Worst Nightmare

Epilogue

A/N: Contains spoilers for House Rules.

Multicolored lights twinkled from within the depths of the apartment as Tim opened the door and slowly stepped inside. Such a sight would normally have cheered him, but today nothing was going to penetrate the aura of sadness that surrounded him.

He locked the door and dropped his apartment keys on the stand before advancing into the dim space. He ran a hand lightly over his typewriter, an instrument he had used heavily in the past couple of days before continuing on to his bedroom. He removed his black suit jacket and carefully hung it in the closet before removing the matching trousers, black tie, and white dress shirt and hanging them in the closet as well.

After donning a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt he pulled his robe from the hook on the door and slipped his arms through the sleeves, wincing slightly as his left elbow twinged in protest of the movement. It didn't usually bother him, but the cold weather didn't tend to agree with the once-injured limb.

He checked his phone, noting the calls from his team that he would have to return sooner than later, and settled into his chair to read the collection of mail Abby had picked up for him while he was away for the funeral.

Tim sighed. He still had a hard time believing that the Admiral was gone.

After the assault that had nearly killed him and the months of recovery that had followed, Tim and his father had, at least on some level, reconnected. They had argued, since both of them were still as stubborn as always, but they had also started talking more. At first it had been the Admiral doing to talking while Tim recovered his ability to speak. He had shared stories with Tim of his younger days, including a few short but treasured stories of Tim's birth mother. Later on, Tim had shared his own stories of his job and his team, and the Admiral had startled Tim one day by declaring that his mother would have been proud of him.

And finally, just a few short weeks before John McGee succumbed to the cancer than he knew would end his life long before it did, Tim's father had admitted that he was proud of his son as well.

When Tim's father had decided to stop treatment, he felt betrayed. He argued, telling his father how hard he had fought to return, and why couldn't the Admiral fight just as hard. Finally they had come to an understanding, a reasoning built from the same groundwork as Tim's living will: the desire not to linger on in pain while those around him suffered through watching him slowly fade away.

After his father had passed, Tim had written a letter which he had slipped in the casket before it was sealed. It was his last gift to his father, an acknowledgement of how the rules, both Gibbs' and his father's, had shaped him into the man his father had come to know during the last months of his life.

Tim sighed. One chapter of his life was over. There really wasn't anything he could do except keep the memories, and maybe one day pass them on.

He started to sort through the mail and paused when he came across an official looking letter. He pulled out his phone and did a quick search of the name on the return address, surprised to find it was a small law firm. He opened the letter and started to scan through it, a sudden flood of anxiety overwhelming him when he read the name of the person the letter concerned: someone whose face he couldn't remember, but whose actions had led to months of pain, frustration, and nightmares that he tried to hide as much as he could.

He read through the letter three times, the request within those neatly typed lines tearing at his heart and his conscience. After debating back and forth for nearly an hour on whether or not he should honor the request, and finally reaching a decision, he pulled out his phone again and dialed a familiar number.

"Boss? It's Tim...McGee. I'm...I'm OK, but Boss, I… I need a favor."

XXX

Gibbs pulled the car into a parking space and killed the engine before turning to his passenger.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Tim nodded. "I have a feeling that if I don't do this now, it's just going to keep eating at me, and… I just want to get it over with."

"Understood. You sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Thanks, Boss, but I think I need to do this on my own."

"Alright. I'll be waiting. Call me if there's a problem."

"I will."

Tim climbed out of the car and slowly walked towards the brick edifice that sat at the edge of the parking lot. He climbed the steps to the front door and stepped inside, his eyes adjusting to the muted lighting within. He walked to the front desk, showed his ID and explained the reason for his visit.

"They're already waiting for you, Agent McGee." She pointed to the elevator. "Third floor, second hallway on your right, last door on the left."

"Thank you."

He followed her instruction and soon he was standing outside a room with a small square glass window in the door. The glass was protected by criss-crossing metal bars within the pane itself. He knocked and a soft voice told him to enter.

When he pushed the door open he saw two women seated at a table, with one chair sitting opposite. One woman was middle aged with streaks of grey in her dark hair, and the other was young, no more than twenty, with long dark hair and brown eyes that widened as he entered the room.

The older woman rose to greet him. "Agent McGee?" He nodded. "Muriel Hodge. Thank you for coming. I imagine this was a difficult decision for you."

"It wasn't an easy one."

She smiled thinly. "Of course. My client has promised that this will be her only contact with you and after today she will make no attempt to disturb you."

"OK."

"I won't leave the room, but I will stay out of your way. I'll just be over in the corner. There are guards right outside the door. Understood?"

Tim nodded and slowly lowered himself into the chair opposite the young woman. He studied her for several moments but he still had no sense of familiarity.

"Anna?" He finally asked. "Anna Hayes?"

She nodded, her big brown eyes fixed on his face, searching for some sign of recognition that never appeared. "You really don't remember me, do you?"

Tim shook his head. "I have no memories of...that day."

She bit her lip and nodded, dropping her gaze as a faint blush tinted her cheeks.

"Your advocate's letter indicated that you wanted to speak to me."

"Yes. I did."

"Why?"

"I wanted...I wanted to apologize. For what happened to you. I know it's not enough, it will never be enough to make up for… everything." She looked up at him. "They tell me the man who...raped me was caught. That it was your people, your team that caught him." Tim nodded. "Thank you."

"I didn't...really have any part in that."

She winced. "I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't...I should have just left, called someone to tell them I saw...the man that...but I didn't. I didn't see him, just you."

"Do I really look like than man who attacked you?" Tim asked. He had never been allowed to see the file on the rapist, and after some consideration he had decided he really didn't want to.

"Yes, but not exactly. If I had been thinking clearly, then I would have seen it differently, seen the differences, but...I wasn't. I didn't."

"How soon after your attack did you see me?"

"Almost a month."

"So it was still pretty fresh in your mind."

"Yeah."

"I can't imagine what that must have been like. I'm guessing it was pretty horrible."

She gave a watery chuckle and wiped a sleeve across her face. "Yeah…"

"So we both experienced something we wish had never happened." She nodded. "But there's no changing the fact that it did." She shook her head. "And we're both… still healing." He raised his left arm. "Still hurts. Some days are worse than others." She nodded again. "But eventually...it's not going to hurt so much anymore. We'll remember the pain, but...we'll learn to live with it, and we won't let it stop us from living."

She nodded again before managing to meet his gaze. "Thank you." She glanced at Muriel who gave her an encouraging smile. "I...I'll be here for a few more months. When I get out, Mrs. Hodge has arranged for me to go back to college. Community college, until I can get my grades back up. They kinda took a nosedive after I… But I'll bring them back up. I'm going to study psychology, and then go to law school. I want to be an advocate. I want to help people like me."

"That sounds like a good goal to have."

"Thanks. Can you still help people?" She blushed when she saw his expression. "I mean, can you still do your job? I didn't take that away from you, did I?"

"No, you didn't. I'm not quite where I was before all this happened, but I'm getting there. It's just going to take a little more time."

"I'm glad. That you haven't lost it, I mean."

He smiled. "I knew what you meant."

"OK. Thank you for coming here today. It really does mean a lot to me and I really hope it wasn't too difficult for you."

"I've had worse days," he replied, his smile blunting the pain of that remark.

She snorted softly. "Me, too."

He rose from his chair. "Goodbye, Anna. And good luck."

"Thank you, Agent McGee. Good luck to you, too."

He turned at walked out the door and soon found himself back at the elevator. After making the return trip to the lobby he walked out the front doors and down the steps to the parking lot where Gibbs waited.

"You OK?" Gibbs asked as he climbed into the passenger seat and closed the door.

"I've been better," he replied before turning to Gibbs with a slight smile on his face. "But I've also been worse."

Gibbs just nodded and started the car. As they drove away, Tim thought about what he had said to Anna, about putting the past behind, letting go, and healing. Tim knew he still had some of his own healing to do, and this trip, as part of that journey that he knew he had to make, didn't seem quite as daunting as it had before.

It was a start.

The End.

Yes, you guessed it, they were watching River Monsters :)

My next project is a sequel to Whirlwind that I'm writing for the LJ ncis_bang. It won't be posted until October, though. In the meantime, I'll be working on finishing a couple WIPs.

Thanks for reading!