i didn't think i'd ever have a chance with you, i was still
EB: jealous, i guess.
TG: heh im moved
TG: well he was terrible at kissing
TG: i guarantee right here right now that when i kiss you itll be a million times better than that sorry charade
EB: it's so weird to think that you just said that you're going to kiss me unironically.
EB: this is kinda difficult to process, hehe.
EB: but i don't know how much better i'll be than colin mcdouche.
EB: my teeth will probably get in the way...
TG: took a lot of retyping
TG: and trust me youll do fine
TG: he had a shitty goatee and i think he learnt how to kiss from watching cpr videos
TG: i dont mind if your teeth get in the way
EB: well at least i don't have a shitty goatee!
EB: but the only lessons on kissing i've ever had were from watching romcoms, so i don't know if that's much better.
EB: and how can you not mind? they're so big and ugly.
EB: maybe i should get braces.
TG: oh john
TG: envision i said that in the rush of breath that comes from the worlds most long suffering exasperated sigh
TG: first off when we kiss were not reenacting any romcoms i am laying that down as a rule
TG: and secondly your teeth are cute
TG: i mean so long as theyre not going to grow into some terrifying x-men style mouthweapon i think you should hold off on getting braces
EB: dude how cool would it be if my teeth turned into a mouthweapon!
EB: that might possibly make me badass.
EB: too bad it'll never happen, huh?
EB: but come on, why shouldn't i get braces? they'd probably make me look a lot better.
TG: nothing would ever make you badass
EB: ouch!
TG: i mean that in the kindest way possible
TG: youve been badass on multiple occasions
TG: and yet simultaneously are not
TG: zen koans got nothing on your paradoxical states of badassery
TG: also look youre perfect the way you are now
TG: dorky teeth and all
EB: man, sometimes i wish we could be back in the game just so i could be badass again in my dorky way.
EB: but
EB: thank i guess.
EB: if you think so i won't do anything to my teeth.
EB: hehe, not that i would have anyways, but it's nice to dream.
TG: it wouldnt matter if your name was actually coolguy mcbadass and you routinely fought badass crime in a hardboiled film noir-esque display of rampant badassery
TG: id still never admit it
TG: and heh im relieved
TG: after all the shock of you passing out and being prescribed cooldown pills i dont think i could take any more tragedy
EB: pfft me getting braces would not be a tragedy, you are just overexaggerating!
TG: no way
TG: look hey can we redo that whole promise thing
TG: where you promise you wont get yourself hurt and sick
TG: at least until i get there
EB: huh?
TG: im serious
TG: no more working yourself and stressing yourself until youre sick
TG: maybe the pills will help with that idk but
TG: yeah just promise me if it gets too much youll sit it out for once
EB: uh, yeah dave.
EB: the medicine is going to make the anxiety go away, though, so why are we redoing this promise?
TG: for my peace of mind
TG: do you want me to savagely detail just how shitty it was not knowing if you were okay or not
TG: this is probably coming across as cullen levels of creepy but
TG: just promise that if something happens and you cant get in contact youll get your dad to text me or something ok
EB: it's not creepy.
EB: caring about me isn't creepy at all.
EB: i
EB: gosh, i never really thought it would be possible to love you more than i already do, but you keep making it happen.
EB: uh, oops, i guess i got sap on you again...
TG: drowning in it
TG: but yeah i dont want to come across as some sort of weird stalker control freak but itd just be nice to know youre ok even when i cant talk to you
TG: which sucked by the way
TG: john i really care about you
EB: then i promise.
EB: cross my heart and hope to die, i will never make you worry like that again.
EB: i'll tell my dad, the second anything happens he needs to tell you.
EB: but nothing's gonna happen!
TG: i really hope so
TG: just stick it out until i can get there ok
EB: i'll do my best.
EB: shit, now i feel like the one who's fucking everything up.
TG: no youre just being ridiculously brave is all
TG: in ways i guess i dont know how to be yet
EB: going in front of all these people when it scares the shit out of me feels more stupid than brave.
EB: and then i end up in the hospital and stress my dad out and worry you.
EB: so, i don't know.
EB: feels like fucking up to me.
EB: and what the hell do you mean, you don't know how to be brave?
TG: hey i didnt say i dont know how to be brave
TG: just not in the ways you can manage
TG: like i feel bad that kids get treated like shit because of something they have no jurisdiction over
TG: but i dunno you work yourself to death for it
TG: put yourself out in the open and make yourself sick
TG: idk if i could do that
EB: well i'm only making myself sick because having so many people scrutinizing my every move scares me like you wouldn't believe.
EB: you're chill enough that you could probably handle it a lot better than I can.
EB: but, i guess
EB: i mean, you said earlier that you would want to help out the cause from where you are.
EB: if you've changed your mind...
TG: no i would
TG: i could do it and im going to do it
TG: cause i want to feel like im fighting with you even though this scenario is possibly more fucked up and potentially hurtful than what went on in sburb if you can even believe that
TG: i just
TG: i couldnt do it to the same extreme
TG: once i started stressing id be like well times up junior
EB: same extreme... like being on the news and stuff?
EB: heh, i didn't know a strider had it in him to be really stressed.
TG: like making myself physically sick because of the workload sorts of extremes
TG: you reach your limit and you keep on going anyway
TG: its about as terrifying as it is endearing
EB: well, like i said i'm just weird! i don't think most people would get sick as easily as me.
EB: especially not you!
TG: heh well maybe not for the same reasons
TG: dont get me wrong
TG: its actually pretty admirable that you keep at it in spite of everything
TG: just
TG: yeah take it easy
EB: th
EB: thanks, dave.
EB: eheh, i'll take it easy, really! or as easy as i can.
EB: but, um, what do you mean, "not for the same reasons"?
TG: im just saying that instead of standing up in front of people maybe theres other things that make me freak out
TG: like if they asked me to lay my feelings on the matter out on a plate with no sarcasm garnish then id be fucked
EB: oh, i guess that makes sense.
EB: it's weird, i forget sometimes that you're usually so unwilling to talk about your feelings.
EB: i suppose i've just been really lucky with you opening up to me so much recently.
TG: youre the exception that proves the rule
TG: even with lalonde we have to do a bullshit tango before we get anywhere
EB: haha, rose says that she can read you like it's child's play.
TG: she would
TG: but yeah its actually sort of
TG: nice
TG: being so open
TG: but only with you
TG: couldnt do it on a large scale
EB: hehehe, i feel so special!
EB: don't worry. i'll make sure to keep the strider behind the sunglasses a secret. hehe
TG: ill hold you to that bro
TG: speaking of i probably need to crash soon or hell shut off the electricity again
TG: life is tough
TG: but uh
TG: for what its worth
TG: im really glad youre okay
EB: it's worth more than you know, dave.
EB: thank you.
TG: seriously stay safe ok
TG: i love you
EB: oh gosh, grinning like an idiot over here!
EB: i love you, too.
TG: hope every last one of those dorky teeth are on display
TG: see now im grinning too shit
TG: look what you made me do
TG: heh gnight kid
EB: hehehe! goodnight, dave.
– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –
Almost immediately after Dave signed off, John could hear the doorbell ringing from downstairs. Curious, and now with nothing better to do, he sauntered over to the stairs to see who it could possibly be. He peeked around the corner just as Dad was opening the door.
"Oh, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you over here?"
"We saw what happened to John on the news, and thought we'd bring over dinner. This is my wife, Sarah." The door opened wider, and John saw Eric Reading, holding a pan covered in tin foil, and a lovely woman holding a mixing bowl full of salad greeting his father. Eric's tone became concerned when he asked, "Is he doing alright?" John chose then to walk down the stairs, and they all turned towards him at the sound of his footfalls. Eric smiled with a strange hint of embarrassment. "Or I could ask him myself. How you feeling, kid?"
"I'm fine…"
Dad beckoned them inside, and Sarah offered to help Dad in the kitchen while John and Eric sat in the living room. It was silent for a few minutes, and John figured the awkwardness was so thick it could probably be cut with a butter knife. When Eric finally spoke, he sounded positively apologetic.
"Look, kid… I know you must be sore with me for telling your dad—"
"It was supposed to be a secret," John interrupted, a little surprised at how hurt his tone was. Eric sat back a little, a look of resignation crossing his face.
"You're right. I'm not going to sit here and pretend I didn't do anything wrong, or that I didn't hurt you. Just, kid… Try to understand my perspective, alright? I wouldn't have been able to go to your hearing next week in good conscience if your dad didn't know the whole story, not when those little shits are planning on fighting you in court. I'm a father, too, kid. And when I thought about how I would feel if I were in your dad's position, not knowing why you were suffering as much as you were, not being able to do anything about it simply because I was ignorant… Shit, when he called me to tell me about the case – it even made more sense from a legal standpoint for him to know the whole truth."
John remained silent and staring at the floor, eyebrows slightly knitted. Eric sighed.
"Sorry, kid. I wasn't planning on lecturing you. I really am sorry; I've probably ruined any trust you might've had in me."
"No…" John murmured, finally looking up and meeting Eric's gaze before quickly averting it again. "You haven't ruined anything…"
He could see Eric's slow smile from the corner of his eyes. "I'm really glad to hear that." Several minutes of silence passed before Eric made to stand. "Well, I guess I'll go help Sarah and your dad."
"Mr. Reading, how old are your kids?" asked John, before Eric could move away. The thought of his children brought a smile to his face.
"My daughter is ten and my son is seven. They're quite the handful, but they're the most darling kids you'll ever meet."
John contemplated this for a moment, before looking up and smiling. "They're lucky to have a dad like you."
Eric stilled and a soft smile crossed his face. "Hey, thanks kid. That means a lot. You're pretty lucky, yourself." After a beat, he cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Well, we should go help them in the kitchen. Can't have them doing all the work, can we?" John followed his lead and stood.
"Yeah!" he replied enthusiastically. They walked into the kitchen together, surrounded by the smell of lasagna casserole and the feeling of warmth.
The air was heavy with steam, and John felt faint as he came into his hand, the semen immediately washing away as the showerhead poured water over his torso, and he had to cover his mouth with one damp hand to keep himself from gasping Dave's name.
After a few more minutes of soaping and rinsing, John stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel over to him. He rubbed his face and hair dry quickly before wrapping it around his waist and replacing his glasses in their rightful place. When he looked in the mirror, the expression staring back at him was oddly calm, happy almost. Funny what an unexpected early morning release could do for his nerves.
However, the more John contemplated the day ahead of him, the more trepidation and anxiety began to quietly stir in his chest. After spending all day yesterday doing nothing but doctor-prescribed rest and relaxation, Tuesday was going to be long with interviews for magazines, queer and gender equality resource groups, a meeting at King 5 News headquarters to confirm permission to do a short special on his story, and the first of five appointments with a counselor to discuss his feelings on the things he had experienced, as suggested by Carolyn. He idly hoped that the case settlement would at least pay his dad back for all of the gas money he had to dish out, having to go to Seattle every day. He also wondered what professional tentacle therapy would look like when compared to Rose.
Hands shaking slightly, John reached out to the mirror and pulled it open, revealing toothpaste and hairbrushes and several cans of shaving cream, and since yesterday an unassuming bottle labeled Xanax. He looked at it warily before picking it up and holding it in his palm. It looked like any other bottle of pills he might normally find in the medicine cabinet, and the unceremonious clicks that met his ear as he twisted the cap a few times almost seemed too normal to be real.
Finally finished pretending to be unable to get past the child-proof cap, almost smiling from the feeling of nostalgia doing so induced, John held the bottle in one hand and pressed his palm against the cap, turning it under the pressure and after a moment feeling it come free. The bottle unscrewed, he peered into it and at its contents; the pills appeared to be little less than half an inch long, and not terribly wide. John breathed a shaky sigh and filled the glass on the counter with water before dumping one of the pills into his hand and tossing it back immediately. He cringed at the feeling of the pill going down his throat, but after he downed the glass of water, all was normal. Like it had never even happened.
He quickly returned the bottle to the medicine cabinet and set to brushing his teeth.
"You'll be okay getting there?"
"Haha, I've only been there a billion times, dad." John leaned into the car from the open door out of which he'd just exited, grinning all over. Dad seemed to regard him with caution.
"You're sure you're feeling alright?"
"I'm totally chill. Chill as a cucumber. Pffhaha what does that metaphor even mean, anyways?" Dad rolled his eyes, really exaggerated, and John laughed. "Seriously dad, I'm fine! The Xanax is doing its job for sure. I am not even nervous!"
"Alright, I'll take your word for it. But so help me, John, if anything happens you call me right away. I'll just be downtown with a business partner, okay?"
"Gosh dad, I get it! Haha, really, it's just Seattle Center, what can honestly happen?" Dad became somber for a moment, and he didn't answer. Sensing his father's more troubled feelings in leaving his son on his own, especially after all of the media attention, John sobered up and climbed back into the car to embrace him. "It's okay, dad, really. I'll text you every ten minutes if that'll make you feel better." He pulled away and looked at his dad in earnest, and dad responded by ruffling his hair.
"No, no. I'm just – after the past few days, I guess I feel like I have more reason to worry than usual. I don't want you to go through anything like that ever again, son."
John smiled and embraced his father again. "I know. I'm on alert now, though. I won't let anything happen to me." When he pulled away, they looked at each other for a few moments before John grinned. "Dad, you're gonna be late meeting your partner. I'll call you when I'm done, okay?"
Dad returned his grin. "Yeah, yeah. I'll see you in a few hours. I love you, John."
"Love you too, dad."
He shut the car door behind him and watched as Dad drove back down Thomas Street. A pang of guilt shot its way through John's chest when he remembered his promise to Dave, the one that he was very clearly breaking: don't go anywhere alone. And he honestly felt bad breaking it, because he knew that Dave would be so angry if he knew. But it was just too unpractical, considering that Dad still had work to do, and John had to be able to fend for himself. What Dave didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
Today John was meeting with an interviewer from Seattle Gay News. The person he'd spoken to on the phone—Cade Schmidt, that was the name—had told him it was a very informal meeting; they were just going to meet at the Starbucks inside the Seattle Center Building. The lack of butterflies in his stomach as he walked past the children's theatre was an odd but not unpleasant feeling.
When he entered the building, his interviewer stood and called out his name over the hustle and bustle of the cramped café, but when he looked over, John felt something sinking and distinct in the bottom of his stomach. It wasn't dangerous, or even frightening. There was just a guilty twinge of embarrassment when John realized that he could not distinguish the gender of the person walking towards him.
He smiled widely to hopefully cover his discomfort, and said, "Hi! Cade, right?"
"Yeah, it's nice to meet you," Cade said, holding out a hand to shake. Not even—his? her?—voice really gave anything away. "I can't tell you how heroic I think you are for turning your awful experience into a legitimate cause. The queer community is really rooting for you." John stammered for a moment at the compliment, but Cade just waved him off. "Come on, it's true! Not everyone is so brave. But anyways, enough of my gushing, we should get on with this interview. Do you wanna go sit somewhere a little less crowded? Maybe over by the fountain?"
"Sure…"
Cade Schmidt was relatively short, and looked barely older than John himself, had hair styled in a crew cut, and sat in the grass close to the fountain with legs crisscrossed, a Nikon lying between them and a notebook and pen in hand. Cade's clothes at least seemed very boyish, but the soft features, slender torso with wide hips, and generally graceful movements made John ultimately incapable of choosing which pronouns to use in his head. Going on any longer like this felt almost dishonest to him, which made him unable to stop himself when he blurted out, "Cade, I'm really sorry, but are you a boy or a girl?"
There was a moment of stunned silence before Cade laughed so loudly that John almost felt silly for feeling awkward. Once calm, Cade replied, voice still breathy with laughter, "I'm an f-t-m. I go by he, him, his pronouns."
John's brows knitted slightly in confusion, and his head tilted to the side. "An efteeyem…?"
"A female-to-male?" Cade grinned. "I'm transgender."
It took a moment for it to sink in, and when it did, John's eyes widened, a quiet oh leaving his lips. He sat up and leaned closer to Cade, inspecting his features with a newfound albeit innocent curiosity. "I've never met someone who's transgender before." Cade smiled and didn't complain that John was too close.
"I'm not really anything special to look at," he remarked off-handedly. John seemed to take the hint and made a noncommittal noise as he backed away, settling into the position he'd been in to begin with.
"Sorry! It's just so interesting. I don't know much about queer issues, to be honest. Have you," he glanced nervously down Cade's torso, "had an operation? Or…"
Cade smiled, and John was relieved to see that he didn't seem bothered by his ignorance. "I haven't been able to have an operation yet. I just graduated this past spring, so I don't really have the money for it. I'm working for this newspaper, though, and hopefully I'll be able to save enough in the next couple years when I get work at a mental health institution." John gazed contemplatively at the grass. I wonder if there's anything I can do to help? I do have all that money I saved to visit Dave… His train of thought was interrupted when Cade continued, "Enough about me, though! I'm really interested in learning more about you. Can I ask you some questions?"
"Yeah, of course!"
He laid his notebook on his thigh and poised the pen on top of it. "You're seventeen years old, right?"
"Yep!"
"And you identify as a homosexual man?"
John blushed, but was vaguely aware that he didn't feel anxious. "Hehe, yeah. Though it sounds weird to call myself a man! I still feel like a kid." Cade smiled at him.
"Don't worry, I feel that way all the time," he offered, and John giggled politely. "So, I know it's only been little over a week since it happened, but I was wondering if you would be comfortable giving me a little more detail about the incident than you've given some of the other newspapers." John's smile faded a little, his shoulders tensing. Cade didn't fail to notice this, and leaned over to place a comforting hand on his knee. "Hey, it's okay. If you aren't comfortable with it, that's fine. I know what it's like to be bullied for things you can't control. Some of the absolute shit kids like us experience… It's traumatizing. So I completely understand if there are some things you'd rather not divulge. But, just for the record, the newspaper I'm writing for is made specifically to cover issues like these. The personal aspects of your story are just as important and will certainly resound a lot more with our readers than a lot of legal-speak with some minor run-through of the event."
John's gaze found the ground, and he pulled at some blades of grass with surprisingly steady fingers. "It's fine," he finally said, voice quiet. "You can ask me anything."
Cade watched him for a few moments more as if trying to gauge how certain John really was, but eventually spoke anyways.
"Anyone who's been following your story already knows that this entire incident started because of a text message. You mentioned your boyfriend through text to a girl from school and she told her homophobic friends, correct?" John nodded. "What exactly prompted this text message? I mean… You hadn't come out before the incident, so what would make you want to mention your boyfriend to a classmate? I can't imagine she was a good friend if she was willing to let this happen to you, after all."
John trained his gaze so intensely onto the ground that he felt like his eyes were going to pop out. Shit.
Carolyn had told him to run with the "fact" that he had a boyfriend. As she said, the only people who knew that everything actually started because of a prank were her, Eric Reading, Dad, and John himself. (Well, and Dave, Rose, and Jade, but John didn't really think they added into the equation.) Making the prank a part of the story would cause need for speculation and misunderstanding over John's trustworthiness as a plaintiff. And the bottom line, Carolyn had been sure to illustrate, was that the boyfriend in question was irrelevant to the bigger issue. The press would (and should, she had added, somewhat self-righteously) be concerned primarily in the legal matters. And if it came down to it, John could fall back on the fact that he didn't want his "boyfriend's" name to enter into the media because it was a risk to his safety that he was unwilling to take.
Perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise that his attorney would be much more concerned over the legal aspect of his story. She'd said from the beginning that she had been waiting for a case like this for her entire career; something told him that she had much more grandiose plans with all of this attention than simply winning a court case. But now, John didn't know how to respond. Would it be too incriminating to tell the truth? Should he make something up?
"John?"
He looked up in surprise to see Cade watching him with a sad and sympathetic expression. John could see it in his face, a desperate feeling of he's taking so long to answer, something horrible must have happened to put him in that situation written in his expression as clearly as if John was reading a book.
I can't do this. I can't lie to him and make him worry over something that didn't even happen.
"I need to tell you something," John said quickly before he could talk himself out of it. Cade automatically reached out and placed a hand on his knee.
"It's okay," he said softly. "You can tell me anything. Just let me know and I can leave it out of my notes."
John swallowed. "Maybe… leaving it out of your notes would be best." Cade nodded and closed the notebook, setting it in the grass by his thigh. "The reason I told her I had a boyfriend is because at the time I didn't." At this, Cade's head cocked to the side a little. "I… I've never been really popular. I mean, I'm a total nerd and I'm not super attractive or talented. I don't really have any friends at school, just classmates, people that I know. But for some reason, this girl started flirting with me. I've known I'm gay for several years now, even if I never told anyone. But I didn't know how to turn her down – I didn't want to hurt her, you know? S-So I talked to my best friend about it… He's a huge ladies' man and turns down confessions at least once a week, so I thought maybe he could help me.
His advice for someone who wasn't comfortable with flat-out rejections was to… well, to pretend to have a boyfriend. And it was late and I was tired and she wouldn't stop texting me, and it seemed like it would work. No harm if it's a prank, right? I never expected she would react that way…"
"So, in other words," said Cade, his voice solemn, "you got beaten up over something that wasn't even true?" John swallowed heavily and nodded in response, not trusting his voice to stay steady. Cade just shook his head, his expression fairly disgusted. "I seriously cannot believe people. A rumor is all it takes to send people into a heated enough frenzy that it's worth hurting others. And to think that the rumor that caused all of this was false…" He pursed his lips and seemed unable to continue. John frowned.
"Well, that's high school, you know? If it's not some homophobes beating up the next possible gay kid, it's always gonna be something else. I may not have any friends, but that doesn't mean I don't listen, and I can't say I've ever been in a class that wasn't teeming with drama-obsessed teens who can't seem to make it through the day without spreading one rumor or another."
Finally Cade cracked a smile. "You sure have it pegged," he said. "It's a shame, too. High school might be an amazing time if it weren't for all that teen angst." They both laughed a little before Cade settled John with an amused look. "So, I'm guessing there's a reason you haven't told any other newscasters this version of the story."
"Yeah, well, my attorney didn't think it would look so good if everyone knew that all of this started because I pulled a prank. I guess it's something that the defendant's attorney can use against me." His eyes widened suddenly and a worried expression crossed his face. "You aren't… going to tell anyone about this, are you?" Cade laughed lightly.
"Of course I'm not. John, I'm on your side here. I want nothing more than for you to win your court case." He smiled reassuringly and John felt himself relax. "I'm curious though. You said that at the time you didn't have a boyfriend, right?" His eyebrows rose suggestively. "Has that changed in the past couple of days?"
John blushed. "Hehe, yeah. On Friday he asked me out on a date." Cade smiled.
"How long have you known him?" John's blush deepened.
"He's the best friend who gave me the fake boyfriend advice, so… I've known him since we were kids."
"Really? The ladies' man?"
"Yeah, he's the real attractive stoic type, so girls tend to flock to him like preteens to a Justin Bieber concert. He always turned them down though, for as long as I can remember. Something about them…" he trailed off slowly as realization struck him, his smile fading, "never being his type…"
Cade watched him with an inquisitive gaze for several moments before saying, "John?" He blinked several times and found himself smiling wider than he had been before.
"Sorry! Just got a little sidetracked. I've been in love with him for three years, in any case, so needless to say I'm really excited that he feels the same way about me."
"Well, well. The perfect teenage romance." There went those suggestive eyebrows again, and the grin was coy. Cade reached for his notebook and opened it slowly. "Do you mind if I include this about your boyfriend? Of course, not the part about him not asking you out until Friday."
"Sure, go ahead," John said, the blush rising again. Cade took a few minutes to write things down before looking at John again.
"What was his reaction when he found out what had happened to you?"
"He was really angry and pretty guilty at first, since he's the one who gave me the fake boyfriend advice in the first place." John rested his chin in his palm. "He's always so good at pretending to be chill about everything, and I'm not always sure what he's thinking. But I'm just afraid that he really feels like what happened was his responsibility and that he's taking all of that unnecessary guilt and internalizing it."
"Can I ask more about what happened?"
John looked up before looking at the grass again. "Yeah…"
"All of the other reports say that you were cornered in an alleyway after work by four of your peers. Do you think you could describe the incident in more detail?"
Swallowing heavily, John closed his eyes and tried to dredge up the details of that evening. "I was just getting off work at five, and when I left the store there were four of my classmates hanging around outside. I… didn't think much of them, just kept walking home. But they followed me back to the alley behind the store and snuck up on me before pushing me into the fence. They, um…. told me they'd seen the text message about my boyfriend. I tried to deny it and they started calling me a – a faggot, and talking about how I must want to suck their dicks since I'm gay and all gay people are… darn, what did they say? Loose sluts or something…"
Cade's expression was downright shocked. "What was going through your head as this was happening?"
"Mostly just that I couldn't believe that it was even happening. I was having a lot of trouble accepting it and I was scared out of my mind, so I froze."
"Completely understandably," Cade added, his tone upset. "What happened next?"
"One of them punched me in the stomach pretty hard… Then another got me in the face and knocked my head into the fence hard enough to make my lip bleed. They punched me in the face again, which tossed my glasses off so I couldn't even see what was going on. One more time in the face, and they were about to do it again when Eric Reading happened to walk back there and scare them away."
"I'm so sorry," Cade said, and finally John looked up and met his gaze. He seemed a lot more genuine then any of the other news reporters he'd talked to. John hated to think it might have been because Cade knew from experience what he was talking about. "What are your plans beyond the court case, John?"
He considered for a moment. "I'm not entirely sure. I know my attorney probably has big plans involving some new legislation about anti-bullying. But for now, all I know is that I'm going to be talking to some LGBT organizations and learning more about queer issues."
Cade's hand again rested on John's knee, and his smile was soft as he said, "Thank you, John. Thank you so much."
Somehow, John got the feeling that those thanks meant a lot more to Cade than John would ever be able to understand.
– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
TG: welp
TG: weve gotta stop meeting like this egbert
TG: you me and a dingy chat client
EB: pfft, yeah right!
EB: i won't be able to call myself a pure, virtuous maiden if we go on like this.
TG: ikr
TG: id hate to break the news to your dad that you were consorting with the sort of gutterfilth that roams pesterchum
TG: anyway enough pleasantries
TG: howre you doing
EB: i'm pretty good, i think!
EB: the drugs worked! i didn't get worked up or pass out or anything that would make you want to punch me until i stop being an idiot.
TG: dude thats awesome
EB: i know! it was really relieving.
TG: anything that prevents you from tossing your cookies in public is something i can get behind
EB: agreed!
EB: i had a really nice interview today, actually.
EB: it was with a transgender person! an "ftm."
EB: kinda made me realize that i know absolutely nothing about queer issues, haha.
EB: so i want to learn more!
TG: female to male right
TG: yeah i came across some shit on the internet
TG: definitely wasnt researching because of you why would you even think me capable of a dorktacular thing like that
EB: dave...
EB: you're ridiculous.
EB: :)
TG: shut up no im not
TG: idk some stuff happened and i got to thinking how shitty it was that theres this whole fucking stigma behind everything
TG: and then suddenly i was reenacting some awful lifetime movie where the concerned friend uses a poor mans version of google to do research
TG: anyway i learned a lot of stuff i guess
TG: who needs school when you have the internet
EB: some stuff happened? what do you mean?
TG: i had
TG: kind of a run in with someone
EB: huh? who?
TG: its been taken care of
TG: nbd
EB: no, don't pull that shit, dave!
EB: what happened?
TG: sigh
TG: ok ive been checking around for job openings right
TG: just to get a feel for whatll be here
EB: right?
EB: uh, dave is everything okay? it's been a while since you've said anything...
TG: sorry bro came in to ask some junk
TG: ok
TG: so im cutting through the back alleys to get home
TG: when suddenly i get grabbed from behind
TG: hand over the mouth deal too
TG: caught me right the fuck off guard
EB: wh
EB: what the fuck...
TG: so im just
TG: pressed against some dudes torso right
TG: literally incapable of doing much else than thinking what the fuck over and over
TG: and then he gets his hands in my hair
TG: tight enough to hurt
TG: and says so kid looking for another job where you can ruin peoples lives
TG: and im like oh holy fuck not you again
TG: i mean dont get me wrong he blindsided me so i was at a disadvantage and everything
TG: but i started laughing and then he
TG: wow ok i dont want to type this
EB: dave...
EB: what
EB: what did he do to you?
TG: god it wasnt even
TG: okay it was
TG: it wasnt anything really bad but
TG: ok
TG: basically he got his hands all up in my junk
TG: and there were maybe three seconds where i just bluescreened
TG: and then i slammed back into consciousness and just kicked upwards with one leg as far back as i could
TG: and then i just stood there
TG: shouldve probably run or something
TG: but i just stood there watching him writhe his ass around against the sidewalk cursing and calling me a slut and a fag and a million other colorful euphemisms
EB: holy shit, how is that not horrible?
EB: i want
EB: fuck, i really want to hurt that guy.
EB: how could he do that to you?
TG: i guess im just so gogdamned beautiful that bitches cant keep their hands off
TG: no but seriously i
TG: i was standing there thinking about calling the police
TG: and then i just froze up thinking shit like no ones even gonna believe me if i report this so what the fuck is the point
TG: so i just ended up telling him if he came near me again id make pepperoni slices using only my broken katana and his dick
TG: and he said hey empty threats arent gonna change the fact youre gay
TG: you were packing heat there junior etc etc
TG: i ended up bailing
TG: thankfully bro wasnt in when i got home because i must have looked like 413 varieties of shit
EB: i don't understand how this is taken care of.
EB: that's fucking awful.
TG: im ok
EB: i don't know if i believe you.
TG: ill be seeing you soon
TG: thats the only thing that matters to me at this moment
TG: fuck i still cant believe he caught me with my guard down like that though
EB: goddamnit dave, there has to be something i can do. i don't want to just sit back and watch while that asshole hurts you when you can't do anything but threaten him.
EB: i want to see you so badly but there's still tomorrow, thursday, and friday.
EB: three days is too long.
TG: an hour is too long
TG: moving swiftly on from that uncomfortable display of sentimentality on my part
TG: even if i called the police on him what good would it do
TG: thered be people saying i made too big a deal of it because it wasnt like he threw me down on the ground and stuck himself in places
TG: then thered be people saying i was making it all up
TG: then thered be a bunch of shitty interviews not entirely unlike the debacle you had to go through with those kids beating you up
EB: but you can't just let him get away with it!
EB: have you at least told bro?
EB: and the only reason i'm doing interviews is because my attorney wants to turn my case into a big media thing.
TG: no ive not told bro hed overreact
TG: interviews is the wrong word
TG: i mean that sitdown bullshit where you repeat your story five times and no one believes you anyway
EB: fuck, dave. you're being way too chill about this.
EB: seriously, you need to tell bro.
EB: what if
EB: fuck
EB: what if next time that douchebag doesn't give you the option to react?
EB: he seems pretty zoned in on you.
EB: i mean, it's one thing for him to sneak up on you and do shit that you can pretend doesn't bother you...
EB: but what if
TG: what if what
EB: goddamnit dave, you know where i'm going with this.
EB: what if this guy is fucked up crazy and does something worse to you than he already has?
TG: i can take care of myself
TG: i handled it today
EB: you are definitely ridiculous.
EB: today he caught you off guard.
EB: what makes you think that won't happen again?
TG: it wont
EB: shit.
EB: dave, please don't do this.
EB: you don't have to pretend with me.
EB: i'm...
EB: jeez, i'm so fucking in love with you, and i don't think that i'm being a derp worrying about this.
EB: what do you really know about that douchebag?
EB: he could be dangerous, and if anything happened to you...
TG: im not
TG: trying to make you worry
TG: thats the last thing im trying to do
EB: i know you're not.
EB: just
EB: please at least talk to bro about this.
EB: and don't tell me he'll overreact, because that's not true.
TG: but hell want to take action and shit and
TG: i cant
EB: why?
TG: what if he tries to keep me home to deal with it
EB: i
EB: oh...
TG: i cant
TG: not see you
TG: dont ask me to do that
TG: john
TG: are you still there
EB: yes, i'm
EB: i'm still here.
EB: dave, i
EB: i don't know what to do.
TG: i promise ill look out for myself ok
TG: and
TG: when i come back ill tell bro everything
TG: hell understand maybe
TG: hes weird
EB: can't you just
EB: not go anywhere until you leave?
EB: haha...
TG: i could stick to here and the roof i guess
TG: im not much one for the outside anyway
TG: all texas is good for is sunburn and assholes
EB: ...
EB: have you thought about where you're applying for college?
TG: yes
TG: im gonna have to work my ass off but
TG: i have an idea of where i want to go sure
EB: where?
TG: not sure
TG: guess ill be testing the ground in three days
EB: holy
EB: dave, i will seriously flip my shit if you go to college in washington.
TG: heh
TG: like i said
TG: id have to work my ass off
EB: yeah!
EB: jeez, dave.
EB: out of state tuition is a total bitch, are you sure it's a good idea?
EB: and here you are spending all this money to come visit me...
EB: can't you let me pay you back or something?
TG: no way
TG: look this is something i really want to do
TG: ive been saving for it for a
TG: while
TG: if you have to know
EB: for a
EB: while
EB: that's an odd break. :P
EB: but still! it is seriously so much money, dave, can i at least help you out with this trip.
EB: i mean, i know you only had to pay for a plane ticket, but every little bit helps, right?
TG: i was tossing up between while and long time to see which of the two seemed less pathetic
TG:
TG: if you must
TG: you can put some money towards it
TG: only for the sake of your peace of mind
TG: i still feel like shit accepting charity though
EB: hahaha, i don't think you're pathetic.
EB: and it's not charity!
EB: probably...
EB: hehe no i am actually giving you money for totally selfish reasons!
EB: obviously it's all because of my burning desire to be close to you.
EB: so it's not even really for you! it's mostly for me.
EB: hahaha.
TG: yeah i heartell the desire for striders is a pretty intense one
TG: ok ill believe you
TG: but let me buy you dinner or something while were there ok
EB: what? no way! you need to save your money!
EB: i'm buying all the dinners!
TG: no
TG: im putting my foot down
TG: im buying you a classy dinner were doing this dating thing my way
TG: theres nothing more ironic than playing the wine-and-dine card straight
EB: ugh dave you are really, really ridiculous!
EB: as much as i am grinning like a huge idiot over the thought of you playing the wine-and-dine card
EB: i think it's totally lame that you have to buy the dinner.
TG: just one dinner
TG: damn it youre the only kid in the world who would complain about eating for free
EB: well excuuuse me for thinking about the future!
EB: i'd rather you save your money so we can go to college together than get a free dinner!
EB: or...
EB: hehe, go to college close to each other, anyways.
TG: ideally the first
TG: trust me the dinner wont make that big of a dent
TG: unless you eat more than i bargained for
EB: i don't knoow dave, my stomach can be a bottomless pit when it wants to be!
EB: how much do you have saved up already anyways? how long have you even been saving?
TG: like i said
TG: a
TG: while
TG: im hoping for scholarships though itd make it easier
TG: been working my ass off
EB: "a while," he says, bluuuuuuuuh!
EB: i'm sure you'll get scholarships!
EB: i mean, you do pretty well in school when you apply yourself, don't you?
TG: egbert you dont even know the half of it
TG: its like i walk in the room and they just cover me in a+s
TG: but yeah ive been working for what its worth
EB: wow, really? that's kind of awesome!
EB: i'm jealous! haha i'm such a b-student.
TG: eh youre smart in other ways
TG: booksmarts are overrated
TG: idk when im gonna find a practical application for pythagoras theorem but what you gonna do
EB: hey man, if you go into maths and sciences, you can get lots of scholarships! everyone else is too busy getting their degrees in art and english, pfft.
TG: yeah i was thinking about going into chem maybe
TG: shits easy
EB: oh man, chemistry is so cool!
EB: i wish i was better at it, but it sure is fun!
TG: heh
TG: yeah ive been fucking around with chemical shit for as long as i can remember
TG: so maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea to try and score a few science scholarships
TG: well see
TG: ill get my ass over there somehow
EB: i'm sure you can.
EB: oh my gosh i just want to skip senior year and go straight to college now!
EB: haha why must you make my life so difficult, strider?
TG: thats just me summarized
TG: i exist to provide you with endless insurmountable problems based primarily around how cool i am
TG: shit i have to leave soon and all we did was talk about how great i am
TG: an understandable topic choice but i cant help but feel guilty
EB: pffft don't worry dave, i can assure you that i enjoyed every minute of it.
EB: but yeah, i gotta go too.
EB: dinner's just about ready.
EB: just, um
EB: be safe, okay?
TG: i promise ill stay indoors like a good kid
TG: hey john
EB: yeah?
TG: i cant wait to see you
EB: hehe, right back atcha!
EB: the next three days are gonna be torture, no lie.
TG: yeah you know it
TG: stay strong ok i know those media guys are probably working the hell out of you
TG: but ill be there to cheerlead in like three days so
EB: surely you will be the best cheerleader ever.
EB: no i didn't just imagine you in a cheerleader's outfit why would you suggest that.
TG: dude you know i would rock a skirt that short
EB: oh my gosh i'm tempted to dare you!
TG: oh ho this is intriguing
TG: hidden depths egbert
TG: but id win that dare
TG: you grow up with bro you learn to justify anything
EB: of course, it's all ironic, right? :P
TG: theres levels to this shit egbert
TG: its ok if you dont understand its an art
EB: sure, dave.
EB: sure.
EB: then in that case, i do dare you!
TG: challenge accepted
TG: heh anyway bros leaving angry ims so i should go
EB: haha, alright.
TG: love you dude
EB: i love you too!
EB:≤3
TG: ugh dont make me do this
TG: ...
TG: ≤3
TG: sign
EB: hehehe.
EB: i am going to reward you for stooping to that level, dave.
EB: hold me to it.
TG: looking forward to it
TG: heh see you round john
TG: take care of yourself ok
– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –