Chapter 2: From pole to pole
I want more mashed potatoes, Alban signs. Jane makes the sign for "sure", almost pushing over the beer that Maura let her indulge in to mark the occasion. She picks up her son's plate and hands it to Angela, who passes it on to her date, so Ron can start loading it.
It is Thanksgiving and the house is packed, just the way Maura loves and Jane dreads. It is the story of their lives, Maura filling her home with what Jane has been trying to squirm away from since she was born. Endearing attention and heartwarming love for one person, endless chatter and demanding affection for the other.
Though, to be honest, Jane revels in feasts like tonight – just like Maura does; as long as there is a predictable time frame to it. And she gave thanks for her sons being able to grow up in the kind of family that has gathered around them. A family who welcomes friends such as Korsak and Kiki with the same warmth reserved for Jane's mother and brothers. Furthermore all of them find comfort in the shared memory of people like Susie Chang and Barry Frost who are missing at their gigantic dining table tonight.
In fact, this is the first time most of the family has come together in a couple of months. Even Tommy, Lydia and their son are visiting from Chicago, where Jane's youngest sibling took a job at the end of last year. TJ's reaction to seeing his cousins as well as Mariam, the nanny they used to share, had been precious and the second most important reason for giving thanks that evening.
"I thought he was going to speech therapy," Constance comments on Alban using sign language. Shortly after the arrival of Maura's adoptive mother, Angela had made the unfortunate mistake of asking whether Maura's other mother would join them, too. The doctor explained that she had invited Hope and Cailin for the following day, yet ever since, the atmosphere had been nothing but tense between her and Constance.
"You thought correctly", Maura answers briskly. "He is attending a special group for speech training."
"I had the weirdest dream tonight", Jane jumps in, signing while she speaks and trying to lighten the mood of the Isles.
"Let's hear it", Mariam says cheerfully and Jane is thankful for that young lady for the thousandth time. The biology student, who still picks their sons up from preschool and waits with them at home until Maura or Jane can get off from work, has proven a treasure as a nanny and become a family member as well. The boys speak afaan Oromo with Mariam, who is a third generation immigrant from Ethiopia. It is one of the ways Maura enforced to enable Charra, their youngest son, to keep connected to his heritage.
"Well, I was back in Ethiopia", Jane recollects her dream and Charra immediately chimes in, squealing "Abyssinia!" in delight. Ever since he learned about the ancient name of his homeland, or one of his homelands, he prefers to call it that way and pretend that up to the present day it still is a powerful kingdom. And, as Maura puts it, that would make him one of its knights that have scattered all over the world.
"We were back in Abyssinia", Jane repeats. "All of us, as a matter of fact. Maura and I were having our silver wedding annivers-" But again she does not get to finish her sentence, because all the other Rizzolis start coughing and sputtering.
"Did I miss something?" Angela asks and Tommy adds, "Hell of a way to make a wedding announcement, sis'!"
Jane waves at him and rolls her eyes. "It was a dream, guys."
"My grandmother, Maria Magdalena, used to say-"
"-dreams can be revealing, we know, Ma", the siblings complete Angela's sentence and now all roll their eyes.
"Oh, Ma", Frankie adds urgently, "I've been meaning to ask: Was that nonno Alban's mother?"
"Yes", Angela confirms happily and looks at Alban when she says, "Maria Magdalena chose the name Alban for the first time in our family."
"Poor grandpa", Tommy remarks without even looking up from his plate. "A mother like that..."
"Please," Maura chuckles, "continue, Jane!"
"However," Jane starts anew dramatically, even though her main goal has already been achieved as soon as that warm chuckle left the woman next to her. "I was left with the task to train some monkeys who wanted to attend the ceremony."
"I believe she's talking about you, boys", Angela interrupts once more and gives her sons a scolding gaze.
What happened to the monkeys? Alban asks in sign language. Though before Jane is able to continue her story telling, Constance picks up where she initially got interrupted.
"It doesn't seem like he has improved. Why is he not speaking?"
"Mother, not now!" Maura warns, feeling the child's eyes on her.
"I am just wondering why he would not tell you what he wants."
"He just did! If you need someone to interpret for you, you simply have to say so."
Jane puts a hand on top of the fist Maura has balled, though she is equally annoyed by Constance's ignorance and marginally dumb questions. Unfortunately, the older woman cannot seem to let it go.
"Well, Charra is ahead of him and he is even-"
"Even what!?" Maura spits. "Listen, mother, if you're not going to love them exactly the way they are, then you are not welcome here!"
"But darling, I do love them the way they are. I just want what is best for them."
"And why do you think you should decide which race or physical ability is best for them!?"
"I was going to say Charra is younger", Constance tries to defend herself, sounding honestly offended. Jane also feels that Maura misinterpreted her mother's statement and overreacted to what probably was an expressed concern for Alban's educational progress, even if her timing was not the best.
"Yes. I'm dhe big brodher." Alban is smiling proudly as always when it comes to this subject, easing the tension without even knowing it. "Dhere are lot and lot of noise, dhen I like signing better", he offers his grandmother, who gazes at him in astonishment. Even though he still has to practice the softer consonants, especially when words are ending with a "s", which he cannot hear as proper as the other ones, Jane feels like her chest might burst with pride at her son making sense of a situation like that.
Yet, oblivious to the change of mood, Maura leans towards him and says, "Alban, tongue between the teeth, just like we practiced."
The little boy looks taken aback and Angela and Jane gasp loudly at the same time, staring at the doctor in disbelief. When Maura realizes what she has done, she takes the napkin from her lap and puts it on the table before getting up with a mumbled "Excuse me" and disappearing out of sight.
"We play somedin' now, brodder?" Charra's question rattles Jane out of her reverie and she is about to chide him for making fun of his five month older sibling when she finds Alban is grinning widely again. Charra is not mocking his brother, he shows loyalty, the little miracle.
As the boys leave the table, waving at TJ to join them, Angela speaks up: "Go after her, Jane!"
Jane only shakes her head though, and concentrates back on her half emptied plate. "She's a grown woman. She'll manage." At that Constance gets up instead, turning to where Maura has disappeared to.
"Sorry, Constance," Jane interrupts her intentions, "but I don't think you can help her right now."
"I agree", Constance replies politely. "However, since the only person who could help her is not willing to do so, I will try my best."
Somehow that catches Jane off guard. She nods softly and gets up herself, her mind changed.
.
She finds Maura sitting at her desk, in the study, scribbling in her journal. Her back is commendable straight. Jane usually envies Maura's healthy posture and the way the doctor makes it look so easy, when Jane has to remind herself to un-slump her own shoulders all the time. Though, tonight Maura has her hand pressed into her lower back. Jane wonders whether Maura is aware of how she puts her hand over that missing organ whenever she is struggling with her feelings towards one of her family members.
.
The first time they ever fully undressed in front of each other, undressed one another, the smaller woman had made Jane take inventory of Maura's body. And she had done the same with Jane's.
Jane knew she was not as confident of her figure as Maura was, simply because there were not many people as self-assured about their appearance as Maura. Unfortunately. Yet, there had not been an ounce of shame as she had come to sit in front of Maura, on the bed, completely bare. Self-conscious, yes, and overwhelmed by the sense of intimacy the situation brought upon them, but not embarrassed about anything.
Maura had moved forward at some point and gently instructed Jane to lie back until she came to rest against the mattress. Maura followed, lay down next to her, merely an inch from her. In a faint, yet seductive whisper, she had told Jane to close her eyes, had taken Jane's hand and guided her fingertips over her skin.
The 0.3-inch incision of the laparoscopy from where they had extracted Maura's kidney was already faint; however, the scars left by the 6 and 5-inch incisions, for which Jane had to use the glass of her mobile phone's screen in order to slice her friend's calf open, were still discernible on the otherwise unmarred, soft and smooth skin. Maura had explored Jane's scars that night as well. Also three, they matched that way.
.
"Why do you have to be so controlled all the time?" Jane asks, back in the present and voicing her observation of how Maura chooses to quietly write down whatever she is thinking and feeling. "What ever happened to frantically collecting lint out of cashmere sweaters?"
The doctor does not reply anything, does not even acknowledge Jane's presence, which makes Jane contemplate whether it is an everything-I-say-will-be-heard-as-an-accusation-day or a teasing-will-point-her-in-a-helpful-direction-day. When she notices the slight shake of the pen in Maura's hand, which hovers over the page now, either waiting for inspiration or for Jane to leave, she suddenly wonders when she actually started trying to figure out Maura's mood instead of interacting with her.
Jane decides to move around the table and sits down opposite from the other woman. "You wanna talk to me?" The detective is almost proud of the patience she has gathered to ask that question.
"About this and that, yes."
And patience is what she needs when it comes to Maura's honest, but insignificant answers.
"About what happened at dinner, I mean?"
"Yes, that too", Maura sighs and looks down at her lap. Jane realizes that Eli is sitting there, comforting her. The black cat used to stray around their house until Jane and their sons convinced Maura to let him in. Funnily enough, he now seems to seek out the doctor's company the most.
"I feel very guilty for what I did. I reacted poorly." Maura barely speaks up. "I didn't mean to discourage Alban. It was one of the first times he spoke up among so many people and even that should have been enough, but then he also addressed the problem himself and offered an explanation. I shouldn't have sent him a message that suggested he didn't do perfectly fine. It's not excusable, but I believe I was occupied with being irritated by my mother."
"I noticed", Jane states in a friendly, but sarcastic tone. "Is something going on with you and your mother?"
"Maybe", Maura sighs once more and makes Jane wonder whether the doctor's uncharacteristically undetermined reply and the heaviness with which she talks indicate that there is more behind the otherwise insignificant dispute at dinner. "She's the one who tensed when I mentioned I invited Hope to visit on a different day."
"Good for you", Jane smirks and at Maura's raised eyebrows continues, "Going with the 'she started it' argument."
"In earnest, Jane, why is it always one of my family members who ruins the gathering?"
"Maura...", Jane whines mockingly. "At least give my family some credit. Your relatives could for instance share the labels 'overstepping' or 'annoying' with mine."
"I don't see your family that way", Maura laughs and Jane decides for the umpteenth time that getting that laugh out of Maura will be her goal for the rest of her life.
"Well, I don't blame you", Jane answers. "It is my job to see them that way. Everyone's gotta reserve their most unpleasant feelings for their own family."
"You are my family", Maura reminds Jane and suddenly her eyes are back to being glued to Eli, who is purring unperturbed. Jane must have hit the more delicate nuance of the topic.
"You're right", she says apologetically. "I didn't mean it like that."
"You are not wrong, though." Somehow Maura's statement carries something deeply unsettling.
"Why, you've reserved some really ugly feeling for me?" The detective's joke does not work.
"In my opinion, our situation requires more communication. For one, we don't reflect on our relationship anymore."
"Does that have to be a bad thing?" Jane asks softly, because she knows what kind of effect her questions usually have on Maura. She can see it right now, the way Maura frowns and looks puzzled, wondering why she has not seen it from that angle before and then slowly growing frustrated with how the other woman always messes up her perfectly laid out arguments.
"Noooo", comes her reply a moment later and Jane thinks Maura is the most adorable person she has ever seen, only one pushed out bottom lip shy from pouting as skilled as their sons'.
Jane reminds herself to concentrate on helping Maura to get her point out, so she asks, "Why do you think we'd need it?"
Maura looks grateful for Jane's understanding. "Well, I wouldn't want us to miss something important. As a start, I have something for you." The smaller woman opens the top drawer of her desk and hands Jane an envelope.
"Is this your resignation letter?" This one does work, Maura chuckles again. Sadly, Jane cannot quite bring herself to do so as well.
"Not even close. Would you read it?"
Sure, Jane signs.
A/N: Reviews are very welcome. I hope you don't feel thrown in at the deep end - I tend to create a situation and explain it later.
All the best to you and the five more nights of waiting for the next season.