Chapter 3 : Tsubaki and I/Confession
"He still practicing in midnight, huh?"
DUM DA DA!
The sound of a piano echo through the neighborhood. It was very tinder, gently pressed, yet fast and accurate way of playing piano. The wave created by the instrument make my window vibrate slightly.
"Kousei! Don't you think you should study a little bit?" I open my window and yell to my friend, Kousei who live next door.
"If I don't practice my ability will rust, and I'm sure Otsuka didn't accept lousy pianist." He answer while playing the piano.
"True, but you plan for taking the normal test right?"
There is two way to enter such Music School. One is having an achievement in musical field, second by taking the entrance exam, which testing both academic and musical abilities. You could say that this school only accept polished gems that catch everyone eyes and undiscovered gems that had the potential to shine brightly. Kousei was once planning for the first, but from how things turned out it seems his only choice is the latter.
"Don't worry, I already had my share of study, what about you, Tsubaki?"
"Hehe! Its quite smooth, I would say! So far, all the simulation tests are above B! Kashiwagi even surprised!"
Simulation test like the name indicate, a mock test which simulate entrance exams that schools provides. While it wasn't accurately predict what subjects will be tested, it is a quite effective method for students to be used with competitive and unpredictable test environment.
"You already have your dinner, Kousei?"
"Yes, my dad was home today and he bought some sushi. He also bought it for you too, it is in the freezer."
"Really!? I will go to your house ASAP!"
Because we live next door and our family already quite familiar with each other, they treat the other children like their own family. Kousei's dad is rarely at home, but when he do- he always treat me with luxurious food.
As I rush to his house, I took out the ultra premium looking sushi and go to the piano room.
"Yo!"
"That was fast…"
Well I'm sorry for super excited to a luxurious sushi.
DUM DANG DANG
"What song do you playing right now?"
It's not like I'm actually interested, but I just want a topic to chat.
"Requiem."
"I know that, it was the ironic music that Mozart create for someone who recently passed away, but it turn out the song was for his own death."
"You sure studying a lot huh?"
"What's that supposed to mean!?"
DUM DUM DUM DUM!
The story of "death song" Requiem was quite famous and mentioned in History subjects. It's a very powerful piece of music that even a complete newbie like me can easily tell how sad and heart shaking the music is.
DUM DUM DUM DUM!
There are many version of requiems out there, each of them is a legendary music on its own. But when people specifically said "The Requiem" of course they always talking about Mozart's.
Beep! Beep!
A very different sound appear in the room. In contrast with the classical and echoing piano, this one sounds very mechanical.
It was my phone.
It seems someone text me in the middle of the night.
Chat : Kaori
Hi! \(°v°)/
Kao-chan? What her business in midnight?
Re: Hello!
What are u doin'?
Re: Nothing, just lazing around. *w*
LOL me too! We quite similar then! Wohoo~ lazy people! ,
Similar huh? Would be nice if it's true.
Re: So what is it?
I just think… We rarely go out together since I'm hospitalized. Now I'm discharged I want to hang out with you or something like that…
Re: 0w0 a date? 0w0
°A°) NO!
Re: Oh so you want to self celebrate your discharge? Oh my-my :P
(;_;) stop bullying me! Anyway do you have plan on Friday?
Re: No, I'm free.
Sweet! next Friday okay? Let's hang out in the mall! :)
Re: Right.
And also there is something important that I want to tell you.
Re: Huh?
Friday, 2 March.
A Certain Mall
"Hi! Sorry did I took your time?"
"Yo! Don't worry about it. Huh? School uniform?"
"Well, I still need to study in school because there is a lot of things to catch up. On the other hand, what's with your super cute get up? Don't tell me you actually excited for hanging out with me?"
"Ugh, that's payback from last night, isn't it!?"
It seems there is a hole in my plan. Kashiwagi-san and my parents are not pleased with me hanging out while I'm so behind in my study. I need to take "Break exam" that specifically created by Kashiwagi-san, and I just barely pass.
Compared to me, Tsubaki's attire is the very definition of casual clothing. On a single glance, one can see that she thoughtfully think about every component of her clothes to match perfectly.
"So where do we go?"
"Ah… I never thought about it."
I mean, it took courage for just asking you out and thinking what I should say to not ruin the mood.
"Well then, what's about that café over there? I heard their ice creams are the best around here!"
"Ice creams? Oh man, it's feel like forever since the last time I had one!"
"Well then, it's decided!"
Then we enter the café and sit at the table in the edge. As I predicted the café filled with girls hanging out, there is also a few couple too. The café design seems to take on the idea that people want to chat and stuff, so all the table in the edge had a small wall that block other people gaze. While it doesn't prevent people overheard our conversations, it certainly give us some sense of protection and privacy.
"So… Umm…"
"All of them look delicious!"
I don't know what I want to order!"
"I guess when everything looks good, it's also a problem…"
We spent our time to choose which ice creams we want to order, around 30 minutes wasted, I guess?
"Here your orders, please enjoy your dish!"
The first one is my order, it was named "frozen royale." While it sounds very random, the big plate composed of 5 different flavored ice creams, surrounded by variety of crisps plus some apple, honey and caramel sauce mixed in, which really gave grandiose impression. Truthfully, It looks classy, but it's actually a really simple dish.
Compared to mine, Tsubaki's "lava plume" look small in comparison. On the outside, it just look like a simple scoop of ice cream with some topping. But once someone slices the ice cream, it reveals a pool of warm chocolates inside, true to its name. I don't understand how its work, but it seems to use some kind of food gastronomy.
"Thanks for the food!"
"Thanks for the food!"
"Uwaahh, so sweet!"
"Ah the contrast between warm chocolate and cold ice cream!"
"Man… I feel like alive once again! Well, in a sense, I do back from the dead! Hahahaha!"
"…Kao-chan…"
"Why so gloomy? Did my jokes really that bad!?"
"Its sound very terrible, I mean, if another person says that to you, it will destroy your mood. Like cliché flashbacks and stuff. But knowing you, you will not even care about it anyway!"
Good… good! That set the mood quite nicely. I search on the net that if someone want to talk about heavy stuff with friends, you can't just straight to the point. If anything, someone must talk about unnecessary stuff that will lead to the actual topic. It will eventually ruin the mood, but depending on your approach, the discussion can end differently.
So we continue our little chats until finished our foods. Now we are quite relaxed I suppose it's a good time to bring the real topic.
*breathing and sighing* I take a deep breath and embolden my self.
"There is something that I want to confess."
Since that message, I keep thinking what Kao-chan want to tell about. I keep thinking about it but I didn't find any clue.
What is this important thing you want to tell me?
What so important about it to the point you must to tell me in person?
Why you can't straight to the point?
It's keep bugging me! Like a leaked pipe, you know there is something wrong, but you didn't able to find out where are the ripped parts.
And so I waited for it.
"There is something that I want to confess."
It's here, the answer I waited for.
"I didn't have feelings for Watari-kun."
Huh?
What do you mean? What is my business about you love Watari or not?
No…
Don't tell me...
"You see, I really want to be introduced to him, but not for such reason."
Stop…!
"So I want to meet him. So I can close to that boy."
Don't say it anymore! I don't want to hear it…!
"The person that I love is Arima Kousei."
…
...
"…"
"You see… Since that performance, I always looking at him as someone inspiring. We always looking at him like a dream, maybe as a rival, or as someone we admire, and as someone to overcome. Every single of us look at him differently… and what I wanted is to stand in the same stage as him."
"Don't talk anymore…"
"I-I'm sorry for decei-"
"SHUT UP! All of you! You people always stole Kousei from me! I'm the one who always took care of him! Just because you aspire the same thing as him, didn't mean you have the right to stole him!"
"But I….! I always envy you for the exact reason! I want to be someone who know everything about him, like you do! Aren't that means we stand in the same ground!?"
"There is no way… we are the same! Because…"
The difference between us, the single thing that differentiate us in a big margin.
He love you.
Kousei love Kaori.
The simple fact is enough to make the wide distance between us.
But, I thought you love Watari. That's mean Kousei didn't had a single chance to compete with him. So I waited for him to gave up, so I can be his second choice.
But now… that you two are in love with each other, there is no place for me to stand beside him.
That's why saying 'we are the same' are an arrogant thing to say.
"Because…?"
"That's it, I'm going home!"
Its better end this discussion before things start getting crazier.
"Wait-! Please… Just hear me out!" As she yell, she grab my hand.
"Don't touch me!"
"Penalty! Cheaters must receive a penalty! That's how things always going in sport games!"
"What?"
I don't know why I stopped there. I'm very irritated with this conversation and yet…
"I'm sorry ladies, but you two disturb other customers." Say the man who appear to be the manager.
"Ah."
"Ah."
I think we can't set our foot to this café again.
Sumitani Middle School library
The library like always, have a quiet and serious atmosphere. Contrary on the usual stereotypes, the library girl is quite strict and wouldn't hesitate to kick people out from the library. She seems take her responsibility as a librarian way too seriously.
In a desk near the window, there is a girl and a boy reviewing a special exam they made for certain person.
'Hey…" the one that started the conversation is the diligent looking girl with ponytail hair.
"Don't you think, we are going to far?" she added.
It seems she concerned about something. The way she said it sounds like she regret and guilt about her deeds.
"I know you value your friendship, but... she already going through a lot of suffering from her illness."
"That's exactly why." The boy finally spoke.
"…?"
"If she was just your ordinary girl, I would never dare to do such cruel thing."
The boy stare at the window, thinking about something that the girl unable to understand. He stares to the field where the soccer club usually train. The very same club that he once lead, now the position was passed down to a very reliable junior.
"But I believe in her. Someone who face all of her trouble with a smile, never give up until the very end. She definitely able to bear this burden."
When the boy say that, there is no sign of malice or trickery in his face. What he said was true to his heart, but at the same time he disgusted to his own self.
What he did was undeniably the right thing.
But is it the best way?
"You're really like her don't you?"
The boy stay silent. He doesn't answer the girl question with words.
But he gave a honest smile as an answer.
Arima residence.
DAM DAM DAM DA DA
*Knocked door*
"Kousei? Can I-"
"Usually you just bark in Tsubaki, why suddenly being formal?" the boy cut her sentences with snarky remarks. It show how familiar they were with each other.
"Right…" the girl come in and watch the boy playing the big instrument.
As usual the room always lively from the sound of a piano. But compared to the noisy sounds that the piano create, the room atmosphere is depressingly quiet.
As far as the boy concerned, there is nothing wrong with them. The heavy atmosphere solely created by the girl internal thought about a recent event.
She just stand there, staring at the boy.
She stand long enough that the boy start getting worried.
"Tsubaki… You just standing all the time, it's something wrong?"
"No…"
DUM-
Suddenly he stopped playing piano.
"Did I do something that bother you?"
"It's not like that…"
"Then what is it?"
"J-just play the damn piano already! Stupid Kousei!"
"…? What's wrong with you?" He look dumbfounded.
DUM DUM DUM DA DA!
The boy started playing the piano again, still confused with how the girl acting weirdly. Despite that, there is no sign from him dropping his performance.
Why the hell you become considerate now? Most of the time you just play piano like there is nothing happening! You choose the worst timing possible to care! Ah damn it…! I don't care anymore!
The girl thought about his unusual concerns, nonetheless she actually happy about it.
She try to made up her mind.
"K-Kousei…!"
"?"
"I'm about to say something embarrassing right now!"
"?"
"I…!"
What she is trying to do right now is similar to try gathering water without a solid vessel. No matter how many time she gather the water, some water will always leaking out. She will try to gather them again, but of course it will leak out again. It create an endless loop until the girl give up.
But even so…
She doesn't want to lose to her.
There is a girl she envy, that girl have everything she doesn't have.
But at the same time that girl must face a lot of trouble that she can't imagine.
That girl have the absolute right for being selfish.
And yet…
Because what I did is wrong, I believe I deserve a penalty or something like that.
That's why I give you a head start, you're free to do anything.
You are someone who always by his side, if there is anyone that he can accept as his partner, it's you.
She doesn't use such privileges.
Her selfishness is beyond imagination, she thought.
In the first place, there is nothing wrong with loving someone. Whoever in the boy side since childhood, or someone who adores his musical ability, or someone who just know him last year doesn't make any difference.
Everyone has the right to love someone.
But even so, that girl choose the choice where everyone got their happy ending, except her.
It was noble and foolish. She allow her rival to have an advantage, fully understood that her rival had a high chance to win. As long she can preserve their relationship.
It could be said that she choose the painful path of a hero of justice.
But that's also why she disgusted to herself.
Compared to that girl, all this time she only thought about her well being. She think the world being unfair to her, she thought she doesn't deserve any torments.
she clenched her teeth.
She doesn't want to lose to that girl.
And so she made up her mind.
She choose the path that will not lose to that girl.
The path of a hero.
"I LOVE YOU KOUSEI!"
"…"
He blush.
"I did the right thing didn't I?"
The girl with messy long blonde hair walking in the road. It's unclear whatever she on the way home or just having a walk.
Whoever passing by can understand with a single glance that the young lady think about something. And yet they couldn't understand whatever the girl is in a good mood or not. Not even the girl herself know about her true feelings.
But she fully understood she did the right thing.
The girl know she did many sinful act in the past and now she try to atone those sins. Because there is nothing more wonderful than able to clear your bad deeds before something divine punish you.
So the girl continue forward, she know many wonderful things gonna happen in her new life. Something bitter like a cup of coffee can be enjoyed if you used by it. That just part of human life, good and awful thing happen in a daily basis.
That's how is it to be an adult.
A responsible adult that people expect her to.
But it was undeniably hurt in her chest.
-Chapter 3 : Tsubaki and I/Confession END-
Long time no see! I'm Feelism!
First of all, I want to apologize because this chapter take super long time to be released. While there is not deadline or anything (as this is a fanfic), I actually limit my self for at least to post new chapter once in 2 week. But a lot of thing happens, so I fail to do so.
The first thing that block me is mid-term. Unlike the mid test during high school, my college mid test didn't had any schedule for you to prepare. The faculty only tell you "this month is gonna be the mid test season, ganbaroo¬", so students was expected to learn and study for the entire month and the professors can spontaneously say "suck to be you guys, today we mid test!" It was actually very fun and effective way to force students to study.
The second thing is... Fate/Grand Order. Well if nobody knows about it, it's a mobage... featuring Fate/Zero and Fate/Stay Night Servants, there is also characters from the other Fate franchise too! I was a big fans of Kinoko Nasu's work (second only to Kamachi's To aru Majutsu no Index), or Fate franchise in general. I would rambling about Primate Murder, ORT and stuff, but let's not bring my TM fanboys side! In short, I'm very addicted to F/GO, normally I wouldn't play games.
The third is that I was thinking about where the directions this fanfic should go. While the outline already made inside my head, I need to revisit some stuff and changes things as I see fits.
This chapter actually supposed to be two chapters. But I think there is too much about Kaori and Tsubaki moeblob-panderings, so I cut those parts. But once I cut those moeblobs it was actually very shorts, so I fuse them.
The name of this chapter is... very straightforward. There is many secret meaning in this chapter, that what I wanted to say.
Until next time, if my professors not being an ass, see ya!