alright! after a little more than three months of hiatus, vec and i are back in business and here to bring you chapter 10!
i just wanted to thank you all so much for your kind words for vec during this difficult time. she went all gibberishy and emotional every time i showed her a new review from you all telling her to get better.
and as for our reviewers, i'd like to thank feloss, LyssiLuvr, Zouza, Mori'sInsanity, Little Ryuu, yintsunami, Serpent-Chan, toadspimp, harmonic alchemist, Charxilyn, Expelliar-mouse, ectoBiologist EB, Tatortot317, Mokka, Yaoi'sWhore, BitterSweet-Scion, xXjessiexnimXx, Artemis Elric, PandasGoBOOMxoxo, Akemi Yuna, Anonymous Avenger, Patchworkhearts17, EijiNya, NecoAkuma, TheaMear, kind-of-heart, InvaderSammeh, CrewSoulReaper, Kuraitsuki Tukiko, amaya-nights rain, macaroni-massacre, meikka, Kurozaki, sesshomaruluvsfish, cowgirl158, Jensam, Joanie Dark, LAVEN-YULLEN, Alice Albany, PenDragon2.0, SomethingSnarky, nicoLIES, Envious Yet, Nekobishi, Acitone, Gin Anokoku, and all of our lovely anons!
the aside at the end of this chapter is written entirely by vector. she sends her love!
The Figurehead of Queer Justice
Strider Tears
When John and Dad finally returned home, it was later than usual. They had ended up having to call Eric Reading to Carolyn's office to begin sorting out the mess that had just become their case.
John had been told from day one that the likelihood of him losing the case was so small that he shouldn't bother considering it. That was before Daniel made a public claim of his intentions. At that point, John was warned to be wary, and to always make sure to keep his story straight. However, even with Daniel pleading not guilty, as long as the other three boys still planned to plead guilty, there was no way an entire jury could be convinced of his supposed innocence. However, now that all four boys had decided to join together in opposition of John, whatever they were planning on arguing became much stronger.
Meetings were arranged with Daniel, Garrett, George, Chris, and their respective families, which would all be held the next day. Perhaps some civil discourse can persuade them, Carolyn had proposed, and John was going to try his hardest to do just that. Part of him knew, though, that it was futile. He could see in their faces that they had no intention of turning back.
They both plopped into the kitchen to share a piece of cake, and while John rested his chin on the table and moved the icing around the plate with his fork, Dad checked their home phone's messages. The first two were business partners relaying new information and asking a few questions regarding company stock. Dad deleted them (as he had already responded to these via PDA), and waited for the last one, undoubtedly another business message. Instead, the voice that ripped through their kitchen was completely unrecognizable, except for the awful words it produced:
"Go to hell, you fucking faggot!"
The silence that followed was thick, and Dad and John didn't look at each other for several minutes, both suffering their own forms of shock. When John finally abruptly stood up and made for the door, Dad called his name quietly. But John merely hid his face, the blotchiness of his skin and the trembling of his lip and said, "I'm going to bed." He absconded quickly before Dad could say anything more.
He thanked God (or Karkat, he wasn't sure which was more accurate) that Dave had waited up like he said he would.
– turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
TG: ding dong
TG: as i understand it you ordered a wholesome serving of radtacular broslice
TG: thatll be $9.95
EB: dave, i don't think i can do this anymore.
TG: huh are you okay
TG: what happened
TG: did something go down after i got done talking to you
TG: i mean when you say you cant do 'this' what are referring to
TG: its a crucial this
TG: am i putting undue strain on you cause i can ease up
TG: i mean i can make some attempt to stop my gums flapping looser than a two dollar hooker
TG: cant guarantee itll work
TG: wait am i making this worse
TG: shit sorry
TG: john whats wrong
EB: you know when i said earlier that i didn't want to talk about it because if i ignored it maybe everything would be okay?
TG: ...yes
EB: that didn't really work.
TG: yeah i had a hunch that
TG: it might go down like that
TG: do you feel like talking about it now or
EB: they're all pleading not guilty.
EB: all four of them decided to fight me in court.
TG: wait what so did that one dbag contaminate the rest of them
TG: fuckin
TG: wow i would make ineffectual violent threats but it just highlights how the only thing in my power rn is to send them links to gore picspams
TG: actually i dont know their email addresses so i dont even have that
TG: is that what your meeting today was about
EB: yes...
EB: i'm sorry i didn't say anything.
EB: i thought if i avoided it maybe...
TG: look its ok im not mad
TG: but eugh
TG: ok right so this is the farthest thing from ideal but hey on the bright side it means that theyre gonna get a higher sentence if justice is served which
TG: according to my past deathtrap lawyer sources
TG: is a thing that sometimes happens
TG: i mean admittedly my only deathtrap lawyer source was a salivating knife-grinned lunatic who ate chalk and lived on fuckin mars or something but
EB: hehe.
EB: yeah, you're probably right.
TG: illequipped as she was to deal with anything remotely fuckin relevant i kinda wish i could talk to her right now
TG: i dont know the first thing about law or hate crimes or anything that would prove useful here
TG: and as endearingly saccharine as internet backpats and 'i got your back bro's are
TG: i just wish i could
TG: idk
EB: hey, terezi probably doesn't know much about earth hate crimes either.
EB: and don't worry, you're honestly doing enough by just talking to me.
TG: why does it fucking matter who you want to stick your junk into
TG: i didnt realize it was such a personal affront to your average john smith out on the street
TG: why is it any of their business
TG: how come youre taking the fall and stressing yourself and taking meds just because some assholes took issue with your leanings for cock
TG: pisses me off
EB: i wish i could just be normal.
TG: look john you could fill the landfills of bombay with shit about you that isnt normal
TG: like who doesnt like cake what the fuck
TG: you seriously watched mac and me and didnt projectile vomit at the screen
TG: no sir you did one better and bought a poster of that bad boy and put it up in your room so you could observe its fetid mediocrity every time you scrubbed the gunk from your waking eyes
TG: but the fact you want to fall in love with a dude and make out with them and possibly touch their junk
TG: idk what the fuck about that is so abnormal
TG: tigers do it
TG: gay tigers exist
TG: not your fault that human society at large is years behind on this memo
TG: and im aware how hilarious this is coming from a dude who resisted the prying analytical remarks of one snarky horseshit-peddler lalonde but
TG: seriously
TG: youre not the one whos wrong here ok
TG: how can you be abnormal for being in love with someone thats moronic
TG: and wow im doing excellently on this score of not talking bullshit i see
TG: ill shut up
EB: no you...
EB: maybe you're right.
EB: i just
EB: there was a message waiting for me when i got home
EB: saying "go to hell you fucking faggot."
EB: and i know that i'm expected to be the hero and everything but,
EB: it's hard to forget that so many people out there hate me for who i love.
EB: it's stupid, but i just don't know what to do.
TG: wow allow me to bestow the champion piece of shit award to that particular chunk of rat smegma
TG: i hope they feel validated in their decisions to make unassuming kids feel like shit over something that has precisely fuck all to do with them
TG: uh look idk if this is any consolation whatsoever but
TG: societys taking its baby steps right now yeah
TG: towards being something that doesnt scarf down on a cheery helping of dick
TG: i mean progress is happening
TG: and youre helping that progress along by being amazing and getting your egbertian brand of skylark dust everywhere
EB: i...
EB: i want there to be progress.
EB: but what if i can't do it? i'm starting to feel like this is too much for me.
TG: then you can stop
TG: whatever i dont give a shit
TG: maybe itd even be better for you to stop
TG: i have a feeling itd have way fewer assholes riding your ass
TG: but
TG: i dunno i get the feeling you dont want to stop
TG: out of your weird sense of commitment to being an all around good guy
TG: whatever you wanna do though ill be here
TG: whatever thats worth
EB: it's worth a lot.
EB: you're probably right.
EB: i'm really upset right now and think that if i never went to the law firm and never saw another interviewer again i would be totally okay with it.
EB: but when it comes down to it, i don't think i can bring myself to stop.
EB: and i guess
EB: knowing that you're there for me either way makes it seem a little better.
TG: yeah tbh it seems like this stuffs doing a number on you
TG: understandably
TG: but hey
TG: youre not alone ok
EB: thank you.
EB: dave, i really appreciate you. i hope you know that.
TG: fuck who doesnt appreciate this sizzling hunk of raw sex appeal
TG: ...
TG: but yeah i
TG: i appreciate you too
TG: youre doing great ok
TG: and hey its not so long now
EB: i feel like i say this every time we talk but
EB: two days is way too long, haha.
TG: true that
TG: god i cant wait to get out of this apartment btw
EB: yeah, you've been hanging out there for a while, haven't you?
EB: that does make me feel really relieved all things considered, but it does suck that you can't really go outside. :(
TG: you dont even know the half of it
TG: i mean bro gets it and he doesnt get it all at the same time
TG: keeps making these digs at how he thought that never-leaving-the-computer phase died once i hit 14
EB: oh right.
EB: you haven't told him what happened...
EB: i understand why you can't, but i still really wish you would.
TG: like i said
TG: after i come back ok
TG: i promise
TG: even though hell fly off the handle like a tool
EB: not like a tool!
EB: he has every right to fly off the handle.
EB: i'm really worried about you, and i think it's good that he is too!
TG: meh no point in worrying i can handle it
EB: dave, you are being silly and stubborn again.
TG: im being truthful is whats up
EB: you are the most stubborn! it is you.
EB: and i'm not going to stop worrying, so there!
TG: yeah well
TG: kinda wish you wouldnt
TG: got enough on your plate as it is over there
EB: it doesn't matter what i have on my plate!
EB: you're more important to me than anything that may be on my plate at the moment.
TG: im wiping a single tear from my eye
TG: strider tears are a precious commodity btw
TG: look em up on ebay
EB: you are definitely avoiding the subject.
EB: i don't know why you're so adamant about me not worrying about you since you've been doing nothing but worry about me for the past couple weeks!
EB: you don't think
EB: you have to be ashamed of what happened, do you?
TG: ...
TG: hahahahahahahahaha
TG: why would i be
TG: oh man thats a good one
EB: well, i don't know.
EB: i don't think you should be because you have nothing to be ashamed of!
EB: um, i think you are probably just clinging to that coolkid mask right now with all of the energy you can muster.
EB: but regardless i want you to know that you can talk to me about this.
EB: in fact, i really wish you would.
EB: especially if you aren't going to talk to anyone else.
TG: ok whatever
TG: maybe it messed me up badly who gives a shit
TG: how about we make a lifetime movie about my struggles coming to terms with some dude pawing my goods
TG: adve strider: tough enough to go through a game that obliterated the known universe but cant handle some crotchjockey getting too close to his grill
EB: so if we go by your logic how about john egbert: strong enough to go through a game that obliterated the known universe but can't handle a little court case.
EB: i know that society makes it out that only girls can get sexually assaulted, but that's not true and it doesn't make it any less horrible when it happens to a guy.
TG: yeah wekll
TG: im meant to be made of tougher stuff than that
EB: you aren't meant to be anything but human.
EB: no one should have to deal with being violated like you were, and you aren't less tough or anything for being affected by it.
TG: itd be nice to believe that
EB: why can't you believe it?
TG: reasons
EB: dave.
TG: look bro may have provenb recently to have not been a complete sack of shit
TG: but lets just put it this way
TG: when you get raised with a code thats based around not looking like a chijjckenshit rookie sometimes you
TG: ok no im not getting into this on a cht client that happens enough with lalone
EB: i know that this is hard for you.
EB: rose does enough prying for all of us and i don't want to make you uncomfortable.
EB: but maybe you'll let me try to start convincing you that it's okay to feel things?
EB: and maybe that showing your emotions doesn't have to be a bad thing?
EB: i mean, come on, it's not like you're fooling anyone. you are making way too many typos for that.
EB: like, at least four in that last set of lines!
TG: yeah
TG: maybe
TG: im gonna brb and draw some shit for a while k
EB: oh...
EB: um, okay.
EB: i'll try not to fall asleep while you're gone!
EB: i love you, dave.
TG: hey you know something funny
TG: i love you too
TG: a lot
TG: so yeah sorry youve gotta put up with my dumb ass
EB: hehe. i love your dumb ass and will put up with it forever, okay? and don't you forget it.
TG: thnx
– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –
John watched as Dave's status jumped to offline almost as soon as his last word appeared on the screen, and leaned back a little, deciding to take his glasses off so he could gently wipe his eyes. Had he done something wrong? It had been a while since he'd seen Dave so subdued.
He sat at the computer for a while, looking at random blogs and youtube videos, and soon enough an hour had passed and John's eyes were starting to droop, his eyesight going fuzzy. Dave still hadn't returned from "being right back." Tomorrow was going to be long with conferences and he was already exhausted with what he'd gone through that day. But he'd promised to try not to fall asleep…
A half hour passed and John awoke with a start, not even having realized he'd drifted off. Dave was still nowhere to be seen.
Finally deciding to give up, John's fingers flopped over the keyboard with a messy "davee i am realyh tird im' sorry but iam goign t obed i love you nihgt" and stumbled over to his bed. Before he realized what he was doing, he reached for his phone and was texting Rose.
EB: i think i emsed up rose
EB: dave is proabby angry at e for prying
TT: John, have you been consuming alcohol at any point in the past couple hours?
EB: waht
EB: no!
EB: i am realy tired ok.
TT: Perhaps you should consider saving this conversation for a time when you are feeling somewhat more conscious.
EB: but i m juts so worrried. he is so great and i wishhe woudl nto force hi mself to alwys preetnd to be all touhg and strong.
TT: It is natural to worry, but I highly doubt you have done anything to upset him.
TT: While your version of prying certainly does not have nearly as successful results as mine do, I am positive that yours managed to instill a much deeper level of thought-provoking confusion.
TT: I don't feel it is really my place to disclose information from any of our many sessions, but you should know that regardless of what it may seem, Dave is trying very hard to open up to you.
TT: It is just an unfortunate fact of life that he is rather emotionally stunted.
TT: You shouldn't worry, however. He will come around with time.
TT: Just continue being your sunny, take-no-prisoners-with-kindness self. The more you attack him with love and affection, the less he will be able to put up resistance.
TT: ...
TT: John?
TT: I suppose you have fallen asleep.
TT: Good luck tomorrow, John.
"Are you going to be alright?"
John stood outside of the conference room with his father and Carolyn. Even with the Xanax he felt a little shaky, but he nodded regardless. Too much was riding on this meeting to make them worry about him unnecessarily.
Dad squeezed his shoulder lightly as Carolyn opened the door, and within seconds he was faced with the monsters from his most recent nightmares. He swallowed heavily and plastered on his winning Egdork smile before taking his seat.
While Carolyn and the other boys' attorney made some opening remarks, John pointedly tried to not avoid everyone's eyes. In fact, he made firm eye contact with each of his attackers and their parents, except for Mr. Harlen, who refused to look anywhere but his mug of coffee.
"In essence, the point of this conference is to open up a dialogue concerning the events of last week, and to come to some sort of consensus on what to do given the court case coming up. First of all, I'd like to invite John to address his peers."
She nodded to him, and he swallowed his fear. He'd thought a lot about what he wanted to say, and when he inhaled, it was slow and steady.
"I guess, when it comes down to it, I don't understand why you all wanted to hurt me. That is what you did, you know? Put me through a lot of physical and emotional pain. But that isn't why I'm asking you to be honest with the court next week. Mostly I just wish you'd be honest with yourselves, because the moment you convince yourself that beating me up for something as insignificant and out of my control as which gender I'm attracted to is okay, you start on the slippery slope of excusing yourselves for hurting all sorts of people who might be different from you. I'm not friends with any of you, but we've been going to school together for years now. Garrett, we've even been classmates since middle school. I know you aren't the type of person to go out of your way to cause trouble. You're all good students and I think you are good people. So can you really look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn't do something wrong?"
He looked at each of them, then, looked into their eyes, appealing to them the only way he could. They responded with blank expressions; Daniel averted his gaze entirely.
"I don't think we did anything wrong, because we didn't do it in the first place," Chris finally said.
John shuddered visibly, and Dad placed a comforting hand on his knee. "There is physical evidence of what you did all over my son's body. A man witnessed it. I don't understand how you plan on defending your case," Dad said, tone civil but greatly strained.
"My clients have alibies. All four of them were at the Harlen residence at the time of the incident."
"Were they?" Carolyn cut in. She and the other attorney looked at each other for a long moment. "Or would the security cameras at the bookshop say otherwise?" John's gaze jumped to her. The bookshop didn't have a security camera outside. Did she not know that? Did the other attorney not know that? But when John looked over, he saw that his attackers had grown wide-eyed and anxious. Carolyn's lips upturned smugly. "Ah, have I struck a few nerves?"
"There are no security cameras outside the bookstore where my clients would have supposedly been loitering," the other attorney cut in angrily. Carolyn met his gaze, the smirk never leaving her face.
"Goodness, of course there aren't. But that's no matter, because I've seen all I needed." She gave the flustered attorney a flippant wink and stood, organizing her papers in their respective folders and gesturing for John and his dad to prepare to leave. Folders in order, she looked at each of the boys across from her, and her smile weakened a little. "You can't learn from your mistakes without first admitting you made them. It's not too late to start now."
She waited a few moments, testing their silence. But they wouldn't give.
"Alright," she sighed. "Come on, John, Mr. Egbert. Let's go."
"Here is the evidence we have so far. I had to obtain these records myself, and I'm still waiting for the other records to be faxed to me. They should arrive soon."
There was a detailed cell phone bill under the name Craig Vane, Anna's father. John picked it up and looked at the texts between Anna and George.
AV: Omg i think i'm going to puke.
GM: What? Anna, you okay?
AV: John's gay!
GM: What the fuck?
AV: He just sent me this text! EB: oh, i'm sorry but my boyfriend is telling me about his new job, i have to go! i'll talk to you later.
AV: I just can't even believe this. Right when i think there's a chance he might want to date me. :'(
GM: Hey dont blame yourself. It isnt your fault that hes a fag.
AV: I know, but it still hurts. Even if he's gay, he's still so cute.
GM: Ugh, Anna. Hes a fag, he isnt cute.
GM: Look, are you gonna be okay?
AV: I'm crying a little but i think i'll probably be alright. I really just want to never see him again, i'm so embarrassed.
GM: For what its worth, I think youre way too good for him.
GM: Youre pretty and smart and really fun to be around. As popular as you are I dont doubt that you can get someone way better.
AV: Um, thanks george. That's really nice of you.
GM: Hey, maybe Ill go talk to him about it. Give him a hard time or some shit.
AV: You shouldn't be mean.
GM: He hurt you, I have every right to be mean. Besides, hes just a faggot, he deserves it.
AV: I guess…
John stopped reading when his stomach started hurting enough for him to notice it.
"Judging from these text messages, we might infer that George has feelings for Anna, which would give him even more motive than simply being homophobic. As soon as the phone bills from your attackers go through, I'll be able to look for more connections like this, and will be able to play off of those connections during the court case. To be honest, I'm mostly confused by Daniel's behavior throughout this process. What would have made him so adamant from the beginning to plead not guilty? You'd think George would be the one most likely to want to fight you. The others I could easily stock up to mob mentality. And then there's the fact that Chris has a history of arrest."
Dad and John looked at her in shock. "He what?"
"Why didn't you bring this up before, Carolyn?"
"The details are lost due to his case being resolved outside of court, but he was arrested in his hometown two years ago in Arkansas due to violence, presumably against someone he'd assumed was homosexual. So this is not a first time for him."
"So then, George and Chris supposedly have a motive, but Garrett's and Daniel's aren't as obvious?"
"Um, I know from going to school with Garrett ever since sixth grade that he usually just does what his friends are doing to fit in…"
"And it's been pretty obvious from early interviews with the police and a background search that Mr. Harlen is terribly homophobic," Carolyn sighed. "It's possible that Daniel is just mimicking what he hears at home."
She looked at John for a long moment before being interrupted by the fax machine lighting up. "Oh, good," she said under her breath. It was Mr. Harlen's phone bill. "Here we go… I'll take a look at this. You two can feel free to go get some lunch while I go over these documents. Meet back here in forty-five minutes?"
Dad nodded, and he and John left her office. "We've been getting Subway so often, I don't think I can eat another sandwich. How about that Mexican place down the street?"
"Sure," John said, slipping his phone back into his pocket.
"Talking to Dave?" Dad asked off-handedly. John smiled after a moment.
"Uh, no, it was Jade."
They had been going over documents all afternoon, and finally John excused himself to use the restroom.
When he locked himself in the stall, he pulled out his phone and found Daniel's number, the one he had swiped from the documents their phone company had faxed to Carolyn, and opened a text message.
EB: hey daniel, this is john. i would really like to talk to you about all of this alone. i'll be over by fernwood park around 5.
John swallowed heavily and pressed send.
TG: im gonna brb and draw some shit for a while k
EB: oh...
EB: um, okay.
EB: i'll try not to fall asleep while you're gone!
EB: i love you, dave.
TG: hey you know something funny
TG: i love you too
TG: a lot
TG: so yeah sorry youve gotta put up with my dumb ass
EB: hehe. i love your dumb ass and will put up with it forever, okay? and don't you forget it.
TG: thnx
– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –
And so it came to be that Dave Strider doth verily slam the fuck out of his status to 'ABSCONDED', but nay, that was not severe enough an action to express his need to Get the Sweet Fuck Out of Dodge! He closed Pesterchum. He disconnected the internet, then reconnected it out of force of habit, then disconnected it again.
Then he navigated the clusterfuck of badly named folders that ultimately brought him out near his stored pesterlogs, and he re-read the entire dickblasted conversation again from start to end. Three times, just to try and pinpoint where that creeping feeling of dread had started to bubble up, where it had become really difficult to maintain an adequate level of distance. One more time just to revel in how classy his retreat had been. He is just a certified master of clean getaways, and the last few lines of that pesterlog only served to emboss that fact. There was pretty much no way in hell that John was sitting up on his computer, wondering what the hell just happened.
Distraction time.
Dave wasn't the type of kid to brag, but he was an uncontested champ at distracting himself. It was a skill finely honed from long hours whiled away in the relative comfort of his own bedroom. First port of call would be to drown himself in the most unpleasant colours he could smash together in MS Paint, then save his work over and over into a glitchy, artifact-saturated mess.
It was only after copy-pasting his fourth consecutive panel of Hella Jeff placing his every appendage on Sweet Bro's impudently jutting rump that Dave decided that he was sick of that, too. He sat looking at his empty desktop, dry-mouthed, his stomach a wriggling mess of coiled tension. Maybe you should sign back on? suggested a timid voice in his subconscious; maybe you should go fuck yourself, Dave's conscious mind retorted in turn. He was handling this perfectly. Not that 'this' was even a thing worth handling. It was not as though he was curled up in the fetal position on his bed, feeling like he just got done losing fifty consecutive rounds to Bro, was it?
Shit, nix that. People got curled up in fetal positions on their bed for all kinds of reasons that were in no way related to emotional compromise or making their boyfriends feel like shit. Which this definitely was not. Glad we could get that cleared up. Besides, the fetal position was way overdue a comeback, and who better to assist it than a coolkid such as himself? And before Dave could get any further enmeshed into this downward spiral of feelingsy repression, his hand shot out towards his phone.
Rose. Rose would know how to deal with this shit, even if it meant having to wade through the turgid swamp of her fragrant lavender prose.
So he texted her:
TG: hi youre certified pro of beating around the bush (in more ways than one)
so how do you fix it when all that bush beating pisses off your boyfriend
not that youre familiar with boyfriends but put that overactive imagination of yours to work
best keep it tethered though
if i look out my window to find crotchety old wizards making out flagrantly in the streets ill know who to blame
and he fought the urge to barrage her with more texts, an entire fuckin' torrent of them. Thankfully she replied in a matter of minutes.
TT: Interesting use of figurative rhetoric. If we are to sustain the metaphor in its most vulgar form, why wouldn't John be upset by your 'bush beating'? You are in a monogamous relationship, are you not?
TG: so do you only have selective subtext blindness when it best serves to piss me off or were you actually hurt by my insinuation you like to clamdive
TG: i mean im cool with your fetish for carpet burns and wherever you want to stick your tongue is your business not mine
TG: but i was asking an actual question
TT: Did you just expend three separate texts on this question? I suppose I had better drop all of my other engagements and hasten to the aid of my brother, who is still as recklessly entertained by the idea of girls engaging in sexual intimacy as he was when he was twelve.
TG: yeah thats right
TT: So what is the issue?
A pause.
TG: idk
TT: Email me the chatlog, Dave.
So he did.
Then there was an uncomfortable, lengthy silence wherein Dave managed to unthread the stitching from the cuff of one sleeve, fidgeting the other hand against the screen of his iPhone in case he'd somehow managed to lose signal in the past two seconds. Eventually there came another reply:
TT: It's been a while since you allowed yourself the luxury of erroneous typography. You even skipped the customary step of involved and directionless metaphors! I feel we're onto a breakthrough.
TG: are you going to jibe at me or actually offer useful assistance
TG: is this like donkey kong wherein i dodge the snarkbarrels and jump up arbitrary obstacles in order to get a straight answer but you insist on escalating it to higher levels until im too pissed off to keep playing
TG: cause im getting the feeling its more like pacman
TG: where its pretty much the same but i reach lvl 255 and you turn into a glitched out screen and my phone explodes
TT: Four separate texts. Don't break the bank over my psychological advice so early on in my career, Strider. I promise I won't think less of you if you stoop to the proletarian lows of punctuation, just this one time.
Dave typed his next message with his face planted firmly in the palm of his hand, peeking out through the cracks of his fingers. At least she couldn't see the depths of his internal anguish through a phone message. Actually, who the fuck was he kidding?
TG: please
TT: As much as I'd like to prove an unceasing font of worldly wisdom, I don't actually know. I can't read John's mind, and I can't whisper advice to you through a headset as though we were bromantic room-mates in a 90s situational comedy. What use would I even be? As you so kindly pointed out, I am not much better at repressing my proclivity to the indirect.
TT: What I can say, however, is that he's clearly very worried about you, particularly considering the circumstances you informed me of earlier.
TT: And for what it is worth, so am I.
TG: ok fine just should i go back online to talk to him y/n
God, he could practically see the line of her mouth screwing up in tight displeasure.
TT: Y.
TG: k thanks youve been a babe
TT: You are very much welcome.
He sat back in his chair, opening Pesterchum via right-click rather than double – heightened the tension, spun it out a little longer – and then scrolled through the list of handles.
Of course John's handle was greyed out. It was ridiculously late. Ridiculate. Ridiculately past whatever infantile hour John usually wriggled up into his cocoon of bed sheets, anyway.
So Dave went back to his bed and lay out straight on his back. Hey, it was totally rational to go to bed early, especially when you were a kid with as much on your plate as John 'Take the World's Burden On My Shoulders' Egbert. It would be totally selfish and irrational to feel let down over a greyed out name on an instant messaging client.
Glad we got that cleared up.